I'm sure you have been over this before, but is sister under a doctor's care for her mental condition? Maybe there are meds that help her. Your sister said not to help with bills yet? If that's correct, I understand what she is saying. Don't start helping financially until you have to. But you cannot let them have utilities turned off, or not pay rent. I understand too that you are balancing what you can do for them with your husband's opinions. I can tell you are worried sick. I've been no help here, but I do sympathize. I second Sylvia's suggestion of posting over on the Care Giver's Forum. You can try with your social services to get help from them. You might even get some help from the utilities if they are low income. Here is a link that might be useful: Care Givers

I've lived in old houses all my life and have been in the carpentry/remodeling business working under a 50 year carpenter for about six years now. Probably though, most of the advice I will summarize here has to do with what I've learned on my own. I've lived in the unliveable and lived in the luxuriously restored. First off, like others have said here, take a breath. Seems to me you have a good idea of your financial health and have a realistic view of what you need to do to survive -- most importantly, not getting sucked into the disease of needless consumerism. In summary here's how you should look at the issues in your house: 1. Basic functionality: a) will you stay warm enough in the winter to survive? b) will you have working plumbing to enable basic sanitary functions? c) will your structure be able to keep the elements out? That is, wind, water and cold. Why do you need your roof stripped now? If it isn't leaking, you can hold off probably until spring for that, you may, depending on the number of layers and the allowance of code, be able to get by with another layer for now if you have to. You mention that the bathrooms need gutting. That's a large and expensive project to undertake, do you need to do that now? What does the upstairs bath need to be operable? At least so that you can use the lav and the toilet? Are there major plumbing issues or are these more cosmetic issues? I'd say that your major issues are: Fix the plumbing issues if that is what is occuring in the baths. Improper or poorly functioning plumbing can lead to sanitary issues as well as further damage to the interior walls and floor of the rest of the house, much less more plumbing damage. Get some quotes and plan on doing that, do some research and see what you can attempt yourself. Make some friends who know plumbing. If the bathroom is gross and the flooring and walls are gross, rip out and replace on your own, recover the flooring with luan and sheet vinyl, paint the walls, fix the plumbing. Now you've got a usable bathroom with a little elbow grease and maybe a couple paychecks. You can go back later and do the real fix-up that you want. Is the wiring dangerous or just outdated? An electrician once told me when doing some wiring at one old house I lived in long before I got into the trades, "I always tell people to leave well enough alone, never touch old wires and don't rewire when you don't have a problem." Old wiring has old insulation that will flake and fall off if touched. Better to leave well enough alone. If it looks intact, works well then you are fine. Yes, we'd all love a re-wired house, but the cost is prohibitive and the payback isn't always so great. Removing plaster and scraping paint, removing old flooring and the rest will stir up a lot of lead and possibly asbestos, if you plan on having children, delay that until most of the rough work is complete. If you have children now, cordone off the areas you are working in with plastic taped securely around. Use a "zip-door" to enter and re-enter the work area. Since you are starting from scratch in a sense, I'd suggest also that you consider integrating more energy efficient design techniques with your design ideas. You could consider installing a solar hot water heater, or possibly a combination wood/gas fired furnace. You don't mention what kind heating system you have. Focus on: 1. Sanitation 2. Structural 3. Comfort 4. Aesthetics In that order. Of course oftentimes these four will converge, but when looking at a project from a budget point of view, you often have to ask yourself, "what can I live with, how can I live with it and for how long?" Oftentimes you can make small fixes now and as your budget, knowledge and ideas ripen over time, you'll have the flexibility to approach things from a different, wiser perspective. Unlike the stupid fix-it shows on teevee, remodeling and improving a house is in fact a long term process that requires a lot of forethought, planning not only in design, but choice of materials, relation of cost to function/value and of course, investment in sweat or dollars. The best fertilizer for that planning/development process is prudence, which often is exercised only when we have to.

Read guidelines 5,6, and 20 of this link http://starcraftcustombuilders.com/bath.design.rules.htm#.V5DQCDsrK9I I would do some exact measurement to make sure you have enough space for that double vanity in order to meet building code. Plus making sure you have a full 36" or more available in toilet space vs the 30" minimum for code makes a huge difference in comfort level. The goal in a small space is not to make it feel as cramped and small as it is so I would definitely trend towards the smaller single vanity choice. Even though a double can be desirable, once people really think about it, most find that the amount of times where they would need to use the sink at the same time is relatively few and then when cramming them too close together they find they are too close to be able to use them practically anyway (most of us need elbow room). If storage is the main consideration, you can do a larger single or come up with alternative storage spaces, of which there are many options. But with that said, this is your bathroom so do what you like, but make sure you measure to ensure that your plan does in fact meet code. I don't recommend a toilet wall in a small bathroom as it would fragment and further close down an already small space and I'd be concerned about egress when the bathroom is only 4 ft wide to begin with. You want it to feel like a bathroom and not a couple of closets stuck together.

There's not just the broken relationship with Dad ... but the complication of having resented brother, as favourite, while growing up ... but with a residue continuing over the years, which was involved with the request/demand that you forgive. Life does get complicated, doesn't it? I rather like the idea of the two chairs, inhabiting each in turn. Sometimes when I have an issue with God, I imagine myself stepping out of my skin, going a short distance away, looking back and asking what response I imagine that God would make. Though we're supposed to respect God unquestioningly, I've suggested to a number of folks that it's O.K. to have issues with God: He/((She) ain't eggs ... She/He won't break when given some rough handling. I hope that you can find/work your way through to a satisfactory resolution to this issue. I hope that you have a trusted friend who is hugely respectful, caring and willing to listen (and who knows how to keep her/his mouth shut not only during ...[ but after, with regard to others, as well]). Sometimes a leader or regular person of faith can be helpful in dealing with such an issue. Good wishes as you proceed on this portion of your life's journey. ole joyful