Better!

16 years ago

I'm happy to report that DSGS is doing so much better since his visit with his brother. He volunteers to take showers on gym days because he doesn't want to smell "slimy". He used to take showers once or twice a week and it was always a big struggle and he wouldn't shampoo his hair. Just recently I had to send him back 2-4 times until he got it right. We stressed the importence of good hygiene and it seems he finally gets it.

Now when I send him to empty the dishwasher, instead of balking at the idea, he reloads it on his own. Wow! And he is now volunteering to wash his own laundry, fold it and put it away after he learned how at school. What a turn around. He's also been perfect at not wetting the bed. Recently, he admitted doing it because he liked it, said with a happy smirk.

Comments (7)

sjerin
16 years ago
Wow, what a turnaround. All this happened after the visit with his brother? The importance of family has really come home to me after my elderly friend died yesterday. Technically she died of renal failure, but I noticed that several weeks ago she just stopped eating and drinking, due to depression. She had health problems but the biggest sadness in her life was that her kids didn't visit or call her. It broke her heart, and I know that's what she really died of. I'm so glad for you and for your dgs that he is so much happier and cooperative now. You're doing a very good thing for him and I applaud you for it.
dirt_yfingernails
Original Author
16 years ago
I think seeing his brother was a big part of it, plus being in seventh grade has also been a big part of it too with increased responsibility. And his special ed teacher last year I think goaded him on to misbehave at times. (DH was school board chair 2 years ago during the LONG and acrimonious teacher's strike and she was head of the union)

His brother was responsible for DGS's mental and behavior problems. He mentally and physically tortured him until he came to live with us. It was good for DGS to hear his brother's heartfelt letter of apology to him and puddled up, nearly crying. It was part of his brother's treatment protocol to go to a less restrictive facility and one he steadfastly refused to comply with for over a year. After a year or two in the facility the brother may be allowed to, for the first time, go live with his mother. She has cleaned up her act and stayed off drugs for a couple of years and is in the process of getting her youngest son back. We'll keep this DGS because he is special needs and the kind of education he needs is not available in the state his mother and grandmother live in.
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dirt_yfingernails
Original Author
16 years ago
Not better :( Note from teacher says he has come to school the last few days smelling like urine. So he's back to bedwetting, which he says he enjoys, with a huge smirk on his face. He also wore his shirt inside out and when a student reminded him, he threw a pencil at him and screamed at him. He was uncooperative the rest of the day and was sent to the principal's office. Now he has lost Wii and TV privileges the rest of the week as well as gained extra chores. And showers in the morning instead of evening. Grrrrr!!!!!!!
sjerin
16 years ago
Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that-- nice while it lasted, huh? You have a lot on your plate, Ladyjane, and I hope he improves very soon.
dirt_yfingernails
Original Author
16 years ago
He's behaving again now, thank goodness. He sure tries my patience sometimes. He may get his Wii back for the weekend if he has a good day today. But no TV until the following weekend. He was to have no TV until this weekend, but I turned on the TV after work and it came on to the cartoon channel one night and I caught him red-handed the following night, sneaky Pete. Hopefully he learns to follow the rules someday.
dirt_yfingernails
Original Author
16 years ago
By the way, at the new treatment facility, DGS's brother re-offended sexually in a couple of days. This after 19 months in an intensive treatment center for offenders. DH and I are so disappointed in him. Only 14 years old and probably untreatable after nearly 5 years in the system. DH has spent a lot of his time visiting him, buying occasional gifts like books, etc. in the hopes he would positively respond to his treatment. I was not allowed to visit because I'm not a blood relative and they greatly restrict any women visiting there because of the nature of the boys' offenses.
seekingadvice
16 years ago
How did I miss this post?? Sorry, d--I've been busy organizing my dad's 80th birthday party, which we hosted at our house last weekend. It went well but I'm glad to have it behind me.

I'm sorry things didn't continue smoothly. I wish life could give you more smooth patches, don't you?

I don't know what to say about your DGS's brother. Obviously, it is always going to have a significant impact on DGS emotionally. It is very hard to distance yourself from a sibling, even when that may be what's needed. I applaud your efforts to give these boys a chance, and hope that you find success and your DGS manages to work through all of his challenges. I don't envy you but certainly admire your courage and strength.