Ann, I am so sorry for your loss. My husband died Nov.24, 07 after taking 2 chemo treatments for lung cancer. He was ill with lung disease for 2 years before that. Cancer is a very bad thing and such a THIEF. How long were you married? How wonderful that your dear one was your soul mate and friend. So many people do not ever have that. You must have so many beautiful memories. Bring them close to you when you can. I found that it has helped me when the pain of not having my husband near me threatened to overwhelm me. I was numb for quite some time after he died. Went through the motions of doing what I needed to do. Lots of business--financial, hospital bills, phone calls, people to thank. Almost more than I thought I could do. But it needed to be done. Do you have children? Close friends you can talk to? I did and it does help. You can always come here too. Sometimes medication is helpful to get you through the roughest time, just as is grief counselling. My faith was my foundation. Something a friend told me was, that now I must take care of myself and must re-invent myself. I think that is the truth. Not something we want to do. But we can. Your husband would want you to honor him by continuing your life in the best way possible. That really shows how much you loved each other, IMHO. Be Brave. Please come back here often. I will be keeping good thoughts for you and yours. Jan

lldaunt, its ok to cry. We all need it. We've all done it and just when we think its some better, something else pops up and we start to tear up again. Its ok. I am a "list-maker" After G died, and I was rested somewhat, I knew I had to keep busy. I made a list of projects that needed to be done, and things I had to put aside while he was so ill. Some were kind of silly, but these things kept me going and on the right track. Like paying bills, chores, crafts, etc. Some of the things on my "list" haven't been completed yet, and maybe some will never be done. But for me, the important thing was to keep my mind and hands busy. I know that sounds terribly old-fashioned, but it got me over the initial shock and helped me to realize that I was capable to "going on". I journal every day. and my lists go there too. Why not start one about your life with your loved one? Make it as intimate as you want. If its for your eyes only, whatever you want to write. If its for your children/grandchildren to learn more about Frank, thats another slant to consider. I think that would be a very nice legacy to give to your family. Most importantly, take care of yourself. Get enough sleep, eat properly,& if on medications, make sure you are taking it correctly. Give your self time. You can't "heal" overnight. God Bless & Keep you Jan

I'm so sorry about your loss. If you can find a grief counselor, you minister or a friend who can direct you right now I think it may be a good idea...not that I think you are ready to totally deal with your grief, but to help you get some semblence of order into your life. You NEED to get that Social Security started. Don't worry about touching his stuff, that can all wait. I'm sorry about giving the car away, and don't know your family dynamica, but doubt you can get it back. If you have life insurance you can collect on your husband you need to get that going also. Now the next thing I found from watching a friend go through the loss of a child is to remember that everyone grieves in their own way, so don't compare yourself to ANYONE ELSE. Don't hurry this, and don't worry if you are "not grieving correctly' (As you may find people telling you at some time, they are wrong, not you). Right now you need to take one day at a time, and within that one day, you will find that there are times you are taking one minute at a time. People will tell you it will get easier, and it will, the pain lessens. The love you had for your husband doesn't lessen! Don't worry about that. The guilt will lessen and go away (you can What if yourself to a nervous breakdown, but it wasn't your fault you didn't know!!) Come here often, there are so many wonderful people who can help you...Lulie-Wayne is the first one that comes to mind (and I know there are others, I apologize for not naming you as I've seen how special all of you are, I will lose this message if I go back to find other names). They have been where you are and can help in so many ways. Use they're shoulders to cry on, knowlegde they had to gain to help you, and their ears to just listen. Vickey-MN

Marilyn, I didn't lose my husband but I lost my son just a bit over 5 months ago. My world has been turned upside down and I still am unable to do certain things. 46 days is not a long time, so don't beat yourself up for not being able to do anything. Just yesterday and the day before I did not want to talk to anybody and spent more time in bed than I did out of bed. Even when I wasn't in bed I didn't care to speak to anyone...including my husband. Christmas Day was hard, but the two days after were horrible. Today I am trying to pull myself together so I can work. I don't know that I can but will try and if I don't make it I will try again tomorrow. I realized after Thanksgiving that the actual holiday is hard, but the days after I get backlash. And that's harder. Just give yourself some time to grieve, you didn't say how long you'd been married but I don't think that really matters. What matters is that you lost the one you loved and he is no longer there to share things with. I have found that writing to my son and telling him things helps me some. I still cry everyday and will probably cry everyday until I am no longer on this Earth. The doctor has prescribed several different anti-anxiety meds that have all made me sick and he has now prescribed Prozac and I don't want to take it. I am waiting for the other meds to get out of my system before I give it a try. If it doesn't work I will go at this without anything if I have to. Talk to your doctor about something for the anxiety you are experiencing. I tried exercise when my son first died and it helped some but no longer helps at all. People grieve in different ways. So do what you have to do in order to find peace within yourself, but cut yourself some slack. Find a grief counseling group when you are ready. Good luck, I am thinking about you...