Cremation. My best friend, DH and kids all know what to do - at dusk on a warm day, sprinkle my ashes in the pond at hole #6 on my favorite golf course. I want to be in there with all my golf balls!!! :)

DH wants cremation too and wants our sons to sprinkle him in his favorite duck hunting lake.

Legal? I don't know. We operate on the "don't ask, don't tell" principle.

Littlebug5 is right~~when my bro was cremated, they told me they have to tell you no, you are not allowed to drop ashes anywhere~~but who is going to know?? The ashes are 100% free of germs or bacteria. He said the only problem with streams of water, is that it can get clogged up by twigs or rocks. I just want to do it in mountains or maybe sprinkle a bit over other family graves;)

From years 'way back, everyone in my family has been buried, except my oldest brother, who asked for cremation. When he died both of my parents were still living. They had the cremation and were given the urn, which was put into a dresser drawer until they could decide what to do with them.

Many years pass by, my DF died and was buried. When my DM died, the question of the urn came up. I suggested that it be put in the casket with our DM. We didn't ask if we could, we just did it. So our Mom and her First Born were reunited. This was in Florida, in 1944.

My arrangements are all done and paid for. I will be buried beside my late DH in a beautiful local cemetery, that used to be an apple orchard. When we bought the lots, the apple trees were still there and bearing fruit, which we were then the owners of. We had many apple pies and fried apples back then.

Sue

This post was edited by Sue-va on Thu, Jan 16, 14 at 10:12

cremated and scattered

Forgot to mention .... I don't want a viewing either at a funeral parlor.

We will be cremated and want no viewing at a funeral home or a service. If my DH and sister want, they can take my friends out to lunch, but I really don't mind if they choose not to.

I want to be cremated and my ashes scattered along my favourite trail run - perhaps in the river along side. My running buddies know this as does my DH. However, I'm only 60 and who knows what will happen between now and then. But I definitely want to be cremated and my ashes scattered somewhere in nature.

One of the bridges that we run over has a couple of bouquets of flowers on it, the first time we've ever seen this. We surmise that someones ashes were scattered in the river below. We would have known if someone had died in the river but it isn't big enough.

It's interesting that most of you are going for cremation. I think that's the way we'll go. No one in my family has ever been. We always had open casket viewings and funeral services. I think they're morbid and old school. I want no service and my ashes scattered wherever they want...preferably at the Jersey Shore.

I want to be cremated and my ashes turned into 2 diamonds, one for each of my children. I want an Irish Wake the night before I am cremated and big party the day they cremate me..I want Southern Rock to be played along with some of my favorite hymns. I only want tears of laughter at my party. I want it to be a celebration of my life...Any leftover ashes I want spread in Ireland.

Here is the link for turning ashes into diamonds..

Here is a link that might be useful: Heart in Diamond

Both my husband I want to be cremated. He wants our sons to take a deep sea fishing trip and scatter his ashes in the gulf of Mexico while they are fishing. Me I really don't care where they scatter my ashes. I love the idea of keeping some of the ashes in a piece of jewelry. So many nice ideas, I know that don't want to be buried and have Ma a relative visit a cemetery to place flowers on a grave. Just think of me from time to time.
Mary

My arrangements are already made, my sister and I did ours at the same time a few years ago and they are identical. We have had our burial plots since 1960. We have our plots next to our parents. Her first husband is buried there plus our Aunt. Many other family members in the same cemetery Way back then our lots were five for $100, we each got five. When my Mother died my sister and I each got two more lots that were theirs.

Sue

This thread touches me. I'm taken that so many wish to be cremated, a big change from just a few years ago. Traditional funeral directors are scrambling to save their hugely profitable businesses......beware of unnecessary costs!

My parents prepaid for their final expenses....or most of them. They decided to be cremated and purchased separate little plots in the local cemetary, thinking that there should be a place to 'visit '.

Our generation is more of the scattering type. But I do think that it is kind to those left behind to designate some sort of preference of what to do with the ashes. Robert and I need to have that talk.....we know that we want to be cremated but that's as far as we've gotten.

We both have advanced directives and we are to be directly cremated (in the back door and done - no work on the body to add to the cost). She wants to go to a Veteran's Cemetery and I want to be tossed into the rose garden.

Jim

This has been an informative thread and it appears that cremation is the wave of the future. Since I am an old school girl, I will be buried with my parents, grandparents, a favorite aunt and uncle and other relatives in a small, country cemetery at the church where I grew up. It is in the next county from where I have spent my married life and raised my family--my way of going home to be near the people that I love.

We will both be cremated. Hubby's ashes will be buried in a Veteran's cemetery. I want mine scattered in my front yard. I love my front yard with all of the trees, birds and squirrels.

We had talked about it while DH was so sick, and he definitely did not want cremation--something to do with his military service. Since we had made arrangements already, I went ahead with that. Yes it was expensive, but we (daughter) and myself felt that is what he wanted. Put a bunch of stuff with him and the 2 great granddaughters tucked in the beautiful lining at the closing (with their parents permission). It was there way of saying goodby. They were so good. Then one of them went all over the church telling them that great grandpa got his wings and went to heaven Then she turned and waved up at the ceiling and said Bye Bye! Everyone sure had tears! It was beautiful.
She is 4 years old and still waves at him when we go past the cemetery.

DH died in November and we had the direct cremation. No viewing, no services. I want the same thing. I don't think all the "funeral" stuff is necessary. it's just pushed on us by the funeral industry.

DH wanted to be scattered in a certain valley in the Great Smoky Mountains National Park. I will do that in the spring. I have my Aunt's ashes and she wanted to be scattered "to the four winds". I will scatter her ashes when I do DH. I would like my ashes scattered from a sailboat but I wouldn't mind the place in the Smoky Mtn. But then again what difference does it make? I just know I don't want to be buried and I don't want my ashes buried.

My first DH was buried with all the funeral "junk". It was a miserable time and I just felt like I was in limbo until it was over. That slow funeral procession to the cemetery almost gave me a nervous breakdown. It was all sooooo unnecessary.

This is indeed an interesting thread....We too have done a lot of talking about our arrangements and have concluded, what a waste of money...We do have out plots, have had them forever and even had a stone put in place, which is eerie...But, with myself, I want no visitation, (told hubby to pick out my best cat sweatshirt and a pair of socks) Mass and then an Irish party to celebrate my life...If people can't come to see me or send flowers before I pass, don't do it after I'm gone.....
A little funny: We have a place not too far that makes memorial stones and out front is a marble shamrock...I kept telling hubby, I was going to get him something special for either Christmas or his birthday, BUT he wasn't allowed to use it for a long time......(Never did get that stone but we did get one that has shamrocks engraved on it..And hopefully, we won't be using it for awhile...)

I'll be cremated and if my DH outlives me, he can do whatever he wants with the ashes. If I outlive him, it really doesn't matter what happens to my ashes - I'll be dead. We have no children and my siblings don't care about each other, so it just doesn't matter. I prefer not to have a funeral either as I know how uncomfortable they are for most people to even attend, so why bother. Those are my wishes.

Funerals are so expensive, and we are running out of land so cremation is the best thing , I think. My parents made regular trips to their parents' graves with flowers on each occasion. I have visited my parents graves twice in a decade. I don't live near the cemetery and just don't feel the need, and I know my busy kids wouldn't.

I don't want a service or a viewing or a wake or anything like that, I want to be cremated and I don't care what my survivors do to my ashes!

My dad died a number of years ago and was cremated. His ashes were dumped into the ground in a garden at the local church in the town where my parents live. He did not want to stay in the box and so his ashes became part of the garden. My brother died a couple of years later and his ashes were dumped into the same garden. My mom drives by the church everyday on her way into town and likes the idea of knowing that they are there.. We will try to do the same thing for her when she goes.

I want to be cremated and have no viewing but I do want a memorial service celebrating my life. My church does such a beautiful job of the services with a reception afterwards in the church basement. DS and my friends know that I want my ashes scattered in my favorite camping site at Devils Postpile which is near Mammoth Lakes, CA. Since there is so much pumpice around the campground (near the Mammoth Mtn volcano) no one will ever know ashes are there. If DS wants to keep some of my ashes, he may do so. My mom wanted her ashes scattered at sea and DS and I took them to a spot underneath the Golden Gate Bridge and scattered them into the water so the tide could take them out. A few weeks later, DS went back to that spot with his girlfriend and there were bouquets of flowers lying around. Someone else was probably scattered at the same place.

I agree that being cremated is becoming more acceptable and the choice of more people, at least those of our age (>60). Maybe some of that could be because today's generation usually does not live as close to where they grew up as we did/do. I think that our generation realizes that there will not be that routine Memorial Day visitation to the cemetery to clean up the plots and place the annual plastic floral tribute as so many of us use to do, as well as recognition of decrease in land availability.

DH and I both want to be immediately cremated with only a mention of our deaths at our church, and when the last one dies our two sons have been told to mix our ashes and scatter them over our pastures. I look at it this way - we're not in those ashes and they might as well serve as organic fertilizer!

I'm following my late mother's example. My body will go directly from my place of death to an anatomical research association where it will be prepared for use by medical students. The only 'funeral home' involvement will be the legally required transport from place of death to the association.

I had a memorial service for my mother a month after her death. My surviving family can do that if they want -- or not. Services are meant to comfort the living. I hope my loved ones will have the opportunity to say goodbye to me before I die. I hope to die in hospice or at home. I do not want my dying prolonged because I am in a hospital.

I hope everyone will reconsider tossing cremation ashes willy-nilly. Hospitals are required to capture and limit ash emissions from their disposal of human body parts. Consider the cumulative pollution from the remains of millions of baby boomers!

I want to be cremated and have my remains scattered somewhere... I do not want my ashes sitting on somebody's mantle for decades. If my remaining relatives want to have a service of some sort I am okay with that.. if not, that is okay too.

My husband wants to be buried at a VA cemetery, so I'm sure if he goes first I'll have a standard funeral for him.

None of my deceased blood relatives have been cremated that I know of... I wonder if cremation is a regional thing? I live in Missouri.

Re Canadian laws, ivamae is correct - ashes can't just be scattered wherever we want. My husband and I both want to be cremated - immediately - no services or notices in the newspapers. We do have financial and medical POAs but should we go together who knows what our executor (only our executor if we die together) will do. Often wills aren't read until after the funeral or cremation. And I do know of people who have absolutely wanted to be cremated, yet their relatives were convinced to hold traditional funerals for "closure". Cremation is getting expensive in Ontario. My 58 year old brother in law died in Dec. - a very basic cremation was $4,000. I shudder to think what a "green" cremation would cost. I know that many Canadians want to leave their bodies to science to avoid the chance of actually having a regular funeral but with so many people wanting to do so, medical schools can be pretty choosy. So I am not counting on that. I am counting on my husband to follow my wishes but I could see him being convinced to do otherwise. I would follow his wishes no matter what. We just hope that one of us outlives our dog.

Grandparents (Dad's side) buried in a local cemetery, Mom, who died in '42, there as well. Dad, who moved to the prairies and expected to die there, had asked for cremation, to make transport back here easier ... but he was killed in '88 in a car smash less than four miles from where I grew up and his cremains were buried above Mom's casket.

I'm considering giving my body to Med school - but on the distant prairies, so need to discuss transport, etc. with them. Or maybe they have reciprocal arrangements with a med. school 25 km. away.

If one gives one's body to a med school, can any organs be given to transplant?

I would assume not ... as one would be "not all there", if you'll pardon the expression - and no comments, please!

I understand that in at least some such medical school situations,the dismembered pieces are returned to the family, later, and that they deal with the "remains" as they see fit.

If so, I'd like to be cremated and have my cremains buried with Dad and Mom ... or Grandpa or Grandma.

As the plots are still in Dad's name, I must get a sign-off from all of Dad's heirs: better get working on that situation.

An old single aunt had several plots away in the back of a local Memorial Gardens, and bequeathed them to Dad.

He planned to bequeath them to me, but never did so, so I'll need to get all of the heirs to agree to my having them, as well.

Trouble is ... as I understand it, I can sell them to only one purchaser - the cemetery. And on their books they have no value.

So it looks as though my only recourse would be to make a deal with the city to have indigents buried there ... have to check that one out.

Dad had some plots in a Memorial Gardens in Saskatchewan, and brother, his executor, thought that they'd be more valuable in their local branch here, so had them transferred ...

... but their stated value is also $00.00. The cemetery is asking what I plan to do with them ... and I say that it looks as though they're of no value to me ... so why should I waste a stamp in sending a receipt back to their branch on the prairies? Don't ask me why I don't sign the receipt and give it to the local branch, please.

Looks like a "Heads we win - tails, you lose", for the cemeteries, wouldn't you say?

ole joyful

Ole Joyful, I worked for Memorial Gardens, both in London and in Calgary back in the 80's. My boss in London later worked for a monument company where we later bought our monument. He had a lot of knowledge and he told me if you donate your body to science, that they will cremate the remains eventually and if the family wish, the cremains will be returned to the family. If the family does not want them, they will be buried in a certain area of another London cemetery with many others and there will be no charge.

Are you sure that you cannot sell your spaces at Memorial Gardens, yourself, for whatever fee you can get?

I'm pretty sure that you are right, that they won't give you any money back as they want to make all they can by reselling them, themselves. There probably are lots of people you could donate the spaces to, but I'm not sure.

It is my understanding that all of the city burials there, are along the west side of the cemetery. Is that right? I have an Uncle and Aunt buried there and also 1 cousin.

I should have clarified that they are not buried in the city burial area. Sorry!

Definitely cremation and no embalming. That totally gives me the willies, plus those chemicals are bad for the environment. I was undecided about what to do with the ashes. I love walking through old cemeteries and looking at the headstones. However, I do not want to be planted in the family cemetery. I was not close to most of my relatives and the cemetery is in a location that means nothing to me.

I really like the idea of my children taking the funeral money and going on a vacation. Wait -- let's do that before I die! Just put the ashes out for the trash, or better yet, on a garden somewhere.

I also have said that I want some of my ashes spread in my favorite bakery. That way I can be close to things I love most (besides my immediate family and close friends).

Both hubby & I want to be cremated, that is all we want. My daughter can do what she wants with the ashes. I hate when people go to a funeral crying but they have not seen that person in years.

When our daughter Liz died 2 years ago we had never talked to her about what she wanted but we had talked to her about what we wanted. Make sure you know what your family wants done when they pass away.

We purchased a new tree for the front yard & that is where her ashes went. She has always been in our heart & we know she never wanted to be far from us so as long as we are alive we know she is near.

The anatomical gift associations cremate remains. They can be returned to family or disposed of along with the remains of others. There is actually a shortage of bodies for medical students to examine in the Chicago area, according to the literature I have received.

Yes, you do have to be 'intact'; no organ donation. I was told that there was no age limit and that my body would be acceptable despite two hip replacements and no appendix! I don't know how useful 72-year-old 'parts' would be anyway.

I will have a traditional funeral with funeral home visitation, a Catholic funeral mass, and be buried in a local cemetery next to my husband. 4 generations of my family are buried there.

DH & I haven't really talked about cremation vs. burial. No one in his family has been cremated and in my family only one person has been, and much of the family was upset about that. We have always done the full funeral thing. I do know that if I choose burial, I don't want any viewing. That just bothers me to think about people walking by looking and talking about how the person looks.

I've donated my body to a teaching hospital. they will cremate and return the ashes. I've told my SIL he'd better spread me over my horse's grave or I'LL BE BACK!

blfenton, the flowers on the bridge you run across might not be because someone died nearby. When my son-in-law proposed to my daughter, he sneaked out and tied three boquets of flowers to the bridge they always walk over. Then when he returned from 'getting a car wash' they took the dogs for their daily walk, which includes walking over the bridge in the ravine. When they reached the middle of the bridge, where he had tied the flowers, he dropped down on one knee and proposed. So maybe the flowers you saw have a happier meaning!

Both of us will likely be buried the traditional way since it is the preference directed by our religion. However, we do not believe in spending a lot of money of something that will be buried. A plain pine box would do, thank you. We wish to return our bodies back to the earth from whence it came. Rings and jewelry will be removed before burial and passed to the remaining family. We do recognize that cemeteries do have rules and these rules vary. Many cemeteries require a vault to prevent sudden collaspe of the grave. This is to protect the grounds-keepers (and others) from injury and reduces upkeep of the landscape.

The body will be washed and cleansed before wrapping and burial.

One more thing: The body can be transported no more than one hour's journey from the point of demise. The mode of conveyance is not prescribed. This prevents from spending large sums of money to transport a body over great distances. This expenditure is considered wasteful and sometimes a financial burden on the family. Therefore, if I should die in a foreign country, I will be buried there. If I am a thousand miles from home, the local religious group will assist in making final burial arrangements and I will be interred nearby.

It was mentioned that cremation fees have gone up. Here is my experience.

My Daddy - Georgia - 2003 - $1200
My Aunt - Florida - 2013 - $675
My DH - Alabama - 2013 - $2400

The place in FL was a deeply discounted place but they were good to work with, had a respectable funeral home, and did the same service the others did. The other funeral homes in the area do not like this place for obvious reason. I thought they were great.

We'll be cremated and asked our children to spread our ashes in the high meadow on our property in the PA mountains. We also have the cremains of all of our dogs (don't ask - DH wanted to do it) on the top shelf in his study. So the first one of us to go gets to be spread along with the 5 dogs we've owned.

And if by some chance we no longer own the property then the kids offered to go deep sea fishing to the Baltimore Canyon off Cape May, NJ.

This post was edited by maire_cate on Fri, Jan 17, 14 at 15:51

Cremated. No service. If I had my way, I'd like to left out in the woods, under a tree...but then someone might come try to put my husband in jail, so just spread my ashes.

My dad died in 2006 after a lengthy illness. We knew he and my mom wanted to be created, no service. We kids got a real chuckle that dad had already made arrangements with "Affordable Cremations." He grew up during the Depression and was always thrifty....even at the end! Mom died 18 mos later and we used them as well for her cremation. This was in Las Vegas and I think the cost was $500-700. Per their request we scattered dad's ashes in a desert canyon and most of moms there too. The rest of moms ashes were scattered in the Pacific Ocean.

My DH and I want the same thing....cremation, no service....maybe just a family dinner or gathering. Not sure where we want to be scattered yet....will have to think about that....don't want the kids to have to do any traveling or make it difficult for them.

I knew I wanted to be cremated when I was 13 years old. We were traveling to Germany, and rode a bus from New Jersey to Kennedy airport. Along the way, I saw how crowded and dirty it was where we were traveling through. Then......we passed a cemetery. It was so beautiful and green. Spacious and clean. And for what? Dead people. The living people lived in squalor, and the dead people were in a beautiful HUGE park. What a waste. I knew right then that I didn't want my dead body taking up space that could be used by the living. It made a big impact on me.

I'm a big believer in a memorial service or funeral to help immediate family begin the healing process.

Unfortunately, I let my older brothers talk me into having *no* memorial service for my beloved mother (in 2001).

Subsequently when other friends passed on, I could see - first hand - how much a memorial service helps with the healing.

I think it's a mistake to insist that there be NO memorial service.

jeaninwa, that must've been the same huge cemetary I'd see as we headed along the Parkway. I also decided burial was a huge waste of land.
I want to be cremated. I don't care about a viewing . Some kind of memorial . The only thing I'd ask for is a few yellow flowers (minimal) and my music played. some old gospel folk and blues. My impression is a church would not allow the music I'd want so the memorial ( a remembrance happy time) would have to be elsewhere. My girls have never been to New jersey where I grew up so I doubt my ashes would make it to Nomaghan Park or LBI. They could put some locally and don't care what they do with the rest.

You could do that at my church. Want to go out from a Lutheran church? There's a lot of changes going on in all churches. It doesn't cost anything to ask.

Whatever your wishes are, I hope--no beg--you to prepay them and make a will. You are too emotional to deal with the cost at the time your loved one dies and could be taken advantage of. We prepaid our cremation years ago and when Harry died, the funeral home that was affiliated with our plan took care of every single thing. Harry didn't want a memorial service but when I die, we will have a service and our cremains will be taken to the National cemetery about an hour south of here. The service is similar to a military service and I understand it's quite beautiful.

But please don't make your children or spouse make such important decisions at that terrible time in their lives.

Cardamom, send me your ashes when it's time and I will spread them on LBI. It's only a couple hours from here. Presuming I outlast you, which may be doubtful!

It would seem odd to not have any kind of service,just for closure. I went to my friend's sister's service recently. I thought it was nice. She was cremated and the service was held at a non-denominational chapel at the funeral home. They are not religious so the service consisted of singing her favorite songs and family members speaking about her along with a slide show of pictures. It went on too long but otherwise was lovely. The funeral home also has a nice room for a reception so they had a luncheon there. Her cremated remains were buried alongside her father in a family plot. She was fairly young (63) and came from a large family so there were pretty many people there.

Other than burying the ashes, I like that idea, provided I am not old that there is no one to attend! Then just dump me in the garden.

I just changed my mind about scattering my ashes. Make me into a diamond!

Here is a link that might be useful: diamonds made of ashes

This is one of the most unusual and best threads I've read on any forum, anywhere. It is helpful, thoughtful, and in some places funny! Am going to save it.

I agree that people should plan and pre-pay their arrangements. If death is sudden the survivors will be in shock, and should not have to make quick decisions. Also, I think that as our parents paid our way into this world, we should pay our way out. DH and I got ourselves motivated and did this four years ago, with the local mortuary picking up the body and managing everything through cremation and handing over the remains. No one will have to do any thinking about "what to do". The mortuary belongs to a country-wide group, so wherever we die. we'll be taken care of.

At the time I was shocked at the cost - $3,000 for each of us - but having read various costs here, I feel better. It is a very nice mortuary (on the Monterey Peninsula, where everything is pricey), friends have used it, and I feel secure in their hands, so to speak. :)

We would like to be scattered together in the Columbia River, at a beautiful, remote place midway between the homes of our children. However, reading this thread has me rethinking a bit. Would our boys enjoy a road trip to experience our Midwestern roots, from the Missouri River to Lake Michigan? Have also thought about music to go with a picnic, from Beethoven to Elvis (Blue Moon of Kentucky) and Bette Midler (The Rose).

I have found that planning, paying, and sharing with our children has been soooo helpful and comforting, even though the kids don't really want to talk about it.