Over 10 years and I still miss my dad
threeoffour
14 years ago
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threeoffour
14 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
Miss my dad... not doing as well as I thought...
Comments (2)My dad died May 2nd of last year. He was just 8 days short of his 96th birthday. Couple of weeks before he told me to look at him & said I don't want you to mourn me but it's OK to "miss me" Such comforting words that I often think about. I lost my hubby when he was 48 so that was so difficult as he was my best friend & so young. Your age may make it harder & your dad's age or sudden passing but all you felt is not unusual at all. You can see someone from behind walking & think, oh, there he is & then realize it can't be & you may flush in embarrassment. Couple of songs at church make me kind of teary & if at end of service I just say, oh, that song reminds me of my dad(or hubby) can hear it time & again & OK but then suddenly it gets to you. This will happen from time to time & best to just tell the person, "you remind me so much of my dad or that was my dad's name" the person will understand. It will get better with time your loss is very fresh & will be several months before you feel like you are even back in the world. I said it was like being thrown on a stage & told you had to go through this awful play & all you want is out of there & to go crawl in bed! I was 42 when he died at work. Nothing is real I think that is how most people feel at 1st. If your dad had a long illness then you might have an easier time as you have already been grieving. That's why my dad's was easier to take & his advanced age. I'm sure others will come on so keep checking back. It's a day by day thing & try to live as normally as you can. Lunch with a friends, movie with someone etc. Just sit & watch people shop. Better to get out than to hibernate that can get dangerous for your health as you quit eating, social engagements etc. Don't let that happen. Life does go on & it is up to you to pull yourself along & get to point where things are better & finally enjoyable. Doesn't mean you forget them. Your dad would want you to be happy!!...See MoreI miss my dad so much, i dont know how to live like this
Comments (2)Oh, (((Jill))) I am so sorry for your terrible loss. I just posted my story & noticed yours. Your grief is still so new...mine is 21 months old after losing my 27-year old son. These first few days, weeks & months (for me anyway) will be a foggy blur. You do things because they are automatic. I remember feeling SO angry when I had to take the first shower afterward. "WHY do I still need to bathe!?! EAT??? Why is everyone just going around like nothing has happened, don't they KNOW!?!" That numbness carried me through plus I had family here that I needed to cook for, watch grands, prepare for funeral, all of it. I remember finally falling into bed several nights later & finally just letting go on hubby's shoulder. We had to be strong for daughter-in-law, 3 grands & her family. You cannot be responsible for what other family members do or do not do. Just focus on what you need to do and don't let anyone or anything keep you from what you need to do. I remember listening to my son's cell phone message over & over just to hear his voice. That's normal & to be expected. Your tears will come & go. I remember when I laughed the first time, I felt guilty. We gathered at a close friend's house after the funeral and had a wonderful family & friend time together. We had to drive 300 miles to Anchorage from Valdez, Alaska so it was quite the challenge to arrange things from afar. Just take it one day at a time...every day will be different. Do you have any type of support group, church, minister or someone you can talk to? I think just coming here will be good for you. This is the first time I've been able to 'talk' to someone about what happened to us outside of our immediate family. Just keep talking to us...letting us know how you are doing. If you want to read my story, it's right above yours for now. You take care, Jill...again, I'm SO sorry for your pain. Please keep us posted on how it's going. HUGS...See MoreStill Missing Dad, Struggling with Mom, and Now ...
Comments (6)You should have your mother make a new will. Estate and prbate laws change all the time.The most important thing you need to do is have her signh powers of attorny, especially for health care You said your brother lives far away so you are going to be the care taker weather he likes it or not. You need the power to handle anything that may come up. I will never understand why most parent make THE son executor. Just because they wear pants dosan't mean thay can walk on water. I lost my mother just a year ago and one of the greatist gift my parent ever gave me is the power and the knowlage of thier affairs to handle everything without having to bother my father those first few monts after the funeral. All the trust papers were in my posission, all the powers in place, they even had pre paid funeral arrangements. It has been the hardest year I have ever had but because of their caring for me they made it easier to deal with. I also have a brother and a sister who are lurking in the wings waiting for the final estate battle. My father was so conserned about this that he recorded the visits with the attorny naming me as the final word, we made copys and sent then to brother and sister and they have been rather nice to me since. I guess what I want to get across to you is to get everythong on the table now befor you need it.One thing that really helped me during my mothers last few months was the authorization papers she signed with all the doctors, medacare, insurance company so I could make phone calls and talk to her doctors. With the new privacy laws you really need them. I have them for my father now and it makes my life easier. Is your brother going to be there to take care of you mother?? Of cource not, you live closer,and that's what daughters are for. Good luck to you...See More10 year old cactus and I still don't know what it is. Help!
Comments (6)Sarah Please do not get upset if we tell you that it doesn't look it's best. While you have this plant for 10 years, grew it from seed and it is still alive, obviously you did something right but we do not think it has been growing under ideal growing conditions. In 10 years, it should have grown much more, especially for opuntia - they are usually fast growers. There are miniature opuntias in existence, but yours is not, miniatures grow only few inches tall, they are just about ground covers. Healthy plant should support itself, without sticks and/or being tied. There are some marks visible on the plants - could be just natural corking, but it is difficult to judge from the photos. Could you take photo in better light and perhaps close up? Many opuntias grow paddle-like leaves. There are others that have cylindrical growth - but I am not sure yours is that type (maybe?). Here is Austrocylindropuntia subulata:You can see totally different shape, also different spines. The top part of the shorter plant on right is more round, that makes me think it wants to be paddle-shaped plant. It would need more light to grow more compact and wider segments. It is difficult to supply enough light indoors, many of us have the same problem. Plants grow stretched - etiolated - looking for more light. Changing soil yearly is not needed (the plant above has been in same mix for over 2years now and I am not planning on changing it). Succulents like to be in gravely mix (closer to what they grow in in their natural habitat), that offers excellent drainage and air exchange. You asked for ID - sometimes the plant has shape that is more difficult to ID. BTW, there are almost 500 species... So, the comments are not attack on you, just tips-remarks on the plant as we see it. We are all plant lovers here, and ask questions all the time. There is something in every post, even just 1 thing, that could help....See Moreheatherton
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