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another holiday

Posted by heydeborah (My Page) on
Sun, Oct 7, 07 at 14:49

tommorow is thanksgiving here in canada. i know that i should have bought a turkey and all the stuff that goes with it, but i just couldn't, so we are going out for pizza tonight. people just don't seem to get "it", yes Al was bedridden for 10 years and I took care of him, gave him his meds and insulin 4 times a day, i also visit him now every day at the cemetary, but i miss him so much that it's almost ripping my heart out. my Al was one of those people depended on he was a good husband, how many people after being married 25 year can say they only had 2 minor fights? he coached every sport our kids were in and other parents requested that their kids be on the team that he coached. he didn't drink or do drugs or swear, he was just a wonderful person that everyone loved. i am so tired of hearing atleast he's not in pain anymore, and yes to be selfish i wish he was in pain and was here where he is supposed to be! i'm 51 and am not supposed to be without a husband, and today i am mad at him. i'm just worrying about Christmas, i'm thinking of cancelling that too, we have no relatives here except one of Al's sister's who is not speaking to us because of the way i planned his funeral (or i should say the way Al told me he wanted it). i just had to get this off my chest, so if you've read this thank you for "listening".

debbie


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: another holiday

Hi Debbie,

I'm so sorry for your loss. I've been posting here for a little while...my mom passed away in July.

I understand still wanting them here, even if it means they would be suffering. I think that way sometimes about my mother. I was her caregiver also.

It's a shame about your sister-in-law but you don't need people like that in your life. Especially not now. Life is to short for that.

Hang in there
Joanne


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RE: another holiday

Hang in there Debbie. Holidays won't go away but your ability to cope will beome stronger over time - really, it will. Celebrate them in the best manner for you right now. Food, festivities and family get-togethers are traditional at holiday time. It's tough when the tradition has to change, such as in situations like this. But it doesn't mean that it's wrong if you break tradition and just have pizza. Your heart is in the right place.

It sounds as though you hubby was a super special guy. Kids don't take to everyone and the fact that they took to him as a coach was pretty special. I have to say, you are as well, for being the caregiver that you were for him. Take a few moments to give yourself a hug for that. Im sure he would thank you for doing that.

It's OK to be "mad" at your hubby. That's a natural feeling, and they say it's part of a healthy grieving process. Every once in a while I still get mad - my daugher left me 13 yrs ago at the age of eighteen. When I see others with grandchildren or think that no one, including myself, will know how she would be as a fully functioning adult really stings. I understand though that the feeling really isn't anger at her, it is with the situation - that she is gone and there is nothing I can do about it. The only thing I can compare it to is when your computer crashes and suddenly you lose everything you ever put into it, and you can't recover it all. At your age, it'a probably more difficult, because the two of you probably had a lifetime ahead of you. I'm sending you a hug and will include you in my prayers. May you find peace.


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