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missing my daughter-in-law

17 years ago

It has been a little over 2 months since my dnl passed away. Well she really wasn't a dnl but felt like she was even though her and my son never married. She passed away on July 7 at the age of 28 from brain cancer. She fought it for 3 years but God needed her more than us. She used to call me 2-3 times a day for nothing more than to talk about nothing really. Sometimes it would really bother me as I would be busy but I never let on. I'm so glad now that I was there for her. When ever I leave the house and I come home if there is a message on the answering machine I sometimes say to myself "Wonder what she wants now?" Then I feel so quilty for saying that especially since she is gone and of course it isn't her. Will it ever get easier? Right now I am crying my eyes out again. They say it gets easier in time but I don't see it yet.

Thanks for listening. May God Bless.

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Comments (4)

socks
17 years ago
You miss her so much! Don't worry about some of the negative thoughts you had. The important thing is that she needed you, and you were there for her. You can feel good about that.

I'm so sorry for the heartache you are experiencing. Take care.

Susan
lulie___wayne
17 years ago
I'm so sorry for your loss. I have a couple of very close female friends who were involved with my son or were good friends with my daughter when she was living. I am very close to them, also. I consider them family and would be very upset if something happened to them. I can understand your pain as well as your guilt.
Like Susan said, don't beat yourself up for the negative thoughts. We are all human. It sounds like you were a great friend to her. You obviously didn't let on that at times you didn't feel like talking. She continued to call you and talk, so she must have cared for you very much also.
Lu
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Finchlover, I'm going to try to tread lightly here, because I don't want to cause you any more grief. That said, I am appalled at the reaction of your other children. Before you get mad at me, I'll share some of my life with you. My daughter died at home by her own hand just over two years ago as well. She was only 13 at the time. So, I kind of know what you went through. I say kind of, because there are always differences. We live in a small town, so there was no option to just blend in. Everyone knew what happened. You absolutely should not disown your DIL. You do not want to break ties with the mother of your grandchildren. Your other children need to back off and realize that your son did this to himself. No one make anyone else kill themselves. Shame on them for blaming her. One day they will probably realize this. I also feel compassion for your other children because it would be wonderful if they actually COULD blame her. Then they wouldn't have to fully face what your other son did. My daughter had a very difficult time with her sisters death. She still has a hard time, and she always will. I do see both sides of this. They shouldn't disown her either, because to do so would to cut off any contact with your son's precious children. Please understand that if I said anything that hurt you, it was not intended to do so. Like I said, I can empathize with you in a way that most people cannot. I wish you all the best and hug those grandkids for me.
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perk2
Original Author
17 years ago
Thank you both for your kind words. I keep hoping things will get easier. Some days are OK and then some I can hardly do anything but cry. She was so young and such a good mother to her 2 children (ages 9 and 5). They seem to be doing OK. I just wish the rest of us were. Thanks again for listening I really appreciate it. I will try not to feel too guilty but it isn't easy. Thanks again.
dirt_yfingernails
17 years ago
28 is so very young and cancer is such an ugly taker of life. Four years ago we lost my 29 year old niece to a rare cancer. She left a devastated husband and 2 little boys. It is so hard to lose someone you love at such a young age.

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