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my brother passed away this week

Posted by bmmalone (My Page) on
Sun, Nov 8, 09 at 7:44

My 'baby' brother was 50. He passed away this week. It was a shock, but not unexpected due to the lifestyle he chose. Having said that it doesn't make it any easier. It is such a waste. My family and I are going through the 'if only..' and 'maybe I should have..' stage. The only solace is that he passed quickly and with relatively little pain. But it hurts so much. It doesn't seem real. There are so many things around that remind me of him. About seven years ago he lived with us for three years. I have to remind myself that that was one of the happiest times of his life, and remember the good times. It still hurts.


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RE: my brother passed away this week

I am sorry about your brother. Try to remember the good times, and you could even start a journal. Do list the bad times, but in a postive manner. They are still a part of the lives involved. Yes it hurts, but remember that you and your family did the best you could.


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RE: my brother passed away this week

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm guessing when you refer to 'the lifestyle he chose' you might be talking about addiction, but, of course, I'm not sure. But if that's the case, please know that your brother died as a consequence of a terrible disease. People never choose the disease; some are fortunate to choose recovery and when that choice is made, some very few are fortunate to hang onto their recovery one day at a time. Please forgive me if I've presumed something inaccurate. I only mention it because if it's so, part of the pain of the loss can be compounded by the prevalent misunderstanding about this disease. Your brother was not less worthy as a human being. And he was .. and is .. and will be always .. loved by you and your family.

I like mariend's suggestion. Writing is helping me with my own losses. I attend Al anon, which helps me with understanding and acceptance and has taught me to live one day at a time. And right now, you are still in shock and will be for some time. Be very gentle with yourself.

King Solomon said, "Seal this upon your hearts: Love is as strong as death."


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