I was thinking just what Jerijen said, amazed that Knockout roses could be decimated by blackspot. MScaradine, are your Knockouts the original Knockout, or one of the varients bred from it? Second question is: You mentioned your tea roses doing well. Did you actually mean the old garden tea roses or hybrid teas? I have just heard so many people shorten hybrid tea to "tea" that I'm never sure. They are completely separate classes of roses. I wouldn't throw out the Knockouts without giving them a chance to recover, perhaps to next year. I had a Belinda's Dream rose that had significant blackspot when I bought it and for a few months afterwards, but after that it was highly resistant. Thanks, Rosetom, for your information about Banner Maxx. I did not know it is the same class as the tebuconazole. I used that before I ever started with the Bayer stuff, so I still have a supply of it. I have also used manzate occasionally, so I'll remember to give that a turn every so often. I don't much care for the filmy residue the Manzate leaves behind, but that's a minor annoyance and doesn't last long. Anyway, I have not been too diligent this year about spraying, but, knock on wood, so far the blackspot has been easily controlled, so the Bayer tebuconazole is still doing its job. Yea, Modern Miracle, indeed! I think Ingrid has a valid concern about the enivornmental impact. It is easier, though, to avoid blackspot in a drier climate. When you live in the Gulf South, blackspot is a major issue. There are certainly a handful of old garden roses highly resistant to it, but none are immune. Also, there are a lot of old garden roses that I see blackspot here as badly as modern roses. so you have to do your research carefully. I find (selfishly, perhaps) that certain colors and bloom form and size combinations are just simply not available in old garden rose varieties. I am encourage, however, with how much improvement we're seeing, in the overall disease resistance of some select modern varieties. My fingers are crossed that this trend will continue. In the meantime, if we're going to use chemicals in the garden, the labels that say CAUTION are supposed to be less dangerous than the ones that say either WARNING or DANGER. Bayer has a CAUTION label. Mike

Bless you and the others who care for her. Your love for her is shown by your commitment to her after such a long time. It must be extremely difficult to care for her as a living loved one, but have to accept that she might have no awareness of you. Just the same, I would continue talking to her as though she hears and understands you, because that can't be known with 100% certainty. So I think you're wise to not say anything or act in any way in her presence that alludes to the fact that she is 'not really there' or that you are mourning the loss of the woman you knew. But I would talk often to her other caregivers and cry or do whatever helps you all cope when NOT in her presence, because you certainly do need to acknowledge the huge void her 'absence' has caused in all your lives. It is so sad when a sudden tragedy like that changes someone's life so drastically, especially since she had just accomplished so much. I know it's not really a solution to your question of how you can cope, but I just wanted to assure you that your gift of love and commitment to her is uplifting, even though she cannot acknowledge you herself.

I am so sorry for your loss. It takes a long time to get over such a loss. Sometimes I feel you never really do. I had a dog, Pal, a Collie Shepard mix, that had to be put to sleep when we were both 10 years old. We grew up together. When my older siblings picked on me I could go to her, hug her and cry and she would comfort me like I was her pup. I still think of her with a mix of good memories and sadness at her passing. That was 52 years ago. I have had lots of dogs since then and miss them all. It took 2 years of grieving for the last one before I got my current dog. I swore I would never go through that pain again and then I saw a picture of Elvira and couldn't resist. I call her my "Soul Mutt" because she has been the closest to me since my first dog. She is 13 and not in good health, we take it one day at a time. I don't know what I am going to do when I lose her. I know that is a part of having a bond with a dog but it is hard. I hope you start to feel better day by day. Clare

Thanks everyone for your support. I know I need to leave but I suppose I've always been a sucker to help people. Amber - Thank you for your words. You are right, the only person I can save is myself. I suppose the battle is really working up the courage to say enough is enough. I struggle because I hate hurting people or feeling like I am letting them down but in the same regard I suppose by me doing things for my partner, he will never do anything to help himself or his son. Colleenoz - thank you for your kind words. I never thought about it like the way you put it. Seeing that he could turn like that if something bad happened to me is some what alarming. Because when I think of the answer to something happening to me and would he be there, I can't answer that. And if I can't answer that, then there is a real big problem. LaVerne - Thank you for your comment. Do I want to change? Yes i really do, so I guess I know what I have to do. Reading Lady - Sadly this situation is real, it would be nice if I was making it up but unfortunately I am not. I know everyone on his mother's side has bi-polar and basically have lived their lives in and out of either jails or foster homes. Sometimes I think the cycle can be broken but in the same regards, it's not my responsibility to have hero complex (i.e. trying to save everyone). Let me just say this, I know that none of you know me from a bar of soap, which in turn makes you more truthful. I appreciate your honesty and i thank you for your wisdom. I know everyone goes through hard stages in life, but you are right. If I am not happy with the situation, then only I can change it. I think it's time for me to worry about myself and get back what I want. If I succeed (and I truly hope I do) than please know every little word by each of you contributed to giving me strength. You all really have no idea how much you have put my mind, heart and bank balance at rest.