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why is this so hard

Posted by ninapearl (My Page) on
Fri, Nov 23, 12 at 13:24

on 11/30, it will be 5 years since i lost the love of my life. i don't know if it's because the "anniversary" is looming or what but this year, i am finding it particularly hard to put one foot in front of the other.

had thanksgiving with gary's family yesterday. everybody was there. everybody except him. it's all i could think about. there was absolutely no joy for me. for the first time in a long time, i had to go upstairs and be alone to cry. i try to put on a happy face but for some reason, right now i just can't.

i am supposed to go to another thanksgiving dinner tonight with my very best friends and i don't think i can do it. it's just too hard to see everybody with their spouses or significant others laughing and having a good time when ALL i can think about is gary not being here.

i haven't been big on the holidays ever since he died. i can't wait for them to be over. there is no joy, no happy thanksgiving, no merry christmas.

this just sucks. :(

Follow-Up Postings:

RE: why is this so hard

I'm so sorry. I understand completely. My husband died 2 years ago. Had dinner yesterday with my brother and his family and his wife's sisters and husbands. I couldn't wait to get home. Everyone was nice but it was so hard being alone. I don't do the holidays any more either. I am always on the verge of tears. We were together 35 years, I feel so lost. It does suck.

RE: why is this so hard

I agree with both of you. It's been almost 15 months for me and its not a bit easier. I'll be glad when the holidays are over too. I wound not want to be around friend with spouses either, its just too hard. Its hard because we cared so much.
I have no words, I am still trying to figure it out myself.

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