I am so so sad and I just want to put my head under something so dense that it blots out my ability to think and feel.
Carol

It's been a rollercoaster. Up one minute, having fun, down the next, sobbing. Today is Jill's birthday. I'm at my other daughter's house for the evening. I was tempted to stay home and take to my bed, but decided to make the effort, which I suppose was a good thing.

I'll be back later.

Susan

Carol and Susan, my heart is so sad for both of you as I read your posts. Susan, I know that being that Jill's birthday is so close to Christmas, the whole holiday thing has got to be twice as hard. I'm glad that you are spending this evening with your other daughter.
You two and the others who haven't checked in yet will be in my prayers tonight.
Lu

It's been hard...I tried to keep as busy as I can...but still felt heartbroken without my little boy with me. I miss him so much.

I did ok till I opened my one gift from a friend. It was a
picture frame that she sent for and it had this saying
at the top " Remember Me " and a beautifull verse. And a
picture of my daughter. Well I lost it and cried, that was
my most precious gift this year.

And my daughter went up to the wreck site and decorated the
tree that she planted last year. She had a crying time
christmas eve and day. Two people were missing from our
family this year. And they were missed so much.

I pray that no one will be taken from us next year.

It was a very emotional xmas this year. My daughter came home with my grandaughter which helped alot but as you all know in my heart there was still something missing. My son didn't come home for xmas because of the long drive and with 2 children i prefered they stayed off the roads, but we always spoke many times for 2 days and we always spoke often. It's no fun having to visit your only son at the graveyard on Xmas day. But i have him near me and wouldn't have missed going it gives me comfort. My husband myself and my 2 daughters spent Xmas night remembering all the funny things we did with him it was nice to remember. All things that are firsts are hard but we got through it. For me the nights are the worst it's 3 months today and every day is a challenage. But 1 minute at a time.Thanks for being here.

My Brother in law and family did OK. We spent Christmas Eve and Christmas night with them, the don't want to be alone. They passed out beautiful pictures of Peter with a memory poem attached. Each one was a funny pose and on the back it said they know "Peter will be happy knowing he can still make us laugh"
He was such a happy little boy that loved life!!
We are all just trying to cope with the loss.
I feel like My mom and dad are with him and he isn't alone being so young, that makes me feel a little better.
I hope and pray for all who have lost someone close for a beautiful new beginning
Thanks for a great but sad place to come.
Ronnie

Lulie - Thanks for checking in with everyone. I survived Christmas and you helped me along. Your tree inspired me and since I didn't think I could handle another big tree this year I went to the craft store and found a cute prelit, 2 foot tree. I went to the wedding section and found 19 miniature rose buds (one for each year Bob was in my life) and 16 gold rings, each with a dove attached (one for each year we were married), and they had a couple of doves done up as a bride and groom that I used as my tree topper. It is so beautiful and it made me feel I was able to do something that was just for Bob and me. My son and daughter - well, everyone - loved it, too. Thank you for sharing your tree that you did for your daughter - it was a beautiful idea and I was able to put my own spin on it for us. I hope you and all the others were able to enjoy Christmas at least a little. I thought this would be the last hurdle for a while and I crossed it only to see the New Year's Eve hurdle looming ahead. We always had something going on for New Year's Eve. I wonder, is there ever a time that we can stop dreading?

I'm so very glad that my "Christin Tree" was an inspiration to some of you. I'd love to see pictures of all the new memory trees. Maybe through this tradgedy, I can continue to help others in ways that I would never have been able.
I'll post another thread about the dreading.
Lu

Thanks for asking Lu. I haven't posted in awhile, but wanted to jump in and say hello and send wishes for a happier New Year to all the members of this forum.

Christmas actually went pretty well for us. It was just before Christmas last year that Dad died, so this one was somewhat better than last year. We did have a collective moment though. Mom had a picture of Dad framed with a poem and gave one to each of us. The poem was "To Those I Love and To Those Who Love Me". It was read at Dad's funeral. We all got pretty emotional for a while, but it was OK because as I've said before, I'm blessed that my family has grown stronger and gotten closer since Dad died.

I don't know if this poem has been posted here before or not, but I'd like to share it.

To Those I Love and To Those Who Love Me

When I am gone, release me, let me go,
I have so many things to see and do.

You mustn't tie yourself to me with tears,
be happy that we had so many years.

I gave you my love, you can only guess,
how much you gave me in happiness.

I thank you for the love you have shown,
but now it's time I traveled on alone.

So grieve a while for me, if you must,
then let your grief be comforted by trust.

It's only a while that we must part,
so bless the memories within you heart.

I won't be away for life goes on,
so if you need me call and I will come.

Though you can't see or touch me, I'll be near,
and if you listen with your heart, you'll hear
all of my love around you soft and clear.

And then, when you must come this way alone,
I'll greet you with a smile and saw "Welcome home."

Well this year it's been five years without Dad and every Christmas has been hard and tearful. So at the beginning of December I was organising Christmas Day lunch at my place for most of the family - 9 of us (8 on my husbands side) and my Mum was feeling happier than she has in a long time.

In Dec 2003 Mum bought herself a puppy for company and he really helped with the grieving process and although she still hasn't come to terms with life without Dad the dog was great company and made her smile. Christmas Day 2003 was spent in emergency vet care as the pup got a knock to his head and ended up losing an eye :(

Then during 2004 we were at the vet almost every month - anal gland removal, skin allergies, sickness etc. He was booked in to have a knee operation this month as his knee kept popping out. T

At the beginning on December 2004 Mum discovered a lump in his side that hurt when touched and seemed to get bigger each day - the vet thought it was a tumor and poor little Patrick (named after my Dad) was not a happy dog. So on 20th December 2004 Mum and I took him for his final vet visit and mum held him while the vet ended his suffering - not an easy decision for Mum to make but definately the kindest thing to do and a final act of love.

Sorry this is so long :(
Needless to say it's been a sad Christmas but Mum held together remarkably well and Christmas lunch with the family took our minds off the sadness and was a quite enjoyable day.

This is Mum's website with puppy pics in happier times but I'll be changing it soon to make her a little "In memory" page:
My Mums Site

So I'm checking in and wishing you all the very best for 2005 with lots of happy memories and fewer tears.

HUGS
Sue :)