Oh my gosh NJ, soapstone would be perfect for you. It's what laboratory benches used to be made of. You probably want to start out with it unoiled, and as the sins multiply over the years, you can oil it before company comes over. It comes in several varieties so if gouging is a real possibility, choose one of the harder stones.

I wouldn't be fearful of using soapstone based on your description. But what I would do is read as much from gardenweb about how to make sure you get good soapstone, and possibly even find a recommendation from someone in nj on gardenweb.

Actually, your description of your family's habits makes Soapstone an ideal choice... living family = living surface. I think of my kitchen as more of a a work area than a showplace, so if the Soapstone, butcher block, and pots and pans look used, it's because they are! I think you'll be fine, the first few dings might worry you a bit, but before you know it you'll be loving the fact that you don't have to baby it. I've only had mine about eight months now, and my only regret is that I didn't know about it 30 years ago!

We have soapstone (plus butcher block) in our farmhouse. Raised young kids there and let the counters get all "patinated". We did oil ours regularly and everything just blends together. Ours was a softer soapstone and it does have a few very small dings, but nothing big or noticeable.