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Mother passed from cancer

Posted by deglover (My Page) on
Fri, Nov 14, 08 at 22:37

Hello folks,
I am writing because I need a little help. I am 29 years old, married, with a 3 year old who lost their mother after a long battle with cancer. It started as breast cancer, moved to the bone, and eventually to the brain. She passed about 3 weeks ago. I am so angry because, come to find out that my mom had a lump in her breast for three years before seeking treatment. I feel robbed. My daughter is only three and now has to be without my mother. Ya see, my mom had me at 38 and my sister, who is 13 years older than me, has two boys that were able to have their grandmother for a long period of time. Now, my three year old constantly talks about Grandma, which is very hard on me, more than she did when she was alive. I don't feel my mother's presence around me at all, she hasn't come to visit me in my dreams, although my daughter has told me that Grandma came to her in her dream and said that she loved her. I feel left out. Also, I had always said that I wanted to be there when my mother took her last breathe and I was. Now, I feel like I have PTS disorder because of the process that I saw her take before letting go. I'm very upset because right before she died, she looked over to the corner of the room, cried a tear, and her mouth shuttered, like someone crying, and then she passed. Mind you, she had tumors and lesions in her brain which made her incoherent, but it seemed that she was back for that moment of crying before she died. My problem is not knowing what she saw and what she was crying about...was it because she saw a family member, Jesus, sad that she was dying, or what. The ambiguity is killing me. Has anyone had a similar experience with their loved one? Anyways, I feel better just writing down my thoughts and thanks for reading to those who read :) God Bless!


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: Mother passed from cancer

Hello
My Mom also passed 7 weeks ago from cancer. I am 52 and she was 79 but the hurt is still more than I possibly could have ever imagined. I am sorry you are angry but I do know that anger is one of the normal phases that one goes through and sometimes more than one time in the year or so ahead. I have felt anger but not at her, more so at other things that don't really have anything to do with my loss, but the anger still shines through.
My family was also at her side when she died. For weeks I had flashbacks of all the same things you described and I am sure those moments will come back to my thoughts again, but I believe in my heart it will not be as vivid and as frequent as it was at first. I think as time goes by we find other memories to put in place of those.
Mom has not come to me in dreams but I have experienced some other signs. I started finding pennies at times when I was saddest. I read up on it and learned that this is a common thing. I have set up a special place in my home with a picture of my Mom and a small treasure box where I keep all my pennies. There is a poem that I read that is called "Pennies From Heaven"
I found a penny today,
just laying on the ground.
But it is not just a penny,
this little coin I found.
Found pennies come from heaven,
thats what my Grandpa told me.
He said Angels toss then down,
oh how I loved that story.
He said when an Angel misses you,
they toss a penny down.
Sometimes just to cheer you up,
make a smile out of your frown.
So don't pass by that penny
when you're feeling blue.
It may be a penny from heaven,
that an Angel's tossed to you

Your Mom's memory lives on through you and what you share with your daughter. I am sad that my Mom will not be here when my sons marry or when I become a grandmother. It will be my job to share with them the love and memories that I have.
We will be ok....I know we will, our Mom's would want us to be.
With warm hugs,
Gale


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RE: Mother passed from cancer

Hi, I lost my mom 6 days ago. She was 91 and had Alzheimers for years.Part of her passing we feel was due to some things at the nursing home.

I was running my fingers through moms hair and talking to her when she passed. The Hospice nurse looked at me and said look! Mom had one tiny little tear in her eye.

I like to think that my mom was crying because, her family was with her and she was going home to be with my dad and all her family that was waiting on her.
She was the last of 13 children.


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RE: Mother passed from cancer

Thank you so much for all of your kind words. Yes, I hope it was that she saw her family waiting for her and her faith was correct...that there is an afterlife. It's still very hard, I have crying spells often and my husband doesn't know how to deal with it. So now, I'm having marriage problems...if it's not one thing it's another.
Diana


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RE: Mother passed from cancer

I was with my mother too when she passed away 20 months ago. I relived that moment frequently in the beginning,and I cried as if my heart would absolutely break in half. After a few months I began to not relive that moment as much, but thought more about the special times we had shared throughout life. It's ok to cry...I never cried so hard and long in my entire life. Cry until you can't anymore..it's ok.


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RE: Mother passed from cancer

I regret I wasn't with my mom when she passed. She had been in ICU 5-6 times with 5 heart attacks in 2005. When she had a last ditch surgery in Jan 2006 I was with her everyday and sometimes twice from Jan.2-29. She was taken off a ventilator Jan.28-29. I visited the morning of the 29th and she was very tired and wanted a drink. They wouldn't give her anything for fear of pneumonia setting in. We got the call on the morning of the 30th that they did everything they could but she passed away. Why did I stay home the night of the 29th? I went EVERY evening, but I was so tired I thought I would take a break, and she seemed to be doing better. I kick myself for not being there that night. I never went in the morning on a weekday because I had to work, so I don't blame myself for not being there that morning. But I so wish I would have had that last time with her. The tears are starting again thinking about it.

Duane


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RE: Mother passed from cancer

It cant always be helped. I was not there when my Dad passed from Liver cancer June 7th 2007. My family was but I was doing as my dad told me to do that day before. Go to work. Still hard to believe he is gone. My Mom and Dad were building their new house at the same time since the old one was being torn down by the state. My Dads death was a very quick one, 2 weeks time. I dont really know what to say even now a year and a half later.


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RE: Mother passed from cancer

I don't know if you will see this, as much time has passed since you posted this, but I could have written your post word for word.

My Mom died on Oct 8/08 with the exact same scenarior yours did, including her last moments. The difference is, my mom was able to tell us what she saw, and I'm hoping by letting you know, it might help you.

Mom's breast cancer spread to her lungs, liver and bones. She was 47 when she died and my son was 10 months old. They were so close and it kills me that she isn't around anymore to see him (at least physically). It makes me hurt every time I think of it.

I was there was she took her last breath too and am haunted by the memories of her death and the day she died. However, she was able to describe to us what she saw and that has helped me, so will maybe help you. The Tuesday morning of the day that she died, she talked all day to people that we couldn't see. At first we thought she was just out of it, but she would have moments where she would open her eyes and say clearly and with intent "I love all of you so much". But mostly she was back and forth between here and the Other Side (for lack of a better word). She was very agitated, yet talked to people in my family who had passed and I swear to you when she said my grandpa was there, you could literally feel him in the room. At one point, she said she saw Jesus at the end of her bed and was happy he was there. She said to us "You should see it, its beautiful". When it came down to the last half an hour of her life, she started to describe a path that she was going down. It was treed and beautiful and at the end of it was a house. She kept saying that she wanted to go in but couldn't find a way in. We told her to look for a door and then about a minute before she died, she said "Ok, you can let me go, I'm in now". Those were the last words she said. At that point, her breathing became very rattled and she focused her eyes up and to the right corner of the room. She took a few more breaths and then cried one single tear and then stopped breathing. For me, it was a horrible, yet amazing experience. I still get very upset over the physical experiences her body went through, but I know in my heart that she felt barely any of that pain as she was mostly with God on the Other side.

I am only 25 and miss my mom so much that it physically hurts sometimes. I have been having a hard time with it lately, but then last week, I got an email from my mom's best friend who said that she had a dream about my mom. She said she was younger (about 30) and just beautiful. She said she was at my mom's house (which made me so happy because that is where she said she was going when she died) and that it was beautiful She said there were rocks and trees and gardens everywhere and the house was modest an cozy. My mom showed her around her house but there was one dark room and her friend said "But that room is dark and I can't see anything" and she said "yes, that room is for my daughter, she is in the dark a lot right now but will be bright again very soon". I'm assuming this meant the fact that I have been really depressed lately and that I will start feeling better soon. It was really great to know she was OK and that she still knows me and loves me like she did before.

I'm sorry this has been so long but I thought it might help you as we seem to have had almost identical experiences. I hope you can find comfort in my story and know that your mom is OK and still loves you from wherever she is, please don't feel left out, some people are just more open to visits from their loved ones and sometimes we are too clouded by pain and grief to open up. Take care and try to be happy. :)


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RE: Mother passed from cancer

i was with my mother when she passed away at 50 from a brain cancer she had battled it my whole life haveing sizures since i was two i was 18 when she passed away and am now 20 trying to live my life the best i can. she raised me by herself so sh was my whole life my best friend she depended on me to take care of her because she didnt have a husband.The last 5 months were beyond words beyond terrible, so many terrible things she had to go through that i will never be able to erase from my memory. i miss her so much and it hurts so much to know she will never be in my children's life when i have kids because i know how much she wanted to be because she told me how she couldn't wait to be a grandma there is so much she wont get to see in my life. and from now on everything in life no matter how grand will be bitter sweet because i wont be able to share it with her. but you should feel so blessed that your mother is visiting your baby in dreams i know that you want her to visit you as well and hopefully she will it may take some time. i felt disconnected to my mother for a while but prayers helped me reconnect, talk to her and then listen. the other night i decided to say evening prayers which i hadn't done in a while, at the end i asked my mom to please visit me in my dreams... well that night i didn't sleep hardly at all because of toothache but the next day i finally fell asleep around 10pm for about 45 minutes. And my mom visited me i told her i felt like we were not as connected as we used to be, and she said yea well we don't talk as much as we used to ( probably cause i haven't been praying as much as i used to) and she told me she was proud of me and just to try my hardest at whatever i was doing. i asked her what she thought of my ex. and she said he was nice and had a good personality but that i should stay with him just because of her. (previously i had told a few close friends the main reason i stayed with him was because of how much i had told him about my mom and how it felt like he knew her even though he had never met her) Then IN my Dream i woke up and looked at my phone and it said 5:00pm i then tried to get back into the dream with my mother but was actually woken up from a phone call at 10:45pm. so anyways i looked up the meaning of 5 and 0 in a dream dictionary 5 "may reflect a change in course. It is also the LINK between HEAVEN and EARTH." and 0 "denotes timelessness, super-conscious, eternity. It also symbolizes God." But i am sure this was a visit from my mom because you can just tell by the way it feels you know the difference in your heart. maybe if you ask your mom to visit you in your dreams she will.. it took a while for my mom to visit me but she finally did when i was at one of the worst points feeling like i was ready to give up on everything. i know its hard to see but realize you were blessed to have as much time with her as you did


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RE: Mother passed from cancer

I want to share my story with you all. I lost my Mom in a terrible and sudden road accident this year in Feb. She is the one I love the most in this world and will always do so. Not a single day has passed when I have not cried my heart out for her. I can never imagine my life without her. She is the best Mom in this whole world (I avoid using past tense for her!!) and I know how much she adores me. My mere sight would bring smile on her face. I still remember each thing that has happened to me since the time I heard this news and could not believe all what I saw. From the very first day, I never accepted this fact. I kept saying to myself that she will come back to me, she has to. I saw her in dreams many a time from that fateful day. Those are not normal dreams and they do tell me something. The common theme across those dreams is babies. I feel as if she listens to me, recently I said to her that she do not talk much to me in my dreams and to my surprise she visited me and we did talk a lot and the amazing thing about this dream was that she was sitting at my bedside table where I keep her picture while sleeping. I know she is around me and there are lot many others things that make me believe in it firmly. The best dream I had about her was when I held her hand and said you will have to come back to me and she said yes and then I again said not for a short time but forever and she said yes she will come back to me forever. I have a feeling that she will be soon have a rebirth as my baby. I saw a baby in the very first dream I had of her. I know it might sound absurd but it is not impossible. She knows I cannot live without her. Presently I am alive not living and my love for her will bring her back. She will live her life again and can complete all her unfinished tasks. I keep interpreting my dreams and they all give me very positive signals about her.


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RE: Mother passed from cancer

Your story is moving. you are concerned about what she might have seen before she passed. also you would like her to visit you in dreams. I can tell from your post that you believe in Jesus. have you tried asking for help that she might visit you in your dreams. you could email me : msyoks@yahoo.com.sg and we can talk more concerning the afterlife, because i am not sure if we are allowed post religious content on this website.


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