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There's an old woman living in my house....

Posted by frazoo (My Page) on
Thu, Dec 6, 07 at 13:25

Once in a while, I'll catch a glimpse of her in a mirror. (At first, I thought it was my mother..LOL!) Otherwise, she remains discreet. How do I know she's here? Because she's leaving tell-tale signs around my house. Like....
my hairbrush... full of thin, grayish hairs
my closet...high heels are gone; replaced with tennies and comfortable flat shoes
my lingerie drawer...only white cotton briefs and sturdy bras in there
my medicine cabinet... no birth control pills, but full of vitamins and supplements, stool softeners and/or anti-diarrheal tabs and prescriptions
my snack cupboard... a variety of crunchy, fiber-filled snack bars

How about any of you? Is there an old woman leaving her stuff around in your house?

Leslie/KS


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Yes there is, and she better get it cleaned up!


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Some old lady is writing notes that I can't read. Her handwriting is terrible. She also leaves things out that she should put up. I've had to make a new space for all her meds and her doctors numbers are on speed dial.


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RE: I forgot to add....

--I can't believe her panties are that big when I take them out of the dryer. Boy she has got a big A$$.


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Too funny, Vannie and Kathy813! She's even come and put up a smaller Christmas tree this year...and with more gift cards than gifts! What nerve! If only I could catch her in the act...I'd show her a thing or two!


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

LOL you gals crack me up!

Muahhhhh
Pranjal


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Yeah, here too . . . and just as she was feeling a little smug about not having to buy tampons anymore, she's now replacing their space on the shelf with Poise pantyliners!!!


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

....and the old lady living here disturbs my sleep by going to the bathroom umpteen times a night.


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

OOOOHHH YEAH!! Just yesterday she had me looking for an address book that was right in front of me.Oh well,at least I cleaned out all those old catalogs and fliers she was saving while I was looking for it.Now if she could just remember where she put the Christmas cards she bought on sale last year!


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Yes, and she's been hiding here for about 5 years. Darn her. I've also seen her fat a$$ jeans in my laundry too.
Leslie


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

You guys are sooo funny.
Speaking of old ladies DW and I just took my 97 year old great aunt shopping this morning. She needed new dress shoes for church and snow boots. She lives out in the country by herself a half mile from us. Still drives to town most days and cuts her own grass in the sumer. She found her shoes and boots and was so tickled when the salesperson asked to see her drivers license after writing out a check. She just had a birthday in Oct. and had to get her license renewed, it's good for another 4 years. She's so proud to still have her license.
She was pretty upset this morning. The snowplow clipped her mailbox and bent it so the door doesn't close right. She spent a good ten minutes cussin' him out. ;-) She doesn't hear very well anymore but her mind is as sharp as a tack. Geez, I hope I can grow old like her.
Ron


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

I have a 75 tear old cousin who I want to grow up to be. I'm 55. She maintains her house and garden and babysits for her three year old grandson. And does it all beautifully!


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Ya'll are crazy....I think I wet my diaper.

Gayle


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

She does something to my books to make the print seem blurry. She also sneaks shapewear into my lingerie drawer.


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

LOL...you ladies are too funny!! I am sitting at my desk at work laughing like a fool while everyone looks at me like I'm crazy!! Pixie...your post could've been written by my mom!


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Holy Crap! That old lady has been in my house also. What a PIA! I'm sure she would never admit it, but she has a "problem". It could be that she can't hear it, but she farts and burps...at will! Geesh...I hope I'm not that bad when I'm that old...


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Sooey, I have that same old stinky lady living at my house. Man she can let out some whoppers too. I sure hope DH doesn't think that is me, it is soooo embarrassing.


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RE: There's a very, very old woman living in my house....

Oh My Dog!...nita...isn't it awful? How can someone FART like that. Some of her farts are so loud, well, all I can say is...they must HURT! And the burps...in the middle of a sentence! I'm just glad I was not raised like that. jeesh...


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

It's the SBD's that get me...sneakin' around...pollutin' the air. And, those snorky sounds she makes when I'm trying to nap....jerks me awake every time! How rude!!!


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

I walk by the mirror sometimes and scare the bejeezus outta myself...that can't POSSIBLY be me....let's not go there about my gastro problems...


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

I know EXACTLY what you mean, fraz...Right in the middle of a good, sound nap...whamo...I'm awake for no reason except that old lady making some sort of snorky sound. It's so loud she actually makes me jump!...How rude, INDEED!


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

I think she snuck in here, too!


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Well, she may visit all of you, but she lives here! She is watching old timey movies, and leaving all her pain pills on my kitchen shelf where I used to keep my teas. She even switched out my teas to things like "Sleepytime" and "Smooth Move"...the nerve!

And the candles she buys...lavender and peach scent! Where are my "sensual" and "erotic" scented candles?? I think she threw them out.

She is in the bathroom at least three or four times a night, and won't let my cats sleep in the bed with me, because they keep her awake, and she needs her sleep.

She has my car radio set to the oldies station, or heaven forbid, SOFT ROCK! She keeps downloading Frank Sinatra, Perry Como, and Bing Crosby songs onto my computer.

And my frig is FULL of healthy food! Fruits, veggies, yogurt, lean meats. Where are my hamburger, steaks, potatoes, and bakery stuff?

I cringe when I see her old lady cotton panties, and all those elastic waisted pants and shorts, and dowdy old lady shirts. Where do you think she hid my Rolling Stones T-shirt with the big tongue on it??? Or my Grateful Dead tie-dyes??? Or my ripped up size 5 jeans???I haven't seen them in years!

My medicine cabinet is full of salves and ointments, and herbal remedies for joint pain, poor eyesight, and night sweats.

To top it ALL off, she has done away with all my perfumes! I had to actually go out and buy some the other day. No fancy soaps or bath stuff, either! It's getting way too expensive replacing all this stuff.

If you see her at your place, please KEEP HER!



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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Oh, junkyardgirl, you summed it up beautifully! That wretched old woman is wreaking havoc wherever she goes. No one wants to keep her, so she just keeps travelin' on from house to house.

This has been fun. I've read this thread several times and keep cracking up! Thanks to all who joined in.

Leslie/KS


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Ohmigosh! Some old lady's been leaving her granny pannies in my lingerie drawer. Lingerie - Ha! It's been a lonnnngg time since what I wear could be called "lingerie." *sigh"....I do remember, though.


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Well....she's now in El Paso! Would someone come and get her please? I think Lillie's old woman stole my Christmas cards I bought last year too! I had to buy new ones again!AND the rotten old woman is following me to work now! She limps when she gets a "crick" in her leg....she has to say "huh" a lot because her ear buzzes...that poor old womans got a hitch in her giddyup.....I well remember being able to run...LONG time ago....now she's lucky to walk a little fast...I don't like her..


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Haven't noticed much of her spoor around here, up till now ...

... but ...

... someone disturbs my sleep by wandering into the bathroom a couple of times a (short) night.

And there are those briefs that were bought a while ago, labelled, "Large" ... but when I put them on, I can hardly breathe.

I don't think that they're going to be very durable!

ole joyful


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Man oh man, she's at my house too. I was wondering who she was just yesterday. I was out shopping and saw her reflection in a store window. She seems to be following me. She has this tired worn out look in her face. Big dark circles and jowls around her mouth. She took my clothes too and must have altered them when I was out because they are all too tight to wear anymore. I think she's scaring men away too because I haven't seen any around here in years. I want her to leave as soon as possible before she moves in here for good. How do you think I can get rid of her? She seems to be closing in on me.
Donna
P.S. She's a farter too!


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

I have an ol lady in my house too. Yesterday I realized how old she was when not only is she wearing those big undies but she has to hold on to the vanity to get them on! Come on, anything with leg holes that big shouldn't be a problem to get on. She insists that her duck feet have a tendency to get caught somewhere in the cavernous panties and if she didn't hold on to something she might end up sprawled across the floor. Its only a short time before I'll have to get her one of those emergency necklaces, just in case she falls and can't get up. Hello, firemen, I'm stuck in the tub.....


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

There has been one living in my house for years. I don't where she came from, but one day she just appeared. I wish the younger one would come back, I liked her better. LOL
Clare


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

I'm sick of looking in the mirror to check my hair only to see HER there instead. In addition, something has happened to her lower "gaskets" too! Sounds like an ol' Put-Put car when she walks by!
Suzi


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Yeh! She came to my house to stay. DH seems to like her real well any way. Said he will keep her. Guess it is because he is limping around and doesn't have any energy.
Those two old foggies sit at the table trying to chew their food, or I guess I should say gumming their food and
slobbering it all over. Have to keep the dog in there to lap up the mess they drop on the floor.


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Just when I thought it was safe here in Texas...SHE shows up. Getting up in the middle of the night for SNACKS. She must have a bladder the size of a dime.

One time she was wearing MY crocs and when She sneezed She peed in my crocs!

She can't even hear Herself Fart. Then wonders why the dogs scatter.

Gayle


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

"Then wonders why the dogs scatter."
HAHAHAHAHA!!!

This thread is hilarious!


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

this is one to save in the archives.

anette (who has the same problem with that old woman)


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Read this last night but was too busy laughing to post!

But she's been here too! She left odd tooth cleaning devices (to be used on implants and bridges I think) in my bathroom and different pairs of glasses all over the house, two or three pairs of bi/tri-focals, reading glasses, computer glasses... at least she's jazzy enough to use the computer and need glasses for that, LOL!

I think she's left other stuff around too... and I just haven't discovered it yet. I don't DARE look in my underwear drawer after reading what she left at all of YOUR houses!


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Yep that old woman is obviously well travelled cos she's here at my house in New Zealand too!!!
She leaves those big undies and other heavily re-inforced undergarments laying around. Not to mention the 'groaning' noises she makes when she gets up every morning! I liked the young one much better ... the one who could leap out of bed and get all my housework done in the blink of an eye. This one does nothing but b!tch and moan!


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

And what about that OLD MAN she hangs out with?

Don't get me started.

Oh yeah...HE has the nerve to threaten to get a younger women....AS IF?

And Boy is the Viagra a BIG joke. What in the world would anyone want something like THAT to last even LONGER.

And that God awful smell of Ben Gay! Like that would make ME wanna Spon!

Gayle


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

I'm with you, girl. I never thought I'd ever sleep w/ a 66 y o man. I told him the other day if I die and he remarries to please clean up his morning bathroom activities. He said what would that be? And I said at least shut the door! I've been married 2/3 of my life! I don't remember him not being around. As for that old woman in the house, good grief!! She deserves better than this. LOL (This is definitely tongue in cheek. I probably wouldn't trade him!!!)


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

You wanna talk about some old man hangin' around... I don't know where he came from but, when he gets up in the morning all his joints starting cracking and popping; why when he takes those first couple steps it sounds like someone spilled a box of corn flakes on the bedroom floor. And, he gets no respect! His kids friends as them "Is that your Grandpa?" At least he hasn't started wearing black socks with his shorts in the Summer.
Ron


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

I just knew He'd show up at Ron's House.

Gayle


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Thanks, Gayle. I can always count on you. ;-)
Ron


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Oh, lordy, may this thread never die!! I just came here and read all these new postings....BWAA-HAA-HAA!!

The old woman was offended and left the room, but I know she'll be back...and on my back, again...the ol'hag!

Leslie/KS


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

She comes to my house too. She alternates with huffing and puffing because she is retaining fluid and leaving a little trail of drops when she heads for the bathroom after taking her Lasix. Somehow she doesn't always remember to get the proper supplies at Kroger.

And she hides my bills from me. Sometimes she takes them out of the designated folder and sticks them in a book as a bookmark, but then forgets she is reading the book until the bill is overdue.

She also sits and scratches on her old dried up legs and leaves a pile of dead skin on the floor.

We won't even talk about the ratty ole big underwear.


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Oh my word! I thought this side was completely dead and look at all of you who've been *out there*
but not stopping by to say *hello* till now!!!
Where have you old ladies been all this time? LOL What a riot you are!!!

Oh, yeah, one of your old ladies has been creeping around my house, too! In nine years,
I'll be the age of my mother when she died in a car accident--69 yrs. old! I've
always looked like her, but now I AM HER!!! Kinda nice to look in the mirror
and see her smiling back at me, though!

Thanks for the laugh gals, and don't be such strangers, ya hear?? And thanks, Joyce,
for getting the ball rolling and the bellies laughing!

Now, where did that old lady put my ear plugs--I've got her old man to listen to all night,
sawing logs and claiming I'm the one doing all the snoring!!

Janice


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old woman living in my house....losing her mind!

Oops, that old lady snuck in and posted a letter in my name, thinking she was on the hosta forum.
She's really losing it, gals!!!! Sigh! Blush!!! We won't speak of this again, okay??


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

That old man is here watching TV! Snore? Where are those ear plugs? Please pass them over.


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Yeah I know the feeling,The one here has dry skin,pees alot,cant sleep shes up all night,cant see,she s starting to say what? alot.Shes tired all the time,Shes getting lazy works not getting done.I may have to fire her.Thats it...


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

If there's more then one.... and not just one old woman going from house to house.... let's fire them all! That's a really good idea :-)


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Yes, the old lady hangs out at my house quite a bit. In practically every room in my house I have found these little ugly reading glasses that "old people" wear down low on their nose. She must have bought them in bulk at Walgreens when they were on sale or something!

And why does she constantly turn the volume way up on all the T.V.s? DH and the kids are always blaming ME--sheesh!

In the mornings I find 1 or 2 sweaty night shirts on my bathroom sink that she must have taken off during the night. Man, she is making a lot of extra laundry for ME to do, what with having to change the sheets almost every day and having to wash all the extra pajamas. The old bat must be having hormonal issues because she also cranks the air either way up or way down and again, the rest of the family blames ME.


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

This is too good a thread to end here. I know we have moreold gray mairs here. Let us hear from you.


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

It could be the ghost of my dear departed Great Aunt Ethel. I think I've seen her here at my house -- in the mirror (oh, no, don't look!)


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Yeah, I got one at my house too. I opened the breakfast cereal cabinet this morning and saw a box of Fiber One. What the #$%?


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

When I go to weigh myself, I KNOW She is putting her foot on the bathroom scale.

Gayle


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Ok, really REALLY TOO funny... Leslie I never thought I would say this, but she is here too! The stamps to mail all my Christmas cards, I know she has to have snuck them in some little nook or cranny because they are NOT where I keep them!!

And now even worse after Gayle's last posting, I REALIZE she HAS BEEN here for 10 bloody years stepping on my scale too!! WHO would have thought???

Does anyone want her?? Cause she's gotta go

Rosie


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

When I turned 50, my husband threatened to replace me with two 25-year-olds! Ha! I did have an experience recently. I was walking past a store window and saw this crabby-faced old woman walking next to me, wearing the exact same clothes as I was. It made me make a point to smile or at least relax my face when out in public. Lucky no one at KT can see me now!


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....


This is ME!
Please add me to your list!


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

OK Kids, this all started out as a funny little thread...but now it's getting serious! If someone doesn't come over to my house and get this old lady. I think I will have to throttle her.

She is repeating herself, over and over and over again. I swear...if I have to hear that stupid story about the night she found a mouse sitting on her thigh, I am going to SCREAM! And she better get her GIGANTIC 'Cotton Carters' out of my laundry basket before the next time I do laundry next or I will donate them to GoodWill. And, I just found a jar of Benifiber in the corner cabinet in the kitchen...what is up with that?

And I swear...if I have to hear that stupid story about the night she found a mouse sitting on her thigh, I'm going to SCREAM!

Knock on wood, this will NEVER happen to my!

Oops, gotta go...someone just knocked on the front door.


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

That's it. She was just here again 15 minutes ago. I was watching a movie on TV. I allowed myself to just relax and rest, covered up, all cozy, because I've felt punk all day. Aching and kinda cold. Then there's this snorking noise that woke me up, as my lips flapped together. Geesh, I was only resting my eyes.
Leslie


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Tomorrow is Sunday.

I just know when She stands up in Church She's gonna have the skirt all wad up in her butt crack again.

Beware I got a glimpse of her in the grocery store a while ago and She bought BROCCOLI! Can you imagine...with her problem and all. Be fore WARNED!

Gayle


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Seems like no matter what that little old lady eats she puts, puts, puts around here. I think she thinks they sound like little mice but I have news for her some of them sound like BIG rats!!! Even the cat turns his head when he hears her.


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

The old lady who follows me around is so confused.

She bought a small foreign convertible because she finally has no need for a third row of seats that fold down. Yet, she can't rise from the low seat effortlessly.

She cruises with the top down and heat on until a moment comes when she has to turn on the air conditioner full blast, but only for a moment.

She keeps saying things to her grown sons, like, "I can't wait until you are all out of the house", but when she enters her home on the occasion that no one is there, she's apprehensive and checks closets and empty rooms before she can feel comfortable with the fact that she is alone.

I guess I'll let her hang around, but I've got my eye on her.


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

I thought it was just me. Thank you to you sisters of the amazing age. She's here, doing that.......


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

This is the funniest threads i have read on here ever! this must go down in the annals - I spit on my computer screen, while similtaneously peeing in my pants when I got to glenda's post - You ladies are hysterical!


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

The old woman in my house got so hot last night that she slept with the bedroom window open, and it was only 23 degrees out.

I spent $40 on a needlepoint kit today and had to take out several rows of stitches because she decided to help even though she could not see very well and skipped a row.

She is ruining my ladylike reputation because she sneaks up on DH at night and snores right in his ear, and he blames me for waking him up.

She has one of those gigantic ziplock bags full of medicine and it takes up a whole drawer in my kitchen.

She replaced all my fancy size 5 bikini panties with some big whoppin' white cotton full-sized undies that look like they belong on a fat ugly jail matron, and have matching full-figure bras.

She spends a fortune on Egg-Beaters and other old lady food that I certainly never touch, and have to toss when it expires.

She constantly whispers in my ear that I should live more healthily and even suggested that I take water aerobics. But she replaced my swimsuit with one that is sized so large that I just know it would hang on me -- and I can't appear in public looking like that.

Worst of all, she is constantly adding Tums to my shopping list. Next thing I know, Depends will appear on there, too.

She leaves gray hairs everywhere. I hope she goes bald soon so I don't have to look at them.


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

the one here keeps leaving her 10x mirror, tweezers and a huge pile of course black hairs on my bathroom counter.........I don't even want to guess where those hairs came from. She leaves things in the stupidest places, I've found my potato peeler in the veg drawer in the fridge with the potatoes, my letter opener by a picture frame with one screw out and a different picture lying beside it, and she leaves candy bars hidden in drawers in the computer room............like the weight won't show up if no one sees her eat it and don't even get me started on all the time she spends on the computer instead of doing house work!!!!


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Sorry to hear that you folks are having such trouble with those old gals that seem to flit (well, maybe not quite "flit") about your houses.

Very few such problems around here.

But - don't tell her about me ... maybe she'll show up!

ole joyful

P.S. Wait a minute!

What was that about memory?

Snoring? (Son doesn't want to sleep in the same room).

Eyeglasses everywhere ... except when you need one.

Socks scattered here and there ... but most with holes. Underwear with stretched elastic at the waist?

Yikes! Don't tell me that she's been here!

o j


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Haha OJ you got things mixed up. You don't have an old woman visiting your house you have an old man. Please keep him there I don't need another, one is enough.


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

I just wish she would stop leaving that nasty garage footstool around in the kitchen for when her herniated disk acts up. And, mine has a corner of the counter taken with all her meds as well. The other thing that bugs me about that old lady is that she has half a section taken up in the freezer with those little plastic ice cube blankets for hot flashes and every time she takes a shower in my bathroom, the drain needs to be cleaned of what looks like a full head of hair. She even uses my makeup mirror and tweezers to pluck long chin hairs from her face (disgusting). This women is just way to much work and I wish she would go, I would tell her myself but shes just so mean and moody from pre-menopausal symptoms Im afraid.


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She fell asleep in MY recliner last evening and woke up at midnight to play on MY computer. She came to bed at 2am and then woke me up again at 4 because she had a hot flash and had to go pee to boot. I will never be able to get a decent nights sleep with this old broad around.


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

I am quite sure she is taking things to a whole new level. Somehow she has managed to take the hair that USED to be on my husband head and made it sprout on my FACE!!!


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

She's leaving drool all over my pillow at night. How can I get her out of my bed?

It's not like she's sleeping that much. Otherwise I wouldn't have gotten that glimpse of her nodding off during a party. I don't think she can even keep her eyes open after 9pm anymore. Creepy. Of course, when I listen carefully, all she talks about at parties is her health (or lack thereof), so it's probably best if she nods off.

At least I feel safer knowing she isn't out there driving as much at night. I hardly ever see her on the roads late.

Is she the one who altered the list of specs for the electrician? I don't remember asking for that much lighting. It's like there's someone around who can't see well in low light. It cost a fortune.

I had one more, but she can't remember what it was.


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I have this same ole lady (Granny undies and all, when she sneezes, coughs, or laughs she must run and change them) at my house but I do find that she comes in handy once in a while when she gets her senior discounts, (not moments) and there are many (of both)!


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She has taken up permanent residence at my house!She has a bad case of Furniture Disease, like Glenda noted.(Her chest seems to be slipping right down to her drawers.)The clothes she wears are all designed by OMAR The Tentmaker, and when she waves, her upper arms look like bats in flight(really, really BIG BATS!!). I was mortified the other day when I heard her call a doctor "Hon"!! I don't care if she has known him since he was in kindergarten, that was not very respectful! Bettye


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

She's here, too. And she snores!


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

And what is this Blanche Devereaux fixation on the sweaty muscular young hunks running up and down the basketball court with their flapping shorts? Doesn't she know that Michael Jordan is far too young for her? Not to mention the entire Duke team? Ah, the fantasies of the old and decrepid!


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

She was here again, too,...and uninvited. My two DGDs came for the weekend and they decorated the tree and put up the village. The old woman decided to help. She was wearing a sleeveless shirt because she was hot (it's 23 degrees here) and when she went to hang an ornament up high, the younger GD took a "thwack" at her swinging underarm and I thought the vibrations were going to topple the tree!

Go away, old woman, go away!!

Leslie/KS


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

She's at our house, too. She keeps messin' with the thermostat--up and down, up and down. I go check it and it reads the same every time. She's sneaky, that one.

OJ, that old man's here, too, when he isn't at your house. He's making DH's hair disappear on top. I think it's going down through his scalp, because now it's coming out his ears and nose. How's he DO that, anyway?


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

I only caught glimpses of her at home, looking way too much like my mom for comfort...We, mercifully, have only 1 mirror and bad lighting over it in our temporary quarters while we're building. BUT she followed my daughters and I shopping and gave me the biggest scare of my life in the Victoria's Secret dressing room! Yikes. And my daughters were there to see her. At least they've been warned, but really have no idea how fast she shows up.

I think lately she is beating me in my sleep, since I awaken so sore each morning, as well as a few times during the night...


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Hi all,
I caught her following me again today. She was just staring at me with this tired old look on her face. She must be in her fifties and she still wears her hair long. She dresses like she's in high school, wearing jeans at her age. Who is she trying to fool? She looks so serious but when I smiled at her she smiled back, so I guess she's friendly. She must be sneaking sleeping pills in my water because I can't stay up past 9:00pm.
I just started noticing her presence recently, why is she stalking me? And why is she always looking at me in the windows when I shop? I really want her to leave me alone.
Donna


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

I thought the old woman died in my bed this morning. It was way past 8:00 and she was just lying there with her white pasty skin (no blood circulation going on there), mouth gaping open, icy cold hands. The old man came in and started talking to himself about his mornings bowel movement, which startled the old woman back to life.

It's time for them to get a condo in Florida.


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

I'm so embarrassed to say that ya'll have shamed me into admitting that this old woman has lived in my house for years. In the beginning, she just stopped by occasionally. Then the visits became more and more frequent ... until one day ... I discovered she had moved in. She's trying to take my place. I keep fighting back as best I can ... but it hasn't done much good. She's a strong old battle ax!

One day she actually ran over my DGD to get to the bathroom and yelled something about "age before beauty". When she is driving on a trip, she maps out where the "Rest Stops" are ... not the turns. She can't laugh, sneeze, cough, etc. without crossing her legs. These actions could cause her to pee, fart, or snort at any time.

A while back, I bought a nice pair of pants, one size larger than I usually wear. Obviously, she washed them in hot water and made them shrink. Now they are tight and short. Oh ... and she did that to my jeans too. I have to lay on my back on the bed to zip them up ... then she holds me down so I can't get back on my feet.

And the NOTES !!! She leaves me notes all over the house and at work. Not good notes though ... not the kind when you read them the next day you can understand what it means. Crytic kind of notes ... like she really was just leaving clues to tease me into figuring it out. Pleeeese, I am not Jessica Fletcher.

The best of all of it though is when she asks one of my daughters ... "Did I know that?" ... when they are talking about something. They stare at her, laugh, and know that it want be long before they are going to have to pin a note on her with their name, address, and phone number for the lost and found department.

CCinGA


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

And not only that! She has donated all my "fat clothes" to charity and has shrunk all my "thin clothes" in the last several months. I hope someone is enjoying them. I have nothing to wear! What a stinker she is............


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

I can't believe your old women don't leave their toenails around for you to step on - DANG that women's toenails are razor sharp and HARD!!

There has to be old-woman repellent of some sort!!


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Oh, no kidding, mosaicwench1! I'd forgotten about that! The old woman in my house does that, too! You should see all the limbering up she has to do to get ready to trim those nasty things. She stretches, bends, squats trying to reduce the cramping she gets from trying to reach her toes.

And, her manicure kit....it looks like a miniature Black & Decker tool set. And, when she finally vaccuums, it sounds like a popcorn popper...poppity pop, poppity pop!

Leslie/KS


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Ah, mosaicwench1 & frazoo, that's why the old woman living in my house.... is banished to the back yard to clip those brick thick nails and dremel them into something that won't tear through hikimg boots. But she sneaks into my house afterwards -- I see her sometimes in the mirror with those reddish bags under her eyes. And if her eyelids droop any further, she won't be able to see at all -- oh well, that's her problem, not mine!


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

You ladies don't know how lucky you are ... the little old lady who lives at my house leaves her teeth in a glass in the kitchen window! And I could parachute from the top of the Empire State Building using her undies! And what is up with those bras she wears? Those things have enough reinforcement to support an elephant!

When my little old lady meets God, she wants to have a little chat with Him regarding spacing of children ... did He think it was funny to space her kids so far apart that she has teenagers and grandchildren at the same time??? It's kind of embarrassing when she begs the grandkids to go to sleep at 7:30pm because "THEY" are so tired ...

And what's up with the hammer I found on the counter by these mystery bottles of medication? I think child proof caps are getting a bit too complicated for her ... and why are the labels in such small type now a days? (Although it was really funny when she mistook her sons ADHD medication for her antibiotic! We had to peel her off the ceiling that night!)


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

ROFLOL!!! (Laughing even harder at GLENDA'S pic!!!!!)

One lives here, too. She annoys my teenage daughter consantly with stories about when she was her age. AND what's worth, is that she repeats herself. Constantly.

Drives me nuts.

Drives me nuts.

Too much excitement for one day. Need a nap now. :~)

BJ


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

The old lady that lives her is always trying to find her glasses. Duh! They are on top of your head!

It is really fun to watch her in the grocery store when she forgets her LIST! She just roams up and down every isle trying to remember what she is there far.

Then when she gets into the parking lot, she can't remember where she parked her car. She just keeps beeping her "alarm" until she finds the car with flashing lights, because she can't hear the alarm.

Gayle


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

This old broad is doing some traveling...she made it to my house......and I've got to get her packing...caught her in the bathroom in dismay because she said her mouth looks like Howdy's Doody's...getting the puppet mouth she said and started pulling on her face...then she got in the medicine cabinet..got out the Prep-H and said, by Gosh, if that stuff can shrink up hemrorrhoids, it can surely shrink these dang wrinkles...so she went for it....watch out AVON! Then at the grocery store, she was ahead of me and she had to announce OUTLOUD she was a senior citizen and it was SENIOR CITIZEN day..........and her purse had so many pockets and compartments she could pack clothes, etc. and travel across the world.....out fell a ziplock bag with chewing gum, hard candy, a rain hat, aspirin and coupons...then she said she wanted to eat at a buffet of all places instead of a nice quaint little restaurant she used to favor.......she piled her plate so high, you'd thought it was her last meal........again announced, she wanted the senior citizen discount......as she shuffled her way to the check-out. For Christmas she said she doesn't need any more knick-knacks cause she's just have to dust them.........and the old man she's living with....she had to put his boot on him this AM cause he's all boogered up....gout...........I didn't know she was traveling with a companion?


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Remember that old geezer I spotted around here? I think he's injecting me with something in the middle of the night. Some weird hormone. Maybe it's Bovine growth hormone. All the hair on my head is falling out. I could live with that, but it's growing back everywhere else! And I mean EVERYWHERE. Out my ears, out my nose. If DW doesn't trim my eyebrows every time she cuts my hair I'll look like Sarah Ferguson's dad in about 4 months. It's like a couple woolly caterpillars have decided to live on my face.
I think I'll get one of those motion activated cameras like okwriter has and try to catch him in the act.
Ron


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

If I had a Motion Detecter in my hallway at night it would flicker like a strobe light around the bathroom in the hall.


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Gayle--that old lady here looks for her glasses, too, and they're on her head!! One day she was packing up her purse to leave the house. Needed to put the cell phone in the purse and didn't see it anywhere. You guessed it, she was talking on it. Now, she's really getting old w/ that one!!!


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Well..... Folks... something strange.... the old lady who is living at my house... Is Very Very Nice...SHE IS UGLY and hard to LOOK AT!!!!.... but she is H A N D Y>>> so I am going to have to cut her some SLACK....
You see... she has had some sorta SPECIAL ~~~T R A I N I N G ~~~ she is the only one in the house who ***KNOWS *** how to put TOILET PAPER on the holder...
it's true... and.... SHE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS HOW TO TAKE OUT THE TRASH>>>>>
perhaps the Uglier the Old Lady... they get that SPECIAL TRAINING !!!! they do come in handy....
and SHE IS... very entertaining ______
forgetful YES>>. but one moment mean and angry... and the next moment... laughing and jovial and then the crying andddddd sobbing followed by... the cooking and baking of sweets to make up for the FITS she has... so all in all due to the old lady hidding things... and giving the whole family entertainment... of the memory laps and FITS...
I think ,,,, I'm gonna * * * KEEP HER * * * * for a few more days !!!!!
besides.... I think she has hidden some Christmas gifts around the house... I'm not sure where...
God Bless!
M E R R Y + C H R I S T MAS !!!
ole susiesunshine/alias The REAL OLD WOMAN !!!!!!


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Actually, she is impersonating me at work as I was sorry to see in a recent photo of our staff. The nerve!!!


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Has anybody thought this would make a good Book !
Let's make this old lady rich !! And all I ask Is buy me
A dozen Donuts ! Olgaflowers,


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Ladies (and Gentlemen):

I have to tell you. I was sitting in the lobby, waiting for my dd at religious school yesterday and was reading this thread on the web from my phone. I was laughing so hard to myself that I was in tears!!!! People must have thought I was nuts, but you guys are soooooo funny. You have to save this thread somewhere for everyone to read. It is hysterical. Thanks for making my day.

Donna


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Does anyone know if this old lady has a younger sister? Someone (kinda) fitting this description is in and out (guess I COULD keep the doors locked!) but I get the feeling she's a little younger than this crotchety older woman that's on the loose. Just so I know who to be on the lookout for, about how old would you ladies say she is?
Monica


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

I guess I've missed this post for some reason. The old hag, though, is here too, in MY house! This morning she made me do something stupid, like put socks in the fridge, sad thing is, now I can't remember what the heck she made me do. It was sorta funny at the time, in a sad sort of way...wish I could remember what it was.

She's also messing with my climate controls in the car, in the house and at work. One minute I'm freezing, the next I'm pouring sweat.

The old bag trips me sometimes too, walking through the livingroom, nothing there, mowing the grass out back, same thing. She must be kicking me in the back when I sleep too because I wake early in the morning with back pain, can barely walk to the bathroom and then have to spend the rest of the morning on the couch.

And I see her in the mirror sometimes (most of the time I try not to look), wrinkles, dark circles, jowls, sagging boobs, flabby arms and all that gray hair!


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Monica, it's possible that the OLD WOMAN has a younger sister, but the younger sister is probably just in training to become the OLD WOMAN. Now,having said that, the really scary part is that the OLD WOMAN just may have an older sister. Now, that's sobering. I'd say this gal is probably close in age to the sweet, young, beautiful, spry, witty, energetic lady of the house she has chosen to live with. BEWARE. Be careful. Be very, very, careful!


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

OMG...she's here in NC now. I just saw her in the mirror...I'm really scared. She is sucking the life out me. I'm starting to feel tired all the time, aching all over. Be careful, she's dangerous!She'll take all the fun out life, keep her away at all cost.


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

You all can keep the old man and the old woman and her sister! They haven't been here yet and I'm double locking all my doors and windows! I'll make sure to turn on the house alarm on when I'm out so they won't sneak in. Better yet, I have better throw out all those mirrors to avoid luring them in my home =o)

PS: Thanks for the laugh and for things that I don't want to look forward to but hope that I will adapt to them graciously when the time comes ;o)


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Oh for heavens sake!! Now that old woman has moved into MY HOUSE!! She's decided SHE is going to do the Christmas decorating in MY house!! Boy...is she brazen!! And sooooooooooooooo slow! It took her all afternoon just to decorate the mantel and the porch! If she wouldn't keep holding a pair of glasses in each hand maybe she'd be able to work faster. (She says one pair is for reading and one is for the computer...which I keep trying to keep her away from...but she insists on wasting a lot of time at.) By the time she gets around to decorating the tree...it will be Valentine's Day!!

I can't stand it! If we're not going to have a Christmas tree...I might as well open my presents now! If I don't...SHE WILL!! She's soooooooooo pushy!!

And that foolish old man she has hanging out here lately. Honestly, last night he dropped a huge box of decorations down the attic ladder and it hit the old gal right in the eye! Now, she has a shiner for the holidays!! Guess she'll have to put some glitter on it to make it festive!

Can someone please come and get these two out of here before they drive me batty?!!

I'll be waiting for you!

~Sandy~


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Bwahahahah, all I can say you guys better keep her at your house. She is not allowed to step foot in my house again!

I keep sending her back but somehow she sneaks back in and using my tweezers starts plucking those nasty hard little whiskers on the one corner of her chin and she is so proud of herself when she finally gets a hold of one. LOLOL

On her next visit back here she better not bring any of those nasty habits she learned at your house!

Anne


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

monicakm: The old woman is not only older than you are now, she's also older than you THINK you are. She's a troublesome ol'gal, that's for sure. If she's been in and out of your house already, then she's just checking you out and is packing her bags for a very loooooong stay at your house.

Are you young enough that you wear make-up every day? Well, she won't let me anymore. If I want to look good for some occasion like a wedding (well, not many weddings anymore....but a lot of funerals) or the Holidays, she follows me into the bathroom and transposes her ol' face over my youthful one. I tell ya what....that's a hard face to work with, what with all those lines and creases...and the dry skin and large pores that won't let make-up apply smoothly... and covering her old age spots is nearly impossible...and just try to get eyeliner and mascara onto those eyes without bumping your nose into the mirror!! She has me take my glasses off and on at least 5 times to see if I got it right.

I'd say her younger sister may be with you now, but she's only preparing you for her older sister's extended stay.

Leslie/KS


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Oh, she comes so fast, doesn't she? Seems like only yesterday she started visiting my mom, then my older sisters, and now me....


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

well that old woman put her stuff in the garage and now DH is ticked off again... cause there is an ice storm...and now the poor little 6'4 guy will have to clean ice off his windshield because "SHE" took up tooooo much space...
DH Tried to blame me... but I kept saying "HER DID IT!!!~~~~~~HER DID IT !!!" but I don't think he understands..
but I bet he will one day... not toooooo long from now..!

Susiesunshine
P>S> do you think "HER" is kin to the old woman who lived in the SHOE>>.. you know she had sooooooo many children she
just did not know what to do !!!! HER DID!!!!!


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Why can't some of you just keep her at your place? Now she's here. Never mind those cotton panties in size 80XX, this crone won't wear a bra if she's not going out. She says it's "too confining". You should see her crossing her arms over her chest when the FedEx guy or the furnace fellow show up at the front door. And when she does go out, she puts on some awful thing to "contain the flopping".

Then she started buying handbags with lots of compartments to keep everything in its place. But she couldn't remember which pocket contained whatever. So now she has a new one, with two pockets, and even that's a bother. Now, when she sees the handbags on QVC, her first question is "how heavy is that? It looks like it will hurt my back." I look in her closet and all I see are soft squishy light-weight handbags. Nothing I would every carry.

She tried tweezing those wiry chin hairs, but her dermatologist said to just shave them. So now she does, but when DH is somewhere else, and she hopes she won't nick herself. She doesn't even remember when she used to shave to make certain places cuter.

Yesterday she picked up a piece of paper from among the piles of paper around here, all with strange notes and numbers, and went to my DH and said "What phone number is this? It's been sitting here for four months. It must be someone you know, not me." And he said "It's your cell phone number." Then he burst out laughing and she tried to hit him with her handbag, but it was too soft to make a dent, and he walked off grinning and she went to look for some chocolate.


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

This message is for all of you gals who haven't spotted her yet at your house......enjoy your time without her because she will be following you one day too. She really sneaks up on you, you don't have any warning. One day you just spot her staring at you in the window and after that she won't go away. Try not to worry too much about her. If you eat healthy food, exercise and get enough sleep, she won't arrive so soon.

Enjoy the time that you have without her because she WILL arrive one day and you will be as shocked as all of us are to see her. We just can't understand where our reflection went in the mirror, everytime we look at ourselves we see only her.

Donna


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Alright, who sent the old hag to Oklahoma?! I am NOT amused by her antics! Never mind the ugly old granny panties, she has the audacity to lounge around in ratty old clothes that aren't fit to wipe up spills with. She wears a stained, worn out old nighty to sleep in, then gets up in the morning and puts on a sweatshirt and fleece pants OVER the nightgown! How stupid does that look - with the gown hanging down to her knees out from under the sweatshirt... The FedEx guy, who comes late in the afternoon, must think she never gets dressed. *rolling eyes*

Oh, and she has pores the size of the Grand Canyon. She snuck in lots of cosmetics and gadgets to shrink them, but I've never seen her use them...they simply clutter up my bathroom cabinets so that I can't find the things I really need.

Sometime she isn't very nice to DH, either. Can't say that I blame her - he sits on the sofa and hollers at her to "come fix this remote control" every time he pushes a button and can't figure out what to do to get the TV back. *sigh* She storms in there and fixes it but not with a good attitude. Other times, he shouts out a question at her from another room instead of walking into where she is. You should hear that old bat grumble when she goes in to see what the he** he wants!

I expected her to at least do a little something around the house to earn her keep, but NOOOOOOOOO! She is lazy as ever - won't clean a toilet until it becomes a health hazard, acts like she doesn't know how to use a broom and hasn't dusted in forever. I leave dishes in the sink until it's full, thinking she will rinse them and put them in the dishwasher but she never does.

Oh - and this old biddy farts, too.


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

I'm telling ya'll cut her just one little bit of slack...
I got up again and there she was... Sweet UGLY Thing..
putting that roll of toilet paper on the Holder again..
not in just one bathroom... but TWO!! and then I saw her again.. Out shoveling SNOW and Chopping ICE>............
Dear ME>>> now a neighbor has gone and got stuck just LOOKING
at her in that * * * * * * winter Garb * * * * * ** she has on... I can N O T even describe it..
Yes her gown tail is hanging out just above her boots...
and she has on mix-matched gloves and 2 jackets.. ONE ENTIRELY TOOOOOO small! - Oh dear me I hope that neighbor does N O T sue me for the damages done to his car...
But see....
She is Ugly..... but Kinda >>>>S W E E T and Thoughtful....
but Gosh HER IS MOANING and COMPLAINING REAL LOUD about
being to D A N G !!* * * * C O L D !!! * * * * * * *
oops!!!!! HER SLIPPED on a patch of ICE>.. * * * *
It is taking her a few minutes to get up..... SHE REALLY IS
S L O W !!!!!
Dang it NOBODY there to help the old woman up !!!!......
Oops!! she made it.... HEY I wish she would go into one of the neighbors houses.... NO ~~~ HER IS COMING BACK INTO MY HOUSE>>>>
Better go..... Better try to help HER with her aches and pains..... DURN>>> I'll bet she'll never shut up about this
Nasty Fall she has taken... Hope "HER" does NOT sue me...!!! oh well I have that HomeOwner Policy !!!!!
GOD BLESS!
M E R R Y + C H R I S T MAS !
susiesunshine
PS * * * are Ya'LL Gonna buy HER a CHRIST MAS GIFT !!???
I AM !!!!!!!!!!~~ !!!!!!!for sure she deserves one !!!!!! wonder what she wants !!!! ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Some of the other "peeps" out there must not look in the mirror cause we haven't heard from them. C'mon lets hear from you.


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

I'm so happy to hear she is visiting other people also.
She is not a welcome guest at my house. lol!!!!


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

I heard Her talking about Botox the other day.

DOES BOTOX COME IN GALLON DRUMS?

Gayle


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Stop! My stomach hurts from laughing so much. LOLOLOL

Rita! How dare you send her here. She showed up at MY HOUSE today with her sweatshirt over her nightgown but she must have forgot the pants at your house. She did clean my toilet though, I'll give her that.

Bwaahahahah

Anne


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

theres no old lady here, just me. and oh yeah, my grandma, who looks at me through the mirror sometimes. but i like her...

anette


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

I was starting to think I may have been losing my mind thinking that joker was hanging around here. Nobody else would believe me. I always put my keys away in the same spot so I know where they are when needed. He's moving them. I keep my magnifiers in my pocket but he pulls them out and puts them on top of my head and often when I have a pair hanging off the end of my nose. The other day I wanted to pay some bills and that joker hid my checkbook for about 20 minutes. How he moves things from place to place without getting caught is beyond me. Occasionally, I hear the "toot tooting" behind me when I'm be walking around and try to blame the cats. It must be them, since they turn and run when that guy approaches me and I don't know if that guy eats nothing but hard boiled eggs and onions or what the deal is, but WHEW! do I have to keep a supply of air freshener around.

Then one day, I caught him. I often skip shaving when I have a few days off. The rustic look is good for most young guys. The "wild hair" look is appealing too, right? Well one day I thought he was awfully close as the "floors were squeeking" as my uncle used to say and I walked into the bathroom and there was that scraggly haired old goat with the gray beard! Caught ya!

I even figured out the guy's name. "Gaseous Gray"


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Uh-oh, cynic, that sounds like the old man that's been following my DH around....although DH won't admit it...ha!

And, sable_ca, I have the same problem with handbags. I see some really nice ones and as soon as I "try them on" in the store, the old woman starts whispering in my ear that they aren't big enough...not enough pockets...zippered compartments...gotta have a place to keep those "private" things that you don't want every store clerk to see, or the grandkids when they go through your purse looking for gum. I don't know why she expects me to carry around a piece of luggage just for her and her needs...well, and for her old man's needs, too. Hey, maybe I'll get one of those small wheeled luggage pieces. That oughta do it!

Leslie/KS


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Gosh....I'm a little late getting in here...but I wana tell you.....she's been here.....really.....I don't know how long she's been sneakin in and out of here....seems I chase her away on my better days...

She was here a couple of years ago and wanted me to take a ride with her....and the car died....she was in a panic because when a car with electric windows and locks and all those other bells and whistles dies...nothing works...
Can you believe she thought we were locked in there forever..."Help my car died and I can't get out..."

We won't even go there about those huge underware...or those bottles of L'Oreal she leaves sitting on the vanity.

Or those socks she wears that look like knee high girdles.

Or the big clunky shoes that are supposed to bring comfort...instead of the sexy look....

She was here earlier tonight after 6 hours of shopping with my daughter...I actually had to sit in my computer chair and nod off for about 20 mins to make her go away...

I'm sure she is going to make me fall out of my chair one of these days. And I'm sure gona be mad at her...

patti


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Oh, patti, that was worth waiting for....you nodding off to make her go away...and being locked in the car like that...isn't that a "blonde" joke??? LOL!!

I think your old woman blinded you to this thread so she wouldn't be found out!

Leslie/KS


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

OMG! That ol' biddy is hanging out at my house too. She got rid of all my socks and cute shoes and replaced them with men's diabetic socks and "sensible" shoes (spells U-G-L-Y). She uses my female sanitary products for small diapers just in case she can't get her crippled @ss to the bathroom fast enough in the middle of the night. I can hear her bones popping when she stands up from across the room ... good grief, sometimes I think a gun went off! And yes, she has replaced my pretty panties with huge cotton ones but at least they are not all white. I guess I should be thankful for small favors. If that isn't bad enough, she seems to have a stinky duck for a pet! The damn little thing quacks all day and smells up the house! Does anyone know of a good exterminator?

use2bcapecodr, at least your old lady tries to be helpful by helping put up the Christmas decorations. Mine hid my Christmas decorations on me and refuses to tell me where they are! She has made it so difficult for me, that I have given up on finding them and I'm pretending to be Jewish this year. Hopefully I will find them by next Christmas but this old witch is very good at hiding stuff - she practices constantly around my house.

I am so glad I am not the only one putting up with that ol' battleaxe!


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

You naughty people have somehow sent that wretched woman all the way to Australia cuz she's been starting to lurk around my house and yard.

For three months I had to hear her moan about the tightness in her chest. She was becoming pretty frantic until she finally realized she needed to buy a bigger bra! No wonder she had chest pains! Ridiculous old woman can't even figure out her own body!

And she's started to follow me around the garden. She makes these pfsssstttt noises every time I bend over to weed. It's becoming very annoying.

And she moves things around the house. I know where I put everything but when I go to look for whatever, it's not where I left it. If it weren't for St Anthony I'd never find anything!

AND... this wicked woman has now started to glue random strands of short, thick hairs to my chin!!! Never mind where else I'm finding these hairs .... and men complain about ear hairs??... HA! What game is she playing??? I can't leave the house now without first checking my chin out in my magnifying mirror. This old woman is CRUEL!

So can ya'll just take her back to America and leave me in peace?
(this really is the funniest thread I've ever read!!! Thanks ya'll for the great laugh!)
Cait


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Wasn't Australia once a big penal colony? Well, I think this old bag of wind needs to get banished to a big island somewhere and what better place than Australia! She has created enough havoc here in the States, I think it is about time we spread her joy around.

Speaking of pets ... my old lady seems to take a frog with her wherever she goes. I think she hides it in her massive brassiere. Sometimes she will be in the middle of a sentence and the damn frog will croak so loud the windows rattle. And if the damn frog isn't croakin' well then that stinky duck of hers is quacking up a storm! What nerve! Can I get her evicted for that?


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

THis thread had been cracking me up since it's inception. But the "stinky duck" did me IN! LOL! (Stinky duck has ben folowing me around, too.)


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

I hate to admit it, but I think she's been visiting me too. She especially likes to come with us when we go out to dinner. She's always tucking a few cookies in a napkin and putting them in her purse. She says she is "saving them for later"....oh, please...it's embarassing. And then once I caught her stashing a few sugar packets in her purse because she was getting low on them at the house and wasn't sure if she had enough energy to get to the store that day to buy any.....my goodness...my grandmother does that for crying out loud!

And then after dinner, I like to do a little shopping and she insists on coming along, but I don't know why she bothers because she is usually in the first bathroom she can find because her colon is working on overtime. For goodness sake, if that kind of food bothers her so much, why does she eat it?

I also think she has been impersonating me on the message boards because I will look at a thread that was written by me and there would be all these misspelled words in it. I was very good at spelling in school, so I know it wasn't me.

And I won't even go into all the weird noises that have been coming out of her body lately or the funny way she walks when she's been sitting too long. Thank goodness she doesn't hang around all day....that old bitty would drive me nuts!


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Recently, I stayed with my DD and her new baby for a few days. We decided to give DH a call and she dialed the number, let it ring twice, and waited for him to call back. (That's what we do with our kids, because we have special rates.) Well, DD must've handed the phone to the old woman, because she put the phone to her ear, then asked, "When does it start ringing?" DD replied, with a wicked grin, "When he calls back!"

The old woman immediately disappeared and left me, flush- faced, holding the phone!

Take her! She's yours!

Leslie/KS


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Hi everyone ~ I am visiting because of seeing this thread link posted in another forum. I laughed so hard right out loud and tears were streaming down my cheeks. That old lady lives here too, with her old man. We are trying to be kind, not too harsh, and laugh with them at their antics.

I really needed that yesterday morning. They say that laughter is good medicine and it sure is. I've posted the link to another forum and this thread is a hit. Good laughs for the holiday season which can be stressful.

Thank you ~ FlowerLady (who hangs out at Cottage Gardens, but saw this link at another forum yesterday when visiting there).


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

yep, I see the ugly old woman sneaking peeks at me in the mirror, but other than that-- I got to love her!
She has the courage to tell the other people in the house to do their own laundry. Sometimes she refuses to cook and suggest a good restaurant instead. And of course, she forgets her purse at home so someone else has to pay. She loves the excuse that she forgot to do something and when someone ask why it wasn't done, she tells them--this old woman is tired, you do it yourself. But best of all, she is old enough to sneak a peak at all the good looking men without someone accusing her to be a loose woman.
another good one is she can hug the grand kids, enjoy their visits, but send them home when she or they get tired. Montana_Jan


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

cait1, at least your old woman is lady like and only goes pfssssttttt. The old gal here is so rude, and just lets um rippp. Like a clap of rumbling thunder. My Mom calls them tree frogs. I call them bull frogs.
Leslie


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

I too have seen that old woman at my house, she really gets around! I was looking through my closet the other day trying to find an outfit to wear to my husbands Christmas party. I discovered that old woman had stolen all my nice outfits and replaced them with old lady clothes that I believe were made by "Omar the tent maker"!!


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

She's been here too. For years she has left reading glasses laying everywhere around the house and in the vehicles. Maybe she gets them at a discount by buying a dozen pairs at a time. She often folds them and hangs them from the top of her shirt, and then they fall off and she steps on them. I find them in the flower beds, and out by the dog houses...everywhere. She finally wised up it seems. She put one of those old lady eyeglass lanyards...(you know the ones, old lady librarians always wear them)on one pair. She says now she won't lose them, or rip her hair out anymore from perching them on her head. Boy, I always said I wouldn't be caught dead wearing one of those in public, but she doesn't seem to mind it.

She also must have gotten a new Tweeze (pronounced TweezEE), as I saw it on the vanity, and her mustache is gone...Thank Goodness!


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

I just returned home from CVS and saw her following me again. I'm out of breath from trying to out run her. She was wearing this light blue velour sweatsuit with a long winter coat and boots. She looked like she was in her PJ's. She had all these coupons in her hand along with the CVS flyer. It looked like she was canvasing the store for things on sale. She looked pathetic. Then I saw her reflection in the window adding up her purchases. I bet she was trying to find mistakes so she could get the item for free. She followed me out of the store and when I tried to run from her she started to chase me. That old bag can run....
Donna


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

bumping the old lady


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Oh my gosh, I thought I was the only one who had that old lady in her house and an old man too. Dh and I try not to bother them too much, but darn, that woman won't let a silent ,polite, poot...she sounds like an atomic bomb and believe me they are weapons of mass destruction. She tried to blame the dogs, but it's so bad the dogs get caught in a bottleneck at the door making a fast getaway.
Those huge clothes she wears has no resembalnce to the hot pants and hip huggers I wore back in the day. Even the shoes she wears are a size larger than the ones I've worn most of my life and she has them all in my closet. I've heard her tell people " When you get as old as I am, you'll see what I'm talking about. " I know that couldn't be me.

DH talked to his doctor about the old man. He tried to get a half dose of Viagra for the old guy. It had nothing to do with romance. He's just trying to keep him from pi$$ing in his shoes.

Linda


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

I really don't know why I didn't read this before, but I'll tell ya, the tears are still rolling down my face!

That old lady came to my hse a few yrs ago during the nite--Darn, I woke up & stretched my arms & wondered what happened--duh, skin hanging everywhere--That was just the beginning--

Now, she hides my car in the parking lots---won't let me put the car in the garage (too close for comfort) makes my stomach talk all the time--getting nasty with customer service peeps--Brain LOSS (HEE HEE) & all of the above posts!!

Old age ain't for sissies---

Merry Christmas, or is it Happy Easter

Donna (^_^)


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

I'm bumping this up. I want a few more laughs.....You guys and gals are hilarious.

Linda


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

okay , that old woman is in Wis. now, I know she is here , I also seen her in my mirror , She has freckles I think or maybe they are just them old age spots, Make her go away , She brought big White underware with her too. and she has real
hairy legs. I don't like her either!


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

She visits me too, I get blamed for alot of things she does. She forgets where she parked her car and wanders around the parking lot, when someone comes up to her and asks her if she is lost she snaps at them " No!,I just like admiring these cars." Or, when she has eaten One too many a bean the night before and stands up in church to sing "How great Thou Art", the people behind her wish it hadn't been. She falls asleep watching t.v. and placed her Upper false teeth on my chest and I woke up to find my grandkids giggling. She's gotta go... But, when I look in the mirror she looks alot like me. Me thinks she is trying to steal my idenity.


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

I first noticed she'd moved in when I found all these dollar store magnifiers lyin around...THEIR EVERYWHERE!! Geesh,,,can she not see????


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Must be a proliferation of all of these old gals (and guys) ...

... there's 139 of 'em, so far.

Where do they come from ... drop out of the sky?

Or, sort of appear full-blown, overnight ...

... like mushrroms?

ole joyful


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

I don't ususally post twice on the same thread, but I started reading it again and I have tears in my eyes. You guys are soooooooo funny.

Maybe you could take over writing for the late-night shows during the writer's strike!!!!

Thanks for making me smile today. (I need it!)

Donna


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

I saw her at a Christmas Party acting a fool...doing the "Sprinkler" and slapping her own big a$$. I think she had a little "nip" at the party.

Free Sig Smiley Courtesy of www.FreeSmileys.org Gayle


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

"It had nothing to do with romance. He's just trying to keep him from pi$$ing in his shoes. "

Linda....I almost didn't make it through reading that one...Denny and I laughed so hard I nearly puked. Ya got me coughing and choking...If I end up in ER from not being able to breath I'm telling them to send you the bill...LOL
Oh Lordy that is the funniest thing I've ever read...

I won't tell you what Denny said between trying to catch his breath between laughing and coughing...

patti


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

You go, Gayle. Shake it like you own it.
Ron


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Ohhhh... Gayle! That's so funny and cute hippo!

ROFL... I don't know how many I've passed this onto already. I kept coming back for more laughs!


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

That crazy old bat. I caught her in my mud room this morning. She was standing there with a cabinet door open surveying the contents with a puzzled look on her face. I think she forgot what she went to the mud room for, so she just randomly opened a cabinet and decided to stand there until she remembered. *sigh*


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

It wasn't so bad when she just looked back at me in the mirror with those eyebrows that look like Andy Rooney's, but now she is telling those "I remember when" stories. The latest one was about her ability to do the "splits" with her cheerleader daughter and her friends and how amazed those little teenagers were! Lordy, I hope she doesn't decide to demonstrate how she did it! It will take a CRANE and at least six able-bodied construction workers to get her up off the floor!


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

After Flowerlady posted earlier, I've been checking the Cottage Garden forum Conversations....go there for more run-ins with the "old woman"....LOL!

If this thread has to die off, can we revive it after the Holidays? "She" is bound to create chaos even then, since she has no respect for propriety. I wouldn't be surprised to see her putting.....um..."white" placemats on our dinner tables!

rthummer, keep ahold of them teeth for Christmas Dinner.

Leslie/KS


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

Well, she is down South now.Just slipped right in without me knowing. She loves to play in my sewing room and delights in pulling all my fabrics out of the closet and just leaving it all over the floor for me to pick up.
The other day, I found where she had gotten my spool of quilting thread and cut tiny pieces off and left them all over the floor. Now she hides my scissors.
She has this thing for collards now and thinks she has to cook some every week. Really stinks the house up good. With her little "oh, excuse me's" now I have to keep a can of Lysol in every room. Never know when someone is going to drop by.
She is staying up late at night and leaves snack wrappers and watered down drinks in the living room. She is so lazy and doesnt help at all. Newspapers are all over the floor for me to pick up. It is no wonder I go to bed earlier and earlier. I am worn out from picking up after her.
The other day, she must have worn my old crocs because I couldnt find them. Guess she hasn't completely moved in, cause I havent seen any of her old lady panties yet.
I hope she moves on soon.
Barb


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

OK...As if her tendency to show up in mirrors and store window reflections wasn't enough, I was downloading photos off the digital camera and there she was in the background of a picture of ds working on a gingerbread train...A backside shot, no less. Yikes! (must've been wide angle!) She needs to fix her roots, too. Has she no pride? Those quick glimpses as I pass a window are temporary, but photos have a tendency to last and others may see them! Maybe I need a lesson in PhotoShop...


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RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

OMG These post are to much! tears of laughter .I have to ck out that other one too!


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