Mr. Johnson wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, 'Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pileup on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but..... something happened. I'm trying to break this gently... but

the fact is... your penis was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it.'

Johnson groans, but the doctor goes on, 'You've got $9,000 in

insurance compensation coming to you, and we have the technology to build you a new penis that will work as well as your old one did... maybe even better! But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's $1,000.00 per inch.'

Johnson perks up at this!! 'So,' the doctor says, 'It's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for nine inches, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before, and you decide only to invest in five inches this time, she might be disappointed. So it's important that

she plays a role in helping you make the decision.'

He agrees to talk with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day and says, 'So, have you spoken with your wife?'

'I have,' says Mr.Johnson.

'And has she helped you in making the decision?'

'Yes, she has,' he says.

'And what is it?' asks the doctor.

'We're getting granite countertops.'