I have been trying to help my husband. He hasn't shown any grief since the day he had to see his father's body at the funeral home. At the funeral he was the only dry-eyed person. I have been doing everything around the house, and anything I can think of to make things easier on him. But I am about ready to snap. NOt at him but at the insensitivity of other people. It is crazy. First, the my FIL's sister (in her 50's) posted an invite to his funeral on facebook. It was supposed to be a private family graveside service because my husband's mother is in a very fragile state right now. It was such a shock and she is not doing well. So two days before the funeral it is found out that his family now has to get together enough food to feed about 50 ppl because my FIL's sister invited all these people to the service and get together afterward. They did NOT need the extra stress of having to do this!! And a simple thing- my parents decided to send flowers my MIL's house even though they really don't know her. My mother asked ME to send them (because I could pick out something she'd like I guess) so I called a local florist and asked that the flowers be delivered to the house on the day of the funeral. The florist calls me back the day of the funeral to say they couldn't get the flowers I wanted in that day so they would be delivered the next day. I didn't want to argue so I said ok. There are more important things. But then I get another call that evening saying the flowers wouldnt' be delivered until TWO days after the funeral. I spoke with the owner who was VERY rude. When I said the flowers were for a funeral he corrected me and said "No they are not for a funeral, they are being delivered to a home address." Yes, dumbass but they have a sympathy card with them. He then asked what the address was even though I'd already given it to the person who took the order previously. He went on to say it wasn't his fault (I wasn't even upset at this point) that his supplier was late and all he could do was have me select another arrangement and he "Might" be able to deliver it by the next day. I found another florist and called him back and asked him to cancel the order. He said he'd already made arrangements to get the flowers I needed (still two days late) and I told him I just wanted to cancel the order please and he said whatever and hung up on me!! Stupid, but I just broke down crying. And at the service, the strangest thing was that my MIL did not want to watch her husband's urn be buried in the dirt (her kids and grandkids wanted to watch) and I definately don't blame her. She is still thinking of him as a person who is alive or has characteristics of being alive and to see that would just kill me. She started bawling and told everyone she had to get out of there and NOT one of her kids escorted her away. MY FIL's sister who posted the thing on facebook took her away. It also seems that my MIL does not want to hear any good things about her husband from anyone. SHe is very angry toward him (probably for leaving her alone) and if anything nice is said she gets mad. So I say nothing. I just don't know what to do.

Saraj, I am so sorry for your loss. I have not had this experience, but I do know that you must allow yourself to go through the grieving process in all its phases. As someone else here said, you cannot skip grief, you have to walk right through it. I would strongly recommend that you call your local hospital to find out about grief counseling, whether individual or group. You reached out for help here, and that's wonderful, but you should also reach out for professional help which will benefit both you and your children. Family and friends' support is helpful too. Again, I am so sorry, and my heart aches for you and your children as well. Post back and let us know how you are doing. Susan

I don't care for any of the paint samples on the walls. They only highlight the pink tones in the paneling by being so gold or brown/gold. I also wouldn't do burgundy, as you have so much of it already in the room. I would first consider finding a color that is the same as the background color in the paneling - a soft creamy ivory tone, and just use that. The entry area feels kind of dark and closed, so a light color there would work. I would then take the same paint and paint all the ceilings, both in the entry and the living room. The white ceiling only works to make the walls look even more pinky-peach in contrast. By painting out the ceiling in the paneling background color, you will lessen that considerably. I would get a larger area rug for the entry, something with a creamy field and burgundy accents, which again will tie into the LR but keep the entry lighter in feel. I believe I see a cabinet of some kind in the entry area where the coats are? Be sure you have a lamp there for some warm lighting for the entry. I would take the four small flower pix on the paneled wall in the LR and hang them in the entry in a grouping. I would change out the mats to a neutral, to show off the flowers themselves - you don't even see them in the burgundy matting. The frames are fine. By bringing some of the burgundy onto that entry wall, you will introduce the burgundy color in the entry that will then lead the eye into the LR. I would take the larger piece in burgundy matting and use that over the fireplace - having two pieces of art on that fireplace wall that are matted in green kind of makes it feel like you were trying to match the art, but they are not hanging together so it feels disconnected. I would take all those balls out of the tall vases on the fireplace and puit them in a bowl somewhere - they are lost in those vases. Then find some tall, fountain-like grasses and greens to put in the vases for softness. It seems like you have so many great family photos. I would have them all framed in complimentary frames and use the large paneled sections behind the couch to hang them in a striking grouping. By using those instead of the burgundy matted collection, you will stop highlighting the color of the paneling, and instead will have a varied grouping of photos that will become the focal point. I would also move the photo screen and tuck it in a corner or near something so it doesn't feel like it is just floating in the room by itself. I love the little chest you have by the entry, but I don't like it there. It is heavy and dark, and feels like a barricade to the front door area. I would remove that and leave that entry open. Maybe you could move it over to the other side to where the little green bench is now? Try to get some pillows for the couches that are creamier in their background color, to lighten the feel of those pieces. They could still have a print or a stripe, but should have a lighter overall background that brings in the wall color. Something like this, tho this particular pillow may not be right, but the idea of a lighter background is the key. crewel pillows I don't see much ambient lighting in the room - at least in the views we have, only one lamp on an end table, and that is too small. Put that lamp on the little chest that I had you move over to the other side of the room. Get a bigger lamp for that table, perhaps another lamp to sit on the sewing machine (I think) that is behind the couch acting as a console table. More lighting located lower and that is warmer will also affect how the paneling is perceived, and will keep the eye more focused into the center of the room and away from the walls. I think your room has lots of wonderful things going for it. Settling the entry will help, and then tweaking the LR space and its accessories will make it all feel finished and cohesive.

My mom passed away from pancreatic cancer last year in October at 57. Our family was and is very close and it was a huge blow. My father is doing as well as can be expected, but it is really hard this time of year that my mom worked really hard to make special for everyone. Sometimes it feels wrong trying to be happy when something so sad happened. Of course Mom wouldn't want everyone to mope around forever for her, so I do the cliche thing and try to remember the good times, I guess. I hope you find at least a few ways to smile this season.