Today is the 18th anniversay of my mother's death in 1987. I go for years and forget the anniversary and feel guilt. This anniversay is very difficult. I don't know why.

My mother was very young (72) and had moderate-advanced Alzheimer's. She had the good grace to infarct her ventricle ande die within a few days.

My story is only an addendum. It happended in another generation. But, you never,ever forget the love of your mother.

Two people offered me the most comforting moments.

One of my best friend's mother, who was from Ireland like my mother, called me the night she was buried. I was distraught and of course, being a true Roman Catholic, apologetic. She put it in the most perfect perspective when she told me that my mother was the first person I evwer loved so why shouldn't I be distraught.

The next moment finalized the validity of my grief. The 72 yeatr old social worker, who I worked with, sent me a card. She reminded me that my mother was the same age as her but that the loss of her 98 y.o. mother was as profound as the loss I felt.

The bottom line is that no matter who we are, no matter wher4e we come from or what religion, the loss of your mother is a life-long source of mourning.

That too makes us strong enough to deal with most of life's losses.

Do you remember to observe the anniversary of your mother's birth?
Perhaps you can give up some guilt of sometimes forgetting the negative anniversary of her death by celebrating her life.
Dates are just days on the calendar to which we choose to attach special significance.

Yes, we continue to mourn the loss of parents. After twenty years I still miss my mother. I find it helpful to do something for someone else that I feel might be something she would have done. Taking on her positive attitudes and qualities gives me purpose. Trying to focus on the sweeter memories of loved ones who have died brings some peace.

Nell