Probably shouldn't post, but just need a low key place to let out the flood that seems to have settled in over the past couple days.

So many things, yet so trivial. Everyone seems to be moving along, so many new kitchens here, so many people making big decisions, and so many who have actually done TWO kitchens since we started ours.

I thought the DIY was a great idea, great money saving avenue, we did it before, with great results, but now I realize that 20 years added to age is a hindrance.

I'm second guessing all the decisions made. The two sets of french doors, with full glass, now I think they may be too modern looking. Wishing we had gone with the paned doors. The range sits in the kitchen, not using, not knowing whether to insist on them making it really right.

Floors will be next, I'm second guessing them. DH is on vacation next week to install, I don't know where to transition them in the oddness of the wood floors surrounding the tile taken out. But, we have to get them in before the cabinets can get started. Now, I'm thinking it would be so much easier to put wood in. But, we have all that terracotta sitting in the garage.

And, we are faced with raising the existing cabinets. The cabinet maker says we need to, our floors will be 1" thicker than the old ones. And, it reminds me of what Bob Vila told us back in 1987, "Expect these old houses to mushroom". The 100 year old farm house had it's own personality, and everything we did led to something else having to be done. I didn't expect that in this newer house. If we raise the cabinets, we will have to replace the window in front of the sink because it goes to the counter. Mainly, on the existing L, it's just the dishwasher that would be an issue putting in, and I'm thinking, can't we just put in a tall dish-drawer there and be good? ANYTHING to keep from having to do all that extra work, expense on window, brick on house, and more. I could put another dishwasher in the baking area, or even in the island, I don't know what to do.... No other area of the kitchen would be affected, it's all new. I would have to have him shorten the drawer base and spice pullouts next to the range, but that seems like less trouble. But, then would the range be higher than the cabinets? AAARRGGGHHH

Then, yesterday, I went upstairs to the empty bedroom where all the kitchen stuff is stored, and saw the box of cookbooks, the accessories to the range, ice cream maker, dishes, all the stuff that's been put away for over a year and hasn't been used. It was a let down.

But, it's just stuff. The memory of my nephew is still front and center on my mind after a year and a half of his passing. He was a son to me. We practically raised him and his brother for several years. Not that they didn't have parents, my brother and SIL were great parents and they had a wonderful family, but I was the stay at home mom, and I kept them for years, took them to school, baseball practice, basketball, never missed a game. Even after we moved, we still went to the games, went to all his golf tournaments all through high school. Oh, I miss him so. Even till the day he died, he wanted to come here, because he thought I was the best cook in the world. But, I didn't want to cook that Christmas. I feel so guilty.

Maybe it's just fatigue. Maybe we should just hire out the rest to be done. Or at least some of it. Something to think about. Didn't go to sleep until 4am this morning from thinking about those darn cabinets having to be raised and trying to come up with another solution. Haven't done a thing today.

Oh well, not to go on and on and on, just reading GW, looking for solutions, found a place I could just let it all out and be totally honest and OT.

Pay no attention, it's just one of those days.