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How will you handle the holidays?

Posted by lynn_d (My Page) on
Sat, Dec 5, 09 at 16:15

I am a mess, crying without provocation, sleeplessness and fatigued. All the progress I made since mom died is gone, I'm back to where I was in the weeks following her passing. Talked to my dad last night and he asked what I wanted to do for Christmas....I wanted to say sleep but I know I can't, I need to be with him and truly want to.

How do you make it thru the holidays? My heart is so heavy.


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: How will you handle the holidays?

I'm so sorry.

The best thing I've found to do is to get moving & get the blood to circulating (take a brisk walk if nothing else).

Anything that will get your heartrate up will oxygenate your blood, & that will elevate your mood.

& when the effect begins to wear off, do it again.

If you have trouble doing something physical on your own, call your city's parks & recreation department or the YMCA or somewhere, & sign up for Jazzercise or aerobics or dance lessons.


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RE: How will you handle the holidays?

You did not say how long your mom has been gone. I would suggest if it has been at least a year look around and find some volunteer work to do. Share, talk and enjoy the holidays. You did not mention if your Dad wanted you to spend the holidays. What about your own family? Is there a support group in your area? Sleeping is not a choice. Crying, laughing, about memories is. Do you have special Christmas programs in the area? Remember someone needs you as much as you think you need your mom.


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RE: How will you handle the holidays?

She passed very unexpectedly on July 31, Marie. This is out first holiday season without her. I was her only child tho I have 5 step siblings, she and my 'dad' were married for 42 years so we are fairly well blended at this point. He will come to our house as will his youngest son (and wife), all his other kids go their own way. Every holiday and birthday have been spent at my house for the past 25 years.


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RE: How will you handle the holidays?

I think the worry of of getting through holidays isn't important. Sometimes the holidays can bring family members closer together to reminisce, laugh and cry together. Your mom has passed, as will we all, eventually. Her loving family will come together to remember her and share the pleasant and happy memories that she left behind to you all. The holidays will be easier and have more meaning in the future for you all. I promise!


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RE: How will you handle the holidays?

Lynn, I have a pretty good idea at how you feel. Of course nobody lives in somebody else's head, but the first Christmas without my mom....I just wanted to put a blanket over my head and hide until the whole thing was over with. How could I have a "Merry" Christmas when the person I loved and who loved me back the most in the world was not here to spend Christmas with? Well, somehow I got through it. And you will too. Now this will be the 4th holiday without my mom and it still hurts, but it does get a little easier every year. I have to remember that my mom's parents passed away and although we loved them dearly she went on and loved the holiday season after they were gone and we should do the same thing. Don't beat yourself up if this is not the jolliest of the seasons for you. Just get through this one and take every day one step at a time. Know your mom is now an angel in heaven....and she doesn't want you to be miserable. Someday each of us will leave this earthly world and be together again in a land of love, joy and light forever and ever.

Duane


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RE: How will you handle the holidays?

Let me start by saying, I am very sorry for your loss. My dad past away just two days after Christmas. He died of cancer. Needless to say, that was a very rough Christmas that year. My dad really enjoyed Christmas. I try to think about how cheerful he was this time of year. The memories always bring a smile to my face, but break my heart at the same time. However, I know that my dad would want me to be happy, cheerful and enjoy this time. I am sure that your mother would want the same for you.


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RE: How will you handle the holidays?

Who am I to say? I've not yet lost my mom, but there won't be many more Xmas's. She's not well. And I'm an only child, too, so once she's gone I'll be a wreck. I keep thinking let's make this Xmas memorable, it might be her last.

So I guess the same goes for once she's gone. You can either act like there's a pink elephant in the room or you and your family can face the situation, probably tearfully at times, and celebrate your mother. It may not sound like a 'happy' holiday, but not every family event has to be "happy happy - joy joy." I'm sure the Xmas after my mom passes will be spent with lots of reminiscing as well as lots of crying.

I'm sure Dad's sad, like you, and would relish an opportunity to honor your mom as far a speaking about all the good old memories he had. Don't know about him, but most men have a hard time with their emotions. Give him 'permission' to share his.

The son and wife may be a bit uncomfortable, not being 'blood' and all, but forewarn them. I'm sure the son, at least, can understand his father's feelings. Let them know that THIS Xmas is for MOM !!! It might get emotional, but what the hell. What's WRONG with emotions???

This may sound really weird, but there are certain cultures that actually get together and just wail at the top of their lungs every year to celebrate the life and death of a loved one. It never hurts to just let your emotions out. Somewhere in there, I'm sure there will be good memories, chuckles, and laughs about "remember when???" Not every Xmas has to be out of the pages of 'Martha Stewart.'

I guess this didn't really answer YOUR question on how to get thru it. It's YOUR emotions you're dealing with and asking about. I'm just suggesting that you try to make it about MOM. Go ahead and think about her, go ahead and cry. Allow yourself to get upset.

It's only because of her that you are sad because you have memories of her and this time of year and miss her. Now she's not there to create more memories to share with you so it makes you miss her even MORE. But keep in mind that she is a part of your history and helped created your tradition and the way you REMEMBER Xmas, so she IS still there with you in spirit.

So honor that. Let her be there with you as you go about the preparations. Remember she used to do 'this or that.' Go ahead and cry. Talk out loud to her if you feel the urge. I still talk to Daddy and hes been gone almost 10 yrs.

Relish the memories even if it breaks your heart but imagine her watching over you, knowing she taught you much of what you know and let her see that you all miss her and love her.

I hope I'm not being trite. I guess I'm just giving myself advice for next year, when I imagine I may be going thru the same thing. Just trying to figure out how to get thru it. I know it's hard. But I DO know that I WILL be talking about Mom and how she was, how she was and there will probably be many tears mixed in with the gravy.

Many blessings,
Bonnie aka brit5467


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RE: How will you handle the holidays?

I, too, am in agony missing my mom. She died January of this year. I just turned 50 yesterday. I am so sad. My kids don't understand. I've been trying to numb the pain. Not working. I am functioning. I've been on Lexapro since January, and upped it in October. My last child married in November and they already have problems (it's my daughter)
I am a mess. Husband problems as well.
I am a Christian, too, so this just makes me feel worse. Where's my faith?
So, I understand, Lynn and am in the same boat as you. I just try one day at a time. I feel very alone in my pain and despair.


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