Loss of Adult Son
sewluv2
19 years ago
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mcpaul311
7 years agojfalcone2003
7 years agoRelated Discussions
The loss of my son ...
Comments (19)bbear, I'm so very sorry for the loss of your precious son. All of your and your wife's feelings at this time are perfectly normal. When you lose your child, you have lost part of yourself and your entire being is affected and will be changed forever. I know the feelings because I too, lost my only daughter/best friend, just one week from her 20th birthday. She was trying to save the life of our dog who had been hit by a car. She was then hit by a truck as she was hovered over him and trying to wave traffic around him. I'll give you a link to her site if you would like to "meet" her. I imagine that your son, my daughter and all the others loved ones who have left are together now. It will take probably several years, and as much as you may believe that you won't ever feel better, I promise you, the pain does lessen. If it didn't, we certainly would not be able to survive this world. I would say that for at least a year, I was in a total daze. Looking back on the 6 1/2 years since she has left, I really don't know where the time went. I think I have been and still am in a fog. Night after night, I would even forget to eat. The hours passed by and I was there, but not there. I remember 7 months after Christin left, I was going to visit her at the cemetery and crossed a railroad track. I remember hearing something behind me the minute I crossed the track. I looked in my rear view mirror and a train zipped down the track where I had just crossed. I don't remember seeing it as I was approaching. In this state of mind, please try to be extra careful driving. As hard as it is to believe, the time will come when you will think of your son and smile. You will begin to feel happiness and gratefulness for the 20 years you had with him rather than focusing on how much you've been cheated of by losing him. It may take many years, but eventually, it will probably come. It is so good that you can openly cry. My husband does also and he doesn't care who sees him. I think this is a very healthy way to heal. Actually, he is more open with tears than I am. Those tears of sadness can come out of no where when you least expect them, but crying is supposedly cleansing.If you don't express your grief openly, then it will eventually come out in one way or another. I'm so glad that you found us and please feel free to post as often as you like and on any topic at all. No matter how bizarre a feeling you have may seem, someone here will probably have experienced it and can maybe help you know that you are not alone. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Lu Here is a link that might be useful: Christin Cosby Memorial Web Site...See MoreThe loss of my son.....
Comments (20)Sean's Daddy, We lost our special sons just a couple of weeks apart. My son was 30 and choked to death but he was born with spina bifida and had medical problems his whole life. The doctors stopped putting a timeline on how long he would live and he shocked them all. Lately, for the past 10 years he was healthy and happy and able to work. On the night he died I picked him up from work and we talked about how excited he was that the mall that flooded last year was going to open in just a few short months so he could get back to seeing his friends and being able to roll around and get exercise. He hated working where he was but did so because it kept his job open. At my son's funeral everyone spoke to me about how my son changed their lives by being so nice and happy and generous and always had a smile on his face and made them feel better about whatever they were going through. Your Sean sounds like the same kind of person. You will continue to hear for a long time from people who knew Sean how good he made them feel. Most people see those who are medically unsound, as invalids and yet they prove over and over again that they are not, that they are as capable as anyone else. Especially when it comes to how to deal with the trials and tribulations of life. I do not want to go on without my son here with me, but I know that I have to. I have something to do in his name and that's why he was taken and I was left. It is so unfair that we have to bury our children, especially those who are as special as ours. I cry for my son everyday and will for the rest of my life. He was my everything and I put him before everyone else, he was the air that I breathed and my reason for living. I do not know how I am going to get past today and through tomorrow. I am fortunate enough to be self-employed and able to work when I can and take time for myself when I need to. Please do the same for yourself. It's so hard to wake up in the morning and feel like I am late taking him to work, only to realize he's not here to take to work. At 4:30 in the afternoon I feel the urgency to get in the car and pick him up from work, only to remember he's not at work anymore. On Sundays it's so hard for me to watch football games...I find myself reaching for the phone to see what he thinks about plays and coaches and other things. I have to make myself call my parents' house because the last few months of his life, he answered their phone and I want him to answer, I want to walk through their door and see him sitting at the computer in his underwear where he just rolled out of the bed on his day off. It's so hard, but then I think about how hard it must be for my parents. He lived with them and took care of them for years. What 30 year old would choose to take care of old people instead of whatever it is 30 year olds do now? He was special as was your Sean. They will never be forgotten and will live on in our hearts and minds as well as the hearts and minds of those whose lives they touched. Take one hour at a time, one day at a time, one week at a time. We will make it, but it won't be easy. Take care of yourself....See MoreLoss of first born Adult Son
Comments (13)jamesdasmum, the feelings you are describing are not at all unusual. After I lost my 20-year-old son three years ago, at the suggestion of my counselor, I started attending group meetings sponsored by The Compassionate Friends (an international grief organization that supports parents, grandparents and siblings following the loss of a child). I was very surprised to hear other parents describe the same feelings I was having. At one meeting, every mother in the room acknowledged that they had hurt so much, they didn't want to live. The group meetings have been a respite for me from the awkward or painful comments of others who do not understand the depth of the pain mothers, in particular, experience when they lose a child. It became a forum where I could ask questions or just listen, eventually discovering how normal my suffering, feelings, and experiences were. As I looked around the room and saw people who had similar experiences but who were further along in their grief, I realized their sense of humor had returned, they had plans for their future, they were once again finding joy in living. It gave me hope. From your comments, it appears that hope is missing from your life. Life WILL get better if you put in some effort. If you are not already seeing a counselor, I would highly encourage you to start there. Not all are the same, but generally the interactions can give you positive feedback about the thoughts and feelings that are controlling your experience of grief. Also, determine if a chapter of The Compassionate Friends is nearby and call them. I answer the phone for our local chapter. I'm on the phone for more than an hour with every caller. I love to tell them how the hope that returned to my life can return to theirs. Most are so desperate for change they attend one or more meetings just to see the future version of themselves. Life will get better, jamesdasmum. You can hurry the process along by associating with others who have lost a child. After we lost our son, my address book changed dramatically. Most of my friends have also lost a child. Life is good again....See MoreAdult Son Driving Me Crazy
Comments (9)Full disclosure: My husband and I have no children, but we know many people who struggle with situations similar to yours. It's unfortunate and he may or may not be a "good person", but the bottom line here is he's a loser! Toss him out on his arse, change the locks on your house - be sure your car(s) is/are locked and ignore any pleas for help. There's an excellent blog called LIVING STINGY and it addresses many issues and "basement living children" is one of them. It's ridiculous to constantly bail this kid out - he's got to learn that in real life there ARE no safety nets. I'm sure it'll be the toughest battle of your life, but you really have no choice - otherwise he'll nickel and dime you until you have NO money left and that is not acceptable, right? Good luck....See Moremcpaul311
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