I'm so sorry for your loss.

Of course he knew you loved him-
you demonstrated it every day, & you were with him all the way.

dear Heartbroken, i feel for your loss, i too lost my husband in feb. 2007. my Al was just at the doctor on late monday afternoon and the doctor was pleased with the way that things hadn't changed and wed. morning our lives changed forever.
i was talking to a counsellor friend at the grocery store and she asked how i was handling things and i told her not well, she asked me if i regretted anything i had done, i took care of Al for 10 years at home by myself (and 2 kids) i was not there when he passed -- i went home for a migrane pill and missed being there by 10 minutes or so, but i do not regret not being there--our son was there however, i don't think i would have been able to cope at all. i know that my mother-in-law is a loser and so is all of Al's sisters, but they were there at the funeral milking it for all they could. but i know what i did was for love and nothing more. i visit my Al every day. so remember all the good times you had and that you were there with love!

debbie

I am trying to cope with my husbands death , but as time goes by it is getting harder instead of better. Somedays the pain is just to much to bear.

You go to grief counseling, grief support groups and get help. It sound like you have no children, but I assume you have other relatives and friends. Yes it is hard what you saw and are going thru, but with one day or at least one hour at a time you will survive.

I agree with mariend, you need to reach out and get help.
Don't try to do it alone. Your Dear husband would want to know that your taking care of yourself. The pain is real and normal but if your going through it alone it is not good.
So please reach out and find a grieving group in your area and go, I know you may have to push yourself but you really need to get out, find others that are going through the same. It is very helpful to have others going through it and allows you to talk about how your feeling, a shoulder to cry on.

I understad your pain, as i lost my husband of 28 years on 02 Sept 07. Our anniversay was 19 Oct 07 which made it 28 years of marriage. I too am hurting so bad and don't think the pain will ever go away. You have to keep praying and trust that GOD will continue to carry you during this difficult time.

I know your pain personally - my precious husband died of pancreatic cancer on April 17, 2007. Even though it's been 8 months, the pain is just as fresh as when it happened! I try to cope, one day at a time - otherwise, I would be a basket-case.

Heartbroken, I just registered today because of your post.My DH died the day you posted. We would have been married 14 years on 11/27/07. We were together since 1979. He had been ill with lung disease for 3 years and had been diagnosed with lung cancer last Sept. I understand not knowing what to do next. I didn't sleep or eat much the last month of his care. And it has taken lots of "little projects", "busy work", tears and fears to even get me to where I am today. Which is determination and I think courage to live the best I can without him. Some days I think its too hurtful, but I try to do a task and get through it. My daughters live far away, but call often. I'm 66 years old and have always be a "caregiver". I now must give care to myself and it feels strange. But I will and am. Talk to your friends-clergy,family, this forum or even to yourself ! :) People do care.

Dear Heartbroken, I too lost my husband, Jimmie to a heart attack. We were at home. I revived him 3 times but he didn't make it. I feel lost and don't know what to do either. Everything keeps going and I'm on auto pilot. I just don't care anymore. My life is gone, he is (or was) my soulmate we were so happy and now ...... it's like I hit a brick wall. I'm so very sorry for your loss and as I'm sure everybody else here I can honestly say I know what you're going through. But we all need to keep going because there's just nothing else to do. Hang in there, Pam

Kay, how are you? I haven't been around for a while, I had to take a break and get myself together.
To everyone I want to tell you that I am so sorry for your loss and sadness, it is the worst pain anyone can have BUT it does get better, I promise. My heart and soul mate died 14 months ago and I wanted to die with him, I was in so much pain and so scared of what was going to happen to me without him; life must go on. I was told that it doesn't get better but it gets different and they were right. I still weep and some days are bad but I have more good days as time goes on. Life won't seem so alien after a while, I just felt like I didn't belong here any more, not in my home, my job or this world but I did finally settle with my feet back on the ground. It's not easy but you have to push youself to live and it eventually gets easier. Please take care of yourselves, get help if you need it and work hard at being strong, we will never forget and we will always love them and happier days are ahead.
God Bless all, Mav.

I am sorry about your husband's death. I am kind of in the same boat, I lost my husband to pancreatic cancer in Dec-2000, he was 44 and we were married for 24. The pain is still very raw to me, many times still feels unbearable, I miss him tremendously, however I try to do positive things, it makes me feel better and it is a good example for my kids.
I came to the realization that doing something destructive to myself or something positive requires the same amount of energy, so I make a conscious decision to go that way. I hope this helps.

My beloved husband Paul passed on October 17, shortly after our anniversay & his birthday. Lately, the pain and longing and yearning is unbearable. I don't understand it. It is so so overwhelming I feel like I could jump out of my skin. My daughter, who is 20, like most kids that age is hardly home - school, work, boyfriend - so after work, I am alone a lot. I sob and sob. I call out to him. I just can't stand it. What do you do when it gets this bad? The posting that said it takes just as much energy to something constructive as destructive makes a lot of sense, I agree, but I just don't know what to do. God help me, I am so stifled. What do you do? I know I am not the only one who goes through this, but in my life here, I am very much alone. I love and miss Paul so.

Nancy, I would give anything just to have my dear husband back. It is so unfair. He lived only three months after being diagnosed with brain cancer 4 DEC '07. I am totally alone and our home is just a cold empty house. I don't know what to do either. I don't fit in with couples anymore. I don't know any singles. There are times when I can hardly get my breath. How do you survive with out the one you love? We were retired and wanted to travel many more years. I just want to be with him so much.
(((((HUGS))))) to all

I know what you are going through...there are no words to describe the pain...my husband died on Dec. 10/07 suddenly at home at age 46...ventricular fibrillation...right in front of me...he was my best friend and we have 2 small children...I miss him so much...the pain is raw...but I have alot of amazing friends and family that are helping me...I'd be lost without them...reach out; everyone wants to help; they may not know how...let them in even if you don't want to...you absolutely need support during this crucial time...I am also getting grief councelling from a therapist who lost an infant daughter 17 years ago; so he knows the pain!! Try to hang in there - the fact that you are writing here is good. God bless you.

I loss my husband April 09. I thought it was getting better for awhile but I am moving in 2 weeks to a different town. Out of the home that he passed in and our memories are at. I never thought it would be this hard to leave. I want to start a new chapter in my life but leaving the old chapter with all the memories is hurting so deeply. I miss him so very much. We were married 23 years when he passed. He passed at the young age of 50 from a sudden heart attack in the middle of the night. So sad.

I lost my husband two months ago. In August, we would have been married 40 years. He died at 60. It is literally hell on earth without him. I go to sleep, hoping God will take me. I try to hold onto faith, but it seems impossible right now. He was the love of my life, my heart. I'm so lost without him.