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misspistachio

Big hole in the road

misspistachio
16 years ago

That was the last thing my dad said to me....Looks like we hit a big hole in the road...while I was trying to get him back to bed before he went into the coma and passed away 2 days later. This was April 21st of 2007. Some days I just don't want to live. I wish I could have done more for him,but I was taking care of him,my mother and my son who has a number of disabilities. Life goes on for everyone around me.My father passed away here at home and every day I have to go past his room.Mom keeps the light on over his desk and when I get up every morning I'm still startled by the light under his door.I stick my head in the door and tell him I love him and miss him. I'm trying so very hard to climb out of this pit I'm in but can't find the strength to go on anymore. Counseling doesn't help.I'm busy all day taking care of my mom who is deaf and almost blind.And my son who has a number of disabilities that are behavioral.I can't put up the good fight anymore. I keep hearing my Dad's voice saying that "It doesn't get any better then this". Which was one of his favorite lines. I need him to tell me that there is a light at the end of the tunnel or at least tell me that everything will be ok. The pain in my heart and soul is so great. How does it get better??

I'm sorry for posting here but where else can I find anyone who understands the pain.

I'm not ashamed to post this and I am so tired of deleting portions of my life that are important to me.I feel better for letting this out.

Thank You all and Take care.

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