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I Miss My Dad!!!

Posted by saggysmom (My Page) on
Wed, Sep 6, 06 at 10:58

Hi Everyone,
I came on this site looking up information on replacement windows and ended up reading some of these posts. Needless to say I am sitting here balling. I lost my Dad very suddenly 5 months ago -6 weeks before my wedding. The days and weeks that followed were excrutiating. I never dreamt that I would have to walk down the isle without my Dad there beside me. But he was thrilled for me and my upcoming life with my new husband (his newest "son") so I went through with it, as planned, in his honor. Besides, I knew he would have been very angry with me if I had let ANYTHING deter the plan - even my broken heart. So for him, we forged ahead. It was difficult but I could feel him there. Mommy walked me down the isle and I know the sun was his smile shining down on me. As my friend was reading the prayer of the faithful, the geese began to skwak (we were married in a gazebo over the water). Now for those of you who don't know, in Ireland the holy spirit appears not as a Dove, but as a Goose! It was then I knew he was with us and that got me through the day. I thought that once my wedding was over that it would get better, but quite the opposite has happened. It seems that all I have been able to do is think of him and miss him terribly. He was my Hero and guide. He always made so much sense. I miss asking his advice, heating up his chinese food (it had to be super hot) and hearing his views on everything. And boy did he have views on everything! He was the most selfless man I had ever known and was always thinking of others before himself. I cry on a daily basis and some times are worse than others. I feel so badly for my husband who sometimes does not know how to deal with me. One minute I'm fine and the next I'm a mess. He just holds me and says he loves me, but I can't keep doing this. How can I let go of the grief of losing my father and be the wife and partner I need to be for my new husband? I just miss him so and the pain feels like a million pounds is sitting on my chest.


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: I Miss My Dad!!!

Hi there. First of all, congrats on the marriage. It is not in bad taste to live your life and enjoy special moments even after the traumatic and sudden passing of your father.

He was there at your wedding...and you recognized it...that is so great!!

There is no answer except time dulls the pain somewhat. Remember the happy times and memories.

My mom passed in January and she was the world to me. How do you go on every day after the most important person is gone? It sure is hard. I know we will be together again someday, but that time is not now.

If you can cry and talk about your dad ..that will help..it really will. Keep him in your heart and he will always be there for you. Promise.

Duane


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RE: I Miss My Dad!!!

saggysmom,
Congrats in your marriage. I lost my dad in Nov. We are coming up on a year soon. He passed suddenly also from a stroke he was 68. There is no quick fix is what i am finding out. I still cry and miss him every day. It hit me that he wont be here for the rest of my life and that was very hard to face. But i know that the living must still go on and try to remember how our dads would want us to live and be happy. At my lowest times I doubted my faith and just got very angry and wanted to be with him because the pain hurts to bad. But i think it must have been my dad smacking upside the head telling me to wise up girl, i raised you to be stronger than that. My dad was my best friend we were a very close family and to me everything just shattered when he left. I suppose God needs strong dads in heaven because he definatly has them now. The goose honking at your wedding was probably your dads way of being unique and non traditional, and he wanted to see you smile. If your husband is supporting you this much early in the marriage then you have a good man and your father was right to call him "son". He knew you would be taken care of by a good person. All I can tell you to do is cry when you need to, laugh when you can and always hold onto the good memories. they will make your life full and meaningful. I hope this comforts you. We are all trying to do the best we can, thats all we can do. My thaughts and prayers go out to you.


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RE: I Miss My Dad!!!

I am very sorry for the loss of your father. I too lost my sweet Dad 2 years ago in August. He was the smartest man I will ever know and I love and miss him every day. I still have not healed from this wound and do not think I ever will. I ended up losing my Mom 7 months later. Boy what a blow. I won't ever recover from these losses. I also have a wonderful husband that my Dad and Mom loved. They were happy about our union and loved our children. That makes me feel good to know that my Dad respected my husband and knew he would take care of us and he does. My husband also finds me a mess some days and really cannot do anything to help. Some days I just cannot cope. I don't really have any advise for you. I just know how it feels to lose your parent - that you love so deeply. I get angry sometimes because they are not here to see my kids grow and give me advise like my older siblings had. But I am thankful for the time I did have and look forward to seeing my parents in Heaven. I'm not afraid to die. The mystery is gone after witnessing my parents deaths. I know I was loved and am comforted by that. Hang in there. Take it one day at a time. You were loved too. Isn't it wonderful?


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RE: I Miss My Dad!!!

Hi, I am so sorry for your loss at such a wonderful time in your life. There is no time line for grief as you will see and there shouldn't be any hurry. Your husband will understand I am sure. I lost my dad suddenly 3 years ago and still miss him terribly. I thought he would live forever!!
The tears will lessen as time goes by, I know after my mom died ( I was only 24 at the time ) I cried for 2 years, it's been 22 years and she still is missed.

Know that you were loved and try to pass that on when you can. I see a lot of my dad in my husband now as we are a little older an wiser and that's a good thing.

I still cry for my dad and probly always will!!

Good luck and good thoughts to you...


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RE: I Miss My Dad!!!

I am crying with you. I believe the loved ones can still 'see' us and I amd so glad you went on with your wedding.
Be there for your Mom and the rest of your family and keep his memory alive for his grandchildren.
God bless us all,
Rosa


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RE: I Miss My Dad!!!

Thank you all so much for your kind words. It helps to know that there are wonderful people in this world who would take a moment to write in hopes of making a total stranger feel better! :-)

I thought you all should know, in honor of my Dad, I decided to organize a toy drive this Christmas to benefit a local Hospital Pediatrics department and the Cancer Care Center for Kids. My Dad loved Children and at Christmas there was no bigger kid than him! It seemed a perfect choice. I know it will be hard for my family to celebrate this year, but at least we can focus on something that will remind us what is truly all about.
Thanks again for your kind words and I know with our parents in heaven looking over us that we will all be OK.
My Best to you all!! Mary


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RE: I Miss My Dad!!!

Holidays are so hard, especially the first ones without our loved ones. What a beautiful tribute to your dad to organize a toy drive in his honor. I know he's smiling down on you, beaming with pride.


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RE: I Miss My Dad!!!

It's been 9 years and I'm just now doing the crying I never did at his funeral. Now both my parents are gone and I have no siblings and I'm not married and I feel so alone. I took care of my mom after my dad died, but no one is here to take c are of me after my mom died last year. No one to go through the house and teh stuff and the estate sale and I really miss my daddy. He did the best that he could, and I never recognized that while he was alive. Now that I have no family I see it more clearly. I can't stop crying even as I write this post. I really miss him, and my mom.


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RE: I Miss My Dad!!!

I was wandering around exploring the forums and found this. First of all, congratulations on your wedding.

I am so sorry about the loss of your dad. You knew he was with you on your wedding day. Take comfort in that. I lost my dad 3 years ago to a long struggle with cancer. It still hurts and I still cry.

I live on the family estate and I see the land Dad farmed and worked on with his hands and his heart every single day. To know I'm working the same land makes things a little easier for me, although some days, I see him everywhere.

Daddy helped me remodel my home. Now that I'm redoing some things, I find I talk to him all the time, asking what he would do. Somehow, I always come up with the answers.

To have a loving husband who supports you while you grieve is such a blessing. Don't feel guilty because you miss your dad. Don't hold it in and act like everything is ok. Time will ease the pain, but it will never completely leave you alone.

Sending love & hugs your way.


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RE: I Miss My Dad!!!

I lost my dear daddy a year and a half ago. He was my everything, my best friend and hero in every way.. I'm 22 and still very much need him in my life. He passed away very suddenly and unexpectedly while recovering from a knee replacement.. something that was going to make his life better!

This past 1 1/2 years have been the hardest time in my life.. I'm so glad to hear that your husband has been there for you. I've been with my boyfriend for 6 years now and my grief is still taking a bit of a toll on our relationship, even with all the love and understanding. There are many days when I feel like I am such a burden to him.. but remember that your husband loves you and wants to help you.

My only advice is to seek professional help if you (or even your husband) thinks it might be helpful. I thought I was doing ok at 11 months.. but my bf convinced me to talk to my doctor. I started taking an antidepressant and WOW.. I realized I really hadn't been doing too well. But that gave me the extra bit of help I needed to keep my relationship intact AND still be able to greive like I need too.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Trust that it will get better... I'm still hurting everyday, but I never want to go back to the 5/6 month mark that you are at right now. Stay strong and look to those who love you for help... it will get better.


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My father was Palestinian and my mother is American. He had some problems that made for a bad family life that got progressively worse. My mother, though she had devoted herself to him 100%, finally decided it was time to leave when I was about 3. They went through a terrible divorce, much of which I remember. My older sister, younger brother, and I, were very attached to our father despite everything. The divorce left a huge hole where he should have been because he moved back to Palestine shortly afterward. Both our mother and father remarried, and we rarely saw him. When we did, it was very emotionally draining because we idealized him so much and pined for him throughout our lives. Every time he left it was terrible for us and for him. For some reason he did not visit us very often. We bonded with him on a 3-week long roadtrip when I was 14. We visited all of our family members in the U.S. and learned something of our culture. We met our little brother from our father's new marriage. We saw him again when I was 18. He surprised me and showed up for my high school graduation from a very difficult science and math boarding school. I remember being extremely overwhelmed upon seeing him. I was shaky and crying, and I didn't know what to do. He stayed for only one night. I think the pain of not having us was too much for him. Anyway, after he left again, he called me and asked me to come to Palestine for the summer to stay with him before coming back and going to college. I didn't even have a passport back then, and my mother was nervous about it, so I said no. He was planning on moving back to the U.S.A. within 6 months, so I was excited to have the chance to finally get to know him. 2 months later he died suddenly of a heart attack. He was 48 at the time, and the youngest of 10 siblings. He was the first to die, and everyone was shocked. I cried when I heard the news. I slept for days. I didn't know what to think. We were unable to attend his funeral in Palestine because it was short notice and we did not have passports. I started college 2 weeks later so I did not have time to deal with the loss. It affected me in strange ways.I had nightmares and cried at seemingly random moments while studying, etc. This is the biggest injustice I can think of, and I don't know why God did this to my siblings and I. It has been 6 years since he died. The pain doesn't go away, and is augmented by the fact that we were waiting our whole lives to be with him and to see him. I have a huge gaping hole where he should be. This is even worse for my older sister, who remembers more and was more attached to him. She dealt with it by getting angry and pushing him away from the beginning. His death still affects me. 6 years have passed and I have never had the chance to deal with it or get closure. My pain is raw. If i ever start thinking of him, it makes me weep. It always has. When he was alive, the ocean was interminable and unsurmountable. Now that I am older and can cross the ocean, he is in a place I cannot touch. I feel that I have nobody to talk to about it. I feel ridiculous for STILL grieving about something that has been sad for me my whole life. Not even my fiance would listen to the whole story. I just stopped telling it because I felt so ridiculous for being so upset over something that happened so long ago. It is so unfair. I used to daydream as a child that he would walk into my classroom and check me out of school. I wish I could cut out that part of my heart. Now my brother is going to visit my 2 younger brothers in Palestine and I am torn whether I should go with him or go visit my fiance (long distance) as planned. Someone should write a sad story about my life. I don't know how to deal with this or who to talk to, but I know that it needs to get resolved.


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