Hi deedee,
(((((hugs))))))
I can soooo relate. If you are going through menopause, that could explain alot. I had so many panic attacks during that time.
But....I've come to realize that I've been anxious pretty much my entire life. I'm 58, and finally agreed to try Zoloft. It was helping, but unfortunately has caused tons of diarrhea, so I need to try a different drug. But.....I think the med that has helped me the most with panic/anxiety is a beta blocker (Toprol XL). My sympathetic systems seems to be on overdrive all the time.
I was on it for 5 years once, and stopped it because my BP was doing well, plus it gave me side-effects I didn't like.....like lack of motivation, fatigue, hunger.
But this time, I'm only on a smidgen of a dose, and it keeps my heartrate in the 60's and 70's, as opposed to the 100's. I've found that if my heartrate stays slower, I don't get as carried away with the panic. So that's something to consider...but start on a very low dose.
You might also consider an antidepressant, which can lower anxiety.
The more natural things you might do are eat nutritiously, cut down on sugar and carbs and caffeine.
Get a little exercise every day and get sunshine every day.
Also, be sure you do something every day that gives you pleasure. Make time for that.
I have some brain problems and I can't always keep info straight. When I got a jury summons, I wrote a letter explaining that I would do it, but that because of my thinking problems, I felt it wouldn't be fair to the person on trial or anyone else. Could you write something similar to that? I wouldn't hesitate to ask your doc for a note.
They never called me back.
Do you drink caffeine or eat chocolate? When my anxiety was the worst, I just couldn't have any of that, without making it much worse.
You don't sound like a baby at all! I think we women got the short end of the stick when it comes to menopause and how much anxiety the fluctuating hormones can cause!
Do whatever you need to do to that will help right now, and be kind to yourself. You'll feel better and stronger some day, but right now you're going through a rough time, and its okay to go easy on yourself and avoid things that make it worse for you.
Hang in there!

Don't hesitate to ask your doctor. On our summons there is actually a space for a doctor to sign if he feels that your condition would make you unable to serve.

I agree, call your doctor. I take Alprazolam (generic Xanax) and it has helped me tremendously.

Also, Catherinet is right, watch what you eat or drink. Caffeine makes me jittery, and also sugary food. Last night before bed I ate a piece of poundcake (plain, nothing with it) and I couldn't get to sleep, I was so jittery all night. Also, make sure you take a walk for about 45 minutes to an hour every day, or a ride on a bike. Massage is also good for releasing toxins built up in your muscles that make you anxious.

You are right, venting is really good. Start a diary, either handwritten or on the computer. If you are really mad at someone, write them a letter, say EVERYTHING you feel and then tear it up or delete it. That is a huge stress reliever for me.

As for the jury summons, don't fret about it. I feel it is an honor to serve on a jury, it is what our country is about, and feel good knowing that you are a part of what makes our country so great. Chances are you won't even get called, but this might be a good way to conquer your apprehension.

Hi Cathernit, I think we've talked several times last year. Like you I have been anxious all my life but more so in the past several years. As far the as the caffeine goes I do drink ice tea but I've been doing that for years and it doesn't seem to change anything one way or the other. The last thing my doctor wanted me to try was Elavil. That was something I was on years ago for something completely different. I'm 50 so I don't know if I'm experiencinig Menopause. I feel like I've been going through long term PMS since my hysterectomy. Anyway, I do take Ativan (Lorazopam) for the anxiety. My parents are in their 70's and just recently been told my dad will be getting an operation on his back on the 22nd. My mom has Osteo so there is very little she can do. Since I'm the only sibling home now (unemployed)I'm the only one who can help out during the day.

The jury duty thing is just another anxiety producing thing for me. I'm in overload but I just don't know how to go about asking the doctor because I feel like a child doing so. I just felt the note from the doctor who treats me for the anxiety would help at this time.Sometime she even makes me feel like I'm a joke. My husband can't believe this is such a big deal for me. I only wish he could have 1 day in my shoes. I feel like crying my eyes out but I can't seem to cry. I don't normally do things like this. I just do what I'm supposed to do and get on with this but these past several months have been a little crazy. First time I've been without a job in 30 years.. Thanks so much everyone for you thoughts and kinds words.

Hopefully I'll get the nerve to call the doctor and speak with her. I get so nervous I get all jumbled up...god, I'm such a mess sometimes...!!!

I have been this way for years. Example: Dental appts. The best I can do is to ignore the situation until the special day then try to ignore it until the hours arrives. Sometimes it works out and sometimes it gets the best of me.

Note that many times you will call and not even be selected for jury duty. Why not write a leteer decribing your issue. Include the nerves issues, stomach issues and any medications you take. They may just dismiss you.

I try doing that but I worry clear up until the day. So I have myself a mess until that day. I try to ignore it but it gets the best of me. I am going to try to talk to my doctor first. And if she won't do it then that is what I'll have to do. I've never had to ask for this before so it feels kind of strange. But I have alot on my plate right now and I'm lucky I can get through remembering things each day. I know that sounds like a lame excuse but it's the truth. Doesn't this ever go away. I'm 50 years old....

Hi again DeeDee,
My first thought is that should try to quit feeling silly for feeling what you feel. How does your doc make you feel like you're a joke? Maybe you need a new doc!
You have enough to worry about without feeling bad for feeling this way!
I'm here to tell you that the perimenopause years (age 46-56 for me) were the absolute worst times of my life. The anxiety and panic were horrible. It will ease up as you get through menopause. And I think maybe I've mentioned that our ovaries and uteruses aren't the only things involved in menopause......it also involves the hypothalamus and pituitary. So even though you might be missing some parts....the rest of them can still make you miserable until they think you should be finished.
I really recommend trying an antidepressant. I got to the point where I was so anxious all the time, over everything, I could hardly stand it. I think an antidepressant could help you beyond your Ativan.
And seriously.......if I had a doc that made me feel like I was a joke, he or she would be long gone! You need a more compassionate doc.
You just have to believe that you have a right to do whatever it is that you need to do to get through this time, and not feel guilty or inferior for it. Its really okay.
You don't sound like a weak person, or "a joke" or lame or anything else. I understand the hell you're going through, and you need to get some relief, however you can.
But I think the first step is accepting that this is where you're at right now, without feeling guilty/inferior/weak. We've all been there at some point, and it just doesn't help us at all to feel bad for being at that point. I really think you should consider an antidepressant while you're going through this time.

Hi catherinet,

Thanks again so much for taking the time to write back. I'm just so tired of all of this. I've tried several anitdepressants and they just make me feel worse. I'm going to attempt the Elavil again. I think maybe I didn't give it enough time. Like you were I am pretty much anxious all the time. I guess I feel this way because no one in my house can understand what its like. Things that make me anxious sound crazy to family members and friends. They say "why can't you just !!!" they don't understand that if I could just "whatever" I would -lol
No one likes being this way. I just don't like doctors period. I don't think many of them have compassion. I could be wrong but that's how I feel from past years of having to deal with them. Hopefully this will ease up when I talk to the doctor. Thanks again for all of your help. You sound like you're a very compassionate person and would make a great friend. Have a good day!!!

Antidepressants supposedly can take 6 weeks to 2 months to really work well. Zoloft started working for me rather quickly.....but it gave me horrible diarrhea and I had to cut back on it, and have lost alot of the good stuff it was giving me.
I, too, get anxious over just about anything. I forget if you said, but have you ever tried a beta blocker? It helped me alot with anxiety. It kept it from escalating. Maybe you could try a little?
I'm really sorry you don't have much support at home. It just makes things worse when you don't have that.
Have you had a good physical with labwork? Be sure to have your thyroid levels checked. They can get wacky as we get older. That could cause your anxiety too.

yes I just recently had my check up with all doctors and bloodwork. I just think most of it is with everything that is going on. Plus I started a small candy business at home after I became unemployed so I tend to worry about that too. We just finished the website so I'm hoping it will take off. The doctor did call me back this afternoon and I explained everything and she told me it wouldn't be a problem. Not to worry about it. She would send me a note to go with the questionnaire. I was so grateful for that. It's a world you are in all by yourself I say. I've even noticed that I've isolated myself from people since I haven't been working. Sometimes I just don't want to be bothered with anyone including family. Well I need to go fill some candy orders. Have a good night. That's the only thing that relaxes me - that and baking...

By the way, I'm just curious, where are you from?

The candy thing struck a chord with me: are you eating a lot of sugar when you test your candy? High or elevated blood sugar can cause severe anxiety, sometimes worse than caffeine. Also, even though you have been drinking tea for a long time your body can still change its reaction to it. Try a decaf tea.

As for the isolation, I am exactly like that. I enjoy my own company, I entertain myself, and I have been out of work over a year and have yet to get bored. I love my house, sometimes I don't leave it for days, and I hate talking on the phone. I feel bad because I am not in touch with friends and I know they feel deserted. My sister gets really frustrated because she is a very social person and loves to get out and exercise, meet with friends, and go to and throw parties. I am the opposite.

Do what relaxes you, if you are getting negative feedback from your family about it, sit them down and explain it. I found this on the internet, I think it sums my life up perfectly. I sent this email to my friends and family along with the link below. I hope this helps you, I know exactly how you feel.

I just read this. It really sums up my life. I know you all think I need to go out more, to be more social, to do what you guys find happiness in, and I have felt like I have been disappointing you because of my situation with my health and my job. But after reading this, I want you to know I AM happy, because I am content. I love my life, I love my husband, I love my family. What you need to be happy is not necessarily what I need to be happy. I love you all, and I love my life the way it is.

Here is a link that might be useful: The incredible power of contentment

hi michelle,

As far as eating the candy I do not. I do not need to test the candy because of the type of product I make. I walk 30 minutes each day for exercise and I think I have a pretty good diet. I really do try to watch what I eat. I love to bake so sometimes I go a little crazy but not to bad. Been married for 26 years and have 2 kinds, 16 & 22. I'm 50.

The only thing that has changed for me recently is not being employed after 30 years of working. I chose to leave that job and found employement after that with 2 different type jobs but found that certain things from the first job stressed me out, like (the office not big enough to do my job properly & rude people) and the second job was stressful because the person treated me like a child and eventually flipped out on me. I think that last thing was what put the icing on the cake.It took me so long to decide to leave my job of 30 years and everything has been a failure since then. Plus I'm not a confident person at all so to interview for a job is a joke. I get so nervous and have myself failing at the job even before I get it. That in itself is not good.

All of this comes from my upbringing. Was always told I was no good and you kind of stick that in the back of your mind and it pops out when you don't want it to. Then you have people who don't or can't understand how you can feel this way so that adds to my distress. I think I really need to just forgot about what other people think about how I am.

Normally, I like being around friends/family (outside of my own) but not lately.I notice I'm short tempered most of the time.

Thanks so much for sending that link. I read some of it briefly but will read the rest of it later on. Have a good day.

I feel pretty strongly that your increased anxiety is probably your hormones. I forget....do you still have your ovaries?
Now that you mentioned your job, I remember talking to you awhile back! Do you like your candy job, or is it just another stressor? How are things with your 16 year old?
I'm 58 and my kids are 19 and 21. When they are home, they can be real stressors! We seem to like each other alot on the phone and through email......but when we have to live together.......its not so good. I love them like crazy......but it can be a challenge. 16 is a rough age (rough on the parents!!) haha
Back when I started going through menopause, I talked with alot of women on the internet who were also going through it. I talked to several who had actually become agoraphobics when they hit menopause, and never left the house.
I'm pretty much of a hermit too. I love staying at home.
Have you tried counseling? I think its time that you learn that you ARE a worthwhile person and you have alot to give others, and its okay to be who you are. I know they are expensive if you don't have insurance....but you wouldn't have to see one every week. It might really help you.
I live in Indiana. What kind of candy do you sell?
I'm hungry just thinking about it. haha

Yes I do have my ovaries. Had the hysterectomy at 39. I'm currently unemployed but my candy job is actually a small home based business I am trying to start. I don't find it to be a stressor. My 16 year old is alot of fun and my 22 year old is hardly ever home. Both are good kids. No complaints there. I've been to counseling and it helped for a while but then life just takes a different direction and I seem to get sucked right back in. I have big time insecurites which create anxiety. My self confidence stinks and I really don't like to be in social situations with people I don't know but I love being around my friends and (some) family. I wasn't always like this. Both of my parents are in their 70's and in fairly good health but my father is just plain rotten and treats my mother badly. Never know him any other way. I seem to get bummed out quickly and don't know why.

The biggest challenge for me lately has been for me to go out and sell my candy to some local businesses. That's been scary for me but so far I've spoken to two different florists and my candy is displayed in one of the shops. I sell novelty type candy. If you want to take a look you can go to the website ddscandies.com.

Its funny you mentioned some people have become agoraphobics because a friend of mine mentioned that she hasn't seen or heard from me in awhile. She doesn't go out either. She's 53 and I know she is going through menopause
because she doesn't sleep (ugh!!) and just has no desire to do anything. I thought menopause was supposed to be a great thing to look forward to. So far it doesn't sound so pleasant to me....LOL Take care and have a pleasant day..

Hi DeeDee,

One thing that has helped me is to accept that I am who I am. Am I the person I always dreamed I would be? No. But I'm a decent person in spite of all my hangups.
I have ADD and fibromyalgia, and its done a number on my brain/memory/thinking. When my kids were little and in school, I was afraid to volunteer at their school, because I got confused so easily. Plus, I just was never comfortable in those kinds of social situations.
But I tried to do it. It didn't work out. I felt really bad about it for awhile, then realized that I just wasn't going to change and become a different person. So I began to try to learn to accept who I was. I began to accept my limitations.
That has helped me alot. I no longer come down on myself because I'm not a social butterfly, or because I can't do what everyone else seems able to do so easily.

I've also discovered that sometimes I fight my feelings. Like if I'm scared to do something that absolutely has to be done...I try to stop making the fear go away, and just let it happen. sometimes trying to stop an emotion is harder than just letting it be.
When you go out to sell your candy to a business, just say to yourself, "I'm scared to do this. I hate this feeling. But its okay to feel scared. I'm going to go to that business, being scared, and that's okay."
Am I making any sense? I'm not very good at explaining things. Try not to waste energy on trying to stop a feeling you have. Just feel it, while moving forward.
Sometimes it helps me to feel like a screen, instead of a solid wall, and I try to let the anxiety go through me, instead of piling up on me.
Are you stressed alot because of your dad? I divorced my parents a long time ago. It was amazing how better it made me feel. I was free of that toxic stuff that was always coming from them.
Awhile back, when I realized that I wasn't the kind of person who could be real social, or help at school, etc., I tried to focus on the things that I COULD do and the things that I could do without the anxiety. That usually meant trying to be a really good mother and teacher to my kids, and making good, nutritious meals, and making a comfortable home for them.

Try to focus on the things that you ARE comfortable with, and do them well, and be proud of yourself.
I'll stop now. Oh....one question........who in the world told you menopause was supposed to be a great thing to look forward too????? LOL! It must have been either a man or someone who hadn't gone through it yet! hahaha

I think the person who said menopause was something to look forward to was referring to the fact that you no longer will have periods or have to worry about birth control. I haven't had to do that since I was 39 years old..LOL

I am stressed out alot with my parent situation. Every time my mother tells me something about my dad it puts me in such a terrible mood and I noticed that I would come home and take it out on my family. I am now realizing that I do that. I'm close to my mom and I am the oldest so I seem to get the brunt of things if you know what I mean. And I agree with you, IT IS TOXIC... I just need to accept the fact that I cannot control or change her situation. That is her choice, not mine.

When my kids were younger I used to do all of the school volunteer stuff to an extent but I noticed I kept myself at a distance with some things, (ex. social situations). Lately, I would say in the past 5 years or so I've really changed socially. I guess its just part of who I am. And like you said I need to focus on the things I am comfortable with and be proud of myself.

I've always fought my feelings because I was always embarassed about them. I tend to be a little emotional...lol but I have a good heart and that means something. Thanks for taking the time to talk to me. It has really helped me. I don't think you have a hard time explaining yourself you do a great job... I am going to take your advice and try my best to apply it everyday.

Just curious, do your children still live at home and do you work? If I'm being to personal I apologize..

Hi DeeDee,
I suppose I'm different than alot of people, because I just put my foot down with my parents, and said "that's it. I'm done with you." I think most people feel too bad doing that. But life was too hard for me to keep being around them.
It sounds like my parents were alot like your's......my father would be so mean to my mother, and she just took it. I think that combination was common in alot of marriages in the 40's.
Its really difficult to do this, but you have to let your mom be responsible for herself, and not take it on yourself. Could you ever say to her "mom, hearing about those things that dad does really upsets me, so please don't tell me them!"?
My father did nothing but find fault with all of us. It was so wonderful "getting rid" of him! And my mother was very neurotic, so it was a big relief distancing myself from her too.
I'm sure your dad pushes all your buttons! Its really hard not to be sucked into that stuff, but do give it a try.
I think alot of us grown-up children still feel controlled by our parents. Its really hard to break away from that.....especially if the parents were really, really controlling when we were little.
I think its a great idea for you to try to have whatever feelings you have, without censoring them, or putting yourself down for them. What's really hard is if you have a spouse who makes fun of you, or puts you down for your feelings. Hopefully your's isn't doing that.
Both my kids are in college. My 19 year old son came home for the summer, but my 21 year old daughter lives in an off-campus apartment. Its funny, my son and I love each other so much, and can really enjoy each other's company......but we tend to constantly bug each other! He's got ADHD, I'm pretty sure. He is, I think, a creative genius. But he can sure drive me crazy with those parts that aren't genius. hahaha
I quit working 21 years ago, to have my daughter, and never went back. I developed fibromyalgia when the kids were young,(plus had a horrible perimenopause), so I'm VERY lucky that I didn't have to go back to work. Life would be so much harder, if I had to function out there in the world! I'm definitely a hermit!
I feel bad seeing other people in the same position who HAVE to work.
Well, I better get to dinner.......making cabbage rolls!
Nice talking with you.

I have anxiety and sometimes it gets worse with different things. Certain things will bring it out. For instance, I just got a jury summons notice and the thought of having to do this freaks me out. I instantly got shaky. My stomach automatically shuts down and I can't eat. This notice I received doesn't mean I have to go I just have to fill out the questionnaire and if I'm picked I have to show up on 11/26. But you don't know if you have to be there until you call on 11/25 after 4pm. This has me a mess.

WOW - Are you messed up, or what?!!!

LOL, I'm am SO THE SAME! You sound like my twin!
I'm 53 yrs old or something like that.

I was reading here on Wed nite - looking for some other stuff, but when one has anxiety...can't pass up any 'anxiety posts'! LOL!
I wasn't logged in and needed to sleep (appt on Thursday am.), so didn't write.

I got TWO Jury notices in TWO months this past Summer! And I have always freaked out over the 'little one'! This year I got (1st) a BIG one! A Federal that could go for 4-1/2 months!!!
I also got a County 'weed abatement' notice this summer that had the dreaded "DEADLINE DATE". LOL!
What else? I KNOW there was something...OH, & my 'hubby' had to have surgery...YIKES!

Talk about out-of-control and craziness and stress and anxiety and PILLS!

I noticed a couple more posts since last Wednesday - I have not read. BUT, OMG! You WROTE just as I feel a lot of times! And, I don't know WHY or WHERE it comes from!

Feeling like a baby? YUP! I can relate!

I've been on xanax/alprazolam for quite some time.

This is all so 'crazy', isn't it?!!!

Cathie54 - They say everyone has a twin somewhere and I guess I found mine.. LOL - Nice to know I'm not the only one who feels this way. It is a crazy thing, isn't it? I've always been an anxious person but not like this. I guess for me it is a combination of not being employed (after 30 yrs working), husband had heart attack in April and toxic parents. I know "WHY" and "WHERE" it comes from just haven't been able to get it under control.

I see you said you are on Xanax. Just curious, do you take that on an as needed basis or as part of your everyday? I feel "so normal" when I take the Ativan and I wish I could feel that way all the time. I'm much more calmer and my mind is relaxed to the point where I can feel real confident about myself. That is when I do my best work.

Thank god the rest of my family is low keyed. My husband and kids are pretty relaxed people. I'm the one always stressed out. But that's no ones fault but my own.

Hope you got a chance to read some of the other posts especially from Catherinet- she has a way of making you feel really good about yourself and has made me think of things I wouldn't have even considered. I really like hearing from her.

I keep telling myself when I get a job, things will be better, when I stop stressing, things will get better, etc. Been saying these things for years and nothing has changed. I guess we are who we are!!!