Erica and Josh, my thoughts and prayers are with you! I am a bit older than the two of you but have a similar story. i am in my mid-30s and the oldest of 8 children. Both of our parents passed away in 2008. Our dad was diagnosed with advanced colon cancer and passed away after a very hard 3 1/2 month battle. Six months later, our mom was diagnosed with advanced breast cancer and passed away a month and a half later. It was a devastating time for all of us and most especially, our youngest brother who was still in high school. Our grandmother had lived with our parents for a bit and fell ill in 2007 and passed away that spring - this was during my brother's sophomore year of high school. During his junior year, our dad got sick and passed away. This was an incredibly hard time for my brother because he's the only boy in the family so if our mom wasn't home to help our dad go to the bathroom at his bedside and my husband wasn't there, our dad would get my brother to help him. There were times when our dad would try to get up in the middle of the night and because he was so weak, he would fall on the floor and then our mom would need my brother and sister to help her pick him up and get him back into bed. It was devastating to see our parents deteriorate so quickly and especially hard on our brother to have to take on so many difficult adult responsibilities at such a young age. Our mom was diagnosed with breast cancer at the end of the summer just before our brother started his senior year and then passed away a month a 2 weeks later. So our brother dealt with 3 major losses throughout his last 3 years of high school. As soon as my mom passed away, i immediately went to the court to get official custody of my brother. My mom and I had talked about me and my husband taking on a guardianship role. Because my brother was 17 at the time and would turn 18 a month and a half later, we got court appointed custody rather than full guardianship. Guardianship would have taken several months to put in place and go before a Judge and at that point, my brother would have been 18 which would make guardianship more difficult. With custody, it is me and my husband vs. my parents but because my parents are deceased, they cannot argue any of the guidelines of the custody agreement. We needed to have some form of official documentation stating our custodial responsibilities in order to get my brother under our health insurance and thankfully, this worked. Erica, it is wonderful that your father set up a trust to help you with school! I wish I could say the same about our parents. Unfortunately, they were not at all prepared for what might happen if they passed away. There were no Wills, no education trusts, nothing to help out with any of the costs to help raise the younger siblings who needed help and guidance, both financial and otherwise. One of my sisters and I are administering the estates (my grandmother, mom, and dad's estates) and our lawyers made it very clear that no estate money could be used to help with education because even though my brother was 17 at the time of their passing, our parents had every right and opportunity to designate money to be left to help with education costs. It was incredibly frustrating and left me in tears many times as I tried to work step by step to figure out how we were going to manage everything financially. Both my husband and I were still paying back our own student loans and I had been laid off from my job shortly after returning back to work after my mom's funeral. I think that changing the dynamics of switching roles from sibling to a parental role can be quite a challenge in many ways. It can also make you feel very isolated from others, even from your family and other siblings sometimes because there can always be those who question how much control you should have, among many other things. Most of my friends have babies or small children so it was hard to find someone I could relate to who could at least understand what it's like to have a child in high school who would soon embark on all of the excitement of senior year - senior trip, prom, graduation. I can remember heading to the bookstore shortly after my mom passed away, pouring through the shelves, looking for any books that would help explain how to handle the transition from sibling to parent... how to raise your teenage brother. There was nothing. The best I could do was buy a book about raising teenage boys and even that wasn't much help because my brother wasn't just an average teenager but one who had been through an enormous amount of trauma and loss. I found that working through the school was a good place to start. His guidance counselor recommended an excellent therapist that some of the other parents had also recommended. This therapist has been wonderful and I am so glad that I thought to ask for resources rather than just trying to wing it on my own. My brother has gone through issues with depression, substance abuse, and thoughts of harming himself. Just recently, he reached a very low point and we were able to find a wonderful treatment program for him and he's already sounding like his once happy, comfortable self. I am so thankful that this program has been so helpful to him and has been teaching him the coping skills he needs to help him get through the rough times which tend to fall around holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries of their passings. The 2nd anniversary of our mom's passing was earlier this week in fact. In spite of the difficulties, my brother graduated from high school and went on to start college, then realized after his first semester at that school that he wanted to transfer to a school where he could follow his passion. He is an incredibly talented musician and wanted to study recording arts. Once he was settled in a new school, learning and studying in a subject matter that he loves, he really began to excel. There have been bumps in the road as he and the rest of us try to pull together as a family and create our "new normal" but there have also been wonderful milestones accomplished and experienced too. In spite of everything we've lost, we are still very blessed! My thoughts and prayers are with you both Erica and Josh. I am so glad that you found one another! I too come online to try to find other people who have experienced a similar situation because it always feels good to find others who you can relate with. Take care and may God Bless you and your families!!

Heather, I had an experience that was so real. I wanted to share it with you in hopes that it will help you with your loss. I know how hard it is to be here without your mother. My pain is great too but I was comforted by God. Here's what happened: I loved my mother so much. I was an only daughter so she was my mom, my sister, and my best friend. One day she was in the hospital, she had emphysema and I knew that she did not have much longer to live. I remember standing in the shower and saying prayers for her to get well. I live 400 miles away from her and could not be at her side. At the very moment that my prayer ended I received a reply. The response came to me first from my heart and then to my head. It said, "Why all the prayers if you do not go see the person?" At that moment I had greater wisdom then so many in my position. I ran from the shower dripping in a towel and hugged my husband in tears. I told him I have to go, my mom is sick. I have to spend as much time with her as I can. He said go. Be with your mom. I quit my job so I could spend as much time as possible with her. From that point forward I had four wonderful years with her helping to ease her pain and fear before she passed. And my story does not end there.... My mother did finally pass and of course I was devastated and beyond grief. I cried a solid two years. My heart would not heal. At night I would dream of her. She would be sick and I would be there praying for her to make it though it but she didn't and when I awoke, I knew the dream was for real. I had a very, very hard time moving on. I could not stop crying. Hardly for a moment. My face was raw from the salt of my tears. And then again one night I was having another nightmare dream about her. I remember sobbing in the dream. But this time a young man in a suit came a placed his hand on my shoulder. At that moment I felt safe and I just knew that he was an angel. I knew it was okay to go with him and I did. We began to walk and he spoke to me. I will never forget his words, "You have no idea how fortunate you are. You are going to have the opportunity to sit down and meet with God. So many people would love to have this chance that you are going to get. God wants to speak to you about your Mother. You are suppose to share this with others and he knows that you will." Then we reached a room and he said, "This is not how it is, we have created this for your benefit. God will come in and he will look like an ordinary man." In this room was a big desk with a chair in front of it. I felt like I was in a job interview. I sat in the chair and I waited for a moment. A tall dark haired man came into the room. I could not tell you all his features just that he was wearing a very nice suit and tie and he had big loving eyes. He knew my name reached across the desk to shake my hand and said, "Hello Nicole. How are you?" I must have squeaked a hello and a okay. Then I saw his big brown eyes. These eyes gave me a feeling of intense love. They seemed to look into my heart and shoot safe and soothing feelings at me. And he said this to me.... "Nicole, I want you to know your Mom is okay. She's not alone. She's with me and she's happy. It's okay, she's not alone." He seemed to know that a huge part of my grief was that I was separated from her and I didn't want her to be alone without the family. I knew that was a big part of my grief. He kept stressing that she was with him and not alone. Then he said, "She's happy, she's not sick anymore and she can breathe." I was sobbing at this point just sitting in that chair. I could hardly look at him. Then he asked, "Would you like to see her one more time?" "Oh, yes, please, yes, yes, yes!" was my answer. "Okay, we're going to set that up for you." and he called the angel back into the room. He told the angel, "We're going to go ahead and set it up for her to see her mom. Go ahead and take her to the room for her to see her." I was brought to a big room. It was lowly lit with chairs all the way around the room like a reception room at a doctor's office. There was a door across the room and through that door came my mom! She didn't look sick anymore. She looked like she did back in the 1970's. She was so pretty. She ran over to the chair next to mine and hugged and kissed me. I could smell her hair. I hugged her neck and kissed that favorite spot on her temple. I loved her so much. I told her that over and over. She told me she loved me too. The she spoke sharply to me, "Stop worrying about me. I'm okay. I'm not alone. You have a whole life ahead of you and a wonderful husband. Go back and be a good wife to him. Be happy again!" She was kind of mad at me. All I could say was that I knew she was right. Then she said she had to go back and I have to go back. I said okay. She got up and went back through her door and as she did, I turned and went back through my door. As soon as I passed though my door. I could see my body sleeping in the bed. I sped like a bullet to it and as soon as I hit my body I woke up. Then I went back to sleep and the whole dream came back to me the next morning. I hope this will help others with their grief. I have more to share if you think it might help. I don't know why I was chosen for this, I am an ordinary woman and not so perfect and good. I have sins too. But I do seem to have a special connection and I know that I am blessed. Respectfully submitted, Nicole

Hey Cindy: Reading your story is very touching. I think we are kindred spirits. I lost my mom when i was only a few months old. My dad and his parents raised me. My grandfather died when i was 6. so my young life was spent with my dad and his mom- my mee mee. Unfortunately, my mee mee died in January 2008. a week after her funeral, my dad was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer, multiple myeloma. I was shattered. I spent the last almost three years taking care of my dad, going through the ups and downs of the chemo and bone marrow transplant working and than failing and working than failing, than ultimately finding there was no longer any hope. The last week of October, we found out the cancer had spread and the chemo stopped working. my dad went on hospic and i devoted three weeks of taking care of him nonstop with my stepmom and my older stepsister. November 23rd, 2010, a day before my 26th birthday and 2 before thanksgiving, my daddy passed away. This has been the most horrible time of my life. my dad remarried only when i wasx 19 and i do not have any blood siblings. my moms family hasnt been in my life that much but we are building a relationship presently. my dad has one brother living and his wife who have been consistently in my life since i was born. my uncle has stepchildren but no children of his own. my family is dwindling. my dad and i were EXTREMELY close. he and i finished eachothers sentances, laughed at things only we understood, and spent a lot of time together. in many ways, our lives were connected and one. He was my dad, my best friend, my hero, my protector, my everything. I played umbrella by rihanna for my dad and even made a video on the computer of pictures of he and i to that song during his bout with this cancer. I listen to that song today and it makes me both hurt and smile. I am just like you, trying to find my place in life, trying to find a way to live in a world without my daddy, without my parents, without a real home. I am too sad that my wonderful daddy will never get to be a part of his future grandchildrens' lives. I hurt for him, hurt for myself, and hurt for the children i will have. whether its been two weeks or nine months or forever ago that we lose our parents, it feels deep and fresh. its an incredible feeling of despair to be a young adult and an orphan. please feel free to email me: rachelen@aol.com. I dont know of ANY people who are in my same unique experience and would love to email with you and talk with a kindred spirit. God bless, rachel enderwood

Jan, You are a kind and compassionate woman. Thank you for caring about all of us. In laws can destroy relationships. Although my marriage was destroyed by many factors, the learning experience has enabled me to help my daughter save her marriage from her jealous mother in law. She wanted to keep getting my support and not supporting me in return, so I am now pretty much estranged from her and her sister. They model after my irresponsible, lying, abusive X. The estrangement drags me down, but I try to keep on going despite it. I can only change/improve myself and my life. They are free of to live their own lives. I have 2 grandsons who live out of state and my daughter has not denied me a relationship of sorts with them. This is not what I expected at all, as I devoted my all to raise them. I am very sorry for your heartache, but adult children seem to go their own way and they do not need us anymore. Some want us, like your daughter wants you, but sons seem to either be devoted to their Mothers, while others cling to their wives. My Mother was loved by all and she handled the son/daughter in laws by accepting invitations when invited, not asking them for anything, being respectful and nice to all and letting them live their own lives as they saw fit. I am not my Mother, nor a doormat, so I have a much tougher time with relationships because I express my views and try to protect myself from abuse; I have a few close friends and relatives, but not many. Please let us know how you are doing and if you find a way to mend the rift.