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What about holiday time?

Posted by heydeborah (My Page) on
Sun, Nov 25, 07 at 17:11

i have made it through 9 months now. can some of your give us new grieving folks some ideas about Christmas holidays? since Al passed friends have dropped off the face of the earth, Al's sisters think of us as low lifes (they are all super rice and we are now too, but i won't let them know that Al thought about us after his passing, before that we were average people). Al and i have 2 children a 19 year old daughte in university on full scholarship because of marks and a 24 old son who does not live at home and oh yes the puppy Al gave me for my birthday who he named Gracie Joy Divine. i've decided that we will wrap any gifts in non-holiday paper, but do you put up a tree etc. on one hand i think it would take your mind off of things, then there is the ornament memories. thanks!


Follow-Up Postings:

RE: What about holiday time?

Debbie, you need to do exactly what YOU feel like doing. Don't feel guilty for celebrating Christmas or any other holiday. I lost my 19 year old only daughter almost 10 years ago. I know grief, believe me. Try to remember what each season means and why we celebrate it. Try to focus on the people who are left here and not who is missing. Surely, we remember them and grieve them and miss them terribly, but we never know when the ones we have here might not be here next year. I know I wouldn't want to miss out on a celebration that I could have enjoyed with my remaining son and grandchildren because of being too focused on not having my precious daughter. She would not want that for us.
At the same time, you cannot force yourself to do or not do certain things regarding the holidays. Just do what you feel like doing and if you don't feel like doing anything, then don't do it. Gradually as time goes by, you will probably feel like doing more and more each year. You will remember the good times, the smiles, the laughter. My saving grace is knowing without a doubt that I will see my daughter again some day. I have to live this life without her as best as I can and eventually, I will be with all of those whom I love who have left this earth.
Oh, the ornament memories. All of the ornaments that we used in the years past when Christin was here, have not been used again, yet. I have decorated a tree each year in memory of my daughter and mom. It has been beautiful and it is heavenly looking with all white and silver ornaments and white lights. Someday, I will go back to the other, but we are not ready yet.
Good luck to you and keep posting.

Here is a link that might be useful: Christin Cosby Memorial Website

RE: What about holiday time?

I can echo Lulie's advice. I didn't do any holiday decorating for several years after my daughter died. We shifted the location of our Christmas from this house to my daughter's, and kept it there for four years. Then last Christmas it felt right to decorate this place and have everyone here.

We did the same thing with Thanksgiving. After years and years of cooking Thanksgiving dinner, new traditions seemed odd at first. But with my daughter and then my husband gone, nothing was the same anyway. So now I celebrate Thanksgiving with my future daughter-in-law's family and another dinner at my daughter's house. This was the first Thanksgiving in six years that I didn't feel even a little bit sad.

Do what you can, and don't sweat the rest.


RE: What about holiday time?

Debbie - I say the same as Susan and Lu - do whatever you want to do, even if that is nothing.

This will be the first Christmas for me and the boys without their mom. In some ways, this one will be easier - the holidays were very difficult for us in years past because she was so sick and in pain.

We are doing whatever we want - and I don't know what that is right now but that's what we will do.

Yes - by all means, do what you want!

Best wishes,

RE: What about holiday time?

Debbie, I am floating down the same river as you. I have decided that the 'out-laws' can go to hades. For Gary's birthday (Dec. 13th) and Christmas, his one 'good' sister and his son (who lives with me), are planning to celebrate both by taking a huge (3' across) wreath and placing it on his grave site. Gary loved Christmas - loved buying gifts and trying to make a new memory around it every year. I don't have the heart to even care - I miss him SO MUCH.

We have to carry on, I know, but it's a struggle. I say, do whatever makes you feel good - bask in the memories made with Al, and forget all the dooms-dayers!

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