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Breezy could use a lift

Posted by Angie_DIY (My Page) on
Fri, May 4, 12 at 1:22

Dear GW family,

One of our family members, Breezygirl, is suffering right now. She received some bad news about her father recently. She conveyed this in the "New to Kitchens" thread, a pained voice seeking an outlet among friends.

On Tuesday, May 1, she wrote:
My father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer last week. I needed to tell someone while I sit here bawling my eyes put again for another day.

Pancreatic cancer is horrible from what I'm learning. Five year survival rate is about 15%. I knew at some point I'd have to face the loss of a parent, but I buried my head in the sand.
He's having a biopsy tomorrow and meets with an oncology surgeon on Friday morning way up north in the big city.

Understandably, she could not start a GW KF thread regarding this. However, I have communicated privately with her. I know that she would appreciate the concern and support of we who have become "members of her family." As a member of that clan, I felt it important to share this news with the other members, who, I am sure, would like to offer their support.

Dear Wendy, our thoughts and prayers are with your dad, with you, and with your family. I wish you comfort and peace.


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: Breezy could use a lift

Breezy, I'm so very sorry to hear this. As a longtime lurker, I feel like I "know" you a bit, and I'm very saddened to read this. We're in that big city up north of you, and if I can do anything to help, please send me a message.


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RE: Breezy could use a lift

Thoughts & prayers to you and your family. Strength to your Dad and everyone involved - fight hard!


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RE: Breezy could use a lift

Wendy, I am so sorry for your pain and the fear you and your family are facing now. Pancreatic cancer is a tough one, but don't jump to conclusions. The biopsy may lead to better news than you area expecting now. Let's hope and pray so.

Whatever the news may be, make a vow to make every minute with him count and to fill them with love, gratitude and the best of memories.

Help him and your mom make sure that are well prepared for any medical and/or legal changes that lie ahead. If they haven't already prepared their plans, they may need a lawyer as well as the team of doctors.

Cancer sucks. It's not a matter of having your head in the sand. You could be looking straight on and it would sneak up and smack you on the backside.

I will be thinking of you tomorrow and hoping you get better than expected news tomorrow and down the road. Hang in there and take care of yourself too.


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RE: Breezy could use a lift

I was sadden to see this news when I came on the board tonight. Prayers and hugs for you and your family. I do pray the biopsy comes back with better news than you think it will be.

Things can just pop up at any time in life and turn our world upside down. We just never know ... embrace every precious minute you have with your family.


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My prayers are for you and your family.


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My thoughts are with you too.


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RE: Breezy could use a lift

Breezy - I'm so sorry to hear about your father. Both my father and my FIL got cancer within a year of each other and it was so hard.

If you need to vent or talk something out, I'm happy to listen. Shoot me an email anytime.

Hang in there and make every minute with your dad special, no matter what the test results might be. <3


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RE: Breezy could use a lift

Breezy - my thoughts are with you and your family, especially your Dad...I lost my Dad a couple of years ago after a long illness and I know how you feel, frightened, pained and overwhelmed, to name a few of the emotions.

Take it day by day and as many have wisely offered here, enjoy your time, fight hard and make sure you and all in the family take care of yourselves as well, firstly because you will be caretaking and need your health and importantly, Dad will need to see you healthy and in good spirits, it will help him tremendously, as he will no doubt worry about your wellbeing even though he is ailing.

We are all with you and hope for the best always.

Anne


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How old is he, Breezy? I think a lot of research is being done on this right now, and remission rates are coming up. My family is praying for yours. As hard as it is, name it and that way you can fight it as an enemy! Like a BAD GC!!

Best wishes and prayers,
Nancy


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RE: Breezy could use a lift

Oh, Breezy, I am so sorry you and your family are going through this. You have received some wonderful advice above. Many ((( hugs))) to you and I will keep you in my prayers.


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RE: Breezy could use a lift

Breezy- sorry to hear that you are going through this. Keep us posted on his appointment. I know how you're feeling. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer a few years ago when she was only 42. I know it feels like everything you know is crashing down. Try to find a doctor whose opinion you trust. Get a second and third opinion on everything. (((HUGS)))


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RE: Breezy could use a lift

Breezy - so sorry for your father's news. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.


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Breezy, sorry to hear this. I hope you, your dad and the rest of your family will feel comforted and strenghtened by the well-wishes of so many strangers, who, through this board, act as an extended family.

(((Hugs)))


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RE: Breezy could use a lift

Breezy, I am sorry to hear this news. Facing cancer with loved ones is so very tough. I've done it a lot and it's not easy.

If I can offer up some advice, as terribly hard as it is, do try to keep your emotions in check. The first time my father was diagnosed with lung cancer, we rode the emotional roller coaster for all it was worth....every bit of good news brought elation, every bit of bad news brought depression....all of it included a high degree of worry. And as you go through this process, there will be good and bad news along the way. Yet for all that energy expended, it changed the outcome not one iota. It only wore my Mom and I to a frazzle. The next time dad got lung cancer, we took every bit of good news and every bit of bad news as calmly as we could. We recognized that while we wanted none of it to happen, we had no choice and had to face what came as it came. Stiff upper lip if you will. Dad survived the 2nd lung cancer, and mom and I came through it in far better shape as well. It really helped us get through Mom's terminal brain cancer as well. Not saying any of this is easy...just easier. Staying as level headed as possible was also important as they relied on me to help with the decision making. They were not always in the greatest physical or emotional shape to deal with this and relied on me to be their advocate and help deal with the medical bureaucracy. (Like the time, after Dad's surgery and the hospital seemed to be ignoring the fact that his blood sugar was elevated and rising...mom kept telling them and nothing was changing. So the Doc came in when I was there with a bunch of students and....so unlike my personality...I dressed him down in front of them. Suddenly meds appeared and Dad's sugar was kept in check.)

The most frustrating thing for me with all the cancer issues I've dealt with is the uncertainty...you can read all the medical advice and hear other peoples' stories and listen to doctors who may tell you different things, but nothing is certain as medicine truly is an individual thing. Each person is affected differently by the disease. The best they can give you is probabilities and statistics. This can be frustrating, but it is also hopeful....there is always someone on the good side of the stats and that someone may be your Dad.

I highly recommend visiting Cancer GRACE....Global Resource for Advancing Cancer Education. It is a most amazing website where oncologists from all over volunteer their time to answer peoples questions about cancer and cancer treatment options. It was most helpful to me as I was making decisions about my Mom's cancer. Some doctors you meet will want to be less than open as they don't want to destroy hope or look impotent in the face of cancer. Some will be harsh in an attempt to be realistic, or because, like so many doctors, don't understand humility or get jaded to dealing with patients' emotions. It's great to have a less personal interaction with real cancer specialists where you can get a more objective POV, or confirmation that the actions you are taking are the latest and greatest.

I'm sending virtual hugs your way, as well as as much comfort, courage, strength, compassion and hope I can muster to you and your family.

Here is a link that might be useful: Cancer Grace


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Breezy - My thoughts and prayers are with you. As, unfortunately, so many of us can attest the illness of a parent is the hardest to deal with. From across the country I hope you feel our prayers and hugs reaching out to you and your family.


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RE: Breezy could use a lift

breezy, i am so sorry to hear this sad news. my mom was very sick for years and all i could do was stand by and watch. it was very difficult and the pain of her loss is still fresh in my heart. prayers for your dad and certainly for you too. please take care of yourself. (((hugs)))


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RE: Breezy could use a lift

Breezy, I want you to know that I am thinking of you. I wish I could say I can't imagine the shock, but I can. Last July, my mother was diagnosed with a brain cancer that has an average 14 month survival rate. It was the week we were supposed to start our kitchen. Well, we still haven't gotten to the kitchen, but my mom is doing better than expected. It has been a tough fight, and your dad has a tough road ahead as well. It will be filled with surprises both good and bad.

I have seen what a strong person you can be when you need to be. I know you can do this. I know how it feels to cry all day, then have to wipe the tears away and be strong for your loved one. If I can do it, I know you can too. You will get to the place where dealing with this horrid disease is a 'new normal.' But, today, my heart goes out to you as you struggle to comprehend what is happening to your family and I will try to share the little bit of strength I discovered in myself with you.

Feel free to contact me via email any time as we share in this journey.

Emily


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The very best wishes for you and your family. Sorry that you are going through this. I have been through this with my family too. Hang in there. I have a BIL going through this now and he is in remission. Hugs from Canada for you and your family!


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Breezy-- I'm not in a position to offer any advice to you. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you, your Dad, and your family. I do want you to know that I personally have a friend who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, and through the miracle of science (and an incredible doctor at Johns Hopkins) she is cancer free now. She was a candidate for the Whipple procedure. Her story gives me hope for the future.

Wishing you peace during this very difficult time.

(((Hugs))))
Bee


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RE: Breezy could use a lift

Oh Breezy -- I am so sorry. I will pray for you and you will be in my thoughts and I am sure in the thoughts of MANY others on GW.


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RE: Breezy could use a lift

I am also sorry you are going through this. What a very difficult diagnosis. My boys and I would like to add your dad to our bedtime prayer list. And you too.

Lost my dad 10 yrs ago this yr, although I suspect I am a bit older than you. Never easy watching someone you love suffer. ((((hugs)))))


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RE: Breezy could use a lift

I'm so sorry to hear this. My thoughts are with you and your family.


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Such sad news, you and your family are in my thoughts.


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I don't know you, Breezy, but I have tears in my eyes right now, too. I know that the infinite God loves me hugely and unendingly and unconditionally, and loved my mother who died of cancer last month the same way, and even my father, who dropped over, in an "easy" death, on Christmas. I thank you for being so open to sharing here. Tears do not flow readily for me, and they are so healing and right at a time like this.


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RE: Breezy could use a lift

I'm very sorry for your horrible news Breezy. Prayers for healing for your dad and for your strength for your family.


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RE: Breezy could use a lift

Breezy,

I am sorry to hear about your father. I lost my father 2 years ago to renal cell carcinoma so I truly understand how you are feeling. My prayers are with you that you will receive good news from the biopsy and if you don't, understand that YOU WILL get through this no matter how it works out.

I'm very sorry.

Blessings,
Dutty


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RE: Breezy could use a lift

Breezy,
I can truly say I have been in your shoes. I experienced the world of cancer with both my father and my son. I hope it helps a little to know that I along with many others share in your anxiety, your sadness and your concern for your loved one.
I read Annie's advice in one of the above posts and have to agree with what she says. Please read that over and share that advise with other family members. It may help you all get through this.
Perhaps this GW community will now become one of the largest prayer chains ever as we each say a prayer for your father.


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Oh Breezy,

I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through, my thoughts are with you and your family at this difficult time.

Sherri


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RE: Breezy could use a lift

Dear Breezy, I'm so sorry to hear about your dad's cancer diagnosis. I went through this with my husband and I understand the turmoil your emotions go through. Annie has offered some excellent advice, but I know it's hard when it's your own loved one in the middle of a health crisis. Wishing you and your dad and the rest of your family the strength to endure.


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Breezy- My thoughts and prayers are with you. Like Bee, I too have a friend who's mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and is now cancer free.


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RE: Breezy could use a lift

Breezy, I am so sorry to hear this.

While you are waiting for news, I want you to know that we have a good friend who did beat pancreatic cancer (12 years and counting)-- it happens, though in smaller numbers, and it could happen for your family.

I have been a caregiver for DH during cancer treatments twice. I really recommend a free non-profit website called Caringbridge. You can start a page for family and friends. It can be password-protected or not; you can give people access to it as you like (based on their individual e-mail requests). It is a wonderful way to keep family and friends updated without having to TALK with all of them, which can get exhausting. And it lets them leave messages for you and your dad and the family, which can be really uplifting. The link is below

Here is a link that might be useful: Caringbridge website for cancer patients


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Breezy, I am so sorry to hear this. I am sending you virtual HUGS and real prayers!!!


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RE: Breezy could use a lift

Breezy, my heart goes out to you right now!

But, during this tough time, I have a story to share that's a bit kitchen related. :) I sold my 1953 stove on Craigslist and the couple who purchased it showed up one day to pick it up. The husband was a healthy looking, yet very thin man. Working in health care, I mentioned something and he shared that he had just gotten through (yes, GOTTEN THROUGH!) pancreatic cancer. "How did you do that?" I queried..... He said that he was given up on by his regular doctors, so he went to Cancer Center of America and the combination of diet, medicine, natural healing was what got him through it. He was 2 years free at that time, and fully expected to live. I'm guessing he was in his 40's, so had a bit of youth on his side.

I don't believe doctors know everything, and I do believe it is every patient's right to seek whatever it is they think will help them with their healing process. Unfortunately, most people don't know where to go or what to ask. In western medicine, we chase our tails only treating what we see as symptoms but not always knowing why. In eastern medicine, they seek the why and try to correct the problem. I follow both after seeing how much we fail in the western side.

It is my hope for you and your family, that you seek other answers, no matter how far and wide you have to go. Best of luck to you and yours. I am sending every good thought and prayer in your direction.


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RE: Breezy could use a lift

Breezy, your family's challenge right now is the stuff of what's most important in life...our remodels - the joys & frustrations - amount to fun & wonderful distractions sometimes to these very painful realities.

Walking with our parents through illness has got to be some of the most painful, disorienting experiences. As they age, we want to protect them as we do our children. Whatever is ahead, I bet your love and support means the world to both of your parents. I hope you feel loved & supported as well.

And, as an anonymous place to escape into all things of lesser importance, I hope GW remodeling forum(s) continue to be a wonderful respite for you as you & your family find your way through this illness.

Anna - from a big city to your south, I think...


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RE: Breezy could use a lift

Dearest Breezygirl,

I have no words of advice, no medical no-how to share, but can offer virtual hugs, kind words, and my shoulder to lean on. I am so sorry your father, your family, is facing this. Please know that you have the love, and the power of your friends on GW behind you.

Feel free to email me anytime if you just need to "talk" or vent or whatever.

cat_mom


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RE: Breezy could use a lift

Breezy, I am so sorry you and your family are going though this. I did it with my mother who was 1300 miles away. You are lucky that you live close. Hang in there. You are in our thoughts.


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RE: Breezy could use a lift

Breezy, I am very sorry about the news. Please take care of yourself. My thoughts will be with you and your family. Tami


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RE: Breezy could use a lift

Wendy - I am so sorry to hear of your father's diagnosis. I have to second (or third??) Annie's advice above, it was excellent.

I've been exactly where you are with my mother. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.


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RE: Breezy could use a lift

Oh Breezy I'm so sorry. I'm new to the forum and mostly lurk but I see what a valued member you are - and that's a testament to your spirit.

I've suffered through my dad fighting cancer and it is extremely hard on everyone involved. It's so hard to do, but it's incredibly important that you remember to take care of yourself and focus on your family too during this time.

((hugs))


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I am so sorry Breezy to hear your sad news. Sending you much love and hugs:(


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There really are no words... Just know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family, Wendy.

~Amanda


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RE: Breezy could use a lift

((((((((((Hugs)))))))))) There are no words that can comfort you now. However, I have known people with pancreatic cancer that have beaten the odds by a LOT. I have lost both parents, so I can understand what you are facing. Unfortunately, one was sudden, and we never had a chance to say good-bye or to create special memories towards the end. So, hopefully, you will get good news. In any case, you might want to listen to Tim McGraw's song: "Live like you were dying"


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RE: Breezy could use a lift

Many wise words have been spoken here. I want to add my support to you at this incredibly difficult time. Sending lots of cyber hugs full of healing and hope.


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Breezy, I echo docmamma words.....so sorry to hear the news about your father. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family..

(((((HUGS)))))))


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RE: Breezy could use a lift

I will pray for your dad and your family every day. My brother-in-law has pancreatic cancer so I know how devastating the news is. I also know that the outlook is better than it was even a few years ago, so find the best doctor you can and pray for the best.


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RE: Breezy could use a lift

Wendy,
I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. Be assured you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers!
Please stay positive- it really helps.


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Prayers and good wishes to you and your family.


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Dear Breezy,
I know you through reading this forum to be a generous and helpful person!
May you and your family be comforted and present through this - my heart goes out to all of you.


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Breezy- I lost my grandmother a few years ago. It's not the same, but it's still difficult...and I wanted to tell you that what I remember are the happy times we spent together, as she slowly succumbed to a multitude of health problems. She got to the point where she was almost bedridden, but we still managed to have 'parties' in her room, have friends and family stop by, send her little notes in the mail...so she would have 'good mail' to look forward to, in the afternoons, and just reminiscing about 'old times'.

This will not be easy, but once the shock has worn off, try to spend time with your dad (which I know you will) especially with his grandchildren. Your kids having memories of their Grandpa, will be precious to them and I think your father would really enjoy that, too. Knowing you can pass on important life lessons, or just fun memories, is what we all want to leave behind. Don't let the doctors and the hospital visits and the treatments be the only thing you think about...be sure to make these days more about family, spending time together in your beautiful home with the people he loves, sharing meals and having some fun, despite all the other things that are going on.

I hope you and your family have good news at the doctor's appointment, but no matter what happens, you are a strong person and you will get through this. You have a lot of friends, too!


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Breezy, I'm so sorry to hear the news about your dad's diagnosis. I too have been through this with my dad and MIL. My thoughts and prayers go out to you, your dad, and your family as you face this beast and start a very intensive fight. I'm adding you, your dad, and your family to our church's prayer chain. Sending ((((HUGS)))) and positive thoughts to all of you!!!


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RE: Breezy could use a lift

My darling breezy

I am happy to see this thread. Many of us have never met you but feel close to you. Please know that what ever you need, a shoulder to cry on, a medical question about something you don't understand, a place to vent your anger and frustration, or just to talk about frivolous stuff to forget for a couple of hours - you just need to ask. I'm sure there will be someone in this cyber community of ours that will have just the right response. Please feel free to contact me any time.

XO MM


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Dear Breezy--so sorry to hear of your father's illness. AnnaA has put so beautifully how we all feel.
We'll be thinking of you. Sending cyber thoughts and prayers. ()
Peony


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I am a long-time on and off lurker, especially in the Kitchens forum, and your situation finally convinced me to register and participate.
I live in the big city up north (assuming it starts with an S) and have gone through 14 years of cancer treatments with my husband, including some very serious procedures this last year. That big city up north has some of the best cancer facilities in the WORLD. Your father couldn't be in better hands.

I also second the suggestion about Caring Bridge. A friend urged me to set up a website there. I was reluctant to do so - we're not even on Facebook - but it has been one of the best decisions I ever made. It's a godsend.

Hang in there. All of you are stronger than you think.


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So sorry to hear of your news. My dad recently dealt with the other "p" (prostate) so I have but a small glimpse of the emotions you're going through. Best wishes for you, your dad, and your whole family to have strength.


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RE: Breezy could use a lift

Oh Breezy it is a really hard place for you right now. I'm so sorry. Like so many others on GW, I've walked the cancer road with a parent. AnnieD gave excellent advice. The only thing I might add is that starting a spiral notebook to keep with you at all doctor appointments and treatments will give you a reference to return to when your mind can't remember specific things doctors say to do or expect, etc. It is also a great place to write questions you want to ask the doctors.

I'll be praying for you and your family.


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Wendy,

I'm so sorry to hear of your dad's diagnosis. A notebook (diary) is a great idea, I wish we'd done that with my FIL. I'm praying for you and your family.


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Breezy - I'm so sorry about your dad. I just wish I had the words to bring you comfort but hopefully knowing how many of us do care will help. So many of us have been through illnesses with our parents, some with happy endings, some not, but the emotions are hard. I'll think of you often and keep in touch as you can.

Lynn


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Dear Breezy,

You are a kind and generous soul, and now it is your turn to accept the kindnesses and generosity of others, and their healing thoughts and prayers. I know that I am sending positive vibes your way from Maine.

Mabel


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Breezy,

Hang in there. It is hard to lose a parent but harder still to "be there" and keep it all together for others in the family when you are also hurting inside and trying to keep up with all the medical processes.. Sending you good thoughts..


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Wendy,
I am so sorry to hear your news. I'm glad you reached out to this caring community. Wishing you and your family peace, love and strength. Wishing your Dad's physicians, clinicians and caregivers -- wisdom, clinical prowness, and sensitive, caring eyes and hands.
Jodi


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Hi Breezy,
I was so sorry to hear the news about your dad. I, too, am hoping that you have good news after the biopsy. Several of us have gone through things like this with our parents, and the best advice we can give is that you give your dad and your family the gift of time together...you will remember the fun times and the sad times, but most importantly, you will remember the loving times. My best to you and your dad.
Gayl


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Hi Breezy, I hope you find these prayers and positive thoughts from this forum helpful during this difficult time.A year and a half ago,when I was suppose to start my kitchen my 11 year old daughter got a DVT blood clot, that could have been fatal.I was so desperate for help with the pain, I reached out on the kitchen forum of all places, and the responses were sooo helpful to me.Just reading everybody's prayers and positve words helped me so much. I would read them everynight before I went to bed with tears, but it really helped! So read all of this love coming your way and know that everyone is thinking and praying for you and your family, Michelle.


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Breezy - so very sorry to hear this news. My thoughts and wishes for courage and strength are with you and your family.


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Breezy,
I feel like we have gotten to know each other through the GW and we are one large family to support each other.

I would highly recommend reading the book -Final Journeys (there is another one called Final Gifts) I found this book really helpful in talking to my dad about options along the way.
It was written by a hospice nurse and most of us think of hospice as the end and no further treatment. I found the book very helpful in discussing difficult subjects such as quality of life, reaching for miracles at major medical centers (we scheduled 2 trips to Philly but never made them due to his heart failure)

Dad entered hospice in April (but stayed at the retirement community in the skilled nursing). We had a few ups and downs along the way and had to clarify a few things.
He continued to take the heart medications that he could tolerate and also all of his other meds
He opted to keep his defibrillator installed as a safety net,
Hospice provided an aide for him for about an hour a day. The aide could take him for a ride in his wheelchair down to the apartment or give him a bath or whatever he wanted. He really enjoyed having the aides come by each day.

Dad did pass away last summer - about a week after my birthday (I was praying that he would not pass on by b-day)
Fortunately, he had a relatively good quality of life until the last 6 months and then was in and out of the hospital like a ping pong ball until he signed up for hospice.
When he passed away, it felt like someone ripped my heart out but when I saw him, he was at no longer struggling to breathe and was at peace.

I hope your father does better than predicted. One friend had a rare and almost always fatal cancer and through a series of mishaps, she didn't start treatment(one hospital sent slides to another hospital and the slides were mis marked and had to complete DNA testing)
In the end, turned out the slides were hers but the cancer disappeared and she never was treated.
It was a true medical miracle that no one can explain (least of all her oncologist son-in-law)

Another resource is Livestrong.com They do have journal that you can use to track care. I have seen others use it, but since Dad didn't have cancer, I didn't feel it would be helpful in this case I have friends that have used the journals. They are free except for shipping.

I know I am rambling on a bit - but please accept a long distance hug. My dad and I would give each other hugs over the phone and I think it helped both of us.

God Bless


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Breezy,

I am saddened to learn of your father's illness and will add your family to my prayers. Many of the previous posters provided wonderful advice. I have found that keeping a journal is often cathartic. One can write their inner most thoughts and it doesn't have to be perfect. It is your raw emotion at the time.

We truly are a "family" on GW. I am thankful Angie_DIY started this thread.


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Breezy, i am so sorry to hear the news of your father. I just want to wish you and your family all the best in facing your tough times ahead.


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Breezy--many thoughts and prayers going out for you, your father, and your family as you travel this road. Please don't forget to take care of yourself so that you can help take care of others.


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Breezy,
Thoughts and prayers with you and your family. Your love will be of great comfort to your dad and to the rest of your family. Just being present can give untold emotional support to them. I sat in my mother's and my sister-in-law's hospital/bed room for many hours, just sitting and reading while they slept. But they always knew someone was with them (we took turns) and they never woke up alone. I know you have fears and your father has fears too. Right now everything seems so desperate. But in a few weeks you will settle into a new normal. They are making strides with all types of cancer. Best advice is go to where they treat that type of cancer a lot. Your Gardenweb family is here for you to vent your fears, sadness and frustrations. (((hugs))).


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((((Breezy))))

I am so sorry to hear about your dad. I am praying that the doctor's are wrong, and his biopsy reveals something else entirely.

Cancer sucks and can happen to anyone at any time--do not feel as if you were in la-la land, because we ALL are at times. Who wants to think about awful things, such as losing a parent? I surely don't.

As soon as I post this, I will lift your dad, you, and your entire family in prayer. I will pray for wisdom for your dad's doctors and strength and comfort to your whole family. I will pray that the Lord I know and trust will hold you close to Him, and that you feel the peace that passes all understanding.

Sweet girl, know that we all are thinking of you at this difficult time.

Blessings,
Shel


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Breezy, you and your family are in my thoughts and I wish you all the best. I have been there - my mom passed away 10 years ago from melanoma.

I realize that you are probably not in need of advice from a stranger on the internet right now, but I want to echo what some of the previous posters have said: enjoy whatever time you have together now. It is very easy to get overwhelmed and stressed out, even if you are not a major player in coordinating care. That can lead to petty arguments and bad feelings, not good for anyone.

One more thing... If you haven't already, talk about end-of-life decisions sooner rather than later. If it comes to this, it will make all the difference if everyone is on the same page about your father's wishes. I didn't have that complete of a conversation on this topic with my mother, and ultimately had to make some big decisions at an emotional and high-stress time without being sure of what she would have wanted. I still feel bad about that today, so I tell everyone to get this stuff straight before you are in a situation where you'll need it.


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Breezie, I'm sorry I missed your initial message. We also have been through this, just this last year kidney cancer. I haven't read all message, but from experience I second Annie and LavenderLass's messages.

I have one more to add that I hope you won't need. Hopefully your dad's personality or that organization so many recommend will make it unnecessary. Nevertheless, just in case: Fight this, yes, and plan on winning, but recognize that "positive thinking" is good for getting oneself up and fighting. Its record for willing oneself well is NOT good. Many studies on this have shown that people can be happy or unhappy, defeatist or convinced success is inevitable, and it really doesn't make a difference. So your dad does not have to lie to himself or others about how well he feels as part of "fixing" himself.

My dear fellow MIL, a lovely, vibrant person, whose own health-is-mostly-a-matter-of-attitude philosophy caused her to ignore literally months of warning signs and start fighting way, way too late, was convinced that her failure to beat her cancer was her own fault, her personal failure. She told me she was becoming discouraged in a weak moment, and I was shocked to learn that she blamed herself for not being strong and positive enough to marshal natural forces in her favor. For everyone else, tho, she had to spend her last weeks pretending and tending their illusions--that she wasn't suffering nearly as much as she was and that she was going to get well. Even the nurses seemed to require this peppy, can-do attitude that makes everything so much more comfortable for everyone but the one who counts most.

Best wishes to your dad and all of you.


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Breezy,
So sorry to hear about your Dad. I'm amazed at all the good advice being given.
Take it all in, in your own time. Prayers and positive thoughts are going out to you and your family.


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Breezy: Hugs and prayers for you and your family/Father. I'm with Oldhousegal... there is a whole world of non-mainstream medical options out there for people to take advantage of that have excellent results. There is a documentary on youtube titled "A beautiful Truth". It may be helpful for you to view it and if appropriate, share with your family.


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Hi everyone. I sat down to try to read and reply to all your encouraging messages. I admit to only being able to get through the first few without breaking down.

I promise to come back tomorrow for more reading and to give an update when I'm not so exhausted. Please know that I can't sufficiently express my gratitude for your thoughts and prayers. Thank you isn't enough.

More tomorrow,
Wendy


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Take your time my dear. Nobody here is expecting any type of response from you. You take care of yourself and your family. This thread is just to let you know we are thinking of you and some are sharing any ideas how they coped with similar situations.

The pain is very real that you are experiencing and it is quite normal. Just know we are here for you and keeping you in all of our thoughts.

Hang in there.
B


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I'm so sorry to hear about your father's diagnosis. I hope he has the best outcome possible. (hugs)


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Many hugs to you, Wendy...I am so very sorry for your pain. You'll be in my thoughts & prayers.


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Dear Breezy...aka Wendy...All of our hugs and thoughts here are to give you a lift ...to give you the wings you need right now....hang in there ...we will keep you in our thoughts and prayers..

Beachpea...or the other Wendy


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So sorry to hear this Breezy. Please know your are in my thoughts...


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Breezy, I am so sorry to hear this news about your dear father. I am thinking of you. Sara


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Breezy - I'm so sorry. That sucks. I know that isn't eloquent but it's honest truth. I'll be praying for you and your family. (Hugs)


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Breezy just wanted to let you know my thoughts and prayers are with you. My mother was diagnosed with lymphoma last week and I can so relate. It's the hardest news to hear that our parents are sick. I am wishing you and your father and all of your family the very best. ((Hugs))


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So very sorry to hear your news, Breezy. Please don't worry about answering here, we all know you are in the midst of a painful time and all we want you to know is that we are thinking of you. Take care.


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Adding my ((hugs)) and prayers to the many coming your way.
I will stress the importance of being your own patient advocate these days. Be that, for your dad, and mom. You have a wealth of information at your finger tips, use it sweetie.


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I could only skim through your messages last night through my tears, but it means more than I can say to have virtual strangers send such loving, supportive words.

The last week has been a roller coaster unlike I've experienced before. For several days we had hope that this wasn't pancreatic cancer as his large tumor isn't secreting the tumor marker at all. The GI doc who did the biopsy said his tumor looks very unusual, not typical PC. After the procedure he said that patients with malignant PC tumors that large are either dead or have lost 50 pounds and are extremely jaundiced. (Think Patrick Swayze. Remember how thin and sickly he looked before succumbing to his PC?) My father has lost about 5 pounds with no jaundice. We had great hope that maybe this was just lymphoma (which we were told was 100% curable) as the lymph nodes seemed a bit strange. The prelim pathology reports on the tumor tissue showed nothing definitive yesterday except that it wasn't lymphoma, but it still could have been a metastasis of his previous prostate cancer.

Then this afternoon my Dad called. As I'm idling chatting about the kids, my middle brother knocked on the door, which I thought strange as he never shows up without being expressly invited and even then barely does so. The GI doc said it is definitely PC, despite being very unusual. My Dad was worried about me being alone with the kids when he told me because my DH has been traveling so much in the past four weeks.

So, tomorrow we all again take the long drive up to the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance to meet with onco docs from the University of Washington. They will take the leftover biopsy tissue and do their own testing for confirmation, and we'll see if we can determine a course of treatment. We do know from meeting with them last week that my Dad can't have the surgery (Whipple procedure) to remove the tumor and pancreas as it is too close to the portal vein and has the cells on a large enough area that would be too difficult to remove it all. Surgery is the best chance for any long-term survival of PC.

I wasn't doing too badly until late tonight when I read his latest CaringBridge entry detailing today's events where he mentions wanting to find homes for his two purebread labs (hunting dogs). He loves those dogs so much. It has to be so depressing for him to give up those dogs! I'm not in a position with our yard and dog-scared kids to take either of them. My father is still upbeat about his future just as he has been through two rounds of prostate cancer, but he knows it will be too much for his wife to take care of him and the dogs during treatment regardless of the outcome.

My Dad is a very young, active, and vibrant 72 year old otherwise healthy man. He was the last of my parents, parents-in-law, and step-parents-in-law I expected to get this sick. He's beaten prostate cancer twice already and has great faith. I marvel at those of you who have lived through the mind-numbing pain of losing a parent. I can't fathom how much that hurts.

I appreciate all the postive thoughts and prayers being sent from around the country. For those of you praying for him, his name is Duane. He is much loved by his family and many friends.

Many blessings to you all,
Wendy


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Oh Wendy, I'm so sorry that the news wasn't better. I know the sick feeling you have in your stomach right now. Yesterday my dad would have been 81. We lost him when he was only 54 to Leukemia. I remember the empty feeling I had inside while he was sick. Just being there for him and your family will make him feel more comfortable. I know it meant a lot to my dad that I was there with my mom, it was one less thing he had to worry about. Take care of yourself, you need your strength too.

Hang in there, and the prayers will not stop.
Karen


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Dear Wendy,
It sounds like your father has been building a great legacy of love. That foundation will give you all strength through the battle.
I'll add you and 'dad' to the kitchen chalk board; the right side is a prayer list.
And please know that when you cry, you won't be crying alone. I'm sorry you all have to go through this and I am lifting you up.
Sincerely,
Katrina


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I was going to ask for your dad's first name, so thanks for sharing. Please don't feel like you have to respond to us. I'll pray that God gives all of you the strength and courage you need.


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Wendy; I am so sorry that the news couldn't be better. Cancer is so hard to deal with but I hope that the doctors will find an answer for you. Like your dad, my dad survived one bout of cancer when he was 50 but unfortunately lost the battle with the second bout at 65.

I was very close to my dad and we always had great conversations about the latest economic screw-up or the latest political boondogle or golf.. When the world economy went south I really missed him, our provincial (B.C.) politics would have him turning in his grave right now, and Tiger's escapades on and off the golf course would have him chuckling.

I hope that you will have many more years to create memories as I wished I had.

Suggestions for the Dogs: Contact your dad's vet to see if there is someone who can foster the dogs for the time-being. That way he can still see them and doesn't have to make a firm decision about having to give them up. From what I understand - pets can be a huge stress-reliever as they are very emotionally undemanding. My sister fosters cats for situations such as this.


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Hi Wendy,
If I may suggest that you get his test results (so easy to do electronically these days) and get a second opinion at another cancer center regarding surgery.

A friend of mine's brother was told he had inoperable brain tumor, but he took his test results to another surgeon who told him that he could operate and remove the tumor. While the brain cancer recurred, it did buy him quite a bit of extra time and a lot more comfort.

My brother was having surgery to get a stent put in his carotid artery and the surgeon got in over his head...they had to rush my brother to a NYC medical center where the surgery was completed successfully.

Surgery is one of those things that depends on the skills, experience and philosophy of the particular surgeon involved...frankly, some are better than others.


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Despite all our efforts to keep him alive as long as possible, my father had a heart attack this morning at home and passed away. He was taking large doses of pain medication to try to ease the growing abdominal pain. We were set to start chemo on Wednesday after the diagnosis of pancreatic cancer was confirmed last Wednesday.

I appreciate the prayer and support he, I, and my family have received. Please continue to send good wishes as we struggle through this time.

Wendy


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Breezy, I am so very, very sorry. I have been an erratic presence here lately and feel badly I did not post here sooner. We have had a small scare with my dad lately and I had a tiny glimpse of what you have been going through.

It may not make you feel better at the moment, but you have been blessed with a wonderful relationship with your dad. Not everyone had that opportunity, so try to hold on to that gift as best as you can. And keep busy with the kids, they can be good therapy in a time like this.

I *may* be able to help with you with one small thing. A friend from the kids' school was looking for a hunting dog. If finding a new home for your dad's dogs is something on your to-do list (I know there are many at the moment), private message me when you are ready to tackle this issue and we can talk further.

peace,
colorfast


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Posted in discussions, but wanted to leave some more (((hugs)))) here for you as well. You and your family are in my thoughts during this sad time.


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I saw your last post and I am sitting here writing this through tears. I am so sorry to hear this news and wish there was something that I could do to to ease you and your family's pain. It must have been a shock for you and it is terrible. I am so sorry, Breezygirl. I am wishing you the best in the difficult days to come. Hugs and take care.


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So sorry to hear about your father. That is an especially hard type of cancer to deal with on many levels.


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Dear Breezy,
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. May God give you and your family the comfort and peace you need during this time.


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I'm so very sorry Wendy.


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Breezy girl Wendy, I am so sad for your loss, and hope that you and your family are finding comfort in one another now and in the season of adjusting ahead.


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Wendy (Breezy); I am so sad for you and your family and you are in my thoughts during this time. I was stunned to read what happened with your dad and I'm sorry for your loss.
(((Wendy))).

Lynn


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I'm so,so sorry..If he had great faith as you said then know that he is in a much better place now. And be comforted knowing he didn't have to suffer through a prolonged treatment.I will continue to pray for you and your family to find strength and peace.


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Wendy,(Breezy Girl),
I am so sorry for the loss you and your family have suffered. Your father's sudden passing must have been a shock for you and your sadness must feel overwhelming. I pray you as you go through this difficult time that you are able to focus on happy memories. Perhaps you can take comfort from the fact that he was not forced to endure months of suffering from the cancer, but God in his own way was merciful and took him quickly. I know that is a difficult concept, when you want a loved one around as long as possible. But, I know the thought that my FIL who had been ill for a few months went quickly without years of prolonged suffering helped all of us cope. My prayers and thoughts are with you. May you find peace in happy recollections of special times you shared, may your pain diminish with time, and your love for him sustain you and your family.
Lynda


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Wendy,

I'm so sorry for the sudden loss of your Dad.

You and your family are in my thoughts tonight.

Sherri


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Wendy,

My prayers are with you and your family as you deal with all of this. I know it is very difficult as I lost my dad to cancer two years ago (actually, the side effects of radiation treatment).

As you go through the next few days, think of him in happier times - it actually helped me, so maybe it will help you as well.

Don't worry about answering or acknowledging any of us right now - focus on you and your family. We'll see you when you're ready to come back!


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I am so sorry to hear of your fathers passing. What a shock to hear. Bless you and your family. He sounds like he had great love in his life from you and the family and of course his beloved labs. Your family will be in my prayers.


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Wendy,
I am shocked and saddened to learn of your fathers sudden passing. May you find time to rest and heal from the pain of the last few weeks. I am truly sorry for your loss and pass along my prayers and best wishes for you and your family.


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So very sorry Wendy!


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Breezy,
My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. I am so sorry for the sudden loss of your father.
I have already lost both my mom (58) and dad (64). My mom before I even turned 30 to liver failure while I was pregnant with my second son and 3,000 miles away. And my dad to stage 4 mestatic prostate cancer only two years ago. They died less than 4 years apart. While I was very blessed with extra time with my dad (especially since i lived only 20 minutes from him) it wasn't without his own pain and suffering. My dad was in so much pain most of the time during his final year of life and on so many pain meds that sometimes that made his gift of time was very hard on him. His quality of life was greatly decreased. Even his final day was long and drawn out and painful that I smiled and sighed when my dad finally took his last breath. I know this may not bring you comfort now but know that your dad was very strong and such a fighter (esp from beating prostate cancer twice) his body decided to let him go peacefully and without a fight which is a beautiful way to go. Know that the time he had with you, he probably felt really good and wasn't in pain until only the very end. He also obviously felt very loved and very much at peace to be able to let go. Hold him in your heart always. Talk to him when you drive, walk or just need to - you will know he is listening and there with you. Share his memory with those around you and your family so that he may continue to live on in your children and you. Make sure you take time to grieve. I am sure Hospice grief counseling is available to you given your father's diagnosis, take advantage of it. It is very helpful.
Again I am sorry.
Jen (Ejs)


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I am so sorry to hear this.


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Breezy - My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family. Please take a small bit of comfort knowing that your father is no longer in pain. You will always carry him with you in your heart and minds-eye. And he will always have you with him as well.


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My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I am so sorry for the sudden loss of your father.


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Oh Wendy, I am so sorry to hear this news. Losing someone suddenly is the hardest on those left behind, though may be a blessing for those who have passed if it spared them pain and suffering. My deepest sympathies to you and your family. I'm sending you comfort and strength in your time of sorrow.


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Wendy, I replied on the Kitchen Forum but I will reply here how sorry I am to hear about your dad's passing and never having had a fear chance to fight the Pancreatic Cancer that returned. I had been so sick for 4 week (2 so sick and then the emergency room and then the emergency gallbladder surgery and now taking so long to recover that when I saw a post yesterday about you needing a lift, I thought it was about your kitchen and I thought I would read it today as I was obsessed with paint colors for my bathroom). I am so glad I took out the time before bed to read your post since you are one of my favorite posters and I love your kitchen and your personality from your posts. I am so sorry about you losing a dad you loved so much and who was ready to fight the cancer. May your dad Rest In Peace knowing how much he was loved and how he will never be forgotten. Sending you comforting and understanding hugs as I lost my mother at age 44 when I was 16 to Ovarian Cancer and I lost my father in August 2007 at age 77 to Congestive Heart Failure. From reading the posts above, it sounds like you have your mother still alive and she will need you to be strong. I hope you found wonderful homes for your dad's beloved dogs as he would want that and he knew you cared.


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so sorry for the awful news. Can you get a 2nd/3rd opinion about having the surgery? Maybe at sloan kettering or NYU or another cancer center. My sister has brain cancer, and I know she got a lot of surgical opinions, and each surgeon had their own idea of what could be done. It is possible there is a surgeon out there willing to do the whipple procedure on him.

I have the name of a doc my friend used in NY for his successful whipple procedure. If you PM me, I will give you the name.

My thoughts and prayers are with you in this difficult time.


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I'm so sorry Wendy that you have lost your dad and so suddenly. I have been away for a bit and just checked back on the boards last night. I'm sorry that you're having a hard week and I pray for strength and peach for you and your family.


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Wendy, I am another one who does not post often, but have been lurking on Gardenweb for almost 9 years, usually on kitchen forum, square foot garden forum, and building a home forum. I rarely ever come over to the conversation side and had not heard about your father until today. I feel like there are so many people that I "know" on GW. Even though you may not know me, I feel like I know you a little bit. I am so saddened by your loss. Please accept my deepest sympathy.


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