Hi maifleur, my wife whom I'm separated from has gardenship of the girls, as I'm not Blood relation to them Here in Missouri they stopped the parenting grand parents program, but we get medicare on them and $200.00 in food stamps to help feed them, that is all we get. If we were foster care parents we could get a lot of help. I love the girls as if they are my own and will not turn my back on them, no matter how bad it gets. I was at the V.A. Clinic and did my monthly weight program and had my Blood taken to see if My blood sugars are where they need to be, they wasn't and I ganined the weight back I had lost from walking. They set me up with some more light stretching exorcises and said I should stay with the cane for balance, so that my upper back and neck will remain strong. I had my depression medicine incressed from 150 milligrams to 300 milligrams and was given a new medication to help with pain at night and help me sleep better. I had my primary care doctor, look at my bruise hip and back and had a couple Xrays done on it. Its still sore along with the muscles that I pulled when falling and the abrasions are starting to heal. I used the neck stretching device every other day for three months and all I got from it was more and more neck pain and Migrains, so now I do a few light neck stretches and hope that will help some. They did have me on a lot of exorcises at first when they found out that surgery was out of the question do to the bone disease, many of which I couldn't do, but some did help a little and I still do them as they help me walk better. As Medicare says I make to much money to get most of the help my wife does which house care and nurse that comes in to look at her feet because she is Diabetic and so on, also if she has to go to the Emergincy Room that is all paid for, My Medicare just pays a little over half of any emergincy room visit. I'm still paying on the last one as my share was $563.00 the total was close to $2,000 so I was luckey there. I don't see how they figure I get to much SSI money as a $1,000 isn't very much to begin with and then I cut that in half to give to my wife ,because we still care for each other, but just can't live together, do to economic reasons and the fact I suffer from bad dreams from the War and can get real mad for no reason at all, so we get along so much better since we parted and I take the kids for the weekend or when ever she needs me to, although having them is really stressful, I do yell some, but most of the time I'm in control. It helps if we all take a long walk while they are with me. I have even salvaged a old computer for them to play on although they won't be able to use the internent. George W. Z5-6 Mo

DD50, I'm so sorry that you are having so much trouble finding good in-home care. I wish I had more to offer you other than sympathy. I cannot even begin to imagine how frustrating this situation must be for you. Here you are, trying to do what's right; using the resources available; all so you can keep your husband at home. It sounds like the system is actually working against you. What a shame! Although my situation wasn't as difficult as yours, I went through some similar things when we had my mom living with us. We got in-home care from a reputable agency so I could have some free time and to ease the physical burden. I found, like you, that I was spending too much time training the new caregivers and monitoring what they were doing. As we added more & more hours in the hopes of alleviating my burden, the costs became even more than what we had been paying for an assisted living facility. Eventually, I moved my mother into another AL. If you go the NH route, don't become overwrought with guilt. You've done your best. Sometimes you just have to face reality. Your kids need you too. And you can't wreck your own health. If you do, who will take care of your children and your husband? Believe me, just because your loved one is in a NH or assisted living or memory care unit, does not mean you're not their caregiver. You are still looking after their well being. The only difference is that you can go back home and get some breaks. Take care of yourself and always feel free to join in on the forum discussions here. This place has many lovely members who either are going through or have gone through circumstances similar to yours. It's a great source of encouragement and help.

UPDATE: I want to thank jannie for her information because my mother got her stimulus money deposited a few days ago - yippie! We did have to go thru the whole 1099 request and mail forwarded from CA to FL and such and such. About three weeks ago, after urgent care & emergency room fiascos, I realized (during hours & hours of waiting rooms and lots of time to think about it) that I really needed to accept the fact that she is losing her cognitive abilities and that I needed to take charge and make it happen. So I dragged her down to Social Security and 4 hours later, she became a Florida resident. Then to DMV for a Florida ID, then online application for Medicaid and other Florida benefits. We're still a little stuck on the Medicaid and Medicare Part D issue, but it's in work. I found a county-paid free elder lawyer who drew up a Durable Power of Attorney, Living Will, and HIPAA documents so I could speak for my mother in such matters. This all came up because I stupidly decided not to accompany her inside the urgent care when she spoke to the doctor and I have no idea what my mom told her, but she left happy and with a prescription for antibiotics. I had to go to the front desk and ask for the diagnosis and copy of the records. The next day, after she discussed everything with her friends back in California, she decided that the Urgent Care doctor was a quack and she needed to go to the ER. (NOTE TO SELF: eat lunch BEFORE going to the ER, because you'll be there for hours.) This time I made sure to be there with her every minute. She came up with a completely different story that she told the ER doctor (at least it was different than the story she told me to get to the Urgent Care the day before, since I'm not exactly sure what she said), and didn't even mention that she was on antibiotics (maybe that would explain the lack of bacteria in the urine sample?) so I really had to run ramshod at the ER to make sure the doc had the right story. And I'm sure I came across as the uptight, annoyed, inconvenienced daughter while my sweet darling mom charms everyone in the hospital. Here's the kicker: She said that she had the same symptoms when she was in Virginia visiting friends early in the year. She went to an ER and then followed-up a few weeks later at a GYN. Then a couple of weeks ago I get the Medicare summary from that incident, and there's a bill for chest x-rays, influenza something....hmmm. How could that possibly be related to lower abdominal pain & frequent urination? A quick phone call to the hospital hinted to me that she came in with a cough and flu symptoms. Hmmm. Now I am contacting all of her past doctors & visits and trying to get copies of all her medical history. Very complicated, many various doctors & specialists. Even though she's in relatively good health and only takes two meds (high BP and thyroid). Anyway, it's the county Elder Helpline that's getting me through all this. They are wonderful and explain all the services and how to use them. The services give no explanation at all nor will they answer any questions - they just administer their programs and that's it. I've checked out all the books and links that were recommended above and did get a little bit of knowledge with each one. I am getting along better now (as in, no fights for a few weeks now) as I keep reminding myself that she is like a toddler and that little conniption she's having over a wet towel left on floor is just like a kiddie tantrum. I'm a bit concerned about how this is affecting my kids, but I plan to ask for a counseling recommendation when I see my doctor for my annual next month. I am still happy to read any more advice that anybody might have. My current dilemma is finding something for my mom to do, maybe once or twice a week. Adult day care (doesn't seem to exist in my county) or Silver Sneakers or SOMETHING where she can interact with others. Only problem is that she doesn't think she's old so she doesn't want to hang out with old people. Ugh. Thanks for all the help, everyone, and hope you are all doing well in your personal situation. Lisa

Yes, I realize that the coverage is still going to be there. That's not the point. The point is that NO ONE IN THE MEDICAL COMMUNITY seems to know about this, nor is ready for the changes that will be taking effect in just 3 days. AND it has not be well-disseminated to those on Medicaid, apparently, because from what DD was finding today, no one knows about this. The nursing homes also DO NOT KNOW THIS--this friend HAS been investigating, and until one friend clued her in, NO ONE ELSE has breathed a word. Even the letters from the state, apparently have different dates on them. We're looking at a real mess, in a state where a high percentage of people DO use the medicaid system, where there are going to be a lot of problems that are going to cause all sorts of issues in the next weeks. Oh, and for whoever asked--New Jersey. In all honesty? The first thing that crossed my mind when DD told me all that they've been through today, was that my aunt who died in January was going to run out of money right around now, had she lived, and we'd have not only had to deal with getting her qualified, but the fact that apparently the state has not properly prepared the medical community for the switchover.