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Strange behavior in friend

Posted by flowergirl70ks (My Page) on
Mon, Dec 31, 07 at 10:02

This is the first time for me on this forum. I didn't know about it before.
I have a friend who exhibits some strange behavior. I have known her for over 40 years now, she is 63 and I am 74. She can be a very nice person, then do a reverse and I can't understand her at all. Here is her Xmas behavior-She always has to give me many presents, never only one. For instance, one year she gave me 13 different things. My kids thought she was nuts, couldn't believe what she did. Now for the really strange part, she won't talk or call me after the holidays, I am the one who always has to initiate contact. Frankly, I'm tired of her behavior and don't care to put up with it. Do any of you know someone who acts like this.
She can't get along with her own Mother, and despises her brother who has Aids. She is very biased by foreign people and can't understand why I am not the same. there is much more I could say about her, but I'm not sure if this is the place.

Follow-Up Postings:

RE: Strange behavior in friend

There is much more I could say about her, but I'm not sure if this is the place.

No, this is not the place. This is the Health Forum. For gossip, venting, ranting and such, go to one of the *conversations* sides of one of the forums. Try the Decorating Forum. Their *conversation* side of the forum just eats up stories like this.

There is also The Kitchen Table Forum for chitchat and musings.

RE: Strange behavior in friend

Ignore Bud, flowergirl....there are many different kinds of "health" and apparently some have yet to discover this.
Two possibilities about your friend come to she is feeling insecure and not at all good about herself...has a poor self image and tries to make up for it by giving many gifts.... And feels that her brother's illness reflects on her and perhaps feels her mother does as well.
Does she exhibit any other signs of depression?
Linda C

RE: Strange behavior in friend

I agree. There could be something going on here. Has she always been this way or has it just started within the last five years? Or if she has always been this way, has it gotten worse lately?

If this behavior is a change from when you first knew her, she could be having some sort of problem that could be helped with medication of some sort. However, I can't think of anyway that you would be able to get her to see a physician.

And then, she could just have a lousy personality. In which case, you deserve a pat on the back for putting up with her. I wouldn't have the patience! For your own peace of mind, ignore her and her "friendship", if you can call it friendship. That sort of stress is something that you don't need.

RE: Strange behavior in friend

Thanks for answering. The main thing we have in common is gardening. We used to go plant hunting together and just shopping. She is now a reclusive type, doesn't want to go anywhere, and I can't tell you when I have been to her house. I have left things on the doorstep for her as she doesn't answer the door. This when I know she is home. Her behavior has been changing over the years. She is fine coming to my house. Occasionally she will go out to eat with us. We used to visit each other's garden a lot in the summer, but she doesn't seem to want to do that anymore.I have decided she has to make the first move from now on. I have just about exhausted my patience with her. She did have breast cancer in 99. To the best of my knowledge she is alright now. I think if she wasn't her daughter would tell me. She has stopped going to church, goes to Sunday School and then goes home. She is insenced(sp) that her brother has a lifestyle she can't stand. One thing I have noticed thru the years is she gets really mad if things don't go her way.
As for Bud, I really didn't know if I should be writing in this forum, and I'm sorry if this is out of line here. I'm just trying to understand her behavior.

RE: Strange behavior in friend

"one year she gave me 13 different things."

Maybe she was doing the 12 days of Christmas thing and just counted wrong ;-) Some people really get into gift giving and try to come up with original things to do. Plus, she may not have many people to give to. I'm not so sure someone putting extra thought into giving gifts is a negative thing.

"despises her brother who has Aids. She is very biased by foreign people"

Sounds like she's a politically incorrect old fashioned bigot to me.

"She can't get along with her own Mother"

That's half the popluation I know anyway especially if her mother's in her 80's.


"she won't talk or call me after the holidays"

I'm not really understanding what you mean. Maybe she thinks you're busy or she's busy, or she always comes down with one of those after Holiday colds. How are you even aware this is going on? I don't even think I woudl realize if this was going on with a friend. Does she like call you four times a day until New Years and then you don't hear again from her until Nov. or what? Maybe she's made some New Year's Resolution not to call people so much or is a little upset you didn't get more excited about her 13 Christmas gifts :-)

I don't really think there's much wrong with her unless it's very new or different behavior from her regular personality. The bigoted remarks would probably bother me, if they do you too, tell her to cut it out. People are odd... If something really bothers you, (like the gift giving, the no calls, etc) why don't you just ask her what's going on?

RE: Strange behavior in friend

I didn't see your last comments before I posted. It sounds like maybe she is just getting older and maybe her health isn't so great which her daughter may not even be aware of.

Does she know you're coming over when she doesn't answer the door? Because I wouldn't read too much into her not answering the door. Many people don't answer the door unless they have invited people to come over, especially if they are women living alone ---I'm sure you can find a post on just this topic on the entertaining forum ;-). And, yes, maybe she used to open the door; but possibly her health has kept her from keeping up with the vaccuming, the house is always a mess now, or she hasn't applied her face yet and just doesn't want to answer the door to anyone with everything in that condition. I have a feeling her garden probably isn't kept up with either and/or that she can't handle the summer sun that much to even be able to enjoy it.

Going through a major health problem can really change a person... not just physically but mentally too. I would bet her health is just drained down and that she may even be depressed which would just add fuel to the fire. I have to say aside from the bigoted remarks (which I would guess have always been there)... it really doesn't sound like she's doing anything wrong. It sounds like she's just not able to keep up with her old lifestyle. Which is sad for her. Could you have an honest talk with her about things? Maybe your friendship and the activites you guys can do together will have to change because her activity level and health condition require it, but I doubt you need to cut her out totally. If she really is suffering from health problems (or depression), she may be embarrassed or ashamed to admit it -- even trying ot hide it-- but this may be the time she really needs a true friend the most.

ps. I think it's fine to post to this forum especially since the problem is probably related to some physical or mental health issue.

RE: Strange behavior in friend

I certainly do thank you for all your comments. It does help to have someone to talk to about this.I may try to let you know how all this pans out.

RE: Strange behavior in friend

I think she is suffering from depression or perhaps the onslought of dementia. This is very typical behavior of beginning dementia.

Tell her daughter she needs an evaluation and then get her for a physical, advising the doctor of what the concerns are. Better yet, have the daughter attend her appointment with her.

I would not let this go. I realize you may be able to do nothing, but try and get her daughter to help her. If they can't get her to the doctor, I am a firm believer in tricking dementia patients. Others may disagree but I have much experience with this issue and sometimes it is the kindest and least stressful way to handle things.

If she won't answer the door and does not go out there is definitely something wrong.

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