Agreed, Gary! That's why I keep it potted and screened. And I pull off the seeds as they appear. I'm not even kidding... seed-pulling on a MOM is like... well, it's like you imagine it would be. I dug up the ONE plant I had outside for two whole months... am still finding them. When I do, I say out loud to the plantlet, "Ooooh. I see you. You little %^&*&^%." Then I put it in my pocket and am ridiculous-careful when I empty my pockets into a grocery bag. Which gets tied shut and monitored closely until it lands safely in the trash can.. .NOT the yard waste bin!

Mush so nice to see you and your Mom. I have been wondering about you both....She really does not look her age and I see you in her..... Give her a big hug for me I bet she has lots of friends at the N/H!!!!!! hugs for you Imabest

Of course I don't want to hurt her, I love her. She has told me that her mom does not like it that she calls me mom (her mom also sent me an e-mail explaining to me that she is SDs' mom, NOT me) I feel like SD is torn between being loyal to her mom and not hurting me. Because of the loyalty to her mom (and I understand and accept that)I end up getting hurt and she ends ups feeling "bad". She doesn't need that kind of pressure, she goes through enough with the guilt trips her mom puts on her. I need to find a way to be a good role model for her and show her I love her without getting so involved. I don't think her mom is a good role model for her. SD (who is only 14) has told me about her mother discussing the importance of penis size with her (SHOCKING!)she has also told me that her mom acts inappropriate around men and just "wants to go to bed with them" Oh there's more, I just don't want to get into it. But now you can see that she needs someone to talk to. It's very difficult because I just want to tell her that her mom is a horrible person and she should not model herself after her in any way, but of course I can't say that. It would make SD feel awful. Anyway, I think I'm getting off the subject here. I take the brunt and get the disrespect because I am the stepmom. When I think of the word mom, respect, love and kindness come to mind, guilt and disrespect do not. It may sound like I'm being selfish, or making a mountain out of a molehill, but it just bothers me. Thank you all again for your advise.

Colleen summed it up. My dear nephews did the same thing. Their mom wasn't a nurturer, doesn't have a maternal bone in her body, and I had them every evening after work and all weekends long though they did sleep at her home except for weekends. She rarely heard them call me anything as they were always at my place, but one Christmas, the youngest made me go inside to her parents' home where she was. He said, "Mommy, look at this!" w/ exuberance over a little car she had bought him (she never did very much for the boys so when she bought them anything, it was a big deal to them.) Anyway, the next day, he looked down and sadly said, "Mommy, my 'nother mother' told me I could never call you 'Mommy' again. Is that OK?" I said, "Honey, I'll always be your 'Aunt Mommy'and I'm your Godmother, but your 'nother mother' had her feelings hurt and that's all. You can call me 'Aunt Dana' or just 'Dana'." He was relieved, slipped a few times afterwards, etc. It was sad, but I don't hold it against her. She was jealous, etc. The BM in your case is just a little pathetic w/ her inability to get it together. Hearing them refer to you as "mom" was a blatant reminder of just how unavailable she has been to the children. It's very sad. Anyway, I fully understand your frustration, but please ignore it and don't ask the kids about it, etc. I bet they go back to calling you mom when they return. If not, it's because she has put a guilt trip on them and again, as hard as it may be, just go w/ it. The poor kids willingly called you "mom" because there's a lot more to being a "mom" than giving birth. Most women can be a mother, but not everyone earns the title of 'mom.' They figured that out on their own so rest assured that they know on some level your level of commitment to them. The kids are conflicted. Their grandparents might even have had a talk w/ them. What ever happened w/ the plane and dates? D