Hi Terrance nice to meet ya and thanks for the reply! Yes I must get outside in scratch that dirt. Where I live now, in Aberdeen, we gravelled the whole backyard due to having multiple horses in the house. LOL..my great danes make a terrible miss on grass so it was the only way. And mud? As in garden? Would be destroyed unless I built a fence around it. We are planning to buy a house soon, so hope to change all that. I can not wait to get into roses outdoors and perenials, grow my own veggies. Lily's too! I hope he builds me a greenhouse, as I am a die hard fan of tropicals. Plumeria and hibiscus are my fave's. Been growing them indoors for a year under lights, and lots of blooms. I also enjoy propagating and starting from seed indoors. Fun stuff! I guess when you grow up as a small town girl, you stick to your roots..hahahaha..too funny! Krista - sorry I left Sharon's name in the original post, so she knew I ressurrected it.

It wasn't all that complicated Carla, so I'll list it here -- and I'm only suggesting it for someone married to a narcissist. 1. A narcissist will need to feel like he's won, so my best advice is don't even waste your time trying to "take him to the cleaners" or "make him pay," because to "win" in the traditional monetary sense, you would have to spend more time, money and emotional energy on lawyers than you could imagine. And since most narcissists are so good with their 'public faces,' you are unlikely to be able to convince the judge that they're awful unless you have aLOT of hard evidence. The differance between a "fair" and "you-win" settlement is not likely to be big enough money to change your life. So go for FAIR - not more. Go for half of the marital assets, your state's "standard" support arrangements, and a pleasant, quick, settlement. He will *need* to be able to walk away feeling like he's won. Remember that for you, walking away IS winning. 2. Since he will need to feel like he's won, find out what it is that will let him feel this way. Realize that it *might not* be anything you would even want. It'll probably be something visible - might be money, the house, the 'good' car, artwork, furnishings, even certain child custody provisions that preserve the appearance of him being a good dad. You'll need to know what he wants, and if it's something that's not particularly important to you, don't tip off your hand that you don't care about it. Again, it's not so much that he needs to win -- it's that he needs to be able to *feel* like he won. Let him "win" something visible, and make a loud and visible show of him winning-you losing. (You know how much he likes that.) 3. Deep down, most narcissists feel really lousy about themselves. At some level, they feel they are worthless frauds, and this is why they work so hard to buff up their public images. In my opinion, their greatest fear at this point in time is that you will somehow reveal to the world what a fake they really are. So don't do it! This will be very difficult because you will probably have years of pent-up anger at your abuser, and venting that anger is cathartic. But make a list, build a file, gather your evidence and ammunition -- anything that would embarass him to the world and invalidate the picture he tries to paint. (sexual performance issues are biggies, social embarassments, career slights) Then sit on it. Tell him that all you want is a FAIR settlement with no mudslinging public trial that allows you both to walk away with your DIGNITY, SELF-RESPECT and PRIVACY intact. Let him act like it's you who would be embarassed if all your secrets came tumbling out, because that's important to him. But realize that if you expose him to the world as a fraud (like the world cares!), you've blown your best weapon. That's my two cents --

ahhh! Pasta. I was thinking pencils, kabob skewers, bottle brushes, and ran out of ideas! :) Pasture19, yes, that square hole thing is quartersawn oak, as is the 6" spice pull-out. What you haven't seen is the two, W1536 that I'm just stripping right now. They will be the only non-plywood boxes I have, because they're so beautiful. Shame, they're actually particle board I've reinforced dramatically. Lovely, though. The 4-drawer and its 2, B24 cabinets are plain, beautiful oak. Interesting that just two years ago I was reading and buying products to hide oak grain under my paint. Once I discovered that gorgeous gray/brown reclaimed color, it opened me up to wood cabinets I'd never liked before. Cerise + darker stains = oooooooooOooooo I haven't put up pictures yet of my cherry uppers and bases, nor my maple credenza. Then we have the LR floor-to-ceiling bookshelves I'm going to face frame (beaded of course) and build doors for the bottom shelves. Then the DR & laundry. I have more cabinets and species than most showrooms. Good thing I love unfitted and very eclectic decor, right!?!

Thank you, @Jilly. There are several planned developments with ornamental grass along the streets. I need to find out what variety it is because I would like some on the front yard. Maybe the purple would be okay in the ground. I did meet a better salesperson at the garden shop last trip, so I will look for him again. Our biggest project for the house has been a carport addition over the guest parking area. I showed two photos to the framer and said "make it look like it's always been here." Then he sent me a CAD drawing and BAM! Carport! Has a storage room (because the dang garage is small and we are not going to park outside) and room for DH's smancy street legal vehicle and a guest. DD2 was happy not to park in the sun when they were here for Thanksgiving. We also took down the the signs the previous owners left on the directional pole, cut replacements for the ones they took and then I painted and personalized - all 16 of them. Currently making two more DH wanted to add. Kaya, those petunias are crazy beautiful!