Probably best to just be honest and say you don't think it's working out. Since you're not asking for your money back, there really isn't an issue left to resolve.

I'm sure this very stressful for you. It is such a difficult situation to be in.
Since the contract you signed is for the design only, perhaps you could just thank her for her services and hopefully leave it at that. If not, you could tell her that you have already chosen your cabinetmaker.
If she presses, just try to be firm, and if necessary make her aware of the design flaws which had to be corrected.

You said that she was "floundering". Is she inexperienced, in your opinion, or does she have such a large work load with other clients, that she hasn't time for your project?

If all else fails, be honest. Tell him/her how you feel and unfortunately, you just don't feel that the "fit" is right.

Just be direct and matter of fact - "I've decided to go in another direction at this time, but I appreciate your help." The latter statement may be fudging a bit if she wasn't helpful. I don't think you have to expand beyond that. Don't feel guilty or stressed, business is business - it's not like she was doing you a favor or providing free services. Good luck with the other firm!!!

honu3421:

A career is much more important than a few hurt feelings. Honest and respectful feedback from you could be the best thing that ever happened to this KD. Do her the favor, even if it makes you a bit uncomfortable.

@Calumim: Yes, just direct and honest is the way to go. I hope we don't get into a $$ issue and hope KD feels the design fee forfeit makes us "even."

@Canukplayer: Yes, this is more stressful than I anticipated it would be. Thank you for your empathy. There was an expectation that I would purchase cabinets from KD. I think the floundering is due to inexperience running a company and perhaps lack of support (or not asking for support) from previous owner.

@Mgoblue85: Thank you for reminding me this is a business deal and not a marriage! And hey, "business is business" has always been my saying when I need to be tough or when I lose a deal. I don't know why this situation is so hard for me.

@Trebruchet: Thank you. I think you added another business slant to this. I now realize I have been taking this too personally and I think I am worried KD will do the same. I will definitely provide honest and respectful feedback if KD asks.

Thank you each for taking the time to help me through this situation. Your heartfelt support is awesome and really bolstered me at a time when I need it the most. I feel oddly empowered right now. I will call KD in the morning and let you all know how it works out.

In the meantime, I am so looking forward to the new custom cabinet guy. He grain matches everything - door and drawer panels and their frames and slab drawers are matched across the length of the cabinet run. Plus, impeccable reputation and good relationship with my GC. Oh, yeah, and virtually no price difference between the two firms.

This forum is full of amazing people. Thank you!

Just an update for those of you who are interested.

After two days of employing my approach-avoidance technique and leaving voice mails, KD and I finally made contact. I told her it was not working out for me and DH and we decided to go another direction with our cabinets. She was very professional and asked for feedback. I told her that if I had known early on that I would have to come up the stain color myself, I probably would have stopped the process earlier. I wasn't happy with any of the stain samples I came up with and that was truly the biggest red flag for me. She was totally understanding. I also told her that after honest evaluation, I considered myself a difficult customer and did not want her to lose the profit from my job. (six stain samples and I didn't like any of them) It was amicable, she is a very sweet person. Interestingly enough, the new custom cab guy doesn't stain his cabinets and his wood looks beautiful.

Many thanks to each of you who responded and for your support.

I'm glad it worked out for you, honu3421. I'm often found that the worst part of a confrontation is not the confrontation at all ... it's imagining the confrontation ahead of time.

I'm happy to hear that it ended on a good note. Good luck to you as you move forward with the other guy!

What was the process for coming up with a stain sample? Glad it worked out & you found a great cabinet maker.

@jellytoast and Mgoblue85: Thank your for your good wishes. I did build up the expectation of a confrontation. Fortunately it never became confrontational!

@romy718: Thanks for your support. Yes, the stain sample. Ugh. Cabinet company would match the stain to any sample I provided. This is a "fully custom" shop to the max. Maybe a little too open ended for me. I had no stain samples so I borrowed stain samples from other cabinet shops (which have since been returned) and then they did a sample board going one shade lighter and one shade darker than my samples. Yuck. I am not a stain expert - DH did not like any of the six stains and neither did I. I could just see this process going on forever and me never being satisfied. It was daunting. Kind of like looking into an abyss.

I appreciate everyone's support. You are all fantastic!
Honu.