For pigcrazy - Daughter's suicide

16 years ago

Pigcrazy - I took the liberty of starting a new thread for you - I hope you don't mind.

You said - "I wish I had the same kind of responses that you seem to be having. I lost my daughter back on 1/1/03 to suicide ~today is her birthday and I deal with major depression issues due to medical issues of my own and then I live with the fact that I saw my daughter shot herself in front of me. Anyone that says it gets easier over time I wish you could explain to me how because it is stills as painful as the second that it happened."

Please accept my sympathies on the passing of your daughter. I'm sure your pain is very great and the feeling of loss smacks you in the face everyday.

I can only tell you about my experience with my wife's suicide and how I have come to peace with it. Everyone's experience is different of course and your reactions to them will also be uniquely your own.

I would guess you have some mental pictures of some of the scenes that day that continue to pop up and torment you. I also saw some pretty bad things - although I know I saw them, I have made a conscious effort to not recall them. My pre-teen sons saw worse. Their counselor and I have worked hard to replace those last images of their mom with positive images. This is not denial of what they saw but rather reducing it in importance. Perhaps you could try a similar technique - concentrate on happy images and events that you two shared. It's hard to do but when I remember my wife, I picture her as a healthly, happy person - which in reality she wasn't for the last 10+ years of her life.

But the biggest help I found was talking through my feelings to anyone that would listen. Over and over and over until you are all talked out. That's something we can do for you here in this forum. Almost all of us have suffered some major event that resulted in crushing grief as you have.

We know what you are talking about and you won't upset any of us or be a burden.

Would you please come back and tell us whatever you feel comfortable to share? It may be very helpful for you.

Best wishes and prayers,

Doc

Comments (5)

pigcrazy
16 years ago
Thank you for doing that for me because I really did not know how to start a thread on here.
kayjones
16 years ago
Doc, you are amazing and can be a shining ray of hope to those with similar experience.
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No good deed goes unpunished, I guess. I wasn't aware of this thread or godldust's 911 suggestion when I saw the supposed suicide note this a.m. I was hoping to see if the Sears interview from the resume post had any feedback when I was alarmed to read the post from this morning. Being concerned, I tracked the #s from the resume post and informed the daughter of Brenda who assured me both Paul and Brenda were fine. When I went back to the suicide post I read godldust's 911 plea and hoped to stop a panic. golddust was lovely. as one would expect, although I did not identify meyself as working for GW, just a poster. For my concern, I have received several call backs from the family, the last threatening me with the cops for aiding and abetting if I didn't provide them with more info. Since this is all on line, I told them how to read both of "Paul's" posts, but I resent being harassed for trying to stop what might have been a murder/suicide. Since the threat seemed real, I hope I did the right thing. But, and this is a big problem, since thiere are so many crazies out there in cyberspace, I'll hesitate to try to help again. Sorry I contributed to the confusion by falling for a hoax. You may remember I'm the one who researched the Mr.Willie painting and suggested that may have been a different type of hoax, so I'm not usually gullible. The one problem I still have with unravelling this is if Paul is in his 80s it's unlikely he'd have a resume on line. Nevertheless, I hope everyone remains healthy and that the original resume guy finds work soon.
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Hello popi...I am not an expert by any means when it comes to this. But I can give you my suggestions. If you feel you should talk to a professional please do so.....I would let DS know that you have noticed his change in moods lately and that you are concerned about him. Letting him know that you are not judging him nor do you want to criticize him. You are just concerned. Is there something with a friend, a teacher, school work or perhaps something within himself that is bothering him. Like...is he nervous or anxious about things, afraid now that he is growing up and getting closer to graduation. Maybe his friends are moving in a direction with their behavior that makes him uncomfortable....Is he on the computer a lot? Does he have a "My Space" account? Watch those things if you can....check the history of the computer that he has been on and see what type of sites he visits. Let him know that you are there for him NO MATTER WHAT. and that he can come to you anytime, night or day to talk, to have you listen. I know that many parents feel that the privacy of a teen is a sacred thing and many would not cross the line of reading emails or diaries......I would if I saw change in them. Like the show that you just watched. The girl expressed her feelings in her diary...I would rather she be mad at me then not alive....I wish you well with your son. Mine is 16 also and this is a difficult time for young men. We talk A LOT!.
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Cat....What an amazing idea! I will check into it. I'm so sorry for you DS. What a horrible thing to have to go through. It is bothering my son so much and he didn't even know the young man that died. I am so sorry. mom of 4... I am so sorry about what you have had to go through and about your DD loosing her father in such a way. It is such a scary thing. People shouldn't sweep it under the rug even though it is so painful to talk about. How terribly sad. When I was 15 my brother and I found a woman that had committed suicide. Her little boy, 10, was friends with my little brother. He came to our house and was crying, saying that he couldn't wake up his mom. I knew that she had just gotten out of the hospital for emotional issues. My older brother went to the house and found her dead. She had shot herself in the chest. My X's best friend killed himself...my daughter's 1st boyfriend killed himself. Another friend of hers did also. It is so heartbreaking. After my daughter attempted it I couldn't sleep for a long time. I would start to hyperventilate every night being afraid of what I might find in the morning. We did counseling and it was such help. It ended up being more for me than her. She has no thoughts of it now. The people she knew that did it were after her attempt so she was able to see how much pain it caused everyone and she was so sorry. Thank you both for responding.
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So sorry to hear about your friend. DH is currently hospitalized for a severe clinical depression.One of the reasons I decided to get him in to the hospital was that he was talking of hopelessness,and that he couldn't see any way out of it.This sent alarms off in my mind.Dr's had allready experimented with a couple of anti depressants that wern't working for himHe was fortunate that I noticed and reconized the symptons right away.Since his depression started in June,I had read everything I could find which I'm sure helped me a great deal in making the decision.He did admit to the Dr that thoughts of suicide had crossed his mind,so it was a huge relief for me to have him in a safe place where he was being helped and monitered 24/7. Some people either don't have the support of family,or are able to hide their despair so well that the family isn't aware of how desperate they are. I've had two close friends who have recently lost a close family member to suicide,so I see the pain it leaves the family with first hand. I would imagine it's a feeling of total hopelessness that in the end drives them to commit this final act. DH is making progress ever so slowly,but at least for now I know he's safe. Hugs..Granlan.....
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june_2007
16 years ago
Our daughter committed suicide 10 January, 2007. She had attemptes on 2 different occassions, but failed. She had nerve problems for several years and was under medical care.
She leaves 2 sons, ages 6 and 10 who miss her very much. On 2 May, 2004 we lost our son to Lung Cancer. He and our daughter were very close, and our daughter took his death very hard. She hid this from her father and I. She would drive to the cemetery at night and sit at his grave for hours and talk to her brother. Her X husband didn't tell us about this until after she died. If he had maybe we could have taken her to the right dr.
The anniversary of her death is near. I know it has only been 1 year, but sometimes when the phone rings, I get really excited and just know it is her calling me. I can tell you, the hurting dosen't ease up. She was not only our only daughter, but my best friend, and I need to talk to her.
joannegreco
16 years ago
My heart goes out to all of you. ((hugs))
kayjones
16 years ago
Bless you, PC and June. We have been here for Doc, and we will be here for both of you. I lost my husband to pancreatic cancer in April of this year - WOW, every day something comes along to pull the rug from beneath your feet, but you learn to cope - you have to - no one can deal with this tragedy for you.

Just try to take one day at a time, and feel free to email any one of us if you want to talk - we will listen - the best gift anyone can give you is a listening ear!

For pigcrazy - Daughter's suicide

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