OK, I used Rustoleum Cabinet Transformation in black and have to say that the paint did not seem to adhere that well despite whatever stuff they give you to prepare the surface.. It felt like it was sliding off and started peeling, so I sanded everything before using the base coat (step 2).
I also used General Finishes gel stain in java color. It worked way better. The first coat looked horrible, but the second coat looked very good. It has held up very well. It required no sanding!
Both times it was an oak bathroom vanity.
I also used the same gel stain over oak cabinets that had been painted with brown paint --- very poorly, with hairs embedded and drops. I just smoothed it out a little with a sanding spongeh and then gel stained over it, which added depth to the paint and evened out whatever crappy paint job there was initially.
if you search for gel stain, you'll find lots of transformed kitchens and cabinets.

I'm so sorry about the unexpected flood :( those things happen at the most inopportune times.

It really depends what project you want to take on. Either way you are gonna have to sand every last bit of that down. And I wouldn't suggest attempting to stain lighter. It's difficult to get a lighter stain once the initial stain is on.

To me, stained wood is a very different feel than painted. I suggest getting a firm idea idea what other materials (CT, BS, floors,) will be at play and go from there. With that said, I think a farmhouse feel could be accomplished with both stained and painted cabinets given the appropriate surroundings

I have no experience with the cabinet transformation system.

I agree about staining- I had initially wanted to do General Finishes Java- but even with the abundance of natural light, we both felt that maybe going darker would make the kitchen feel smaller.

Any recommendations about paint brands? Someone mentioned that instead of sanding, they use liquid sandpaint as a primer and go from there. Im not to sure about that... but I do know I will need some type of protective coat.

Have you looked at GF gel stain in a less dark color, e.g. Antique Walnut or Nutmeg?
Below a few other stains (cherry, mahogany, walnut).

Here is a link that might be useful: Gel stain other than Java

Personally, I LOVE the cherry, but the DH (aka the man who will help me take on this project) Says that its "to red" and that it will clash with the farmhouse kitchen idea.

I plan on painting the refrigerator with chalkboard paint- (Ive got 4 little ones, and it just seems like a bit of whimsy fun!) So you have an idea of why he is saying that it may be to red.

Both my parents and his parents are insisting that we leave it alone, that they are perfect- that we should just refresh the current stain. They have a point, our ENTIRE house has this matching wood stain. Our bathrooms, all of the interior doors ad closets, molding/baseboard. For continuity I am tempted to leave it.. but... its golden oak. Its impossible it seems to work with. I cant find any pulls that I like with it.

Im a total novice. I admit that. Im starting to get discouraged and just leave it. I may not like it, but Im starting to second guess myself. Ive read some of the ladies horror stories of KD, and theres a lot that can go wrong!!

I've posted this kitchen a couple of time and think it looks really nice.

Here is a link that might be useful: updating honey oak kitchen --- no paint--no stain

Nosoccermom. every time I see that post I am amazed at how much you can update without doing much! The kitchen really looks great with the minor changes made.

If you look at the kitchen as it was originally, couple of links in there, you see that they also replaced the sink, faucet, light fixture over time; but yes, the built-up molding and the backsplash are major turn-arounds.