Oh my goodness- you have a lot on your plate. We are also in the beginning stages of our renovation and I've got two little boys, a husband and two elderly dogs to take care of. It's hard- and like you I'm worried about our pets' health, the dust, the cost. Yesterday I stepped in dog poop and walked around the entire house before I realized it. It's been that kind of week around here.

You will get through this. It sounds like you have a competent KD and are in good hands. Let us know if we can help you with decisions that could save you $.

marita40, I'm sorry you're going through the issues with your kitty. I've had several elderly (and some not so old) with illnesses that required a lot of care. Learning how and what to do is not as difficult as dealing with the constant concern.

Can you take over a not-yet-done room and turn it into a getaway sanctuary of sorts where you can relax and tune out the kitchen? I'd pull together some of my favorite things, e.g., chairs, lamps, keepsakes, etc., along with music that you like . Make sure you have a coffeepot or electric kettle for tea. In other words, try to create a cocoon you can escape to.

Just remember, your kitty is in crisis; your kitchen is not. Sooner (I hope) than later, it will be done. Best wishes to you; it's not an easy time.

So sorry to hear about your cat. Hope he'll improve once the noise and dust are gone.

As far as the reno goes: it'll be fine. Someday, you'll wake up only two or three times a week screaming to the helicopters in your head. Or maybe it's table saws. You'll barely notice the grave-like depression in your front lawn where your sewer pipes were replaced. And over time, the deep sink holes will open up less frequently and it will be easier to rescue the children. You will learn to ignore the diagonal plaster cracks and stuck doors that signal your house is about to topple over. Que sera, sera, kwim?

I mean, sure, at first you'll notice every little mistake. Like the places where the grout lines don't match up. Or the new cabinets that fall off the wall as soon as you're done putting your new dishes in them. The door that doesn't open. The plumbing that screams like a murdered rabbit whenever you use the spray hose. The dishwasher that floods your new kitchen four times, so they have to tear up the flooring and baseboards again. The earthquakes.

Eventually, though you'll develop a new, relaxed, Zen-like attitude. Ideally, you will have a complete psychotic break with reality, so you can ride rainbow-farting unicorns through the clouds in your head from whatever county hospital they put you in now that the money's gone. But if not, you'll at least become comfortably numb, and it won't bother you that you can't afford nice clothes anymore, since you've stress-eaten yourself to a size 87. And when your new $6k open burner range erupts in a sheet of fire from underneath the oven, you'll just smile.

So relax. It'll be fine.

And then you'll do it all over again.

marcolo - quit being such a Pollyanna. Your optimism is going to make it much harder for marita . . .

Marita-I'm so sorry about your cat. I think tomatofreak has a great idea with making a getaway sanctuary room for yourself.

That plus lots of wine.

I sure enjoy your humor and phrasing, Marcolo!

My experience working as a social worker has really helped me with things like remodeling inconveniences, pet health issues and such.

A crisis is when you are working a minimum wage job with no benefits and become ill enough where you can't work for several days and then you have no money for rent and no support system to help you pay it, so you sell some things to pay the rent but not enough to pay it plus the the electric bill so it's shut off in January, so the food in the fridge spoils and you can't afford to pay the past-due bill plus the deposit, and then your car breaks down but you live in a rural area with little public transportation and no way to get to your job, and so it goes.

A crisis might also be a teen who begins to display traits of schizophrenia who then develops severe behavior issues and makes a serious suicide attempt along with a drug/alcohol problem requiring years of counseling, in-and-out of expensive rehab centers and in-patient psychiatric treatment which all results in trauma to the other children in the family who now develop their own behavior and mood issues.

Just a few real life issues I've helped people deal with and these aren't even the worst.

I sure don't mean to belittle how stressful remodeling can be. Been there, done that, and it's irritating as heck. But, in the scheme of things, be thankful that you can afford to take on this project and afford the veterinary care for your beloved companions, and know this that will be over and you will have a beautiful new kitchen to enjoy every day.

Yeah, self-care is always important, especially when stress levels are higher so the idea of creating a peaceful refuge is excellent.

Now, if your cupboard full of your favorite dishes falls off the wall as Marcolo "predicts", then and only then do you have permission to scream like a banshee, lol.

Oh, last thing, you said the decision-making is stressful. Post your choices here and get input from some very creative people who are regulars here. Then make your choice and let the rest go. Later on, if you realize you should have chose B instead of A, is it the end of the world? No. Nothing is perfect so don't sweat the small stuff. And I find if I usually go with my gut when decision making, it works out fine. Never perfect but usually very fine.

Hope this helps a bit.

I disagree.

The Greeks have a saying, "each person with his own pain," meaning the fact that others have worse problems, doesn't diminish the importance of yours. The fact that there's a genocide in progress in Darfur doesn't mean you can't be upset about your own tough times.

Just go with it, have a good cry, take a day off, spend the weekend at a pet friendly hotel, order room service and watch movies. You sound exhausted. Get some rest. And if you need someone to talk you through, find a counselor. If you're truly "bawling like a helpless baby somedays nearly paralyzed with all the decision making and worry. ." maybe it's a good idea to get some support.

I too am doing this alone and it stinks when things go wrong. There's no one to lean on, and I'm robbed of my usual coping mechanism - I can't even cook. I've found that having one room that's clean and civilized is very helpful. For me it's my bedroom - clean, dusted, vacuumed, organized, bed made. I try not to focus too hard on the chaos. Everything ends, renovations, illnesses, everything. It will get better eventually. It just has to. Hang in there and good luck.

This post was edited by EAM44 on Fri, Nov 14, 14 at 5:10

EAM44 - I like that Greek quote, I think it makes PERFECT sense.
Each of us has our own limit of what we are capable of.

For the OP - hang in there!
I would suggest grabbing a friend or two that is OK with a little (or a lot) of mess and inviting them over for wine. A true friend will accept that your house and/or you isn't perfect, and may even offer to help a bit (even if its just to drink the wine). Too often we try to hide imperfections from our friends, and that just raises our own stress level needlessly.

If you are concerned your kitty may be terminally ill, DO stop, halt, or relax your construction schedule to take the time to take photos, or simply just pet your furry friend. Perhaps you'd want to hide a pawprint somewhere in your new kitchen as a memento?

As for costs - there is always 'take a step back and ask what you really need'. Yeah, it can suck, but if you'll be less stressed about paying the bills, you might be happier.

Good luck, and hang in there!!!

You are smart and you will get through this and you know how I know?
Because you had the guts to fire an incompetent KD. It takes a lot of self-awareness and guts and self-confidence to do that.

There is something called decision fatigue and here is a quick article about it with respect to renos which also has a link to the original New York Times article,

Here is a link that might be useful: decision fatigue

I meant to add that I am so sorry about your kitty. I hope he will be ok.

I also found a thread on this site from last year talking about renovation and decision fatigue which you might relate to, I believe the overwhelming answer is wine.

You will get through this. I won't tell you how many sleepless nights I had through our own process.

Here is a link that might be useful: reno/decision fatigue

Hang in there. We lived with my mother for four months. A smelly cold house would have sounded like a great option then, however we did a full house re-wire, so we had to draw the line when the wine cooler wasn't going to be operational.

Our dog and my moms dog only knew how to play sexy-time. They were the only ones in the house playing. Then she got sick with Pancreatitis. I think stress was a factor because she's pretty sensitive.

So here's the thing. The project is going to suck. It's going to suck away your money and humor for a while and then it's over. Marcolo (who's sense of humor you will come to adore) is right....some stuff isn't going to be quite right but you move on. I'm embarrassed to say I just noticed yesterday that our range has been slightly crooked for three years. But it's going to be yours...all yours...and you are going to love it!

Break down the important stuff and deal with it as it comes. Rely on the help and support of friends. Listen to your gut on the big decisions. Take care of your kitty. Make your bedroom a clean/relaxation zone and know that this too shall pass.

Oh, and wine helps...a lot!

It costs a lot more than you ever expect and it's never really done. Some of the professionals are boobs and will steer you wrong, some will become great friends and invaluable. There will always be an imperfection that worries you a bit, but as time passes you will learn it is wisest to accept it. And, eventually, you will have something you are proud of and can actually just enjoy.

Kids and houses, same thing.

As mentioned the worse part (so far) had been the mystery sewer smell which has invaded everything--not strong but just faint and constant enough to be terrible. Anyway, at the moment they are cutting through a 100 year old plaster wall to see if we can find the source. Prayers please!

We did a partial reno on our kitchen which took nearly 3 months because we did the work ourselves and we both have full time + jobs.
Finally finished in time for Christmas... 2 months later we went away for the weekend and came home to a flood in the house(not anything that we did). Our entire house was ripped up and the entire kitchen was removed. Took over 4 more months to put everything back together.

It's really hard to live through the chaos. You have my sympathies. The suggestion to carve out a calm space for yourself is a very good one. Take care of your kitty. Take care of yourself. Ask for opinions here to help with the decision making.

Fresh out of school, XH and I took on a massive old house, something akin to Victoria Elizabeth Barnes'.

We entertained even though it was in the middle of a construction zone. Lots of our friends were also young professionals who were tackling the restoration of an old house. We went to dinner one night at a house where there was major scaffolding in the LR. When we entertained, we used lots of candles. The candlelight covered a world of sins!

The point is, don't stop inviting friends over. Make new friends who are also doing renovation. If you have someone in your life who is negative about your adventure, dump 'em. If its your mother (ask how I know), learn to smile and tune her out (nod your head and say "yes, ma'am" a lot. She'll think you are listening.)

Like others suggested, make a sanctuary somewhere in your house. And post your questions on the kitchen forum. There are good people who will bend over backwards to help you find a reasonable and economical solution.

Find a day when you can open the windows and air the house out even if it is only for a few minutes.

We just moved into a newly built house. There is a tile in front of the toilet that doesn't match up. I'm trying not to become fixated on it. Each day, I notice it a little less.

Remember, this is an adventure. We all wish you well and will be cheering for you.

Re sewer gas smell: In EVERY sink/tub/etc in the house that has a drain, make sure you have run water in it recently. If you don't, sometimes they will dry out and sewer gas smells can get into the house. Do you have a floor drain anywhere? They will dry out, too.

All I can say is, as hard as it is to believe when you're in the throes of it, it will actually come to an end. We moved out of our house in July 2013 and spent 10 months living in a complete dump that I don't even want to think about long enough to be able to explain how awful it was. Then we moved back into our house before it was done and the 3 of us (2 adults and 1 toddler, plus 2 cats) lived upstairs with a coffee pot, dorm fridge, and toaster oven for our kitchen for another 3 noisy, dirty, dusty months while our housemates the construction crew sawed and hammered all the livelong day downstairs. And as for the money, I practically got carpal tunnel from all the check-writing. The decisions are hard and each one seems unbelievably fraught with importance at the time, but I think that even if you later feel like you wish you had chosen something else somewhere along the line, as your life gets back to normal again you will forget. Time heals all wounds and you'll get there too. Do you work out of the house? For me work was a wonderful escape from the chaos. (I have to laugh now though because now that my house is done, my office building is undergoing a huge remodel for the next year! But at least I don't have to make any of those decisions--or write any of the checks!)

Oh yes we've checked all the traps and done all the obvious things. Cutting through the wall is the last resort. The smell is--guess what--only in my bedroom, one wall of which contains the soil stack. Everything appears to vent into the stack, and the smell is coming from that area. Smell is much worst in the evening and when the wind blows.

The whole kitchen project is on hold to try to find the sewer issue.

Sorry, my war story is still too fresh and I'm trying to forget it at the moment, so not sharing too much. But I did make it through. (sort of, some drawer boxes just arrived YESTERDAY, who knows when they'll come and try to replace them...lost count of how many tries...my floors/kitchen was torn up Oct 2, 2013) Anyway! I have survived, I love most of my kitchen, and a few nights of completely overwhelmed bawling sounds normal to me!! Sorry about your cat. Hope they solve the smell issue fast...and inexpensively!

Sure it's the pipes? One of my contractors definitely smelled like brimstone.

Look, there's only so much plumbing in a house. It's not like electrical. There are only so many places the problem could be. Opening up part of a wall is really NBD. Probably a cracked cast iron pipe. If you replace it with PVC, get them to pack some insulation in there for sound.

Also, send somebody up on your roof. Could be a blocked vent.

Or, you know, brimstone.

Funny marcolo. My handyman smells horrible. He exudes clouds of dust and smell when he walks, like Pigpen. So when he keeps telling me he "smells nothing" referring to the sewer smell it is all I can do to tell him bluntly about his bad BO.

Anyway don't want to complain too much because he actually did good, steady work today. Climbed up on the roof, checked the attic, then opened the wall in about a 4 foot rectangle at the sewer pipe. And, eureka!, we actually found what may be the culprit. The vent pipe makes a 90 degree angle into the main stack and the connection where it enters is broken slightly. It is pretty much just the area I kept pointing to as producing the smell, I didn't smell anything from it directly, yet, but the mingled smells of old wood, plaster, etc. have fouled up any sense of smell at the moment.

No sign of any problem with the cast iron sewer pipe. In fact it looks in near-pristine condition for 100 years old!. For some reason it made me very happy to see it--no mysteries about the plumbing system anymore or the worry about "what's behind the wall."

Stinky handyman will seal stinky pipe. . .then back to the mess that is the kitchen project (I hope).

So sorry to hear about your kitty, hope he's feeling better soon. They can do very well on medication.

I totally agree with the suggestion of setting up a sanctuary. It doesn't have to be a perfect finished room. Get something comfy to sit on (Craig's list, thrift store, dumpster diving!) and make it cosy with inexpensive items.

As far as decision making, I have two pieces of advice. Trust your gut, and enjoy the process. I dithered and agonized and struggled over so many choices and when it was done nearly everything matched the first mood board I made. I almost always came back to my initial gut reaction choices.

The process can be awful but it can also be wonderful. It's an experience. Document it. Take pictures, journal, blog. This isn't something everyone gets to do and it's not something most of us will do more than once or twice (unless you're a house flipper) so try and appreciate and enjoy the opportunity to buy stone, or a choose a faucet, or decide on crown moulding.

Down the road, when this is done (and that's probably going to be further away than you hope) you're going to find its all worth it. Once a kitchen is done the rest of a house tends to fall into place much easier.

Good news! See? Problem solved. For the rest, just invest in a clothespin.

I was going to suggest a crack in the cast iron pipe. We had one in our old house - a cast iron pipe with a crack. The crack was about as wide as your thumb and about 5 feet long. Every time the toilet was flushed, a good deal of it ended up in the basement. I'm happy for you that you've found the problem.