Over 10 years and I still miss my dad
threeoffour
14 years ago
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threeoffour
14 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
I miss my dad so much, i dont know how to live like this
Comments (2)Oh, (((Jill))) I am so sorry for your terrible loss. I just posted my story & noticed yours. Your grief is still so new...mine is 21 months old after losing my 27-year old son. These first few days, weeks & months (for me anyway) will be a foggy blur. You do things because they are automatic. I remember feeling SO angry when I had to take the first shower afterward. "WHY do I still need to bathe!?! EAT??? Why is everyone just going around like nothing has happened, don't they KNOW!?!" That numbness carried me through plus I had family here that I needed to cook for, watch grands, prepare for funeral, all of it. I remember finally falling into bed several nights later & finally just letting go on hubby's shoulder. We had to be strong for daughter-in-law, 3 grands & her family. You cannot be responsible for what other family members do or do not do. Just focus on what you need to do and don't let anyone or anything keep you from what you need to do. I remember listening to my son's cell phone message over & over just to hear his voice. That's normal & to be expected. Your tears will come & go. I remember when I laughed the first time, I felt guilty. We gathered at a close friend's house after the funeral and had a wonderful family & friend time together. We had to drive 300 miles to Anchorage from Valdez, Alaska so it was quite the challenge to arrange things from afar. Just take it one day at a time...every day will be different. Do you have any type of support group, church, minister or someone you can talk to? I think just coming here will be good for you. This is the first time I've been able to 'talk' to someone about what happened to us outside of our immediate family. Just keep talking to us...letting us know how you are doing. If you want to read my story, it's right above yours for now. You take care, Jill...again, I'm SO sorry for your pain. Please keep us posted on how it's going. HUGS...See MoreStill Missing Dad, Struggling with Mom, and Now ...
Comments (6)You should have your mother make a new will. Estate and prbate laws change all the time.The most important thing you need to do is have her signh powers of attorny, especially for health care You said your brother lives far away so you are going to be the care taker weather he likes it or not. You need the power to handle anything that may come up. I will never understand why most parent make THE son executor. Just because they wear pants dosan't mean thay can walk on water. I lost my mother just a year ago and one of the greatist gift my parent ever gave me is the power and the knowlage of thier affairs to handle everything without having to bother my father those first few monts after the funeral. All the trust papers were in my posission, all the powers in place, they even had pre paid funeral arrangements. It has been the hardest year I have ever had but because of their caring for me they made it easier to deal with. I also have a brother and a sister who are lurking in the wings waiting for the final estate battle. My father was so conserned about this that he recorded the visits with the attorny naming me as the final word, we made copys and sent then to brother and sister and they have been rather nice to me since. I guess what I want to get across to you is to get everythong on the table now befor you need it.One thing that really helped me during my mothers last few months was the authorization papers she signed with all the doctors, medacare, insurance company so I could make phone calls and talk to her doctors. With the new privacy laws you really need them. I have them for my father now and it makes my life easier. Is your brother going to be there to take care of you mother?? Of cource not, you live closer,and that's what daughters are for. Good luck to you...See MoreMy mother died 2 days ago, dad just a year ago. This sucks!
Comments (5)I am so sorry for your loss. Nothing said or done helps,but I do care, that you've had to go through this traumatic experience. My Mom died of ovarian cancer July 3rd 2009. She had the surgery followed by chemo treatments, it was in remission for 4 years. Only to come back again about a year and a half later. More chemo, tons of tests, they switched chemo treatments a few times. We got her into one of the best cancer treatment centers and the end result was, she still died. I seen my mom go through so much with the chemo treatments so I understand your mom's not wanting to go through it =/ I would of insisted Mom do chemo, too simply cause I couldn't bear to lose her. It hurts. It hasn't gotten better so far. In fact sometimes it seems to get worse as I realize, I've never gone without talking to her for so long. I really hope it does get easier for the both of us. Like you my Mom was pretty much all I had. Never been close to my Dad....See MoreI miss my dad terribly.
Comments (16)I've never been married. I'm 56 now, so I realize it's not going to be easy to find a partner. I dropped out of college in 1980 to take care of my grandmother who helped raise me. Then I became the caregiver for three other relatives in succession, the last was my father, so I didn't get out enough to meet many single men. I got back from Cache Creek casino sooner than expected. One of my cousins wasn't feeling well so we had to come home early. Now that I'm home, I'm feeling depressed, partly because I lost money, and didn't have time to win it back, but mostly because I miss my dad. I thought of how much more fun the trip would have been if he were with me. I remembered the time when we gambled all night together in Reno, when we both were much younger. We arrived home exhausted but happy. I wish we could have had more fun times like that. I thought about my dad on the long ride home and how the world seems so empty without him, even though there were crowds of people in the casino and on the roads and freeways. It's hard to believe I"ll ever feel better, but I know I'm feeling extra weary from lack of sleep. I couldn't sleep well last night, because I was crying so much, more than before. It's a different kind of exhaustion than the kind you get from having fun. I know that no one can take my dad's place, but it would be nice to have someone here to talk over the trip with and to just watch tv with at the end of the day. Thank you for the offer to message you, JoAnn. Feel free to message me anytime, too. Sending hugs and prayers, Gilda...See Moreheatherton
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