OT, but this is my favorite forum

12 years ago

How should I handle an ingratiating friend?

I have a longtime friend who always tries to pay for everything. It annoys the hell out of everyone. I know she means well, but she does it as a result of her own insecurity. It has nothing to do with income; and, in fact, in the past, I've made more money than she does. Buying someone a drink here and there is completely different. She's a doormat. Her son takes advantage of her. Her ex took advantage of her. To me, it's insulting that she thinks she needs to "buy my friendship." I've tried saying nicely not to do it; I've even gotten mad. I once threw a $20 bill out the window, because she wouldn't let me pay my fair share of a bill. Any suggestions?

Thx and I apologize if you hate that I posted this question here,

B

Comments (3)

debrak_2008
12 years ago
I would tell her exactly what you said here. You really can't have a real friendship with someone like that. The relationship is lopsided.

Had this happen to me. I got mad and told the person it was embarrassing and that I wasn't going out with her any more if it didn't stop. She said but she "wants" to do these things. I said everything was not about her. It bothered me so I wasn't going to allow it to happen anymore. Tough love but it worked. I also learned to let some stuff go.

hth
blfenton
12 years ago
I don't know if you're still coming back to check responses or not. But, if you want a lot of responses - click onto the Home Decorating forum from the kitchen forum and then click onto the conversation section of the home decorating forum. Unlike this conversation section, the conversation side of the home decorating forum is extremely active and you will get a ton of responses and suggestions. Just a thought.
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betsyhac
Original Author
11 years ago
blfenton, thx much. I will keep that in mind for future stuff.
Betsy