Jannie, I don't know if I can give you any advice, but I hope I can share a little support. Antidepressants can be very effective, so I would definitely give that a try. Keep in mind that they often take a week or two to see a change, and sometimes (most times?) you may need to adjust dosages or even try a different antidepressant to maximize improvement with minimal side effects. Antidepressants also typically are best used with psychiatric "talk therapy" so it is wonderful you are trying to arrange that, despite the challenges. Maybe you could find a psychiatrist who would be willing to do sessions over the phone, or even a video link like Skype? There is also research showing the benefits of therapy animals - does DH like animals? Maybe you could find a therapy animal service willing to visit your home, or even just a friend with a gentle pet who would be willing to come over? Wishing you all the best ((((hugs for you and DH)))) Jaimie

Thanks, all. Mother moved to a double room today. This place is only 49 beds, and they had a male patient coming in, and asked, since the only other bed was a female double. The lady in the other bed is a cute 97 yr old very sharp lady named Jane. She's a bit loud, but at worst, it will give Mother something to complain about. Brothers John and Bobby showed up. Of course, they are leaving first thing tomorrow, so that is it. I left them alone with Mother as much as I could. They got to see her at her weakest and at her best, so they may have a good idea of how she is. They hung the "family wall" pictures. Of course that only bothered Mother because she thinks we have given up her nice apartment. I tell her that if she wants to move back to her apartment, she's got to get a lot stronger first. She is miserable to think that she has wound up in a nursing home. Maybe more motivation for getting out? My brothers were odd. Jim tells me to not let it get to me. Sigh. So John makes reservations and pays for two nights in a motel that I would not trust at high noon on a bright day, much less even spend the night. Borther says, well, I didn't know. IDIOT! You could have ASKED! I live here, I could have told him. They could have stayed in Mother's apartment at no charge (they did check out and move to the apt this afternoon). But no, I am the Wicked Witch of the West, and we don't even call to ask. Stupid Idiot. A least they came, and the look on Mother's face was wonderful. It meant all the world to her that they visited. My cousin Linda comes tomorrow. Today was a lot more of getting oriented. Paperwork. Meeting more nurses, more staff, seeing routines, etc. Poor Mother, she never wanted to be here. But we are doing our best to make it ok, and maybe motivation for her to get well. I am sooooo tired. AT the end of the day, brothers took DH and me out to dinner and we were all civil to one another. Thanks for all the support here.

Soy protein powder made into drinks in the morning helps (I like vanilla I call it my home made slimfast drink cold water few ice cubes and couple scoops of soy or soy+whey protein). Drink a few big clean cold waters every day (go well with exercise). Exercise 1+ hour per day early. Not strenous but bicycle, walking, light weights jumping jacks punching bag (use gloves that hold the wrist tightly so you dont hurt your arms) maybe eliptical trainer. drink fresh homemade juices (carrot pear apple is my favorite) - once you are exercising more than an hour per day for a week you should be able to eat whatever you want to so long as it is not overloaded with salt sugar carbs. Breaded Chicken parm with hot sausage mmm. Do not watch your weight like a hawk because it is irrelevant to your energy level at the point where you are missing your life for lack of energy to wake up and live it, the loss of energy will make you sleep until you wake up in an old age home like Rip Van Winkle. Black cohosh helps. eating lots of edamame helps. Sleeping very well also helps. I use valerian, typtophane and melatonin before bedtime. Sometimes those cheap $2 nightime sleep aids from walmart too. 8-9 good solid hours of deep sleep can do amazing things for your energy level! Most of all stop worrying what everyone else thinks!! If your body feels it should be 10 pounds more or less the exercise and healthy diet with a healthy hunger will place you where you ought to be - never starved for calories or starved for energy. Exercise will increase energy level 5X and so will eating a big delicious meal without worrying about how many calories it contains. Trying to find a magical pharmacological solution to the problem of aging if dangerous waste of time. The sooner you admit that there is no silver bullet no magic pill that will balance your life, the better your life will be. The pharma companies will confidently happily give you cancer and then rejoice in giving you all their other wares like chemo and radiation therapy until they have used you up in body and financially.

Cindy, I was actually too anxiety ridden to eat much but basically followed a low acid diet. I recall that I ate lots of fresh baby spinach - uncooked, in salads with just olive oil and lemon juice (yes you head that right...lemons are one of the most alkaline things on the planet) and wild salmon patties that I get at Costco. I had a hard time eating and drinking initially because I was so afraid. everything went down crooked and felt dry. Even water caused odd feelings in my esophagus. That did go away once my anxiety lessed, though. I must have gone to the ENT 3 times in two months (after the FEES test that diagnosed the LPR)just so he could scope my throat and assure me nothing was wrong. He understood. the sensation makes one crazy. Cindy, this was a very, very troubling time for me. I got help from a number of professionals, including a therapist specializing in anxiety and panic attacks. I also had good friends and family who understood my pain and helped me with their support. They were very concerned because this wasnt me. I was absolutely against any medications, having been on an AD once before for 4 years following a death in the family and it was very difficult coming off it. I actually should never have been on it. we learn so much in retrospect, but hopefully it makes us wiser. that's part of the reason for my opposition. It wasnt until I realized that diet and relaxation techniques, even several trips to the naturopathic doctor for supplements to help my body help itself, wasnt going to rid me of the anxiety...oh and the depression that started setting in. I remember the visit to the psychiatrist, I think it was the third visit, where I realized that I couldn't do it myself...and needed to try the meds. I had been so opposed to it, feeling that I just couldnt take that step. He didn't push it, but rather brought me to the decision myself. I was so sick with the thought of it, but knew I had no other options. It was that or lose myself in this. I cannot tell you the relief I felt when the health anxiety disappeared...overnight. Some say it was mind over matter because the drugs dont work that fast, but I know what I know...and only 5mg, my starting dose, brought me instant relief. And the constant state of anxiety dissipated too. that was the toughest part as I said in my earlier email. Mind you, I had every test imaginable, blood work up the ying yang that my doctor ordered at the request of the naturopath (they arent licensed as primary care physicians in NY State). They took 8 vials of blood for those tests! One thing I forgot to mention was that I developed severe hives during this time. One day they just started on my chest...that was just the beginning. My sister happened to be over, and she gave me a benedryl. I went for allergy tests...no allergies. I had every blood test imaginable (see above)...nothing unusual. One day I got hives over my entire body...the hives had hives. I called the allergist and went right away and he watched as they popped up on my back, chest, arms, you name it. Dont struggle needlessly. There is nothing wrong with trying the meds. It doesn't mean youve failed. Its a tool to help you get back your life. I tried everything I could, but I knew when it was time to give my body a break. Start slow...5mg and give it a couple of weeks (as longas the Dr. advises that too). I felt I needed something that would take off the edge just enough so that I could function. Going to work was difficult but I did it every day. Once I started the meds, I continued with my therapy, learning how to respond to the panic attacks and arming myself for the future. I didn't just let the meds do the work, i worked at it too. I did go up to 10mg, but now, a year later, I no longer have fear of reverting back plus the 10mg just started making me very tired, so I dialed it back and that went away. I guess my body accepted the meds when I really needed them, and started telling me when it no longer was necessary. I hope some of this helps. Sue