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when when will it stop

Posted by zeke (My Page) on
Sun, Sep 14, 08 at 15:15

i recently lost my Dad ( Aug. 17 2008 )
after he battled heart trouble for 15 yrs.
it was quite unexpected when he passed away
i stopped in at the hospital to see him the afternoon before he passed away if i had of known it was going to happen i would have stayed with him but he did not seem to be very bad as in course of the last 15 years i have made some fast trips to Des Moines/Mercy Heart center .
and now he is gone , but the bit of solace i can find in his passing is that he didnt suffer greatly and went out
without having to linger but sometimes i miss my Dad so much sometimes i wonder when all the pain of missing him will go away ??
im sorry if i sound negative but i just need to vent and get these thoughts off my mind .
Zeke


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: when when will it stop

Zeke,

I lost my dad 7 years ago, just before my birthday. He too died of heart disease. I was lucky in that we knew he did not have long, and I got to visit him almost every day the last 10 days of his life. It was hard because he was still so interested in everything and I knew he was not ready to die. I couldn't make it one Thursday, and he died early Friday morning before I could get there.

There are days he barely crosses my mind, other days I think of him with great affection and love, other days the grief hits hard and I realize again how much I miss him. The grief never goes away, though it strikes less often, but the guilt does eventually.

You had no way of knowing your dad was so short on time--you and he had been dealing with his heart problems for a LONG time--15 years. You are not to blame that you didn't realize it and would have stayed longer, and he'd probably be the first to tell you that if he could.

You are right to find comfort in that he didn't suffer for long, and you did get to see him. The fact that your last visit was pretty normal, you not expecting it would be your last, may have been the best gift you could give him.

I'm sorry for you Zeke, I know how much it hurts. I'm glad you were close to your Dad.

Kate


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RE: when when will it stop

Zeke,
I am so sorry to learn about you Dad passing. Grief is very painful and the first thoughts you have are guilt, about what you didn't do or what you shouldn't have, that is normal, we all go through that. Try to put those thoughts away and think of all the good times you had with your Dad that you wouldn't change for the world. I know this is hard to do and it will take a while because we,as human beings, will always assume guilt even if there is no reason. I know you Dad was a wonderful man or you wouldn't be hurting so badly, this will get better and you will be able to smile again soon, I promise.
God Bless you and your family.
Mav


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RE: when when will it stop

Your are still in the very early stages of your grieving. Yesterday was the 3rd anniversary of my sister passing and I still miss her terribly. You have to give it more time.


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RE: when when will it stop

Hi Zeke
My sympathy goes out to you.
i lost my Al about 1 1/2 year ago. he had a massive stroke and we decided to have him taken off of life support (he also had heart problems) i am a migrane sufferer and needed to go home and get my migrane meds while our son stayed. i told the nurse i was going home about a 8 minute drive one way and i would be right back, she said that was good that i told her where i was going, but she did say that alot of the time the patient waits until the loved one leaves and then passes away, she said that you wouldn't believe how many times it happens. sure enough no sooner than i went into the house i was phoned to come back to the hospital. our son said Al opened his eyes turned his head to look for me and then turned his head to look at our son and then passed away.
i will also tell you that i do visit my Al everyday. also one of Al's dreams was to visit new york and see his yankees play. this past week our son and friends went to see those yankees for him, he wore his dad's ring and explained to one of the workers that was giving a tour about his dad the nice person there, went and found a zop lock bag and filled it with earth from the stadium for our son so we could mix it in with the earth at the cemetary this weekend.
i don't think our hurt will ever be less for ones that we love with all our hearts
again my sympathy goes out to you and your family.
debbie


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RE: when when will it stop

i just wanted to say thanks for the kind replies and advice
i do remeber all the good times that i had with my Dad
but the greiving/missing my Dad still rears its ugly head .
i know it will get better as time goes by , but its just getting through the grief of losing a family member that
i find the hardest to deal with .
Zeke


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RE: when when will it stop

Hi Zeke,

I too lost my mother on August 9, 2008 and I seem to be having a very hard time with it also. My mom was also my friend and confidant and some days I think I am going to be okay and then other days I completely fall apart. I have accepted that she has gone on to a better place but I still find the tears falling for no reason some days. We lived together and I see her in almost everything, every day. I am in conflict, my siblings are ready to start going thru her belongings and I feel I need more time. I am afraid that when we clean out her room we will also clean out the smell of her in there and that part breaks my heart. I love to enter her room and just inhale the essence of her.

I thank you for sharing your story. I have found some comfort in reading other peoples stories here and it does help, even if it is in a very small way.

Blessings and prayers to you....

Lisa


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RE: when when will it stop

Hi Lisa ,
i read your thread/post
tomorrow will be 30 days since my Dad passed away
my feelings and emotions are stabilizing somewhat
i gather what i read in your post that your Mother
was a very courageous person with a strong will to live .
and i also beleive that your Mothers spirit will live on with you .
my Dad was the type of person that was alawys on the move doing things and going places ,and if he had lived to be a 100 there would be so many things that he would be thinking about doing
i still feel my Dads presence at odd times and i dont beleive i will ever get completly over my Dads passing ,
but i am secure in the knowlege that he has gone to a better place where there is no suffering and no more chest pains and so forth .
i have alawys wondered how i would react when he passed on , looking back at those times i shed some tears while pondering that ,as well as still having a few tears roll down my face occasionally , and i do hope that when the day comes that pass on that i get to see my Dad ,cause i sure would like to give him one more hug, just for being my Dad and for alawys being there for me .
kindest regards,
Zeke


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RE: when when will it stop

I believe if we just have faith it WILL happen for us. It is kinda like believeing in fairies, all of the scientist in the world can study your lawn but they can never prove that fairies do not exist. I think it is the same with heaven, everyone can study it but all it takes is complete faith it exists. I believe we all have a spirit and it is made up of a powerful energy. Energy cannot be destroyed and it does not disappear. So one day I will be reunited with my mother and OH!, what a day that will be! One of the last things I told my Momma was - I thank God he chose me to be her child.

Love is more than a feeling and forever is more than a word. Because of this I believe that when you love someone, truly love them, it is more than a feeling and that love cannot just disappear. And forever IS more than a word. So one glorious day I will join my loved one and I believe we will all know one another because love is more than a feeling. Love will recognize love. I have to believe that because my mother and I loved one another in a special and unique way that it will last eternity and we will know one another when I enter her world.

Thanks for listening and bless you, parents love you as no other ever will so I hope you find comfort in knowing your father loved you without rules and it will last forever.

Lisa


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RE: when when will it stop

Lisa,
I want to thank you for your message. I lost my best friend, soul mate and loving husband in 2006 and I am desparately holding onto my faith that we will be together again in heaven. You are right when you say that no one can prove that there is a heaven but neither can they prove that there isn't one, for me, I believe. I want to be with my "honey" and my parents and all those I have loved, for eternity. Thank you, you have helped me to keep holding on and I hope you did the same for others. God Bless all of us who have lost loved ones. Keep the Faith.
Love,
Mav


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RE: when when will it stop

To all. I feel alot like Zeke. My Brother took his own life in 2001, my Mom died in 2006, my Sister was murdered in 2007 and I found my Dad dead March of 2008. Im left with 50 year old Brother who is so selfish he asked if he could have Dads van before the coroner left with Dad's body. I have my Wife and Daughter but after all that death Im scared to leave their side. you see my Wife is only 36 and she has had 37 operations. Im scared if I turn my back somthing bad will happen. she has the strongest faith where mine has waivered. But then it dawned on me. I can think of nothing more terrible than having loved ones pass or suffer and be powerless to help or even save them. To me that is Hell. So remember this. For all the times life has thrown its worst at us, each day we get out of bed and have the courage to face another day, we are winning. god has a special place for people like us. Why else would he allow us to be tested so. We must try not to be selfish and realize that our absent loved ones are in a place so wonderfull that we left behind cannot comprehend. Time has no meaning for them now. When we rejoin them it will be as if no time passed at all for us our them. My family had alot of bad times but I only remember the good. Remember the good and love you shared, and they will never die. I hope who ever reads this gets some comfort out of it. Just writing this has helped me today so thank you for listening and don't forget....You won today and you WILL win tomorrow.


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