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Guilt

Posted by mariong (My Page) on
Sat, Dec 1, 07 at 14:48

Since I lost my Mom unexpectedly - I can't get over the guilt - What if I called her more often - Visted her more often. I always felt that I should - but would be busy and it didn't seem so urgent. I work full time have two children - Everyday was crazy. Even though I talked to my Mom at least once if not four times a week - took her to church each week - out to outings I could get her to - Now I never stopped over to just talk - She had my Dad - but now it is clear a visit would have been best. I wanted to be closer to her - Say I Love You - but we were never really a family that was like that. I should have just stopped in and sat and talked with her - Helped her around the house - Why is it all so crystal clear now - I always thought I had years to come with her.


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: Guilt

My condolences on your loss.

I don't think there's a person in the world who hasn't had those same thoughts & regrets when they've lost someone suddenly.

but:

Your mom knew you loved her.

The best way to honor her is to keep her alive in your heart...
& take good care of her grandchildren.

I wish you peace & good memories.


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RE: Guilt

My condolences on your loss. Losing a loved one is never easy and what your going through is normal.
It sounds like you did a lot with your mom and you don't need to beat yourself up.
After all your a working mother and that alone takes up much of your time.
I went through an awful depression when I lost my grandmother whom I lived with in my teens and she was like a mother to me.
Remember it is normal to feel guilt,lost, sad, mad for them leaving. You don't have to go it alone. You stated you go to church so go to a counselor there, I'm sure they will be of help for your grieving.
If not there find a grieving group in your area, it is always very helpful to have someone to talk to.


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RE: Guilt

Sincere condolences mariong. All I can tell you is that some form of guilt is normal. I lost my brother when I was 13, very suddenly (car accident) my mum when I was 18, not suddenly (cancer) and my dad when I was 21, sort of suddenly (3 weeks in hospital). I wish I had known then what I know now and that is that finding a good counselor can save you years of personal torment. When after 35 years I could no longer stand the guilt that had become my constant companion, I found an Adlerian therapist that helped me give myself my life back. It was a process, painful at times, but I had avoided the feelings of grief when they happened and went into survival mode (probably how I remained sane).

Allow yourself to feel your feelings, identify them, wallow in them for a while if you feel the need. Give yourself a timeline so you don't get carried away and end up depressed. Then ask around quietly and you'll probably be surprised at the people who will have the name of a good therapist, or ask your medical doctor for a referral to someone they know personally. Ask for help and you will get it, DO NOT try and handle these feelings all alone, that is self destructive, even talking with a friend can be cathartic. Keep your timeline (they say a thousand days is normal for grieving) but I don't think waiting that long will help you. Good luck and remember, time will heal, you'll never forget her, but if you are kind to yourself you WILL heal.


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