Nana, I got on last night with the intention of reading all the posts and commenting....of course when I saw the word "purple", that was the first one I read being me. When I went to comment I just started falling apart and realized I couldn't act 'normal' afterall. I'd finished writing my Dad's obituary and picking a photo for it a few hours earlier, so that's probably why I was a mess. tho I seem to be staying that most of the time. I'm clearing things from Dad's room, except things special to me, because I 'have' to. I need to see that room in a different way as soon oas I can. It hurts too much otherwise. The hospital bed has to go back to the VA, so I hope to find some different furniture for that room in the future. The gigantic old dresser needs to go, but Zorro can keep the easy chair. He claimed that years ago. ;o) Basically I'm just donating Dad's clothes and going thru loads of paperwork. He saved every scrap of paper and trying to sort the necessary from the useless has been a challenge. After Mom died 10 yrs ago, and he moved in with me, he really kept very little. "Stuff" was her thing, not his. He stopped driving when she died too, their car was totaled in the wreck and he didn't want another one. So Dad's belongings are very few, except his clothes and a lot of framed family photos. I'm so glad I don't have a lot to go thru again, like when we lost her. this is the photo I chose for his obituary, its how I'll always remember him with his wonderful smile, ready to tell someone a joke. hugs, Karen

Situps is a curse, not even a word deffinetly not an exercise. What you want to do is a variety of crunches. Crunch is defined in my training sessions as being flat on your back, bending your knees up, imagining a string pulling your SHOULDERS up off the floor 3-5 inches while holding your head straight with your back. If you do it correctly, your neck will NEVER be bent, therefore you will not hurt your back. You (and anyone) should NEVER do situps. It was proven to harm more than to help years ago. Crunches can be done with extra resistance by bringing your hands and placing them of your tummy for the Âeasiest crunch. Placing the hands on your chest will make the exercise a bit harder and placing them behind your neck (only fingers touching) will make it really hard to perform. Do NOT pull your head up off the floor use your abs to squeeze the muscle and lift your shoulders off the floor. When you reach a level that crunches is no problem for you, try to place a book on your chest to increase the resistance. Now, there are Reverse crunches as well for the really lower abs. Be on your back, place your arms to the sides (like a cross) to maintain balance and now raise your knees towards your chest while your feet are at the same height of your knees. If you really want to challenge your self, be on your back, raise your legs up and maintain them straight as you can in vertical position. Now do a crunchÂ. This will really burn. Regarding repetitions: To START I would recommend three sets of 10 reps five days a week  never on the full stomach. When you feel comfortable with that, INCREASE the time of each repetition (do 5 seconds up, and 5 seconds down) and keep the same number of sets. DonÂt EVER exercise fast! It never works. Always stretch your body before and after exercising. My wife had a C-section and with the above program she is nearly fully back to the flat abs she had before pregnancy. It took six monthsÂ. Hope it helps Ron

Hi Dennis, I am very sorry for your losses of both your father and sister. I lost my mother 7 years ago today, my only son shortly before birth in 1986, and then my only other living child, Erica, at age 18 this past June, in an auto accident. Whether an anticipated death or a sudden one, none are easy. I think we all carry our experiences with death onto and into the loss of our next loss we suffer, and it stirs emotions long-forgotten. I know of that place you described, thinking, "okay, I've got it together now, things will be alright, I WILL survive". Then, whammo, you lose someone, and it feels like someone pulled the rug out from under you. That is how I felt when my daughter, Erica died. Please come back and check in with us, share what you need...we're here for you. Emma in PA

I have been trying to help my husband. He hasn't shown any grief since the day he had to see his father's body at the funeral home. At the funeral he was the only dry-eyed person. I have been doing everything around the house, and anything I can think of to make things easier on him. But I am about ready to snap. NOt at him but at the insensitivity of other people. It is crazy. First, the my FIL's sister (in her 50's) posted an invite to his funeral on facebook. It was supposed to be a private family graveside service because my husband's mother is in a very fragile state right now. It was such a shock and she is not doing well. So two days before the funeral it is found out that his family now has to get together enough food to feed about 50 ppl because my FIL's sister invited all these people to the service and get together afterward. They did NOT need the extra stress of having to do this!! And a simple thing- my parents decided to send flowers my MIL's house even though they really don't know her. My mother asked ME to send them (because I could pick out something she'd like I guess) so I called a local florist and asked that the flowers be delivered to the house on the day of the funeral. The florist calls me back the day of the funeral to say they couldn't get the flowers I wanted in that day so they would be delivered the next day. I didn't want to argue so I said ok. There are more important things. But then I get another call that evening saying the flowers wouldnt' be delivered until TWO days after the funeral. I spoke with the owner who was VERY rude. When I said the flowers were for a funeral he corrected me and said "No they are not for a funeral, they are being delivered to a home address." Yes, dumbass but they have a sympathy card with them. He then asked what the address was even though I'd already given it to the person who took the order previously. He went on to say it wasn't his fault (I wasn't even upset at this point) that his supplier was late and all he could do was have me select another arrangement and he "Might" be able to deliver it by the next day. I found another florist and called him back and asked him to cancel the order. He said he'd already made arrangements to get the flowers I needed (still two days late) and I told him I just wanted to cancel the order please and he said whatever and hung up on me!! Stupid, but I just broke down crying. And at the service, the strangest thing was that my MIL did not want to watch her husband's urn be buried in the dirt (her kids and grandkids wanted to watch) and I definately don't blame her. She is still thinking of him as a person who is alive or has characteristics of being alive and to see that would just kill me. She started bawling and told everyone she had to get out of there and NOT one of her kids escorted her away. MY FIL's sister who posted the thing on facebook took her away. It also seems that my MIL does not want to hear any good things about her husband from anyone. SHe is very angry toward him (probably for leaving her alone) and if anything nice is said she gets mad. So I say nothing. I just don't know what to do.