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Job search update!

Posted by snookums (My Page) on
Fri, Jun 2, 06 at 14:34

Nothing for sure yet...but...

He's had three interviews, all went well. They are checking his references and doing a background check this week (good sign). Next Wednesday, he has his first of two panel interviews. Wednesday is back to back hour long interviews with different people in the company for three hours and then the 2nd one is on Monday the 12th for four hours.

He's nervous, and I don't blame him, but I think he'll do fine. There could be light at the end of the tunnel for us! It really sucks being this broke. This is for a VP of IT position with a large nationwide hotel company. His commute would be cut to about 20 miles each way - it's 54 miles each way now!

Please keep your fingers crossed!


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: Job search update!

Wow, wow....as a German roommate used to say to me, "I'll press my thumbs for you" :) 54 mile commute really *stinks*.

I know a bit of how you feel...we've been living on a bare-bones budget for a couple of years since DH took his most recent job (pay cut, but much more fun for him, which is important)...it seems that he's starting to be recognized for his abilities now (as he should be!) and there is the slightest little bit of light beginning to glimmer in the distance...


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Good Luck Snookums! I'm in Hospitality IT and it's a fun business. If there's any way I might be able to help, please e-mail me privately.


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Good luck for your DH snookums.
DH went to the 2nd/3rd round of interviews today. Poor guy, it was pouring rain and he got a flat tire! He had to change the tire in his suit, was given the wrong address, and was 10 min late (he'd timed it where he would have been 30 min early). He sat there dripping for the entire interview.
He's interviewing for IT VP and CTO positions too. The market has really recovered in the last couple of years but the whole job hunting process is so much pressure.
Here's wishing both our DH the best!


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Keeping my fingers crossed for your dh too, ang! A flat tire - that's just unbelievable. Hopefully they understood.

We've been through so much in the past 10 months that this would be such a huge accomplishment, and a huge relief, and a huge opportunity! He's been looking for a chance to move out of the credit union industry for a while now...(they don't pay very well)...thought he had that chance with Disney, but to no avail... We are hoping hoping hoping that this is the ONE where he can finally settle down and we can stop living a life of worry.

HOPING! Gosh I wish time would just move faster so that we can know for sure. :) Sigh....


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I forgot to mention we'll know for sure by Wed. There are 3 candidates including DH and the other 2 interview early next week.
DH is playing it cool, but I think now that he's really learned the scope of the position he's really excited. I, OTOH, am just sick with nervousness. He's so incredibly smart and talented and this job will allow him to use all of his skills.
A couple of years ago, he was offered and declined a CIO position. On paper, it was a wonderful opportunity, but he knew after the first office visit that the overall climate wasn't a right fit. It was hard to step away but he knew it was the right decidion. With this company, he knows he's a great fit and would help them reach great new heights. It will be such a real disappointment if he doesn't get it.
Isn't so much easier when the job *isn't* perfect?


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Good luck to you both!


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angc - hear anything yet?

Dh's first panel interview is this afternoon. I'm nervous! He has a cold too, so he's nervous about being on top of his game.

The 2nd and longer panel interview is Monday. We also found out on Friday that there is one other candidate - he and this other guy are the final two. (nervous sigh...)

Keep your fingers crossed and say a prayer, please! :)


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He thinks he nailed it! YEAH! This was four separate interviews today. Whew.

2nd panel interview is Monday.


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They can't drag him through much more...verging on cruel and unusual...hire him already!!!


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Oh but they can... and I'm sure they will! We were told that this is normal for VP and up positions... they certainly are crossing their t's and dotting their i's! I wouldn't be surprised if they haven't driven by our house too. He had also been told from one of the persons interviewing him yesterday that a final part of the process will be being taken out to dinner by the CEO including his wife and ME.

Oh my God, I certainly don't want to blow it for him! What will I wear/do/order/say?

This is interesting too - one of the interviews on Monday will be by his potential future staff.


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Wow. Dinner. That's anxiety producing just reading about it!

Wardrobe inventory now; if you don't have the right thing, now's a good time to go buy exactly what would work best, yes? Makes sense that he'd have an interview with his potential future staff, though--hope he can begin some good relationships there.

Continuing to press my thumbs :)


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"wear/do/order/say?"

wear? familiar, comfortable, understated, elegant. = no panty hose, stilettos, hardwire undies, cleavage, fussy bows, etc. Understated, neutral, forgiving, but a little fun or stylish. Think Chico's or the like. One great piece of jewelry or scarf or something with a little punch. Stop at that.

do? Relax and focus on others rather than your own "performance stress". Have at most one drink. Laugh. Look people right in the eye and listen with interest.

order? What you want to eat! But avoid stinky or soupy, messy, sloppy foods (French onion soup, spaghetti, ribs, and other challenges)

say? Nothing political or religious or bawdy. Weather, cities, hometowns, travel, sports, - all safe topics. Admiring a watch or other item is good filler. "Are you originally from this area" takes you to "You lived in XYZtown? Lovely/exciting/interesting town/city/climate, what was it like there?" or "How did you come to be a ...." Open ended questions are way better than yes/no questions. You can always fall back on "That's really interesting what you said about.... Tell me more..." Good to scan the papers, internet and/or news magazines for some current event topics. Shoot, just from hanging around here you could chat on the emergence of the Internet as a resource tool/support network, blah blah, blah.

It'll be fine. The most successful people in business have an uncanny way of talking to you as if you were the most interesting and remarkable person in the world. They look right at you, head slightly tilted, all responsive nods, smiles and questions... - with absolutely no hint of fakery. You will feel quite comfortable if they have the kind of people skills they should at that level. So watch and learn how it is done. You could be hosting one of these dinner things someday.

BTW, not only does my DH get input from the workgroup in a big hire, but he also definitely finds out how the secretaries and everyone else in the building were treated in passing. Couple people lost their chance by being rude to somebody who "didn't matter". They do.

Best of luck. Be sure DH knows to look people in the eye and listen well too.


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Celticmoon,

Oh he knows...I'm not worried about him at all. He's such a people person. Very outgoing (sometimes almost too outgoing). I, unfortunately, tend to clam up and not talk much if I'm around unfamiliar people. I think I'm definitely going to need that one drink.

You have some GREAT advice there - I even printed it out. LOL You should be a life coach!

I'm just so afraid that I won't fit the "image" of the type of "wife" they anticipate their executives to have...I know that's totally shallow, but it's such the case in my area. Did you ever catch The Real Housewives of Orange County? That's where I live (in the town it was filmed in)...and I'm SO not like that. Hence my worry...

I know I just need to be myself and relax...and not order messy food...

And he needs to first do well at Monday's interviews in order to get to that dinner at all!


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We went through that 'out-to-dinner' interviewing years ago. DH was told later that he got the job over the Harvard LS grad because we had good table manners and were polite to the wait staff. Not chummy, but thanked them when they filled a glass or cleared a plate.

Basics, basics, basics. You'll be fine- they will enjoy you as much as we do!


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snookums, in a way I am a life coach (psychologist). LOL.

But as I work only with way, way seriously ill, these thoughts don't come from that part of my life. Rather, from wanderings in my sister's corporate stratosphere and observations about DH's management world.

I think it is all going to be fine. Best of luck to DH in the next round of interviews. Keep us posted!


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I went through one of those "dinner with spouse" selection processes once too. I wonder what they are looking for. Somehow I don't think I fit the bill - had an executive level position of my own and thus would not be freely available to take care of everything around the homefront for the DH. Do you think they are trying to find out things they can't just come right out and ask? Is it legal to even ask marital status in an interview?

Snookums - how's the pet sitting business?


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Is it legal to ask marital status in an interview - good question, I have no idea! He said they did ask him all kinds of unique questions, such as what do you do in your spare time, what time do you get up in the morning, what sports did you play in high school? Dh thought that was, well...interesting. Not offensive, but interesting. He played water polo, and for some reason they liked that answer. LOL

Pet sitting business is starting up, slowly but surely. My first big ads ran this week. So far I have one job booked (10 days, four visits a day, for two pugs) and a couple of other prospectives.


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Yes, it is illegal to ask marital status in an interview.

Snookums, these questions your DH was asked in the interview don't seem odd- the kind of person an employee is 'outside' the job certainly may have a bearing on how well s/he may get along with fellow employees, as well as a general 'good fit' with the company.

For instance, an interviewee who indicates that s/he watches TV in his/her spare time, gets up right before leaving for work, didn't play any sports (I think they're looking for the ability to 'teamwork') in high school will give a dramatically different impression than someone who, for instance, does woodworking or volunteers in one's spare time, is an early riser (quiet time/works out or has a chance to read newspapers) and made a commitment to a team sport, where (hopefully) s/he was coachable, worked well with others for a common goal and learned to think on his/her feet- all excellent indicators of teamwork skills.

I am oversimplifying, but you get my drift. Caveat- these questions can uncover some issues which employers are forbidden by law to bring up (marital status, intention to have children, status as caregiver for an elderly parent, a personal illness or diability) and which may used by an employer in making a decision nonetheless. Interviewees beware.

Ooh, and congrats on your first job- the puggies will be very appreciative!


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Very good points you all make - though he probably knew that, I'm clueless!

Makes me think of myself - I didn't play high school sports (I'm horribly un-athletic) but I WAS the sports editor of the school newspaper! (It was a great way to meet cute boys!) LMAO!


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It's Monday!
Just want you to know that we're thinking of you and crossing our fingers...

Good luck to your DH!


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Hey snookums, a signficant part of my job is taking customers out to lunch - lucky me! Here are a few tips for getting through it. First and most important is "active listening". Even if you don't say a word, pay close attention. Nod, make appropriate noises, etc. Don't get bored. You never know when a question will come your way related to the conversation at hand.

You may also want to pay close attention to body language, and perhaps practice "body mirroring". If the person speaking is leaning forward, you lean forward. If they're leaning back relaxing, you lean back and relax. Actually sometimes if they're leaning back I'll break the rule and lean forward - it just depends on the situation. If the other spouse looks bored, feel free to start a small, quiet side conversation with him/her.

Regarding food, expect to leave hungry. I eat about 1/2 what I usually eat during a business meal. Focus on the conversation, not the food. You don't want to have an upset stomach, or be so full it slows you down. I can't tell you how many times I had to eat lunch after eating lunch, if you know what I mean. Don't take the leftovers home.

By all means dress conservatively, but also nicely. By that I mean break out the Armani, and leave the Target special at home. It's not an evening at the opera, but it's not a trip to Denny's either. Actually you may not want to wear the Armani - I try to dress like my customers, but just a tiny bit nicer. You probably don't want to go for that tiny bit extra, but do try to dress appropriately.

For conversation, seek to compliment rather than dominate. Be on the lookout for something non-work related that your hosts are interested in, and express interest. If it's a mutual interest, remember that you want to hear their opinions and have a conversation, not be a showoff. It's also very important, extremely important, to relax and be yourself. Don't try to pretend you're someone you're not as that will always show. Just be yourself, but a little more polite than usual.


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chiefneil, isn't that mirroring body language phenomenon interesting? I find that when I'm in good conversations, I'll suddenly notice that the other person and I are pretty much mirroring each other. Fascinating, and very usable. As long as you're not obvious about it.

LOL about taking leftovers home :) (snookums, not even if you say they're for the pugs! :))


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Break out the Armani? Whooboy, I'm way out of my league here! LOL! I've never owned anything Armani or similar in my life! Neither has dh! I really need to think about what I'd wear...or go shopping...

He's there right now...he called me about 1/2 and hour ago to tell me (whispering) that it was going well, but that the other candidate is there too. Cross your fingers tightly! I asked him what he thought about him, and all he said was "he's wearing a beige suit. I'm wearing dark grey. I wonder if I should have worn the beige one." LOL I told him that dark grey was more interview-appropriate.

If he doesn't get this job, it isn't because he didn't try hard enough. He also took in tow (upon their request) copies of some of his past work, ROI models, board packs, proposals, blueprints, photos, everything.

Cross your fingers, pray, send pixie dust, good thoughts, do whatever it is you do, that this goes well and they ask him back!


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Haven't been posting much, but I've been following the progress. Keeping my fingers crossed for you both!

Ann


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OMG, I'm so scared right now I'm shaking. Apparently "someone in the industry" told his boss that he is looking for a job. We don't know who. Dh didn't admit it (it is, after all, personal) and why would he? He certainly doesn't want to seem unloyal but the fact remains that he can't afford to work there indefinitely. He and his boss had it out and he is now so scared right now that he's going to lose this job because of all these interviews. If he doesn't get this new job, and he loses his current job, that's it, we're done, bankrupt, as we are already in the red as it is. We'll lose our house. We'll lose everything. We'll be out on the street.

Please pray for us. :(


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Oh dear - the saga continues. It doesn't seem like he'd lose his job because some anonymous person told his boss he's supposedly looking for a job. However - what do you mean by "he and his boss had it out"?

Hope the new job interview process wraps up soon since you'll certainly be a nervous wreck until then. Try not to panic and start thinking of all the worst things that could possibly happen. Have faith that everything will work out for the best. I always believe they do - and according to a grand plan that we earthly mortals do not comprehend.


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Employment laws are prety strict these days. It's my impression that you can't generally fire someone on a whim - you have to have a cause, and that cause has to be documented along with efforts to correct it. If your husband stays mum on the subject he should be fine.

In all the companies I've worked at, it's been a major hassle and long drawn out process to fire someone. And that's just at the individual contributor level, not upper management. The IT market and hospitality industry are both pretty small worlds, so it's not surprising that it would get back to his employer that he's looking.

My advice would be not to worry about it too much. But your DH should keep his head down and continue to do his job without making waves.


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By had it out (from what he told me) was that his boss was just telling him to be honest, he's looking for a job, dh denying it, telling him that he wasn't being honest about why he took most of the day off (which he's right on) - he told him that he was taking his mother to the airport as he and his sister were leaving for Greece for two and a half months this afternoon - which is true - that's where he would have been if he didn't have this interview and I wound up taking them to the airport instead (dh is from Greece). He never would have second guessed him (he's been very flexible) if it weren't for someone tipping him off. This is what dh is most upset about. The ONLY people he's told about the prospective new job (at least what he's shared with me) are people on his reference list and he only shared it with them once the company he's interviewing with told his headhunter that they were ready to check his references. That was about two weeks ago. So it seems that someone has betrayed his confidence. That REALLY sucks. The credit union industry is small, the CEO's and senior vps all over the region are all chummy with each other, so this really was risky to share, but he had to share because he didn't want them to get a call from the new company without knowing that they were going to get one first, ya know?

He's only been at his current job since September after his fiasco with Disney if you all remember, so I suppose his boss feels a bit betrayed himself.

I'm starting to wonder if it's best to just be honest with him - I mean, he knows anyway, if he's not bluffing...

Oh, and the other thing? The staffer that does night backups left about two months ago, so dh (the COO) and his boss have been taking turns staying late (about an hour) to do the backups. Except Mondays - dh leaves at 5 (which is when they officially get off work) to drive the hour and a half home so he can take the dog to puppy kindergarten at 7 pm. His boss was upset at THAT - saying that HE shouldn't have to stay late at ALL to do backups because dh is operations and that's his job. But they won't let him hire someone to replace the guy that left. Money is tight (which is why dh won't get a raise until September, and it'll be small, which is why he started looking...)

The other sticky situation is that dh is supposed to start a week vacation on Thursday. Now he's scared to. What was the last straw at Disney was when he went on a business trip and while he was gone, his boss starting flipping things upside down and his staff attempted a mutiny. The only reason he was given for his termination was "dissention of staff" - the best translation I have for that is that his staff didn't want to listen to him anymore. Oh, and his Blackberry meeting reminder chirp bugged her - remember that? So you can see why he's freaked out. I'm worried though that if he cancels his vacation that his boss will be even more annoyed. I think it's best to use these two days to really try to patch things up. I don't know how that will go though. I've only met this boss once.

In better news though, the interview went really well. What he hears tomorrow I think will make a big difference (good or bad) in how we're feeling about all this.

The biggest boon to the vacation was that if they call him back for another interview (which they will, hopefully - the CEO interview would be next), he'd be on vacation so he wouldn't have to take even MORE time off, which will be pretty much impossible to do now that his boss knows what's going on.

Ugh. That's all my brain can think right now.


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Oh Snookums!! Take a big, deep breath. You have to remember that 99% of the things we worry about never happen. The thought of the "what ifs" is often worse than an actual events that occur! You are NOT going to lose it all. Though your paycheck may come from one source, your resources don't end there. If your mind wants to take you down that road, go briefly. Then realize that most of the other things you've fretted and worried about did NOT happen, and rather, have turned out well.

(Take it from a world-class, grade-A worrier.)


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Snookums- You sound as stressed out as I felt last week1 DH was supposed to find out last Wed. The kids and I have been on vacation for the last 8 days. Wed came and went and no call, no email, nothing. I *so* want DH to follow up (he sent a Thank You note but nothing else). He "doesn't want to bug him". It's not "bugging" IMO, it's showing interest and enthusiasm.
I'm guessing it's a moot point though. It's a really small company and DH interviewed with the CEO, so there's no HR shuffle or anything. I guess no news is bad news. I just wish he'd call the guy already and get the official rejection.
Oh well...back to the great job hunt and good luck to your DH, snookums!


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Ang - my first thought is that no news is better than bad news. Maybe they haven't made up their mind yet? Surely most companies would at least have the courtesy to call and say that they went with someone else. Since you haven't had that call yet, maybe he's still in the running. Or - maybe they've offered it to someone else and they're thinking about the offer, and don't want to tell your dh that they went with someone else until they are sure that they have secured that person and the person has accepted the offer. I'm guessing that could be a likely scenario too.

Funny you should mention thank you notes as we are sitting here pondering if he should send them to those that participated in the panel interviews.

Things went better for him at work today. His boss seems to have cooled off and told him that he's a hard person to be upset with because he's so likeable. But he's not taking his vacation. :( He's only taking Thursday as that's the day of my son's 5th grade graduation and he was able to schedule the CEO interview for that afternoon. He was told they would make a decision by Friday or Monday.


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Well, you gotta hear this.

He didn't get to meet with the IT team (his potential future staff) on Monday, so he had an appointment at 6:30 this evening with them for that interview. He gets there, and they are all frantically working on a hotel that is down.

It's after 8 pm, and he just called me. So guess what dh is doing during his interview...it's more hands-on than he expected! He's there with them, eating pizza, bringing this hotel back online.

If THAT doesn't get him this job, I don't know what will! This is really a great opportunity for him to show his stuff - his IT knowledge and his skills as a leader.

He meets with the CEO tomorrow at 4 (he has tomorrow off for ds's graduation). Everyone he's now interviewed with (dozens) will meet Friday morning to throw all the cards on the table to make a decision. There is still the other candidate.

Please keep pressing your thumbs together!


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Snookums........I keep reading your saga and can tell how nervous you are, take a deep breath and maybe a drink! LOL
Your sweet husband has done the very best he can do and it's in someone elses hands now. Thinking of you both. susan


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You're so right, that may have been the perfect opportunity for your DH to really show them what he can do. That really gives him a leg up on the competition. It also let him see what working for the company is really like. Nothing like a crisis to spotlight everything, good and bad.
An update on our situation. DH hard rumors last week of massive layoffs. We've heard it before, so he didn't think much of it. He found out last night they're laying off 30% of the corporate workforce! We'll know today how it will affect his position. I'm remaining calm at this point, but this changes everything. Maybe now he'll call that guy back!


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Thumbs pressed, snookums...

I have a gut feeling that last night was some sort of kismet thing. Did they get the hotel back online? If so, THAT is a trial by fire. If I were one of his future staff, I'd sure want to give him the job. But then again I'd have given it to him a long time ago :)

angc, read your news and pressing thumbs for you too.


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Snookums, what a perfect opportunity for DH last night. If the fit is right for DH and them, it is now obvious to all!!

PS what are pressed thumbs? (pumping my fist instead)


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Pressing your thumbs together is another way of crossing your fingers, throwing salt over your shoulder, wishing for a good outcome. :)

Yes, he got the hotel back online (of course he did!) and apparently this morning the entire IT staff told the CEO that they were very impressed.

The CEO interview was this afternoon and dh said it went very, very well. We were told we would know something by tomorrow or Monday. I hope tomorrow, or this is going to be a long, anxious weekend!

Of course, we have no idea how the other candidate is doing in all this. They have told dh that the other candidate is equally qualified and that it will be a very hard decision.

I was joking with dh today that it feels like we are contestants in some reality show and that we are down to the final two...

Ang - of course I'm pressing thumbs for you guys too. The job market is so scary these days.


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I think he got it!! Really. Helping get the hotel back up was Kismet. Fate. Karhma. Whatever.

He got it.

Hope they tell you tomorrow!


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I've consulted my dowsing pendulum again. It says that snookums's DH will get the job, but unfortunately angc's DH will not be offered a job.

hoping that it's wrong, angc...


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Ouch uxorial, I hope your pendulum needs tuning, at least regarding my DH :-).
DH was told today that it will be at least another week before a decision is made, but he's still definitely in the running.
The layoff rumors were true, BTW. At this point it's voluntary and there is a very nice severance package so that's it may not be a bad thing. We're weighing some options.

snookums- Here's hoping you get the word today so you can enjoy the weekend. Please let us know!


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angc, hope that one way or another (nice severance packages can be *extremely* positive, from what I hear) your DH arrives at a positive next step...they need something to break down so he can come save the day!


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*tears*

He didn't get it. They said it was a really hard decision, but the other candidate had worked for larger companies in the past, and they felt he'd be better able to tackle project management on a large scale than dh would coming from the credit union industry. They felt that dh had better technology experience, but that the other candidate was more experienced in project management.

NOT TRUE, dh is VERY experienced in that area and could easily have handled this company, but what can we do. We don't know what the other guy was bringing to the table.

Ok, but there's good news too. Two tidbits of them.

The guy from the hotel company knows of a CIO position at another company that they are associated with. He wants to refer dh to them with glowing recommendations. Of course dh said yes.

The second good tidbit is from the headhunter. The position that dh interviewed for a few weeks ago (with a large bank) originally went with another candidate - dh came in too late in the game and they were in the final selection process. Anyway, the guy the offered it to didn't take the job - apparently his current employer met the bank's offer and so he turned down the job. So they want dh to come back for another interview - and that's set up for Tuesday. It's for VP of Technology.

So.... sigh.

At least we aren't sitting here wondering all weekend. I'm glad they told him today.


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(((snookums & Mr. snookums))))

It must be for the best. If they didn't understand that your DH could have handled the management after his management of that crisis, then they weren't going to get it and he probably wouldn't have been happy there...the other positions may end up to be what he was looking for! He came out of it stronger in the industry, at least, in that he's got a serious reference that he didn't have before, just from interviewing :)

Hang in there--I know it's more purgatory, but I hope it will end soon and you all will be able to exhale and I'll be able to unpress those durn thumbs--it's getting in the way of my DIY project :)


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oh, Snookums, what a bummer....ditto what Flyleft said.

I do hope of the other leads turns out better. Keep your faith and optimism and you will get through this.


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Oh I hope so too. We're excited about the bank job as he really was excited about that one before. I just hope that the interview process isn't as drawn out as the hotel company was. What a charade. The headhunter kept telling him that this was a HARD job to go interview for, that this company was VERY selective. They kept emphasizing "you made it to the final two out of over 30 original candidates... You should be proud of that" - but it's so hard to be proud of it if you aren't the final ONE! Kwim? The "crisis" on Wednesday night was nothing - a techie crisis really, but since dh was there to interview with the techies that would have been his staff had he gotten the job, he was able to demonstrate to them that yes, he understands what they do. The project management they were referring to was the life cycle process of managing large projects - like conversions, new technology introductions, mergers, new hotels (bought and built). This would have been such a COOL company to work for, plus we could have stayed in numerous luxury hotels all over the nation for free (that they own). They are growing so fast and as dh told me, "have money falling out of their ass."

Oh well - that's the past now. The one thing that is cool is that the guy that is giving him the referral for the CIO position - his one main contact at the hotel company (the guy he would have been replacing) seems to be like a good guy to know in the IT industry. Dh said that the two of them really clicked. You guys are right - maybe this will work out for the better in the long (or hopefully short) run. It's just so hard right now...the waiting...when we are SO broke. Even when/if he lands a job that is well-paid, it will still take us a while to recover and bring our financial status back up to what it was a year ago.

Thank you all for listening. It helps to keep things in perspective - it's helping dh too. :)


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snookums, like I said way back, we've been on a bare-bones budget for the past two years since DH took his new job and he's so much happier that it's been worth it. I mean really bare bones. Why do you think so much DIY? :) Our financial status is nowhere near what it had been, but our comfort level overall is WAY higher.

And would you really want to touch that company's money, knowing where it came from? ;)


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I wish we could say even that - we're in the red. No room for even DIY anything. I'm at the point where I'm reusing ziploc bags and shopping at consignment shops for my kids. I've used the credit card to pay for groceries. We HAVE to earn more money. I've started up the pet sitting business but it's been slow starting. I only have two clients so far.

He does love his job though (well, he did until last week when his boss flipped out...). But there's only so long you can sustain on being in the red and his boss has basically told him that there's no money to pay him much more. Just the 4% raise at the year point. So the writing was on the wall basically to start looking at what else is out there. He had taken the job (with a MAJOR pay cut) with the promise that they would make it worth his while. They aren't able to keep that promise. So while he may be happy there, we've got to keep our house, ya know?

He's way underpaid for what he does anyway. It's high time he gets paid the salary he deserves.


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snookums, you know, I thought last night as I was going to sleep that maybe what I posted sounded flippant...although I didn't mean it to...if you read it fast it can sound like "live with it, chick" but if you read it slowly and with my experience (which you can't see, of course), it means something entirely different. I'm sorry if it sounded like the fast version to you; I can understand how it would.

If it helps at all, we reuse ziploc bags (partly because I can't stand sending things like that to a landfill, but also to save money on new ones) and we shop at Goodwill sometimes because I can't stand paying absurd prices for playclothes my daughter will grow out of. I personally don't think either is a badge of shame, but rather of frugality and concern for the earth. Maybe when your husband does find the right job you can continue these anyway even though you won't need to.

But I do hear that you are really uncomfortable and you are foreseeing trouble keeping your house, which are completely different. I get what you meant about the different levels of "project" too, wrt putting out a fire vs. long-term large-scale planning. Although my gut instinct failed me on this one, I still believe that your DH will end up the actual winner rather than the runner-up on a position very soon.


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Oh snookums, I'm so sorry to hear this news. Just goes to show you that the dowsing pendulum is wrong just as often as it's right (angc, keep the faith!). About as often as a magic 8 ball in my experience! I'm sure it's operator error. :)

As far as the ziploc bags--I reuse mine all the time (unless they were used previously for raw meat)! I even made a contraption to dry them on. And when I worked in an office, I routinely bought my work clothes at consignment shops. You are just being wise and frugal as your family gets thru this.

I'm sure your business will turn around soon. It's always slow going when you first start out. Have you thought about "advertising" your business at travel agencies? Or maybe seeing if another pet sitter would be willing to send you their overflow?

wishing your hubby good luck on Tuesday...


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Well, crud snookums. I'm so sorry. After all those interviews and stress. It's so annoying what the headhunter said. I mean coming in 2nd for a job isn't like winning a silver medal. Winner takes all.
It's great your DH is getting so many interviews though. Getting your foot in the door is often the hardest part. At least he has another card in the Rolodex, so to speak.
Hang tough girl.
When we began this process I began chanting a new mantra whenever I get stressed. "What ever wil be, is as it should be." It's hard to accept and not always the most comfroting thought in the world, but so much is out of our hands. In the end, all the bumps and turns in the road are just leading you to the final destination (which I'm 98% sure is a happy shiny place to be :-).


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Hey, I reuse everything and shop Goodwill too. Frugal habits from the tougher times. Habits renewed when I walked off the job from hell two years ago. Don't give that part another thought. Do whatever you need to do to get through these times. No place for shame on top of everything else you are dealing with...

Vibes still tell me your DH will come out of this with a job he likes even more.


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How does it go- when one door closes, another opens? Sorry to hear he didn't get the job, but he sounds like a very positive, upbeat person (with loads of dear family support) and we'll cross our fingers for opened doors, windows and manhole covers if need be!!!!! (watch out!)

I shopped our Junior League's consignment store when the kids were little. They thought it was freakin' Neiman Marcus. I don't have a portrait of them in the house that they don't have on someone else's clothing. It's like buying a 1YO v. a brand new car off the lot. Let someone else pay for new! I'm sure your DH appreciates your cutting corners.

You and your DH seem to support and complement each other very well. This is the "for better, for worse; for richer, for poorer" (and you've done the "in sickness and in health") part of the wedding vows we take and have no idea at the time just what it means nor what it entails.


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Do many WISE people on this site, every thing said is such a good thought to the both of you. Keep up your spirits and good will follow.


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Yes, so many wise people do visit this site, and I honestly don't know what I would have done without it in this past year. Thank you all so much.

I feel too that he will eventually get the right job for the right pay. I just hope he gets it in time. :)


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Snookums, that's tough. But I do "feel" that your DH will be in a position shortly that he LOVES, and that gives him more money.

This season, for you, is a preparation season. When the bigger money comes, and I think it's coming, you'll have more wisdom with it. This kind of wisdom can only come from these seasons of "plowing", if you know what I mean. Sometimes you're tried by fire first....then awarded the prize. Only then do you realize that the steps you went through to get there, are the same steps it took to shape your future.

And as far as the consignment/ziploc thing goes, just about everyone I know does that...ALL the time. And we live in/around one of our city's most affluent areas. In fact, one of our community's biggest "draws" is a yearly consignment sale. It's hilarious to see all of these Lexus, BMW, Mercedes, Escalade, etc cars parked in front of this church that hosts it....

Just goes to show you, the folks that have worked their buns off to live well, often know the tricks of keeping those assets!


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Geez snookums, I'm sorry to hear you're in such tough straits financially. We went through a much milder form of that when DD was born and DW took a few years off work. We'd always been a DINKS (double income no kids) so it was a shock to suddenly be tight on cash. In fact we packed up and moved to a different state to be somewhere cheaper, because we couldn't afford the mortgage on a single income.

I remember for a couple years after DW went back to work we were still in the "don't spend" mode. Finally one New Year's eve DW asked me what my resolution was and I told her "Spend more money", LOL. It took that long for the stress of being on a tight budget to finally wear off. I hope your DH will find something soon. I know CIO positions have very high turnover (average tenure is less than a year) so hopefully opportunities will keep popping up.


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chief - that does make me think it must be stressful for one person responsible for sole support of a family. DH has experienced a couple layoffs - one for 18 months and one for just 3 months. I was so thankful we had two incomes and could adjust to living on one for awhile.

Snookums - does your DH feel a lot of pressure to earn more money to provide for a lifestyle where you can be home? I have a friend whose husband was also laid off for six months and he put alot of pressure on her to go back to work!! Hope something works out for you soon - I'm sure it must be stressful for all of your family.


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He'd be devastated if I had to go back to work (which, if nothing has changed in a year's time, I will be - I'm a teacher). He comes from a very old-fashioned family - grew up in a village in rural Greece - and having me be able to stay home was a huge accomplishment for him after we struggled for many years. Me having to go back to work would make him feel like a failure. It's not that he doesn't WANT me to work (I worked full-time for the first 7 years of our marriage), it's that he knows that I don't want to work and so he works his hardest to provide that.

Yes, I'd return to work before losing my house. Of course. But I'd dread it - and no one wants a teacher that dreads being in a classroom.

He does feel the pressure to provide the one-income lifestyle, but I know he doesn't resent it. He's mostly stressed about the possibility of me having to return to work, or move to keep me home. He had a hard enough time when I started the business. He was angry at himself that I had to do that.

*I* had a breakdown when I went on my first consultation. It was in Coto, and the client had the gate give me a one-month "Service pass." I had a breakdown because I was now a "service person." I actually pulled over to the side of the road and cried. I know it sounds pathetic - it does - but I was used to being the homeowner calling out for service people - not the other way around. Gosh that really shows my true colors, doesn't it...

Anyway...he has the bank interview tomorrow. We're still holding out for hope...

Dh got an e-mail today from the guy from the hotel company regarding the other position that he is referring him for. This is what he put at the very end of it:

"Many thanks for your patience re (hotel company - name deleted). The call I made to you was one of the most difficult of my career. You were very good and a good fit for the position."

Well sheesh then. :( If he was THAT good of a fit you'd think they'd fit him in.

Sigh... Time to move forward.


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"Many thanks for your patience re (hotel company - name deleted). The call I made to you was one of the most difficult of my career. You were very good and a good fit for the position."

Take heart Snookums. The sentence above wasn't written casually. It would be good if your DH can keep a foot in the door in case something does turn up, either there or related. The hospitality industry is *very* small - I call it incestuous. And no one likes to leave a great candidate lying around...


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Re service pass: We're all performing a service, or we're not earning our keep. Warren Buffet serves his investors; The Queen of England serves her subjects and Katie Couric serves her viewers (and the advertisers).

Molly~


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exactly housekeeping!...I service my husband! LOL (couldn't resist) :)


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Snookums, any update on DH's options?

Doggie business coming along?


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No updates yet. He had that interview on Tuesday but we haven't heard anything yet.

Doggie business is coming along, but not as fast as I would like (or need).

I'm really down about all this.


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You'll make it. My husband was laid off 3 times in a 5 year period (textile industry). 1st time just before we were married, 2nd time just after our 2nd child was born and 3rd time absolutely NO severance or any type of package. We survied all three, as difficult as they were and now he's been with a company for almost 5 years (NOT textile) but looks like the demise of company is coming soon. It's easy to look at the negatives but not always productive.
I've had alot of crap to deal with in my life for sure and from all of it I truly learned that .....everything always works out, sometimes it takes longer, trying, hard, difficult times, but in the end the result is positive. So look forward, there is hope.


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Sending energies, snookums...

and btw, there is *no* shame in running a (legal) business of your own, no matter what it is. There's no shame in any honest work, actually, no matter what it is. After grad school, when I was working in what was then my field, I also tutored the children of the rich and famous in NYC for a few years to make some extra $$ (adjunct professorship and the life of an artist in NYC don't make much $). I found the "service" folks uniformly kinder to me *and* more concerned about the children than the parents were (shades of the Nanny Diaries :)). I never look down at folks who take the "service" entry. Might that be one great, worthwhile learning to be had from this experience...?

Hang in there!


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snookums- Keep your chin and spirits up. I'm still crossing my fingers for your DH. We're still waiting for the final word on the CTO position which should come "by Wed" (nearly a month since 1st interview!). With the all the changes at his current employer, we're not in as comfortable a spot as just a couple of weeks ago.

Let's say it together
"What ever will be, is as it should be."
BTW, a glass/bottle of wine or a bowl/pint of Ben and Jerry's really helps the words flow!


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Ang - can I ask what industry your dh works in? My dh wants to make a move out of the credit union industry, but that's the biggest obstacle he has right now.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for both of our dh's. I'm trying really hard not to be down about all this. Every month that goes by, I get more and more worried.

I just keep telling myself that it's not as bad of a situation as it was last summer, when he was looking and had no job at all. We were so scared. Maybe he should have not been so eager and kept looking for something better paid? I keep blaming myself because I'm the one that pushed him to take the job - he even cancelled an interview somewhere else (a CIO position at another credit union) to take this job. It was a job - something he didn't have and needed desperately. But now I'm totally blaming myself for the situation we are in. Maybe he should have waited.

Then again they did tell him that they would make it worth his while and now they are telling him that it won't be possible. He'll only get the minimum raise IF he gets a raise at all. Not nearly enough to make a dent in our finances.

I have my first post-surgery mammogram and ultrasound in the morning, and I just want to get through that right now, too. Ugh. Keeping my boobs crossed for that one. (sorry, couldn't resist) :)

We always have the plan B. To move out of state. Our home is quickly inching up to the 1 mil mark and we owe only a third of that. But to move is the LAST thing we want to do. We love it here, we love our home, we love the kids' school - plan B is the last resort. Or me going back to work.

I just want to go throw up now.


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Snookums-

DH is in the rubber industry right now, but the CIO job is at a web technology company.
I completely understand what you're saying about the entire job hunt, possibility of moving, broken promises, etc. I didn't realize you had medical issues too. You've got an overflowing plate that's for sure. I hope your doc appointment is over, the news is wonderful, and you're home with a cup of tea relaxing.
DH was offered a CTO job in DC a couple of years ago. Same situation as your DH (promises of larger salary, more exciting work) combined with an old fashioned sense of loyalty meant he passed and stayed with his current employer. He's been second guessing that decision ever since. A couple of yrs pass and no raises above COLA, no promotions, and a mind numbing job.
We so love it here. I drove the entire family to the brink of insanity remodeling the kitchen. I've changed every room in this house. Our girls have made so many friends in the neighborhood. I've developed a really close circle of friends. I've set down roots for the first time. The idea of moving, well, you summed it up in your last line.
Right now his current employer is offering a generous severance package to anyone who wants to leave from any department. If they don't get the numbers they want, they'll start firing people but giving them the same package. His worry is that he'll take the package, not find a job for 9 months, use up all the money, then find a lateral move (or less) position. I can work to help out, but I always worked in retail management which means awful hours and little pay. Not to mention I haven't worked for 9 yrs!
Yuck, stress! We should be grateful our DH's are still earning a paycheck and try to be positive, right? I'm trying, really I am. This is going to be yet another stressful week. I've moved past simply crossing my fingers. Guess who went to church this Sun for the first time in years?


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I'm back, and yes the news was good, thank GOD! Everything was normal and I don't have to go back for a year. WHEW. I just don't know how I would have handled it if it hadn't of been normal today. That just might have sent me over the edge.

Today is a good day.


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Snookums - you really need to try to take a deep breath and have some faith that everything will work out for the best. There was a time in my life when I was totally preoccupied with jobs, what job, need to make more money, bigger income for DH, etc. And then I was diagnosed with a life threatening illness which I didn't know if I would survive. That made the income problem resulting from not being able to work for several years seem quite insignificant. Some amazing and nearly miraculous things happened that made the lack of income not a problem in the end.

You can quickly go from thinking you have such a problem to having a REALLY big problem - so big you wish you only had the problem you had before. Try to keep in mind what is truly important in life - health, family, friends, etc. The most important things in life are not what a bigger paycheck will buy.


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Snookums,
I've been reading your posts with interest, and keeping fingers crossed and thumbs pressed along with everyone else. I can so sense the stress in your posts . .
and something about your next-to-last post where you said there was always Plan B, that your house was inching up to the mil $$ mark, etc. that you could always move out of state. Y'know . . . that might not be such a really awful idea !! With the equity in your present home . . . you could buy an incredible home someplace else and still have a really nice nest egg in the bank. I know that roots are really important, and family and schools and friends, all those things . . . but home is where you make it. There are some really amazing towns out there in other states . . California is getting more and more crazy, by the day, it seems . . . Cost of living, housing, etc. etc. . . all going up, but not necessarily salaries ..
To me, it seems like it would almost be worth it, to not have this daily stress in your lives. Kids so pick up on stuff like that . . . From your various posts, it seems that for you to stay home is very important to both you and your husband . . . (not to mention your kids !!! )
Anyway, just for fun, you could start googling different places - - check out job situations, housing, etc. and
maybe look at all of this as some kind of new, wonderful adventure. I guess it sounds rather simplistic for me to say all this, and not be living in your situation, but gosh, I think that if we were in a similar situation, I would certainly consider moving out of state . . lock, stock and barrel. There have been several companies in our area that have moved out of state, taking employees with them, if they desired. There have been follow-up articles on them. . . really interesting .. cost of living much less, housing MUCH less . . salaries the same.

Well, anyway, thought I'd just throw this out your way . .
maybe some food for thought . . .

Sending good thoughts your way . .

Chris


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snookums, I've been following your thread with some interest. My dh is a senior exec, was in the telecomm area, has been laid off numerous times due to the nature of the business, and we live in an expensive area. I'm sorry your situation is causing you such great anxiety. I do understand your almost "desparate" feelings. You do, however, have a lot of choices - even though you might not see them. I might suggest that you and your husband see someone, a neutral third party, to help you sort out your situation and the decisions your need to make. A good fee for service financial planner/advisor? A career counselor? A couples psychologist? I'm not sure, really. I do know this -- it's hard to get a senior level job, these are not 9-5 jobs, they take months to find and often months to make a decision. Good thing is, you husband has a job now. Granted, he may need a different job, but it will do no good hoping for a substantial raise in his current situation, it's just not there. Meantime, what do you do to alleviate some financial stress? Got to get to work, girl!!!! Take some deep breaths and stop wringing your hands!!! That will get you nowhere. I agree with some of the above posters, no shame in working...I know you want to be a SAHM, but that dream may need to be put aside for now if you want your family to remain at your current level of need in terms of cash flow (not to mention savings). I am a mom, I stayed at home for 5 years, my dh has a vp level position and if we lived in a low cost area, I could do what I wanted -- I know where you are at!! I've been able to find an excellent part time job that accomadates my family. Fact of the matter is, your pet sitting business could bring in lots of income for you if you went about promoting your business and working daily...one of my neighbors does this (in my area of million dollar homes) and is so successful, her dh wants to quit his job to help her run her business...so could tutoring, aren't you a teacher? You could charge $60-75 an hour to teach reading, or whatever it is that you do. Start thinking positively, about what you do have -- including about $650K worth of equity in your house...you have talents and skills as well. Take advantage of what you do have!! No amount of wishing will get your husband a job that pays the tens of thousands a year more that it appears you need to stay in your current situation. Eventually, he will probably land that dream job, but it's not there now. You will get an ulcer and become depressed worrying about it. Now, I don't know you, and I feel funny telling you to pull yourself up by your bootstraps, but honestly, I've wanted to write this for a while now and am just doing it today. I certainly don't mean to be rude, it's just that I've been in your situation in a way. You and your dh need to make decisions and choices to elevate your family out of where you are. Good luck! Stay upbeat and determined. Anything is possible...jump in feet first and work like mad to make it all work! The thing about it is, if you don't like what you are doing, you have the power to change it. You really do.


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