Our contractor is looking for what would be our "at 50% completion" draw (for a whole house reno) and we've only actually completed the work that was supposedly covered by our initial deposit (demo and foundation remediation). While we were on vacation, he sent me a request for the 25% draw (to get the plumber and electrician there for the rough in - neither of which has been done *at all*) but I didn't know how much had been done, so I sent the money via wire. Gak! So stupid.

I wonder what happens if I say "no"? We do have a contract. And he has a valid license, etc.

Stay calm, say no, this wasn't the terms of your agreement and that you've already been kind enough to pay him in excess of the contract terms once already.

Then put him on the defensive by asking calmly why he is behind schedule and what he is planning on doing in the next week to catch up. Tell him you and your husband are getting worried about the state of the project and that him asking for moneys ahead of schedule is compounding that worry.

All calmly and matter-of-factly. If he repeats asking for more money. Repeat the above. And then leave. End of conversation. Each time he asks, do the same. Turn it around on him, letting him know that you are not satisfied and are worried.

This is exactly what I would do.

Let us know how it goes. Good luck!

I would probably ask him to account for the previous 25% draw you gave him while you were away.
Are you saying that the plumbing and electrical rough in work STILL hasn't been done?

Ditto gina's advice on letting him know that him asking for money ahead of schedule is giving you concern and ask that he stick to your contract.

Wishing you luck - I hate these situations, but you simply cannot afford to give in here - what incentive will he have to finish your house if he's been paid everything already?

I sent him an email asking to see the receipts, etc. to account for how the money has been spent to date. And because I get to hold back nearly an entire draw for my "shopping items" (lighting, tiles, etc.) and to "force the final punch list" he's really whipping through some cash! We haven't even been to the millwork shop to finalize the cabinetry! Although I am buying appliances out of a separate fund (not covered by the contract).

I like to use email when I am not up to a face-to-face. We already had a meeting scheduled for Tuesday, so I asked him to bring the receipts. My husband thinks that if there some "legitimate" reason *for our specific project* that he needs an advance, it can wait til Tuesday.

I got *really* burned on my last project (a $10K bath that ended up costing $29,768 - not that I'm bitter) by unscrupulous contractors so I thought I had taken *every* precaution this time!

Just follow the contract, that is why it is there.

To answer your question, I had to play the heavy. DH has issues discussing money with people...he just caves in.

But I think a lot of women set themselves up for trouble.

Every time I paused for a thought, a salesman or sub who didn't know me would ask "Do you need to ask your husband?"
I think women sometimes say that as a way to buy time.

I would even see women in showrooms get flustered sometimes and say things like "I"m so stupid", "I'm so incompetent". No you're not! You're doing fine. You're just inexperienced!

I think some women, when they're negotiating, they think it adds weight to their position to say "My husband thinks ... My husband wants..." To me, this is counterproductive in the long run. It should be enough that YOU think it's not good enough. That YOU want it a certain way. Then they know they have to listen to you and they can't talk you out of it.

I'm not trying to be mean, but every time someone asks a woman's opinion, and the first thing you say is "I have to ask my husband", it tells them subtly "I don't have to listen to her. He's the one with the power."

Then people wonder why their contractor walks all over them? I'm not saying you have to boost your ego so your contractor will think you're Soooooo ImmmmmPooortant. I'm just talking about having your own authority. Being a strong woman. And that's a good thing, right?

And you can be the sweetest, tiniest, softest voiced person and have HUGE authority. You can even do it if your voice shakes, as the bumper sticker says.

(And yes, you can do that AND ask your husband. I'm not saying you can't do that too! I'm just pointing out if you do it as a reflex, as a cover story, it sends a message you might not intend.)

Everyone's bad at being the heavy. Start by taking the small steps and taking the bigger ones gets easier.

Take Gina's advice. Keep repeating 'that's not what is in the contract'. Why did you have the contract drawn if you're not going to stick to it?

This is not about being passive, emotional & frustrated. It is called sticking up for yourself. You will feel sooooo good when you do! This contractor will find out that you aren't going to roll over and write him a check. He'll have to do what he claimed he was going to do.

The "your project is unique" ploy is common with contractors and they also try to get you to empathize with their problems. Don't fall for that, stick with the contract. Your request for receipts is good, this will help you determine where the money is going. If he has purchased a lot of materials up front, and can prove it, you could negotiate some small portion of the draw.

My husband will come home, take one look at my smiling face and start to laugh. "You squished someone!" He'll say. He thinks it's great to watch up me stand up for myself. If someone is giving him a hassle while we are out together he'll get an evil look on his face and say, very quietly mind you "Perhaps you should speak with my wife..."

Having said all of that, what I do for 90% of my money (my father calls it my "real job") is that I'm a staff accountant, sort of an accelerated bookkeeper that specializes in large scale construction projects. The jobs start at 100,000 for full scale residential jobs and head upwards of a miillion on apartment complexes.

I say that so you can take me seriously when I say this (I've been thinking about making a whole new post with an insiders view of the accounting but haven't been sure there would be much interest) if this guy is already having money issues you need to protect yourself.

For every person who steps foot into a remodel to do work, or to drop off materials, you should be getting a signed lien waiver from them. EVERY contractor, the electrician, the plumber, the drywaller, etc should be signing off on their rights to your home at the end of each section of the job. Those should be collected by your contractor and you should recieve signed copies. That's how you KNOW that he has even paid those people with your money.

The laws vary wildly from state to state but I have known MANY contractors who finish job A with the deposit from job B... or finish jobs even further back. I don't want to overload you with facts or for that matter make you worry. But you should ABSOLUTELY get those receipts AND get lien waivers from every contractor on that list.

Most contractors are great but even the most well intentioned guy can get behind just make sure he doesn't get behind WITH YOUR FUNDS!

I have never paid someone to remodel my home but I have seen from the other side of the coin how badly it can go.

I like Gina's approach.

If that doesn't work for you there's always sweet and dumb. "But, when did the plumber come? Isn't the electrician coming? They're supposed to come first. It says so on the paper. Is the rough in done? Can you show me? Don't we have to finish those first? I don't have any more money right now. Go ahead and finish the rough in. I'm sure I'll have enough for the next payment due when it's all done. Really." Blink, blink, smile, smile. In other words, if you can't do stiff spine, go for limp noodle.

It helps that both of us are lawyers who do litigation. I am super nice, sometimes to my detriment, having been brought up Southern-style and I hate to be harsh to people. So when I feel I'm out of my league, DH will take over and get stuff straightened out...he's the better lawyer of the two of us.

We're pretty careful though about potential mechanics' liens, contractors carrying insurance, and looking over contracts, etc. etc.

We had a former neighbor who, after a lovely renovation from a licensed GC, discovered he had gambled their funds away and never paid any subs. They eventually had to sell and downsize to get out from under all the liens (not an easy thing to do!). Now I'm sure that's not your situation, but you already suspect something is not right or you would not have asked the question.

Man up and grow some balls if you are going to be the project manager for the job (meaning you meet with contractors, work with designers etc).

Well as noted above, I'm a professional woman and it does nothing to help other women be taken seriously if you can't say to their face what the issue is in a professional manner. You will be abused and disrespected and taken advantage ofand I'll someday hire the dork and have to overcome his low view of women because you wouldn't deal with him.

And secondly, the real reason....we had to stop our job a couple of times for long periods because our son was diagnosed with fatal illnesses (none of which he had). EACH TIME I paid in full because I didn't want anyone on the job to take a loss due to our illness I lost out to the tune of a couple hundred thousand in theft and mismanagement. And I had manned up, I was just trying to be fair to a businessman (or woman) who might have to sit on my inventory because we weren't ready.

Its hard not to take it personally when it's your home. Our hearts are in the job, but its important to separate that and remember it's a business...and currently I think the other party in your business relationship is trying to screw you :( Ands despite the fact that I said that horrible blunt statement I don't want you to be hurt personally or financially by a bad business or taken advantage of.

I used to teach a class called "Getting to NO" which was mostly attended by women. It seems men don't have as much trouble saying No as we do. I will pass on some advice from the class and I would like to beg you to try to follow it.

When confronted with the gentleman on Thursday have your contract handy to review with him, then say "No we will not be providing any additional funds until you have met the conditions of the contract". THAT IS IT!!!! You may repeat that line over and over, but offer NO EXCUSES!! If you have to say it three times, end the meeting with "we are finished discussing this" and leave the room/property etc.

STICK TO THAT GAME PLAN. SAY NO AND NOTHING ELSE!!! Any excuses you offer will be used against you. This class worked for mother in law issues, contractors, dating advice, etc (all reported to me) but was actually for lenders to learn to decline clients politely and helpfully. :) Please...forgive me the man up line (but take it to heart) and JUST SAY NO

The most important thing is to have a draw schedule in your contract that always allows you to be a step ahead or even with the work that is being performed (with the exception of a deposit). Don't ever give more of a deposit than you can't afford to lose if someone walks off the job.

I will say with our current renovation of our kitchen and powder room, no one has had to be the heavy because our GC honestly doesn't seem to care about the money -- he just wants the job done correctly. I have to remind HIM that its time for him to get paid, and he always thanks me.

Its nice finding a skilled, intelligent, and friendly contractor. Sometimes it seems like there are so few out there, but they are there!

Around where I live, it's common for people who come very late to movies to ask you to move down for them. I don't explain why they're idiots, or justify why I'm not moving. I just say, "I don't want to." There's no arguing with that.

All I would add to your advice is: For some people, it's easier to avoid talking about themselves altogether. Instead of saying "I" they find it easier to speak in the third person about what will happen:

"There won't be a check cut until X and Y are done." "That will not occur." "The conditions of the contract have not been met."

Once said, though, that kind of language still has to follow your rules. No explaining, no excuses--just repeat it if necessary, then terminate the conversation.

I was very direct in my email, and I will keep repeating those phrases over and over. I have the money, so I don't have any excuses. :-) However, I am not going to turn over what represents basically my husband's entire salary after taxes and then have nothing to show for it! I had to get "rough" with the architect/contractor once before and actually, it went well and he did apologize to me (that was back before I had secured my financing so I was feeling awful that I didn't feel comfortable paying the deposit funding out of our rainy day fund! Ha!)

My god, my father is attorney and I used to be a paralegal/law reader in my former life. You would think I'd be a little better at manning up, so to speak! The contract is very clear (well, actually it isn't, but he wrote it and it's all in *my* favor so I let it ride).

I'm going to call the construction manager this morning and see where he says his guys are, make sure he's been paid (I did pay a portion of the deposit directly to him as instructed), and see why he needs $20K for more framing materials when there's like half a lumber yard in my storefront. (??)

This isn't my first rodeo and I know how to order materials. If that wood doesn't represent enough lumber to re-frame my addition, I'll eat my hat.

Thanks everyone.

Uh-oh. But I stood my ground and said,"You asked me for $20K so he could get the materials he needs, there are materials in my house, so I'm just trying to get clarification." I have everyone's number and was told to feel free to call the construction manager if I had any questions about the job...

Needless to say, we're all meeting tomorrow at the house. The construction manager did say they found some things during demo that he wants to point out to me, but he says he doesn't need any additional supplies to deal with it.

As my dad points out, the architect has 1/3 of the money for the project and I don't have anywhere close to 1/3 of a livable house.

On top of everything, someone tried to break into the house...but the construction guys screw plywood in behind the back doors when they leave so I guess it was too much trouble for the thief to *walk around to the side of the house that has a grown man sized hole* and get inside :-)

Today I was at the job site and the construction manager told me that he's never been paid anything beyond the $10K I paid him directly (at my architect's direction) to begin the job. He's looking for a $5K change order and asked me today when I thought I'd be able to advance that. When I asked why he didn't hold it back out of the $5k I had advanced for materials or the $46K that I gave in mid October he told me the whole sordid tale. Then he gave me phone numbers for 2 other clients that are in the same situation (advanced funds in advance of the actual schedule).

Oh, and it turns out that the man I spoke to as a reference? Not the homeowner. ::faints::

I feel a little sick.

::laughs bitterly::

My dad sent me the statutes covering this. Five years at hard labor in Angola. That alone would make me cough up the money if I had anyway of getting it.

It's not too late.

You gave the architect 46,000.00 How much of that was payment TO the architect for things he's done? Let's say it was 20,000 (just pulling a number out of the air). Tell him that you are waiting for the reciepts/lien waivers from the contractors for the other 26,000 dollars. That it's been several weeks and you haven't recieved them yet... (I know you weren't expecting them but some people are easier to deal with if you pretend you think they are doing the right thing) and let him know that not a single penny will be available until you recieve them.

If you haven't disclosed how you are paying for the remodel (bank loan, parental loan, cash, etc) tell him your funding source is requiring the waivers. Any bank will be asking for waivers before signing over checks. BEFORE. Not after. And he should be used to that.

Keep in mind that because he hasn't paid doesn't mean he CAN'T pay. Often, if a contractor/architect is cash poor he'll pay his subs as late as possible to stretch his cash position. For instance, if the work was done Oct 1st then you paid it on the 15th there can be a lag time of six weeks on paying the subs for that same work. The middle man legitimately needs some time to collect invoices for the work and issue payments (some subs only bill once a month regardless of anything else) and it's easily stretched out to a month or more.

So if you make it clear that you want the signed lien waivers of everyone that 26,000 paid he may very well handle the whole situation simply by coughing up the money and getting your waivers.

In the meantime, get that GC's number. You want him to know when you are issuing payment to the architect because it means that he'll know it's time to go drag money out of the guy. That gives the GC leverage to say "I KNOW she paid you and I want to be..."

All is not lost! Everything may still be fine. It sounds iffy but this may be your chance to get on top of the situation.

I am looking at hiring a GC who has subs he has worked with for over 15 years (so he says)....how does the money situation usually work? Pay the GC and he pays the subs? Pay the subs individually? If I pay the GC, how can I be sure he's paid the subs?

Are the stories above (like the people who had to sell their home) because people paid a fraudulent GC all the money, and then found out the subs weren't paid, and then had to come up with extra money to pay off the subs themselves?

How can you be sure your GC is one of the honest ones? Checking references is fine, but how do you know it's not the GC's brother and niece and best friend?

To the OP, I sincerely hope everything works out for you and you can get to the bottom of this!

M.

So, from my experience I will tell you this:
1) Get names of other victims and find out what's going on, before everyone who might have the info disappears. When the contractor starts to tell you tales, you can compare with his other customers and see if there is any legitimacy.
2) If you need to make noise (I hope this works out and you won't have to) - have everyone contact the AG's office at once, as well as local authorities (who may just say it's a civil dispute - until they are inundated)
3)Know your lien law!!! Know what the requirements are for subs/suppliers to notify you of their status as subs and when their rights to file a lien expire (e.g. -I believe in IL they can't file 90 days past any meanful work being performed.) Try not to let the subs all know what's going on.... Our subs were complicit - they'd been pretending to be employees for years and continuing to start work on projects when they hadn't been paid for previous ones (and knew that our GC was in $$ trouble). They didn't file a lien when I made it clear to them we held them responsible for participating in the scam... (they came to our site and helped sell us the job - it's not like they just showed up to work after the contract was signed).
4)Get and Inspect your lien waivers! Make sure they are filled out completely and waive lien rights for $$ and for all work performed to date at your job site. Make sure they are notarized. Get final, as opposed to partial, waivers wherever you can. Give your GC/architect no more money! If he ever gets caught up, pay the subs directly and collect lien waivers, or at least make the checks payable to both parties so that they have to jointly endorse (and you get your waiver).
5)Save every email and voicemail! Communicate about $$ in written form.
6)Odds are 90% likely he did NOT have H1N1. Our contractor had many dying family members during the course of our saga.
7)Watch your materials to be sure they don't walk. Hide them away if you have to - subs have been known to take the tangible items as "payment" for what they are owed, not understanding that they are actually stealing from you, not repaying themselves via the GC who actually owes them. You end up with liens from the subs, liens from suppliers - with no materials even to show for it!

BEST OF LUCK to you. I hope there is smoke but no fire. Keep us posted.

Now I might feel sick because I drank an entire bottle of wine on a nearly empty stomach.

Whom did you pay in advance, the architect or the GC? I'm confused about "Then he gave me phone numbers for 2 other clients that are in the same situation (advanced funds in advance of the actual schedule)." Do you mean the GC told you that the architect stole your money and the money of other clients the GC is also working with? Or did the GC give you names of other clients who advanced funds and had successful projects with him?

Who gave you the fake reference for their work ("not the homeowner")? Architect or GC?

Whatever the story, I don't think you need to write off your money yet. Maybe you can clarify the sequence of events a bit more, and folks here will certainly have lots more good advice like that already given above.

You must be in shock right now, I know I would be! But you also need to take action just as soon as you possibly can to protect yourself from liens, and move toward recovering your funds.

I love the line: "He can't walk all over you unless you lie down on the floor." We're here with an arm extended to help pull you up off the floor so you can go after this crook!

The trouble is, the architect already asked me for an additional draw of $5K for materials (which I paid) and $46K for electrical/plumbing/HVAC since "things were really moving along on the job site!" while I was on vacation. The CM's crew was working long days and on the weekends, so I really didn't think anything of it.

At the end of last week, the architect tried to get *another* $52K. That's when I asked for receipts, etc. He backed down to $20K. I still insisted on seeing receipts. None so far. The architect told me that they have to pay the electrician, etc. 50% of the value of the contract before they will even come to the job site. Weird, but again, I asked to see the papers. None. Then the other day the architect said that he needed at least $20K to cover the additional structural stuff. The CM said he only needs the original value of this bid ($18,5K) and the additional $5K.

The architect says the CM is soliciting the bids for the other subs (??) but claims that the CM doesn't know about the money and what our contract covers. (??)

Even after a bottle of wine, this is crazy. I know I'm leaving out details. Wine does that to you. All I can say is I'm glad I didn't just give him *any* money this time out. I'm still out nearly $60K at this point.

I will have to call the folks the CM gave me contact info for. Remember, he hasn't been oaid at all according to him aside from $10K and he's now he's $13K out on the job above that.

Damn wine.

You already know this, I feel sure, but just to remind you that some states require licensed architects to carry insurance for this kind of non-performance; and, the state licensing boards also collect additional fees that supply a state-fund to (partially) reimburse defrauded homeowners. When you start making your response plans, you might want to call the state board to find out which insurance company carries him, and inquire about the claims process with the state board. If the other two victims cluster their calls with yours, you may get more immediate attention.

Does this architect have partners or practice solo? If there are partners, it may be time for a phone call and discreet office visit with another partner. Best of luck. I bet you will feel better when you can take even small steps, like starting your calls, maybe even tomorrow.

I can assure you that until I get to the bottom of this, and am sure that the CM isn't in on the fraud, I'm not giving anyone another dollar.

Just remember the old adage: Silence is Golden. After you state, simply and calmly, that you expect your contractor to complete the work he is contractually obligated to complete without asking for funds he is not entitled to yet and ask him how he plans to catch up, then STOP TALKING. Do not do that thing that we women tend to do and try to fill up the silence. Just be quiet and look at him. It will make him uncomfortable. Raise your eyebrows if you must, but don't talk. He will argue himself around to your point. It works. He knows he is in the wrong and silence on your part will force him to examine that fact.

Good advice. Just say there will be no additional money until x, y & z is completed and that the contract needs to be caught up.

Just to put in my 2 cents on the original question, though: the number of women here who are managing a remodel that feel the need to have the hubbies be the "bad guy" is saddening. First, you're not the bad guy, you're the customer and project manager. Second, what would you do if he wasn't around... be a victim?

It's YOUR project. If you aren't going to manage it, make it HIS project. That doesn't mean you don't consult each other or help each other out, but it does mean that someone has to be the point of contact for outsiders.

If you want anything you say to be listened to and respected by the GC and subs, the buck needs to stop with you. Otherwise you're just a yapping little dog.

When it comes to my kids, my relatives, real estate, law
issues, politics, school children issues, ....

I am the dangerous, Strong, Powerful Marine that goes in and
fights a bloody, vicious, knock down drag out battle. The
scare your socks off kind of fight that leaves others
feeling like they got run over by a train. They shake with
worry and find my temper a little terrifying. They stutter
with their response as the truth unfolds if they are doing
a poor job. Especially when it is about my kids, I am a tiger to my cubs.

My DH is the sweet refined elegant gentleman negotiator
that comes in after the violence is over. He carefully
steps over the injured to smooth over issues. He does
this with pure grace and gets exactly what WE want. It is
almost like the opposing team says. YES, YES, Please
anything you want just don't bring your crazy wife back in
the room.

My husband leaves the meeting or encounter with a secret
smile on his face and they profusely thank him for making
it all better. Meanwhile we laugh as we know this is our
technique.

So why couldn't I do this with our mini reno? I felt so
weak in the knees. Many might remember I could not even
stand up to our wood floor purists with their negative
comments about the color stain I wanted to use. I was
hopeless and feeble.

Maybe it comes with practice. Maybe because I know nada
about kitchen renovations so feel stupid to begin with.

Thanks for the topic. May you all be fierce tigers in your
reno.

~boxerpups

People have different strengths and frankly the ability to be on the offensive is a rare one and defintely not one that is required by everyone, thank goodness!

When you bring in a lawyer or a doctor it's not because you're a wimp it's become someone else has skills or knowledge you don't. It seems fair enough to me to do that in a remodel... after all, isn't that why you have a GC in the first place?

Also, how quickly can you recover from H1N1? He didn't mention being sick when we spoke, but yesterday told me that while you're recovering from the flu, it's easy to have a set back. The architect told me that the construction manager had to go to Florida on an emergency and that's why he wasn't at the meeting, but he did ask me if the construction manager had been by (the architect was about 30 minutes late for the meeting. WTF?

Now I'm just feeling overly suspicious of *everyone* involved with this job, especially since I've had time to think it through. Since I didn't realize at the time that I needed to recall every detail, I've been slowly replaying the calls and meetings in my head trying to recall the details and writing them down.

I did send an email to my bank contact saying that I had "rethought security" and that I really think we should not to draw funds off my account without a phone call and my security code word. We had been doing it by email requests, and the architect (of course) has access to that information since I cc:'d him on the last draw request while I was on vacation.

I have a feeling this is going to get ugly.

If you scream at people to get it, then you are offensive in the other meaning of the word. :)

Yes, some people, however smart or skilled in other areas, have a hard time standing up for themselves. This means they need to TRY HARDER until they find a technique that works for them. The alternative is letting less than ethical people take advantage of your weakness in this area. Just because someone is a professional _______ doesn't mean they have your best interests at heart.

I wonder....Was the Architect on the phone call with the
Construction Manager without you ever knowing?
They could have easily three way called or been in the room
if you called to talk to them. There is alwasy instant
texting too.

H1N1?
2 of my 3 kids had H1N1. 150 students were out. Anyway,
daughter was fine in 3 days only contagious for 2 of the
days. Son is still out of school going on 5 days but only
had a fever for 48 hours. Neither needed the antiviral.
thank the lord above.

I think the H1N1 is a false excuse. He could have been
on a conference call with all of you.

Suspicious?
GOOD You should feel Suspicious! Get to the bottom of it
all. I fear you are being taken advantage of. I always
tell my girls, if your instict is warning you than you are
better safe than sorry. Protect yourself.

Excellent, write every detail down. Keep your pad of paper
with you.

Wishing you become the tiger (with your pearls) and win
this battle.
~boxerpups

Check out the link, maybe SherriLynn can help you.

And I usually don't give the advice to seek a lawyer. It's usually overkill, expensive, doesn't REALLY solve people's problems and I think what DOES, in most cases, is people just speaking up for themselves.

But, in this case, it sounds like there may be some fraud involved. Which is a crime. So this is sounding like it's bigger than you.

I would try calling my local attorney general's office. They usually have a consumer division. Just run this situation by them. I'm sure they will not give you specific legal advice, but they may give you guidance about what they think you should do. Or they may look into the guy themselves. He may be doing this all over town.

I would then talk to a lawyer to get advice on how to look after MY OWN interests. That doesn't necessarily mean hire them to represent me, just get some advice.

I would really not try to figure this whole thing out by yourself.

And, yes, document everything.

How can you prevent situations like this?

You CAN'T. Liars will lie. They will lie to your face. They think they won't get caught. They think they will have the money, because they will take it of someone else if they have to. They are delusional.

You can sue them, win a judgement, and they will default. You can write anything you want into a contract, it's only as enforceable as the amount of money you want to spend with a lawyer enforcing it.

In the end, you just have to do the best you can, go with your gut and trust someone. Good people occasionally get burned. It doesn't mean you were ignorant or should have seen it coming. I honestly believe that. Sometimes people are just unlucky.

Asking questions along the line DOES help flush things out into the open though, and gets you answers you can work with, and document. So that's worth doing.

I really hope this all turns out well ...

The FIRST time a con (wo)man or a bully tries to see what they can slip past you is the most important time to stand firm. If you fail that test, they'll keep coming back to the feeding trough.

As for the screaming comment, I was just making a joke; a play on the word offensive. But a lot of people -- especially women -- do tend to equate standing up for yourself with being a aggressive or rude.

Re standing up for oneself, yes, of course, one should, but one also should be self aware and realize when it's better to have someone else advocate for us. Sometimes that's a lawyer who can throw a little weight of "officer of the court" around and get shady people to walk right for a period because they don't want the full involvement and scrutiny of the legal system. Sometimes it's the DH, or DIL, or other strong person in one's life who isn't as emotionally involved.

I have been told that I can be very intimidating at meetings. I definitely have a cast iron spine. In my most recent tile fiasco I knew that I was at the end of my polite patience--I spent the weekend melting down, after all--and knew that if I talked to the store or the maker I might well lose it and become way too overtly strong. Or, in trying not to shout, talk over, insult or otherwise behave in a counterproductive way, whine. Instead, I waited to show the tile setters, and let them decide to speak to the maker directly, from the point of view of the professional working with the materials. Sometimes one is just too close, and agree with Morgne that deferring to someone who can do a better job for one at the moment is as normal as hiring craftsmen who can do the construction better.

In the "who's the heavy" thread, I said my GC was mine, not because I'm any kind of wimp, but because he has the power of one workman talking to another. He's also a former soldier who has excellent people management and problem solving skills, and command bearing. I could easily have done the same things he did chasing down a different batch of tile (floor) and making people jump through some hoops to get it delivered, but why suffer the emotional strain? When it's his job?

But I have to admit that sometimes I find it easier to manipulate certain men than to take them on toe to toe. Sometimes when they're stuck in and ornery, it's just easier to bat the eyelashes and give the innocent "who me?" eyes and make them step over the line in the sand by being soft and not providing a target for them to (metaphorically) swing at. Basically a version of Alice's Silence is Golden.

Grlwprls, It is another expense, but one of the words for "lawyer" is "advocate". Besides slinging around the scrutiny, a good lawyer can tell you how to protect yourself, can use contacts and back channels to apply pressure, and all kinds of other things to get you a good outcome. He can even set up escrow accounts for disputed payments, and things like that, if it's necessary. The best litigator I've met thinks that going to court is a failure and salvage time, even though she's brilliant at it. Getting a satisfactory, creative outcome for her client before it ever gets that far is her idea of a win. It might not be "worth" the money. You don't need $40K of lawyer fees to resolve your $60K problem. But it might be worth a couple of thousand if you can find the right advocate.

Architect called me at lunchtime to set up a meeting for tomorrow. I am going to send him a list of the documents I expect to see (lien waivers, etc.). We are meeting at a coffeehouse around the corner from the job site.

Something is shady, but I'm still not sure who is the shadiest of them all. Right now, the story seems very convoluted.

Our GC also misappropriated monies from our build ( used our money for other builds and personal debts).

We filed criminal charges against him,(as did others) he was eventually arrested. He posted bond and is presently awaiting a trial date.

We've filed a civil suit against him, hoping we'll be able to recover some of our money! DH says probably pennies on the dollar.

Contact your local District Attorney and file criminal charges. We were surprised at how many criminal complaints they have against builders. The information you provide will strengthen the case against them!

I am nervous that you are meeting with the architect before you get legal advice. Please take a notebook with you and go slowly enough that you can take immediate and detailed notes of each section of the "conference". Do not be rushed in your documentation of everything he says, this may be incredibly important later on. If the architect is nervous or pushes back against your writing everything down, SO WHAT, it is what you have to do now that he's totally spent your trust and faith. This man is already your adversary, so be very, very careful what you say, and for heaven's sake do NOT agree to anything and especially do not sign anything for any reason whatsoever, no matter what story he tells. There is literally nothing at this point that cannot wait for review and advice.

All that stuff about subs requiring 50% just to show up (even if true) would have been known to him for contract draw/payment scheduling, so don't buy that kind of story after the fact.

He cannot change the basic facts: he took lots of money and did no work. What you paid for was not done, and remains undone. You can see for yourself that rough elec and plumbing are not in, so he will try very hard to distract you from the bald truth. Don't get sidetracked, keep on the broken-record track: money paid, no work, where's my money. Until he accounts for all your money, just stay on that one track. If possible, I would take DH or another second person with you, and have them take copious notes, too. I'm sorry to say that this guy may be desperate if he's overdrawn with all his clients, and he may be planning to intimdate you, scare you, bully you, and get you as upset, riled, and confused as he can. Now that he knows you're "onto" his racket, he may see this meeting tomorrow as one last chance to keep you on the hook any way he can. Don't let him use you emotionally to get what he wants, and if you find yourself feeling the least bit unsure, weak, or even furious, then END the meeting, get up and leave. It may seem hard in the moment, but all you have to say --as you are standing up -- is, "Thank you for coming. I am done for today. Goodbye." No other words, apologies, or explanations are needed, a bully will only use them to try to re-engage you to lay down on the floor so he can walk all over you. Stand up and leave as soon as you need to, and for any reason that you need to. He cannot make you stay!

Sorry this is so long, hope some of it may be useful.

I didn't have the energy to pursue the GC after I fired him. After all, I did sign the contract with the ridiculous pricing and I knew he was broke so I'd never see any money. In fact, I know he's completely our of business now. The whole mess made me so sick I just wanted to put it behind me. Fortunately we were able to absorb the costs but it was very painful. I hope you do better than we did. Good luck at your meeting; maybe you'll be able to coax a bit more work out of him before you walk away.

You may want to prepare a "demand letter" - that specifies the details of the contract, the monies paid to date, and the status of the project. You could then state that he is in violation of your contract due to the stalled project/dishonest request for funds before the appropriate amount of work complete and that you expect him to 1) PERFORM (all the work) by date x or 2) refund your money by date x. Give him a deadline. Your goal should probably be to get the work done, as if he doesn't have the money, he doesn't have it. Get as much work out of him as you can. But not at the expense of liens.

Another suggestion: Check insurance status! We discovered that although our contractor had an insurance certificate that was supposedly up to date, it had actually expired due to failure to pay his month-to-month premiums. I'd recommend calling your architect and project manager's insurance agents and verifying that their insurance is still active. Verify that their licensure doesn't just exist, but is in good standing (meaning he's paid his fees). Our guy was incorporated but failed to file the fees for that year and the corporation was involuntarily dissolved. That allowed us to go after him personally. Having that info could be helpful for you: Contractors "go under" and re-emerge under new names all the time. If there's a concern about personal liability, he'd be more worried about making things right....

Again, good luck!

After reviewing my notes and basically drawing out the sequence of events on a piece of paper, I think I've figured out the entire scam and why the architect's license remains unblemished (or at least remains in good standing). I have a call into the board re: a "hypothetical" about what protections they offer to architect's clients. I also figured out why the construction mgr. gave me phone numbers of the other "swindled" homeowners. It's a two prong scam and those folks are well into the phase two.

The architect and the construction mgr. are definitely working together. I'll eat my hat if they aren't.

If I'm right I'll know tonight.

I am definitely taking notes at the meetings. The architect should not find it suspicious as I typically follow up any meeting with an "email of understanding" and he's seen my "construction album" with all my emails printed in date order, my deed, my insurance binders, my loan docs, my ledger of the account...

I do plan on keeping my cards close to my chest. I'm oddly calm considering the unbelievable ramifications of this. I have a blog of what's been done at -to?- the house so far (because I am so ridiculously excited about this project and what it means to me as a history major and as a come here to this city) so you can see that I don't have anything close to a livable house. In fact, it's actually *worse* than it looks on my blog because they removed the upriver wall of the house to shore up its structure. It's literally just swaying in the breeze.

This is all a little Scooby Doo Mysteries and I'm one of the meddling kids :-)

Go get 'em!

I have the name of a local attorney as well, but I think this will end up at the DA (for what that's worth).

Have you made back-up color copies, and stored-away-from-home digital copies, of all your excellent records mentioned above? Desperate people will do things you didn't think they would.

Please take very good care of yourself, and heed your natural instincts, often the best early warning system we have!

I'm going to send the copies to my husband's office for the time being. We're living in a rather crappy, and thus easily violated, apartment.

A coffeehouse is pretty safe, but if your alarm bells are going off you should listen to them.

Maybe DH should store your originals for the next few weeks, and keep the copies in the apartment?

A few years ago I had to attend some tense, dangerous meetings, and it was hard to tell what to expect or what conditions I would find on arrival. I always had two back-up phone calls. The first was a pre-arranged in-coming call that was timed to occur about 15-30 minutes into the meeting. I announced at the start that I was expecting an important call and that I would be taking it. I had a specific codeword to use that told my backup on the other end of the call if I needed help right then. The second backup call was an outgoing call placed by me as soon as I was alone after the meeting to tell the backup that I was done, on my way, and OK. I know it all sounds like too much, but it's not, it just gives you the protection that allows you to FOCUS on the content of the meeting. If your DH doesn't want you to go, he will be glad to call you part-way through to check on you.

This architect practices solo or with group partners?

The man that found the first Formosan termites in NOLA was killed when he made it public and kept it in the eye of the public. You better be careful. These people are in this for money...they don't need any other motivation...

I'm usually the heavy when it comes to house issues because my husband is way more level-headed than I am. I enjoy confrontations, especially when I can back up my position with research.

I hope you get good answers at your meeting today...but if you don't, it sounds like you're on top of your legal options.

I laid it on the line that he is facing jail time, etc. and blah, blah, blah. I was calm and direct in a way I have never, ever been before. He said he didn't understand what I was asking for (huh?) but could I please give him 'til Monday. When I told him that the construction manager said he hadn't been paid for my job, he got out his checkbook register and showed me where he had written him checks. WTF? Is he kidding? In what world would that be proof?

I told him that on Monday he either explains it fully to me and my attorney or he can plan on explaining it to the district attorney. Then I dismissed him from the meeting. I left the coffee shop about 15 minutes after him.

When I got to my car, I burst into tears. :-)

Then, the construction manager started calling me all worried because the architect had called him and he "didn't know what to do."

I didn't answer his calls. I think the less said the better at this point.

I especially like "Then I dismissed him from the meeting."

Show him who's in charge. :-)

Unfortunately, it seems very dubious that he didn't have any of the paperwork you requested. Worst fears confirmed...do you have an attorney yet?

How could he not know what cancelled checks, lien releases, etc., are Silly man.

Keep us posted.

"Didn't know what to do" indeed! I don't think I need to say this, but now he has all weekend to counterfeit receipts, etc. You'll not be accepting anything without 3rd party confirmation and a map to where or what it is in the house, I know.

Now you need a good, a very good, lawyer. A bulldog. I think there's only a fifty-fifty chance the architect will actually show up on Monday. If he knows he's cooked, and heading to jail, (he probably has even more victims than you know) he may slip out of town and out of sight over the weekend. He'll have the flu, a dying mother, and a dead battery all at once... And then ask you for a few more days, then a few more...

Do I remember you saying the project has local signifcance and attraction? If so, it may be time for calls to the local media, get them investigating and contacting him. If a reporter sees him packing up this weekend to hightail it out of town, you might be able to block him long enough for your lawyer to take the first emergency steps to freeze assets. I'm nervous that he asked you for these extra "get out of jail free" days over the weekend...

If you didn't get a lawyer today, I would do it tomorrow, even though it's Saturday. The bar may have a legal hotline for emergencies, ask your Dad who he knows in your state.

I don't know if I would keep dodging the CM. You may be able to peel him apart from the architect by asserting that, contrary to his claim, he HAS been paid by the architect, and that you've seen the check register. The CM may get it that the architect is planning to leave him holding the bag. All you have to do is let him know what the architect said, and that it makes the CM look like the liar...

Stay safe, alert, and vigilant this weekend. Don't be alone, and take extra care to be watchful. Your materials may walk away from the jobsite tomorrow because these guys are now desperate, but I would not get involved in that. Just let the local police know the situation and ask them for frequent drive-by patrols. Hey, they'd like to make hay with such an easy arrest! Especially if you've tipped a reporter, too.

You did so well today! I don't even know you, but I am so PROUD of you! Gotta love GW.

Yep the more I think on it he may be taking a hike this weekend. The Times Picayune might be a very good way to go but hard to know at this time what you could tell a reporter. You don't want a slander suit thrown your way. What a mess ! Stay Strong !! c

Good point about the police, too. If your budget would allow, is there a local PI who could discreetly monitor the site today and tomorrow? I don't know anything about the arson laws in NOLA, but up here a suspected arson site cannot be touched until the legal case has reached final resolution! Arson, and suspected arson sites just sit , and sit (as evidence), and I don't want that to happen to you. Better to head off any arson if possible. Not that I wouldn't love to see these guys facing even bigger felonies, but you might be frozen on forward progress at the site.

In fact, I invited the husband inside because he wanted to get an idea what we're planning for the space.

I hate this entire situation. PLaying phone tag with lawyer, but I feel confident we'll connect. NO is unlike any other place - for better or worse.

He says that Monday I need to present the architect with a very clearly defined construction/draw schedule and tell him that a paper indicating that the property is clear of liens from the clerk of court will be a requirement to get the final retainage payment.

Maybe I am just too suspicious? I don't know. Ack.

So the drug dealer was speculation?

If the lawyer is right you have a lot more pull. The architect has a career and a license to preserve.

I thought you already had a payment/draw schedule. You certainly have documentation that you have payed for things that haven't been done. My GC, during construction, when each phase was finished, would show me through what had been done (which I'd seen in process) and basically demonstrate that it was finished. Then I'd write the check.

You've paid for plumbing and electric, right? Tell the architect that you need to see that phase completed and have the recorded lien waivers in hand before you pass any more funs because he's broken trust with you. I certainly wouldn't give him another penny until they've worked off what you've already given them.

Wow. Awesome work. Getting photos, connecting with
neighbors to keep an eye on the place, standing firm,
talking with an attorney... and keeping it together in
front of the Architect. Be really proud of yourself.
You played the Heavy and are right on track!!!

Plllog is so right,..."If the lawyer is right you have a lot more pull. The architect has a career and a license to preserve. "

You can do this. Cheering you on.