Return to the Grieving Forum | Post a Follow-Up

 o
Ridden with guilt over mom's loss

Posted by daysmitty (My Page) on
Mon, Oct 19, 09 at 18:44

I came upon this site as I googled for help tonight. I cant sleep since I lost my mom a month ago.
I was in the US and my mom in India. This whole year she kept asking me to come pick her up as she wanted to be with me.
I couldn't make it back and asked if she would come with dad. She didnt want to come with dad. She had lost a lot of weight and I asked her to see a doctor.
In September they finally got her to see one. Found out she had hiatus hernia, bone cancer. She survived surgery but then had a heart attack when she got mad at my father. I was called at the last minute when she was put on the ventilator. The day I arrived my mom woke up and was off the ventilator. I total gift from God. She kissed my hand:-) Thank you God!

But now all I think about is the times I was mean to her. I don't know how to say sorry. I found the letters I had written to her in which I always apologized. But I wish I could get those days back and tell her I am sorry and how much I love her. Also her wish for me to come and pick her up haunts me. Wish I had done that. I think saying good bye would then be easier.

I know guilt is not a good thing. But I dont know how to overcome it or deal with it, when mom is not here.

I love my mom and want her to know that


Follow-Up Postings:

 o
RE: Ridden with guilt over mom's loss

I don't have all the answers as I lost my mother just over a week ago. She asked me to visit her about 3 weeks ago because she was getting weak. I didn't think she was in bad shape so I waited a week for a lower airfare but by the time I got down there she was too weak to even get out of bed by herself. She died one week later. I do feel guilty about not getting to her sooner, but believe she wouldn't want me to feel guilty about it.


 o
RE: Ridden with guilt over mom's loss

Look in your area for support groups and grief counslours. One thing, did you do the best you could? That is what counts. You cannot look back. Baby steps and you will survive.


 o
RE: Ridden with guilt over mom's loss

Feeling guilty is part of grieving. We all feel guilty about something. We all have regrets. I'm told from people who have lived through all this that eventually the sadness we feel is replaced with good memories of our Moms.

Try not to kick yourself too much. Your Mom knew you loved her and that's all that matters.


 o Post a Follow-Up

Please Note: Only registered members are able to post messages to this forum.

    If you are a member, please log in.

    If you aren't yet a member, join now!


Return to the Grieving Forum

Information about Posting

  • You must be logged in to post a message. Once you are logged in, a posting window will appear at the bottom of the messages. If you are not a member, please register for an account.
  • Please review our Rules of Play before posting.
  • Posting is a two-step process. Once you have composed your message, you will be taken to the preview page. You will then have a chance to review your post, make changes and upload photos.
  • After posting your message, you may need to refresh the forum page in order to see it.
  • Before posting copyrighted material, please read about Copyright and Fair Use.
  • We have a strict no-advertising policy!
  • If you would like to practice posting or uploading photos, please visit our Test forum.
  • If you need assistance, please Contact Us and we will be happy to help.


Learn more about in-text links on this page here