Loss of Adult Son
sewluv2
19 years ago
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mcpaul311
7 years agojfalcone2003
7 years agoRelated Discussions
The loss of my son ...
Comments (19)bbear, I'm so very sorry for the loss of your precious son. All of your and your wife's feelings at this time are perfectly normal. When you lose your child, you have lost part of yourself and your entire being is affected and will be changed forever. I know the feelings because I too, lost my only daughter/best friend, just one week from her 20th birthday. She was trying to save the life of our dog who had been hit by a car. She was then hit by a truck as she was hovered over him and trying to wave traffic around him. I'll give you a link to her site if you would like to "meet" her. I imagine that your son, my daughter and all the others loved ones who have left are together now. It will take probably several years, and as much as you may believe that you won't ever feel better, I promise you, the pain does lessen. If it didn't, we certainly would not be able to survive this world. I would say that for at least a year, I was in a total daze. Looking back on the 6 1/2 years since she has left, I really don't know where the time went. I think I have been and still am in a fog. Night after night, I would even forget to eat. The hours passed by and I was there, but not there. I remember 7 months after Christin left, I was going to visit her at the cemetery and crossed a railroad track. I remember hearing something behind me the minute I crossed the track. I looked in my rear view mirror and a train zipped down the track where I had just crossed. I don't remember seeing it as I was approaching. In this state of mind, please try to be extra careful driving. As hard as it is to believe, the time will come when you will think of your son and smile. You will begin to feel happiness and gratefulness for the 20 years you had with him rather than focusing on how much you've been cheated of by losing him. It may take many years, but eventually, it will probably come. It is so good that you can openly cry. My husband does also and he doesn't care who sees him. I think this is a very healthy way to heal. Actually, he is more open with tears than I am. Those tears of sadness can come out of no where when you least expect them, but crying is supposedly cleansing.If you don't express your grief openly, then it will eventually come out in one way or another. I'm so glad that you found us and please feel free to post as often as you like and on any topic at all. No matter how bizarre a feeling you have may seem, someone here will probably have experienced it and can maybe help you know that you are not alone. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Lu Here is a link that might be useful: Christin Cosby Memorial Web Site...See Moreloss of son
Comments (7)Dear Tango, I'm truly sorry for your loss, nothing can prepare a parent for the loss of a child. Grief is said to be a necessary part of the healing process and of learning to adapt to the new situation. There is an empty space where before there was a living human. We need to adjust to life without that person. Grief may provide a necessary emotional release. Of course, not everyone grieves in exactly the same way. One thing, though, seems to hold true: Repressing your grief can be harmful mentally, emotionally, and physically. Many bereaved ones have found that talking can be a helpful release. Notice, for example, the words of the Bible character Job, who suffered the loss of all ten of his children and endured other tragedies. He said: "My soul certainly feels a loathing toward my life. I will give vent to my concern about myself. I will speak in the bitterness of my soul!" (Job 1:2, 18, 19; 10:1) Notice that Job needed to "give vent" to his concerns. How would he do so? "I will speak," he explained. Not only does the Bible mention Job who lost his ten children but also the example of Jacob who lost his son Joseph, and Naomi who lost her two grown sons. Writing can also be a helpful release. Some who find it difficult to talk about their feelings may find it easier to express themselves in writing. Working through grief takes patience, for you may feel that you are on an emotional roller coaster. The Bible also tells us to: "Draw close to God, and he will draw close to you." (James 4:8) One of the principal ways to draw close to God is through prayer. Do not underestimate its value! The Bible makes this comforting promise: "Jehovah is near to those that are broken at heart; and those who are crushed in spirit he saves." (Psalm 34:18) It also assures us: "Throw your burden upon Jehovah himself, and he himself will sustain you." (Psalm 55:22) Many have found it helpful to talk about their feelings with a trusted friend. Would it not be even more helpful to pour out your feelings to the God who promises to comfort our hearts? The Bible doesn't only acknowledge the grief that parents experience but it also indicates how God gives comfort to those who mourn. My thoughts are with you Tango. *Hugs*...See MoreBeing an adult orphan (Loss of both Parents)
Comments (3)I'm so sorry. Yes, I think it's normal to feel like you've been hit with a sledgehammer/run over by a truck/body-slammed by a sumo wrestler. & especially when you've lost your parents; this changes your very identity, & it doesn't matter how young or old you are. My 86-year-old friend told me one day, after we went Christmas shopping, that her parents always gave her a doll for Christmas; seeing people buying dolls for their children made her realize all over again that she was nobody's little girl any more. I do urge you, though, based on some of my own experience, to make some actual, face-to-face contact with more than one person. It's so easy to become isolated, & isolation does make things worse, & it prolongs the grieving time. One key to making contact is to set yourself the task of getting out of the house & doing one specific thing every day, & make is flexible so that you can do it even on a bad day. (One of my 'daily requirements' was to initiate contact with a real-life person every day. Some days I would drop by a friend's home or office to say hello or to bring her a grocery coupon or a paperback book or some such, & some days all I could manage was to tell the grocery check-out person that her nails looked nice. so even on a bad day, I accomplished my task). Please take care of yourself, & be good to yourself. I wish you the very best....See MoreMy Husband told my adult son to get out of our lives.
Comments (10)Yeah, of course in cases like this, the problems are multi-faceted. From what we've learned so far, it seems the pain you are experiencing comes not only from being unable to enjoy a relationship with these family members, but more so from not having the power to do anything about it. That's the dynamic which would have to change. It could take years and a lot of patience, but if that is in fact the case, worrying about it will only make your life, and the lives of those around you, worse. In fact, you may never be able to fully resolve this issue. As for your son... he is a grown adult, and it sounds like he and his new wife need to be responsible for their own choices and actions. In regards to your grandchildren from the first marriage, you might want to try writing your ex-daughter-in-law and, for the sake of your grandchildren, express an interest in maintaining a relationship. However, keep in mind that as their mother, she may not feel that is the proper course of action. But writing letters, and sending cards, will let them know you care. Since much of this involves people's choices outside of your ability to influence outcomes, sadly perhaps, being concerned about resolving your own choices and feelings might be the best for which you can hope. Hang in there. First, try to get your own feelings under control and you'll be able to make clear decisions that the others involved can respect. That is from where your power to influence the others will emanate....See Moremcpaul311
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