Over 10 years and I still miss my dad
threeoffour
14 years ago
Featured Answer
Comments (45)
threeoffour
14 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
Miss my dad... not doing as well as I thought...
Comments (2)My dad died May 2nd of last year. He was just 8 days short of his 96th birthday. Couple of weeks before he told me to look at him & said I don't want you to mourn me but it's OK to "miss me" Such comforting words that I often think about. I lost my hubby when he was 48 so that was so difficult as he was my best friend & so young. Your age may make it harder & your dad's age or sudden passing but all you felt is not unusual at all. You can see someone from behind walking & think, oh, there he is & then realize it can't be & you may flush in embarrassment. Couple of songs at church make me kind of teary & if at end of service I just say, oh, that song reminds me of my dad(or hubby) can hear it time & again & OK but then suddenly it gets to you. This will happen from time to time & best to just tell the person, "you remind me so much of my dad or that was my dad's name" the person will understand. It will get better with time your loss is very fresh & will be several months before you feel like you are even back in the world. I said it was like being thrown on a stage & told you had to go through this awful play & all you want is out of there & to go crawl in bed! I was 42 when he died at work. Nothing is real I think that is how most people feel at 1st. If your dad had a long illness then you might have an easier time as you have already been grieving. That's why my dad's was easier to take & his advanced age. I'm sure others will come on so keep checking back. It's a day by day thing & try to live as normally as you can. Lunch with a friends, movie with someone etc. Just sit & watch people shop. Better to get out than to hibernate that can get dangerous for your health as you quit eating, social engagements etc. Don't let that happen. Life does go on & it is up to you to pull yourself along & get to point where things are better & finally enjoyable. Doesn't mean you forget them. Your dad would want you to be happy!!...See MoreI Miss My Dad!!!
Comments (11)My father was Palestinian and my mother is American. He had some problems that made for a bad family life that got progressively worse. My mother, though she had devoted herself to him 100%, finally decided it was time to leave when I was about 3. They went through a terrible divorce, much of which I remember. My older sister, younger brother, and I, were very attached to our father despite everything. The divorce left a huge hole where he should have been because he moved back to Palestine shortly afterward. Both our mother and father remarried, and we rarely saw him. When we did, it was very emotionally draining because we idealized him so much and pined for him throughout our lives. Every time he left it was terrible for us and for him. For some reason he did not visit us very often. We bonded with him on a 3-week long roadtrip when I was 14. We visited all of our family members in the U.S. and learned something of our culture. We met our little brother from our father's new marriage. We saw him again when I was 18. He surprised me and showed up for my high school graduation from a very difficult science and math boarding school. I remember being extremely overwhelmed upon seeing him. I was shaky and crying, and I didn't know what to do. He stayed for only one night. I think the pain of not having us was too much for him. Anyway, after he left again, he called me and asked me to come to Palestine for the summer to stay with him before coming back and going to college. I didn't even have a passport back then, and my mother was nervous about it, so I said no. He was planning on moving back to the U.S.A. within 6 months, so I was excited to have the chance to finally get to know him. 2 months later he died suddenly of a heart attack. He was 48 at the time, and the youngest of 10 siblings. He was the first to die, and everyone was shocked. I cried when I heard the news. I slept for days. I didn't know what to think. We were unable to attend his funeral in Palestine because it was short notice and we did not have passports. I started college 2 weeks later so I did not have time to deal with the loss. It affected me in strange ways.I had nightmares and cried at seemingly random moments while studying, etc. This is the biggest injustice I can think of, and I don't know why God did this to my siblings and I. It has been 6 years since he died. The pain doesn't go away, and is augmented by the fact that we were waiting our whole lives to be with him and to see him. I have a huge gaping hole where he should be. This is even worse for my older sister, who remembers more and was more attached to him. She dealt with it by getting angry and pushing him away from the beginning. His death still affects me. 6 years have passed and I have never had the chance to deal with it or get closure. My pain is raw. If i ever start thinking of him, it makes me weep. It always has. When he was alive, the ocean was interminable and unsurmountable. Now that I am older and can cross the ocean, he is in a place I cannot touch. I feel that I have nobody to talk to about it. I feel ridiculous for STILL grieving about something that has been sad for me my whole life. Not even my fiance would listen to the whole story. I just stopped telling it because I felt so ridiculous for being so upset over something that happened so long ago. It is so unfair. I used to daydream as a child that he would walk into my classroom and check me out of school. I wish I could cut out that part of my heart. Now my brother is going to visit my 2 younger brothers in Palestine and I am torn whether I should go with him or go visit my fiance (long distance) as planned. Someone should write a sad story about my life. I don't know how to deal with this or who to talk to, but I know that it needs to get resolved....See MoreMy mother died 2 days ago, dad just a year ago. This sucks!
Comments (5)I am so sorry for your loss. Nothing said or done helps,but I do care, that you've had to go through this traumatic experience. My Mom died of ovarian cancer July 3rd 2009. She had the surgery followed by chemo treatments, it was in remission for 4 years. Only to come back again about a year and a half later. More chemo, tons of tests, they switched chemo treatments a few times. We got her into one of the best cancer treatment centers and the end result was, she still died. I seen my mom go through so much with the chemo treatments so I understand your mom's not wanting to go through it =/ I would of insisted Mom do chemo, too simply cause I couldn't bear to lose her. It hurts. It hasn't gotten better so far. In fact sometimes it seems to get worse as I realize, I've never gone without talking to her for so long. I really hope it does get easier for the both of us. Like you my Mom was pretty much all I had. Never been close to my Dad....See MoreI miss my dad terribly.
Comments (16)I've never been married. I'm 56 now, so I realize it's not going to be easy to find a partner. I dropped out of college in 1980 to take care of my grandmother who helped raise me. Then I became the caregiver for three other relatives in succession, the last was my father, so I didn't get out enough to meet many single men. I got back from Cache Creek casino sooner than expected. One of my cousins wasn't feeling well so we had to come home early. Now that I'm home, I'm feeling depressed, partly because I lost money, and didn't have time to win it back, but mostly because I miss my dad. I thought of how much more fun the trip would have been if he were with me. I remembered the time when we gambled all night together in Reno, when we both were much younger. We arrived home exhausted but happy. I wish we could have had more fun times like that. I thought about my dad on the long ride home and how the world seems so empty without him, even though there were crowds of people in the casino and on the roads and freeways. It's hard to believe I"ll ever feel better, but I know I'm feeling extra weary from lack of sleep. I couldn't sleep well last night, because I was crying so much, more than before. It's a different kind of exhaustion than the kind you get from having fun. I know that no one can take my dad's place, but it would be nice to have someone here to talk over the trip with and to just watch tv with at the end of the day. Thank you for the offer to message you, JoAnn. Feel free to message me anytime, too. Sending hugs and prayers, Gilda...See Moreheatherton
14 years agolast modified: 9 years agosbailey7_yahoo_com
13 years agolast modified: 9 years agothreeoffour
13 years agolast modified: 9 years agotenderchichi
13 years agolast modified: 9 years agobobby_bullock_warrenk12nc_us
13 years agolast modified: 9 years agoDMD1446_yahoo_com
13 years agolast modified: 9 years agorod_green1957_yahoo_com
12 years agolast modified: 9 years agojzawaski1_gmail_com
12 years agolast modified: 9 years agothreeoffour
12 years agolast modified: 9 years agolisamelvin
12 years agolast modified: 9 years agothreeoffour
12 years agolast modified: 9 years agoBurtsmomforever
12 years agolast modified: 9 years agoada33r
12 years agolast modified: 9 years agoNatasa
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoangelss
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoffff28
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agotaeddy
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agodana2013
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agosylviatexas1
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agodilshad20
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agomeden0223
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agonicole2014xoxo
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoDaveInFL
9 years agolast modified: 9 years agolostwithmydog
9 years agolast modified: 9 years agokellyjay
9 years agolast modified: 9 years agongocthuyvtvn
9 years agolast modified: 9 years agosedona_heaven
9 years agolast modified: 9 years agophaselinear27
9 years agosylviatexas2
9 years agomjresor
8 years agoAlice Blaker
8 years agoyolanda567
8 years agojennysong12
8 years agosylviatexas1
8 years agowww_amyalston47
8 years agoMrs Peacock
8 years agolast modified: 8 years agolandersn
8 years agozippity1
7 years agoagutafy
7 years agoMay Ann Calceta
7 years agoHU-822753226
2 years agolast modified: 2 years agoNo Names
last yearebbohannon
last year
Related Stories
GARDENING GUIDESBoxwood: Still Shape-Shifting After 350 Years
Wild or mild, the humble boxwood still brings style and order to all kinds of gardens
Full StoryCOLOR10 Great Places for Rich Fall Colors Year-Round
Use nature’s burgundies, golds and oranges in these select spots for a comforting feel no matter what the season
Full StorySMALL SPACESLife Lessons From 10 Years of Living in 84 Square Feet
Dee Williams was looking for a richer life. She found it by moving into a very tiny house
Full StoryREMODELING GUIDES10 Features That May Be Missing From Your Plan
Pay attention to the details on these items to get exactly what you want while staying within budget
Full StoryDECORATING GUIDES10 Popular Design Trends to Carry Into the New Year
A designer shares the looks that are likely to stay in style in 2016 and beyond
Full StoryLIFE10 Beautifully Simple Ways to Go Greener in the New Year
You may just find more green in your wallet along the way
Full StoryKIDS’ SPACESThis Designer’s Client Was Her 10-Year-Old Son
What do you give a boy with a too-babyish bedroom when he’s approaching double digits? See for yourself
Full StoryLANDSCAPE DESIGN10 Evergreens for Beautiful Foliage All Year
Give your landscape consistent color and structure with the emeralds, chartreuses and blues of evergreen trees and shrubs
Full StoryKITCHEN COUNTERTOPSKitchen Counters: Granite, Still a Go-to Surface Choice
Every slab of this natural stone is one of a kind — but there are things to watch for while you're admiring its unique beauty
Full StorySELLING YOUR HOUSESave Money on Home Staging and Still Sell Faster
Spend only where it matters on home staging to keep money in your pocket and buyers lined up
Full StorySponsored
mariend