Without actually seeing the surfaces, it's difficult to say, but what about a gray that is deeper than the Gustavian you are already using?

does it matter that i look horrible in grey clothing?
silly question i guess, but i don't want a pretty kitchen i look horrid in!

Yes, I think that matters.

So, your other surfaces will be grey, white, and brown? What about blue?

Yes, the fact that you look awful in grey matters. It doesn't matter if YOU think you look awful or if in fact you do look awful. It will affect your mood working on it.

(I look awful in red and there isn't one speck of pink/red tint in our house and trying to find non-oak floors without pink in them is really hard. I know from experience)

Does the kitchen get a lot of natural light?

If yes, then I would do a nice warm white.

Gray may be currently trendy, but it doesn't have staying power for mass appeal and resale. Pick something you like and that would suit you rather than the latest fad if you've decided to stay put instead of selling. Or, if you are still thinking about selling, for the most mass appeal for resale, pick something a white.

well my heart's desire is for a light, bright swedish influenced kitchen, so it's not really about the grey as much as about will the current cabs and counters look good with the gustavian inspired marble topped table. and what color walls to go from after.
i love creamy white walls so that's going to be easy!

I like your 'swedish influence' idea...what about a soft green or blue? I think either would look nice with the gray and marble...but green might go better with your other cabinets. Hope that helps :)