The guy who smokes is a long term addict, you have next to zero chance of getting him to stop or alter his behaviour in any way that delays his fix, but the consequences of trying to might make everyone unhappy. Addiction turns otherwise nice people into jerks when something gets in the way of their addiction. I know that's not particularly useful, but I felt I had to say it because of the way the issue has been framed as a matter of individual rights and freedom of action. Addiction complicates matters and makes for no easy solution. An addicted person will be far more unhelpful in matters concerning their addiction than about any other matter. They will often make promises such as giving up or changing the way they indulge in their addiction that they will end up inevitably breaking, like Cookie monster trying not to eat a cookie. Addiction stops people upholding the standards of behaviour they would otherwise keep. In the end, your health versus the need to feed his addiction, your health will always come a poor second. So people can rant about their right to smoke, but it needs mentioning loud and clear that exercising that right and being addicted will go a long way to turning anyone into an unpleasant person. And yes, I do think this of smokers in general, as I walk past a pack of smokers taking their smoke break outside an office building one of the thoughts that inevitably passes through my mind is "jerks". It is their right to smoke, it is my right to think smoking diminishes their ability to act as decent human beings in anything connected to feeding their habit. I recommend you let the issue drop, try to minimise the smoke problem as much as you can through your own efforts and possibly seek smokefree accomodation as soon as practicable. You are dealing with someone who on this one issue sadly may not have as much freedom to act as he would wish to have.

Hi, Kay. Yes, she is going through all of the paperwork, and she is getting a bit overwhelmed. My dad left everything to her, and my sister-in-law, who is an accountant, is the executor of the will. She is doing most of the work, but they are waiting on the official death certificate before the house can be put in my mom's name. She can't sell until that is done. She also has to get rid of the car, since she doesn't drive, but one of my brothers needs a trade-in, and he is going to buy the car from her ( at a fair market price, of course). My dad did have his affairs in order, and all of the investments were in my mom's name anyhow, so she doesn't have too much to do. Right now she is slowly going through the house getting rid of things she won't need in an apartment. They lived in the same place for 44 years, so it's quite a big job, although in recent years they did begin to clear out a lot of junk. The biggest job is already done. My dad was into model trains, and had a huge set-up in two rooms in the basement. He had literally hundreds of cars, plus little villages, etc. He kept all of the boxes, but it still took us the better part of a week to dismantle the whole thing. The trains are going to be divided up between my brothers, and my mom didn't have to do a thing. We have been very fortunate that there have been absolutely NO arguements over money or disposing of posessions. I have heard so many stories about how a death in the family can bring out the absolute worst in people, but this is not the case for us. All of my brothers and I just want our mom to have as smooth a move as possible, and to end up with as much money as she can get. She is anxious to sell, she finds there are just too many memories in the house, and she wants a fresh start. Hopefully, she can be settled in her new place before the winter weather begins.

My father smoked.....heavy all of his life. He died at 64 from heart aneurysm....his father died of the same at 72. I was daddy's little girl...with him as much as possible. I would lay with him on the couch when he would take his 'noon nap', ride in the tractors with him..smoking, we would take Sunday drives..he was smoking in the closed up car. I started smoking at 12...lightly, was smoking regularly at 16. When I was 19, my lung collapsed completely. Dr. told me that I needed to stop smoking....I was smarter than the Dr.! HA The 2nd time it collapsed Dr. told me that I HAD to quit, I cut back dramatically. The 3rd time, Dr. told me I had 2 choices....quit smoking and walk out of the hospital, or continue smoking and they could just leave all the tubes and oxygen on me and stay in the hospital. Well...I quit at that point. I had the corrective surgery on my lung when I was 21. At that point, the specialist asked about family smoking. He said that there was a thought that it was a lung defect, and if you had it, it would generally show up at 19 when the lung was done growing. I was a small baby, and dad was a heavy smoker. Dr. said those were the 2 biggest against my lungs. Of course, I never told my dad this...it would have broke his heart to think that he might have been a cause to all the pain I went through...and still have.

Thanks for validating my concerns, The Doctor was animate about his no smoking order. My ex dropped the doctor after I told him they wouldn't stop. She now withholds the medical card that I am supposed to have. Which was last ordered 11-18-08 . Her Husband and herself are about thereselves. I am trying to stay angry. Its hard to drag the kids into court, knowing how they will manipilate them. I have to submitt a witness list to the court very shortly. Attempts will be made by the ex and her husband to twist the kids minds. The kids are very passive and afraid of them. They have already convinced my daughter that her testimony would send her Mother to jail. So its on my daughters shoulders to save her Mom. My daughter was very withdrawn the whole afternoon and evening before she told me this. She had broke into tears like three times, She didn't go on the hay ride, she didn't join the cook out, or visit with the family at our gathering that evening. I asked my two older boys to nurture her that she was having a hard time. My 19 yr old said," She just went back to the house crying, because I said something wrong" I went in and told her, that her self esteem shouldn't depend on her brother, I didn't know what was bothering her. I've been with her when her Mom has ripped her on the phone. They've created a crisis for my daughter whenever she was with me, again and again. As I walked her to her car she gave me the message. That she dosn't remember anything because she don't want her Mom going to jail. The Boys are stronger, yet still afraid of theres Mom's wailings of poor me, poor me. How could you do this to me ETC. Or she will scream, rant and rave, reject, blame, all the stuff kids can't figure out. I'm going to get very assertive in court, I won't be shut down this time. This time I will let the court know I am fed up with the lies. Right. Thank you for the questions and the comments and advice. I dont think the next room is adequate for your sons asthma. You might research it. Cheers, Simron