Poor Lissa,and needsometips,

Go with your gut feelings. And please start a new thread, Lissa, with subject "I fired her" so we can all breathe a collective breath and cheer!

I'm doing my cabinet extension reno on a wing and a prayer and with the unbelievably wonderful help from members of this forum.

Off to sand,

Rosie

Tell me please, Lissa, why you have not fired this person?

Designers are NOT KD's! For the most part, kitchen design is glossed over in design school. You are lucky if a recent grad has a couple of courses in theory. Older grads really barely have anything at all covered.

Designers can be great at picking out the color of your Bluestar and telling you if your granite goes with your cabinet color, but it's the very rare one who can design a kitchen. You need a KD! And, quickly! KD's have to understand the aesthetics and the functional aspects of the design process. THey have to know local codes and building processes, plumbing, electrical, a bit of structural engineering, and a whole host of parts of the total kitchen remodel.

Keep this lady on if you need help with picking out colors, but dump her if you want your kitchen to work.

Are you certain that you even need a KD? You've been reading this forum for years and you seem to have a very clear vision of how you want your kitchen to function and how you want it to look.

Has she contributed any good functional or design ideas?

I'm with the others - fire her. Why would you continue with her - because you've invested some $$ with her? Get someone who will listen to your great ideas, someone who will work WITH you, instead of AGAINST you.

At my work we have 'Error Prevention Training' and they describe a 'pinch' feeling - something isn't right or just doesn't feel right. When you feel the pinch, you've got to stop and deal with it. During my planning for my kitchen remodel, I've reminded myself about the pinch many times. I usually get a pinch when I'm avoiding confrontation, when I didn't get a question answered, or when I feel like I'm being a PITA. I just have to force myself to deal with whatever the issue is, and I always feel better after - relieved.

I'm pinching you ...

There are designers and designers. Some can only deal with surfaces because they don't know about construction. Also sounds like she wants "her" vision, not yours.

From what you describe she's not a good match for you.

I would ask a contractor about the ductwork -- in kitchens (especially with a Bluestar) you want it as close and short as possible but that doesn't mean it shouldn't go as you think.

I'm with pudgybaby.....I am not so sure you need a designer. It sounds to me like you have great ideas and know what you want. you are paying her to battle with you! Send her to the curb and bring your ideas here. You will get much more honest and valid responses from us than you will with her.

Lissa,

Sympathy, absolutely! But sympathy won't fix this. Taking a deep breath and doing a hard thing sounds like the only solution.

You've gotten some good advice already and perhaps have moved forward and don't need any more. Just encouragement that it's more than OK to do what you need to make this the k;tchen you want. It sounds like this person is threatened because maybe she is not able to think outside a very narrow box. Many professionals work this way, and most of the time it works for them. I guess that's where we get most of our "conventional wisdom". In the k;tchen, this works for clients who can't be bothered with details, but for you, having more knowledge and input than most of her clients (probably) it's a scary thing. She'll be exposed for having limited knowledge if she can't bully you into going with her choices in every decision. Maybe she doesn't like you because of that, but that's a problem for her to reflect on and deal with after you've let her go. Who knows whether she's aware of how she reacts to you but if it's intentional to coerce you, it's unconscionable.

It's easy for me to spout opinions when it's not me. I definitely sympathize with the difficult task of standing up for yourself in the face of "expertise". I will look for that "I fired her" post!

I agree - time to move on and find someone who shares your vision and can help you meet your specific needs.

My sympathies.
It sounds like YOU are a really kind soul, and that's a big part of why this is tearing you up. I think you know you need to fire her. That's always really hard, especially so when you like the person. You wouldn't do her any favors by staying with her-she is likely as stressed by this relationship as you are. If you finish your kitchen with her, she is likely to have an unsatisfied customer-not in her best interests!
I have been on both sides of this, and would encourage you to talk to her ASAP-this is not a problem that is going to get better on its own. Let her know you like her and that you have agonized over this decision, but that you need to end the working relationship. Tell her it's just not a good fit. Then stick to your guns. If she is a professional she will gracefully bow out, if not, just repeat yourself and say goodbye. You will be so relieved, and she may be too.
Best of luck-and it sounds like your kitchen will be great!

This is a crash course in getting older and wiser. You've already gotten past the initial disappointment when this person whose fashion sense didn't stretch far enough to include types of stone, fans, ducts and wall studs managed to say dumb things. I still cannot figure out what made her appear kind.

Everywhere I go, I meet up with resistance from people who have other paradigms in their head. Just plow through the resistance, by doing what you want without discussing it. Use any means to avoid discussion. She is not a discussant if she "all but cringes each time I suggest something I think will help our kitchen's efficiency".

It's a good idea to cut into the wall behind the fridge to recess it several inches and widen your galley kitchen's aisle at that point. Do you need to spend energy telling her about this? Here are some phrases that can make her change her view or fold.

"so, you'll do it after all" if she will still be involved somehow

"you'll see later: don't worry about this if you've never heard about this" if she will be more of a spectator than a supervisor

"can you refer me to someone who knows about these things already?" if she's only a kind soul with great fashion sense

You can use more of these short phrases when she's out of her depth in other areas too. What does a "designer" know about wall studs? Is that wall a load-bearing wall or not? That is a trick question: the only answer is a carefully worded response that includes a lot of double-checking in the future. Which brings me to Point #2: the limits or boundaries that apply to all professionals' body of knowledge. In those professions that are the hardest to get into, a code of conduct applies, which obliges the member not to stray and say idle comments in areas related to their expertise but not their area. In other types of professions, members have NEVER been obliged EVEN to think about this once. So, it's your turn now: you give this some thought. When you've decided how to approach her again, you shall get her to back off from her position of being an able commenter on everything, and you'll accomplish this by your new approach which is decisive and in charge, not asking for a discussion. I'll repeat this: she's out of her depth in several areas. I'l repeat this: you've made her into a busybody by not setting limits on her role.

I've known people who say that white tile will look constantly dirty. They have all changed their minds now.
I've known people who say that epoxy grout will just look as dirty as any other grout. They have all changed their minds now.

If she says that marble on a wall will look better, and that subway tiles will look dirty, she may be hoping to get you to produce the magazine worthy kitchen she wants to take photos of.

Meeting with the HVAC contractor without you is a big step in the wrong direction. Not only is she out of league technically, but she is taking on a General Contractor role, without your mandating her to do so. But maybe you have given her this role implicitly.

I've known people who are afraid of wall-mounted faucets because it means pipes will go in the walls. They have all changed their minds now. It can take years before they realize how silly it was to resist, when there are pipes everywhere else in walls throughout the house.

I've known people who are afraid of inline fans because they cannot see the motor as before. They have all changed their minds now. Totally, immediately, no questions asked; they love it immediately.

You said, "...Yikes! We already have several ducts in our roof that in the 35 years in the house have *never* let in snow or rain. I told her this and she just smile/grimaced and said more about lowering my expectations..." This confirms my two points above. One, she is not a party to discuss things with. Two, you ARE lowering your expectations now, about what she is qualified to do. You've said you "suspect that despite her experience in design, she doesn't have the first clue about functional, efficient kitchens" and you've said she didn't know how little it can cost to run a gas line to your stove. So you have my sympathy. The advice from me is to reduce her role, swiftly gently and firmly.

I've known people who say that soapstone will scratch just like you can scratch a bar of soap. They have all changed their minds now. When someone has never seen soapstone before, they ought to say so, if they wish to follow the Code of Conduct of a serious professional. What does she know? What do you confide to her?

I've known people who tell their hairdresser almost as much as they would tell their therapist.

I've known hairdressers who tell me they are qualified as therapists ALSO since they have so much life experience after dealing with the public and listening so much to people who sit still and tell them tons of things. Wow.

--

David

If all the great advice you got here isn't enough--I'm piling on. She's undermining your confidence and if she's saying this stuff to your face, what is she saying to the contractors and other people that you have to work with? They need to respect YOU, and do what YOU want, not what she wants, especially if what she wants is at odds with your goals. If you want your kitchen to turn out the way you want it to, without having to fight for every element, then let her go. It's not a good fit. I'm with the others--no matter how much you LIKE her, she's not helping.

Cj

So according to her you should lower your expectations because she is a lousy designer? I don't get it. I'm a teacher. If I told my students to not try so hard, to lower their expectations, to not want to be the best they can be - I'd get fired.

It sounds like your professional "working" relationship with her has been on a steady downhill decline on both sides. That path will eventually reach a breaking point for one (or both) of you, and it seems like you are very close to your breaking point. It's a very good thing if you can end the relationship BEFORE it hits the ugly point that happens if you wait too long. Perhaps if you ask yourself how bad it has to get, what does she have to do to irrevocably break the connection, it will help you make the decision. When "compromising" between what you want and what she wants, what gives her side any weight?

I'd wonder about venting over a window, too, because I wouldn't want the exhausted grease and stuff blown out the vent to settle on my view window below, eeeuuuwwww, the cleaning hassle on that!

YMMV, but I'd be ditching her now if it were my kitchen. I did ditch a designer and eat a $1500 deposit because he did not listen to MY wants and desires, and drew up a kitchen plan with MOST of my don't and nevers. And he was a KD. Please re-read live wire oak's post, and try to determine if this woman is actually a KD or not.

You are in charge. You can end the relationship with her. It is your kitchen and YOU get to say what is working for you. You can therefore say that she is not working for you. You don't have to give long explanations and examples, only say that you've decided to stop working with her.

Please let us know what you decide, and if you want any advice what to say, when, and how. Good luck with your kitchen!

Rosiew, thankfully I did move on and found the perfect cabinetmakers. I just wish I did it earlier than I did - ideally when I saw the first red flag.

Smiling, it sounds like we both had to eat $1500 with the wrong people before finding the right ones. Unfortunately I think it's not too uncommon. I like how you ask what gives her side any weight in making compromises.

Sometimes you wonder why some designers, fake, real, credentialed or otherwise, insist on their way - what's in it for them? After all, after your project is done they will walk away while you live with it. Why would they ever want to convince a client to do something that is against their vision? Wouldn't you think that could end with one unhappy customer?

Sometimes the motive eventually is revealed. As the confrontation with my wrong guy escalated, it came out that he wanted to take the summer off, but needed to bring in a little money to live on and wanted a cookie-cutter job he could hand off to his teenage sons. As my desires went outside of cookie cutter, it meant he would have to be involved and it was ruining his vacation plans, thus the pressure to do it his way. He actually admitted this.

Who knows what's driving this designer to insist on all these things her way. Best case scenario, it's a simple lack of knowledge. But even then, she should have the good judgement to know her limitations and the politeness to not be pushy and apply pressure.

If you needed one more vote - fire her. I learned the hard way with a house designer that didn't listen to me.

Sometimes professionals tell us what we don't want to hear, but would be better for us. I don't sense anything in your story that suggests this is the case with you.

Regarding the venting, I had a house with the vent motor on the outside, near a window, but it had cap of some kind that redirected the air flow away from the window and in the other direction. It was a good 15' to the next window.

I don't know squat about venting, but a setup like this might be an option for you.

I am appalled at the things your designer is saying. I think Live_Wire_Oak's post above said it best - Designers are NOT KD's.

I did use a designer for my kitchen, but in a very specific way, and I think the results were great. I used her solely for her "eye" for color. I designed the kitchen layout myself, with a little input from my cabinet supplier, chose the appliances and fixtures, worked with my electrician and contractor on mechanical issues, and basically made all choices non-color-related without a designer. But I am hopeless at color. So, I hired a designer on an hourly basis to help me choose wall paint color, granite, and backsplash. It was well worth the money to get her color expertise. But on the occasional times we chatted about layout, I thought her ideas were outmoded and not very functional. But her "eye" was great - every day I look at my granite and backsplash (don't forget the grout color--so hard to figure out!) and love them, and know I never could have chosen them without her.

If you like your designer as a person, and feel she has good "artistic" taste, do what I did, and change her scope of work to just aesthetic/color choices, not layout or mechanical choices. That way, you won't have to fire her, and it is a win-win for both of you.

I meant to add to my previous post, regarding your exhaust question, your instincts sound correct. However, you should post that specific question on the Gardenweb's Appliances Forum--be specific in your post and subject title that it is about exhaust and ducting. There are a few exhaust "gurus" there that will help you.

Here is a link that might be useful: Gardenweb's Appliances Forum

lissbell, your post could have been my post. I started out with a designer, not a KD, initially because all I thought I was going to do was give my kitchen a face lift - new stain, new color, new counters, new tile.

I liked her and her team right off the bat. She interpreted my vision and I loved the color scheme and finishes she recommended.

And then I found GW.

Bet you can guess where I'm going with this. ;-)

I still love the color scheme and finishes she suggested but as I learned more about kitchen function, I looked at my kitchen with a critical eye and saw its shortcomings. So I am changing my kitchen's layout. Because I had started with her, I felt I needed to continue with her but warning bells went off when I realized that I knew more about kitchen design than she did. I was having to do all the home*work for my layout and yet we'd be paying a hefty sum to have them as the GC for the project.

It's not a comfortable situation at all. I like them but I recognize that they aren't the right team to handle the whole project. I hope that a professional approach to this awkward situation will smooth things over so that I can hire them for color coordination only. Time will tell whether they will accept a smaller role with grace. But I know that if I don't follow my gut, I'll be sorry.

Best of luck to you.

You both may be sane, but you certainly aren't compatible!

I'm confused as to why you have all these contractors in while you are still arguing about cabinet, appliance,and ventilation options? Are they doing work or just planning it?

What state is the kitchen in right now? Can you stop everything, finalize your design on your own or with a more compatible and knowledgeable KD, and then restart the work?

You need to fire this woman ASAP! Like others have said, she may be a designer, but is clearly not a kitchen designer. The company that I chose to design and build my kitchen listened to all my ideas and worked very hard to make my kitchen exactly what I wanted. Sure, they had ideas that I hadn't thought of - some I went with, some I didn't. They certainly never tried to talk me into something just because that's "how they do it". You need someone who realizes that your kitchen is YOURS. At the end of the project they never have to see it again, but you will be looking at it for years.

Here is a link that might be useful: Wooden Concepts

I agree...kick her to the curb. Sounds like you have the design ideas and just need the expert to implement them. It is your kitchen, your money and your dream. Just explain that while you have enjoyed linking with her, she is not partnering with you on your project and you need to move on. Don't let her intimidate you either, she has not been working for you, she has been working for herself and that is not a team. Wham bam thank you mam. I can't believe she hasn't offered to bow out since she can't follow your directions...and seems to be in full conflict. Hang in there, find someone that will work for you.

What exactly does your designer mean when she talks to you about lowering your expectation? Is she implying things you want to do will be too rich for your budget or that your ideas simply won't work in your space?

You do sound like you are more knowledgeable than she is about kitchens (soapstone--engineered?!), but more importantly she sounds condescending and unwilling to consider your thoughts and opinions. It is your kitchen after all, and she should be working with you to implement your vision, not putting you down at every turn. At the very least she needs to know that she is working for you, and if that is not acceptable to her than it would seem she has to go.

I really think you have the knowledge to do this (plus a 24/7 sounding board here); trust your gut.

Good luck!

Bless those who disappoint you, for they are leading you toward a better path.

Tell her that as you let her go. And remember it for yourself. No victims, no bad guys, just bless and release . . . for both of you.

I ran into the same thing. She would make a face like "not what I would do" and then write down what I asked for. I stuck with her for a bit and then one day, I decided that I needed to listen to my gut and I dumped her. I actually asked for another designer at the same place b/c they were the only ones selling the particular line. Ultimately, I'm going with a different line anyway. But dump her if you're not comfortable. Too much money and choices you need to live with for a long time to work with someone you're uncomfortable with.

Lissbell...two things struck me about your post: first, clearly this is a
"designer" without vision. And secondly, she is out of touch with
materials and functional procedures commonly used in 21st Century
kitchens. The ventilation scenario was a real red flag for me.

As others have stated, it's in your best interest to fire this woman,
however "nice" she may be.

Oh wow. You sound like a very kind-hearted person to be putting up with your designer's denigrating comments. I agree with everyone that it's past time to let her go.

Fire her. Now.

She's provincial, to put it most kindly.

I didn't read all the responses but I'm sure lots of people have said this already.

RUN!!! Ditch her. Now. Tell her the first compromise you're going to make is to find a different KD. It's YOUR kitchen. Believe me when I tell you: EVERY THING you give in to her on, you will regret later. Yes EVERYTHING. Even the things she might might be right about (although nothing you mentioned above sounded like it was a situation you had no choice on).

You said you like her? What do you like about her? I can't say if she likes you or not, and that's not the issue anyway. The issue is that she wants to assert HER ideas, needs, choices, on you. Don't let her do it. And the very idea of her talking to your HVAC contractor and making ANY decision or directive without your input is horrific. I can't say this strongly enough. End your relationship with her immediately. Then contact all your contractors and tell them that anything she told them is null and void and to take their orders from you only.

Regarding your question about the vent, do it through the roof. Much better and that's the right way to do it.

Hi-
I haven't read the entire thread of responses, but wanted to address your blower vent question.
We originally installed a Thermador with an integral dual-motor blower. it was unbelievabley, ridiculously noisy. There was no way we could use it on a daily basis. So.... we purchased and installed a remote inline blower in the attic space (ours does vent through the roof, yup, in Maine with all this snow!). We also got a lenght of noise-reducing insulated ducting. It's sooooo much quieter now! I can't imagine why more people don't go this route.
For what it's worth, it seems to be MUCH cheaper to buy a separate blower and separate hood. The ones sold by the hood companies are way more expensive for some reason. I say get the hood you want, and have your HVAC guy set it up with a blower. Ours is by Fantech, I think. pick the CFMs you need, get a hood you like, a switch, some of the muffler ducting, and you're good to go :)

Oh my, I think it's certainly time to free her of the burden of your kitchen. She needs to go. Once you release her, she probably will try to stay, telling you that the two of you can work it out, and she can follow your ideas, blah blah blah....but then what is the point of that? Seeyalaterbye.

and yes, she must be nutty--no offense to anyone with a marble backsplash--but how does she figure it would be easier to clean than ceramic? I would think marble would need extra care.

I have a 42" hood, with a external 1200 cfm fan. I am sure you do not want it venting near the window where it will be coming back in. That baby is so strong, you can't even imagine the wind that whirls from the window to the hood.

Good luck...call her right now. You will sleep better tonight.

I want to thank you all for your responses. I wish I could say I had parted ways with the designer, but she is my mother's friend. I am stuck with her.

I have, however, with the help of this forum decided that it is *she* who is lacking information and making nutty decisions. I am henceforth not going to let her make me feel bad and self-indulgent. Instead I'm going to realize she really doesn't know enough about kitchen design to have a useful opinion.

You've helped so much. I'm going to stick to my guns. The vent is going to duct through the roof. I'm going to use an inline blower purchased through the local HVAC people. She can make faces at me until the cows come home.

I will also make sure that I have extensive interaction with the workers to be sure they understand my specs.

I'll get through this.

Not Nutty At All,
~Lissa

She may be your mother's friend, but unless you mother is paying her the relationship is just business to you. What you are describing is not a business relationship, it's a hostage situation. She's not going to stop being friends with your mother if you let her go.

If she is not providing value for her pay, she should be fired, and she should be told why. In the long run this might be good for her business -- sometimes we need a kick in the pants to fix things.

lissbell--I'm sorry, but I dont' think that the fact that she is your mom's friend is any reason for you to have to deal with this. So "kicking her to the curb", might not be right, but there are gentle ways of freeing yourself. I know you say you are stuck with her, but you really aren't.

Perhaps just a "I'm sorry, and I hope you don't mind but this isn't working out for me, thanks for all of your great advice but I've decided to complete this project on my own. Just let me know how much I owe you for your time." Let your mom know you are planning on doing this ahead of time. And being the big chicken that I am, I would do it over the phone!

I think you deserve to have someone who is completely on board helping you with this process, if not, then what's the point of them being involved?

If you have to keep her around and there is no way to free yourself, then I say make her job as small as possible. Take tasks over yourself, and you can just let her know, "oh, I did that already"

While I'd be firmly in the "throw her out" camp, lissbell sounds to nearly finished with the project. Bearing that in mind the fallout from the divorce could certainly outweigh the bit of aggravation she might get for the remainder of the project.

Sounds like she now has no problem telling this bozo "this is how it's going to be", end of discussion.

Lissbell, you said, ''I like her, but ouch, I think she really dislikes me.''

Relieve her of her pain of having to put up with you.

Ann Landers said it best: "No one can take advantage of you without your permission."

You might take a look at Melody Beattie's wonderful book, "The Language of Letting Go."

I just wanted to pass along my sympathies. Have you talked to your mother about this? Maybe explaining to her the problems that you've been having with her friend might help. If not, I understand, sometimes you just need to grin and bear it- but pass everything by this forum. If you do need to stay with her I'd ask her to refrain from saying that you need to "lower your expectations." You don't. You are paying the bills.

Good luck!

I do understand wanting to keep the peace, but I think AKChicago provided you with a fantastic solution - keep her as the "artistic designer," but make ALL the functional decisions yourself. And don't just talk to the contractors - do what Lowspark said and specifically tell them - I'd suggest in writing - that YOU have final say on everything, and that they are not to make any decisions without consulting you.

Good luck. I have to admit that I probably wouldn't fire my mother's friend, either, though I would make sure she didn't get to screw up my kitchen.

I would say because she is your mother's friend it's even more important to break ties now.

If not, there is potential to cause issues between either you and your mom or your mom and her friend. She's going to notice you aren't heeding her advice and who knows what she will do with that. Ignore it? Talk to your mom about it? Think her friend's daughter is a big problem? Start to lump your mom in with "problematic" you? The possibilities are endless and none are positive.

I sure hope you aren't paying her for her advice you don't plan on using.

The original guy I fired was the husband of someone I worked with at a volunteer organization. I knew it was going to keep getting worse and worse the deeper in the project got. Can you imagine the nightmare of a totally disappointing kitchen that I HATE and need ripped out because it ended up being HIS vision and not mine!?!

Sometimes when it's "personal" it's taken even less kindly when it becomes a tug-of-war for their way or your way and your ideas win.

You don't want to weave a tangle of a web with this lady especially cause she has "personal" ties. I would exit promptly to keep relationships intact.

I wish I could say I had parted ways with the designer, but she is my mother's friend. I am stuck with her.

I don't think you should make any decisions until you realize what a deeply wrong statement this is. Resisting that realization--"but you don't understand"..."but I can't, because..." is simply additional evidence of the problem.

Sorry, but you came here for opinions, and now you've got one.

So, you are going to have her kitchen? Forever?

If you don't think she likes you she probably doesn't. Maybe she feels trapped into continuing with this job because you're her friend's daughter. Is your mom really scary or what?

If your mom's friend were advising you on a dress to buy for $100 that you absolutely hated, would you buy it? I'm guessing that you would not. And yet you're going to let her advise you on spending thousands of dollars on something way more permanent than a dress simply to avoid hurting her or your mother's feelings? I'm sorry but that just sounds so unwise.

She must realize that you have completely different visions by now. So telling her that and severing your relationship is best all around. To be honest, if your mother and/or the friend gets mad, I have to wonder where their hearts are. Are they (especially your mother) interested in seeing that you get the kitchen of your dreams or not? And if not, why not?

This may sound harsh but I simply cannot imagine working with someone who knocked my tastes, needs and wants time after time, regardless of who they were.

Ever try to help someone get out of a physically/mentally/emotionally abusive relationship and watch them stay and stay and stay?

No one can make anyone else break free if they don't have the starch to do it themselves.

You'll know when you've suffered enough.

If you have drawings of your kitchen, cabinets have been ordered, and some other details have been done -- and it seems like you have a better grip on those than she does, you really don't need a designer for the day-to-day stuff.

I had a kitchen designer I wasn't really happy with, for some of the same reasons -- didn't like my taste, didn't see eye-to-eye on many things. So after a very short period of time, I paid the person off and did things myself. I am happy with the results.

How about this idea -- You wrap up the MINIMUM of what you absolutely need her for, in record time, thank her and pay her off. I understand this is complicated. You don't stop the process, you ACCELERATE it. (Even by appearing to agree with her if necessary.)

But you can also be firm and deaf. You can use phrases like "yes, I know, but that decision's been made. So, now about the pendant ...

Then, once she's out of the picture, you can deal with/ undo the stuff you need to, directly with the contractor. I definitely altered stuff that was on the drawings that I didn't like.

They don't need new drawings to change a duct or even other changes. You might have a chat. Unless it's someone she brought on board.

You might have to tell a couple of fibs to your mom about why the trucks are around for a couple of weeks longer than your friend, but in the end, who is she going to pick, you or her friend? If this is really her friend, she must know she has the ability to make people crazy!

Yes, it's a bit of a waste, but you won't be aggravated and backtracking on your own decisions and wondering if you're crazy.

I'm not anti designer. I don't think this board proves we're smarter than designers. A good designer is a wonderful thing and definitely worth the money. But a bad designer is not, and when possible, you should be able to thank them politely, pay for the work they have done and walk away.

Good luck!

Lissa - I can certainly understand your desire not to fire your mother's friend. I would though - thank her profusely for all of the wonderful help and guidance she has given you, you just don't know how you could have done it without her. And never call her again or hold another meeting. As someone with strong and definite opinions, I can advise you that when you stick to your guns while still involving her is going to cause HUGE conflict -

Were you just venting, or were you serious where you said, "I'm beginning to wonder why I'm continuing with my designer?"

If you're serious, you seriously need to let her go. Remodeling is stressful enough without having someone aboard that ridicules your every decision. It's your home. It's your decisions.

I do have to say that in my bathroom remodel we're now completing, I REALLY, REALLY wanted white subway tile. My husband said it looked too ordinary and didn't want it. $1,900 later and a travertine that I'm OK with......I would have rather had my subway tile. Don't regret your decisions.......go with something you love.

The important part of Stlouie's story is that her husband also has to live with the bathroom, and it's perfectly acceptable--in fact better!--to compromise one's vision in order to end up with something that both members of a marriage enjoy.

So does this KD you feel stuck with live with you? Is she doing the cooking? Is she paying for it? Is she raising your children in that kitchen and checking their homework? There is no reason to compromise with someone who has no stake in the outcome.

Yes, you can fire her. She knows as well as you do that you have different visions. Because she's your mom's friend, you might be better to eat it if she overcharges you a little rather than rocking the boat, but save your sanity and remove her from your project. It's hard enough when the workmen make honest mistakes that you'll always notice, without having someone trying to design them in whom you have to defend your kitchen against!!!

Getting into the fray late, but wanted to make just one, okay maybe two comments.

This designer might be perfectly fine but your time w/ her has ended. I think everyone agrees on that point.

42 inch hood 1200 CFM. I'm assuming then the range is the 36" model. That would be good (6" overage). 1200 might be considered a tad much for 22k btu, but that's okay. If you fry a lot, that's the way to go for sure. Venting is all about the building code. If the HVAC guy said it was possible, then it must be to code. It will have to vent no lower than 84" from the ground on the exterior. Not sure what relationship that is to your windows, but the dispersal rate of fumes at 1200 really should not come back into the house. What I would be concerned w/ is your budget. Usually a hole in an exterior wall is much, much cheaper than a hole in the ceiling/roof. Maybe she was trying to keep the budget intact. I'm not trying to side w/ your designer, it's obvious she doesn't articulate well which makes me wonder under what circumstances would I make the venting suggestion. But absa-lutely, if you're looking to reduce noise or that exterior wall is facing a lovely patio, then inline blower in the attic is a great idea.

i agree, time to let her go and trust in yourself - you have excellent ideas and you can do it!!!