Thank you all for your kind thoughts! Our modem on the computer wasn't working on Tuesday night. It started out fine but completely died around 8:00 p.m. I tried rebooting the computer and turning the DSL box off and on. Nothing worked. When I looked at the computer settings, the modem wasn't being recognized so I figured it croaked. I watched TV the rest of the night and sulked. The computer worked just fine for Bob later Tuesday night after I went to bed. On Wednesday, it worked just fine too. I was finally able to look at my Facebook page and saw a post from my brother with a link to the eulogy he wrote for Mary's memorial on Tuesday night! I totally missed her memorial/wake! I was so hurt that no one told me about it. Then I checked my cell phone and called my voicemail. My sister left a message on Monday telling me about the wake. I never saw anything on my cell phone saying I had a message. I am convinced that Mary was haunting me on Tuesday night and made the modem on my computer stop working. I think she was telling me she was a little upset that I didn't make her memorial and wasn't able to say my formal good-bye. I feel so hurt and upset that no one made sure I knew when it was! I check my email and Facebook every day so they could have contacted me that way. I feel so awful that I am embarrassed to go to Mary's daughter's wedding in a couple of weeks. They will think I'm an awful person for missing her memorial. I don't have any of their phone numbers or email addresses. *sigh* As if her death wasn't bad enough. At least I know she cares enough to haunt me.

Hi Dennis, I am very sorry for your losses of both your father and sister. I lost my mother 7 years ago today, my only son shortly before birth in 1986, and then my only other living child, Erica, at age 18 this past June, in an auto accident. Whether an anticipated death or a sudden one, none are easy. I think we all carry our experiences with death onto and into the loss of our next loss we suffer, and it stirs emotions long-forgotten. I know of that place you described, thinking, "okay, I've got it together now, things will be alright, I WILL survive". Then, whammo, you lose someone, and it feels like someone pulled the rug out from under you. That is how I felt when my daughter, Erica died. Please come back and check in with us, share what you need...we're here for you. Emma in PA

Lynn, what a wonderful sister you were to be there for your sister. I am sorry that your Hospice was unable to help you when you needed them the most. Most Hospices are available to their patients anytime, although in my case the nurse was unable to be with us at the exact moment of death. There is rarely any way any of us know exactly when to call them plus there is always the problem of logistics. Our nurse lived 45 minutes away from us. I hope that the nurse(s) explained to you what the final process was that your loved one experienced, and often is, very normal at the end. It was a natural physical process and NOT indicative of pain. You were there for her and how lovely for her. I was there for my sister also and I consider it a priviledge to have been there. It is the most honest way of showing your love and you did that. Be proud of yourself for protecting your sister from suffering and happy that your sister suffers no more. God Bless you and Keep you and your family. Jan

My darling husband passed away 15 days ago. We knew each other for 8 years. He was very vibrant and full of life, had a good job house and car. Internally though he was suffering from chronic depression and was addicted to alcohol for many years even before i knew him. It got worse when he lost his mother 3 years ago. He would constantly talk about killing himself, praying that God would take his life. It was like seeing him die everyday. I prayed that he comes out of his depression, went to the psychiatrist to get meds for him, put him in rehab, gave him unconditional love but nothing seemed to work. He stopped eating and would just drink and watch the tv the whole day and night. Any attempt at communication was met with silence. He did not want to talk about anything. He gradually became so weak that he was bed ridden. I would coax him to eat or at least have some soup or juice but it was an uphill task. 3 years and 10 hospitalizations later he is no more. His body and organs were so weak that it could not process any medicines. I just wish that he would be alive today maybe he would have made an effort at living. People tell me that he is free from his worries and depression. I hope he is finally at peace. People say that your love was one sided but i know that he loved me and needed me. He would feel more depressed when i was not around him. I would call him my sunflower. In the end i feel he could not help himself. I miss my darling a lot.